Southern Charm
by Meikela
Summary: CPD Officer Jasper Whitlock is searching for Mr. Forever, not Mr. Right Now. ER doctor Edward Cullen is just looking to find himself. What happens when their fates cross? AU/AH
1. Last Night

Chapter 1 - Last Night

**01-08-2010, 22:00 - JPOV**

"So, Whitlock, you ready for this man?" boomed the voice Emmett McCarty from across the parking lot.

"Hell yeah, son!" I shot back, grinning widely. A huge man, McCarty stood about 6'8" and weighed about 300. He was intimidating to say the least, until you got to know him. Once you got past the sheer size of him and got to know him better, you realized just what a teddy bear he was. Thankfully though, the criminals of Chicago didn't know that. Emmett and I had been patrol partners in the Chicago PD for the past 5 years, since after we passed our post-academy probationary period. We had befriended each other during our academy days and when I received my first assignment and found out Emmett was going to be my partner, I was both excited and relieved. At least I wasn't going to have to get used to somebody new. Now five years later, we were the best of friends and he was even my brother-in-law, marrying my sister Rosalie less than a year ago. Emmett was also very supportive of the fact that I was openly gay, which was a rarity in the CPD. I had taken a lot of shit from my fellow officers at first, but Emmett's acceptance seemed to back most of them off.

Tonight was our last night on patrol. We had both decided to take the Detective's examination the last time it was offered, and by the grace of God, we scored high enough to be promoted. On Monday, we started our new positions and, while we would still be somewhat in the line of fire, we wouldn't face the risks of being the first ones to a scene. Emmett was doubly excited because with his new position and the upgrade in pay, he and Rosalie had decided that it was time to try for a baby. Plus, we would be switching from night to day shift, making everyone's life a bit easier.

"Well, let's get a move on then. I'm ready to get this over with," Emmett said. We approached the squad car and Emmett dug in his pocket pulling out a quarter. "What's it going to be tonight? Heads or tails?"

This was our nightly ritual while on patrol. Emmett always wanted to drive but he drove like my 90-year-old grandmamma. His theory was that we were supposed to serve as examples to the driving public. My theory was that they gave us a V-8 engine and a siren for a reason, you might as well use it. I waited until he tossed the coin in the air and said, "Tails," with a slight smirk.

"Dude, it's always tails with you!" laughed Emmett.

"But of course, dear brother-in-law, that's the best part." I threw him a wink and watched as he caught the coin in one palm, and then turned it onto the back of his left hand.

"Heads it is! Emmett snickered, doing a happy dance near the driver's side of the squad car. "Toss me the keys, chief. No tails for you tonight."

We both entered the squad car and I watched with amusement as Emmett adjusted the seat and attempted to fit his huge frame into the car. After a few minutes of seat adjustments, logging into the CPD mainframe on our portable laptop unit, and checking in with dispatch, we rolled out onto the streets of South Chicago to start our last shift.

**01-09-2010, 02:00 – EMPOV**

So far our shift had been pretty quiet. A few traffic stops and one bar fight, which was not much given we were out of District 7 and patrolled Englewood. District 7 was known for its high crime rate and gang activity, and Jasper and I had spent many a day thankful that we were still alive. I was looking forward to my new post in Narcotics up in District 16 – Jefferson Park, which had a much lower crime rate and was closer to home. Rosie was much happier too. I know the late night shifts and the worry were starting to get to her, so when Jasper mentioned the Detective's Examination, I was on board in hurry.

Jasper, however, was assigned to the gang unit in District 4, another high crime area in the South Side. Rosie was worried, but Jasper was excited, saying it would give him the chance to do more good. Jasper and Rosie were twins, and moved here from Texas over 7 years ago. Jasper to attend the academy and Rosie to start at the University of Chicago. Both had blond hair and blue eyes, but that's where the similarities ended. I liked to call Rosie my Amazon warrior, since she stood at almost 6 feet, had a banging body, and could cut you off at the knees with one well directed glare. She didn't let many people in, but once she befriended you she was fiercely loyal. Jasper, on the other hand, was as laid back as they come. Honestly, he looked like he should be out tokin' it up and surfing rather than patrolling the streets of Chi-Town. That laid back manner and slow Southern drawl had been an asset though, especially in some of the high-stress situations we had gotten ourselves into.

"When you are y'all going to give me that niece or nephew I've been waiting on?" drawled out Jasper.

"Well, you know, practice makes perfect, but Rosie stopped taking the pill a couple of weeks ago, so we'll see. The doctor says it could take a while," I replied while flashing my dimpled grin and waggling my eyebrows.

Jasper snorted to himself, "I don't need to hear about the practice sessions, but I can't wait to spoil a little Rose or Emmett."

Jasper was almost more excited than I was about the idea of Rosie and me trying for a baby. I knew that part of that came from the fact that he was gay and it was difficult for most gay couples to adopt. But I think he tried to satisfy his desire for kids by all the work he did with Big Brothers and Sisters and the other afterschool programs in our district.

I pulled the squad car over to a little 24 hour taco stand that we frequented and Jasper called in our lunch break to dispatch. As we exited the car, I asked, "How was your date the other night? Rosie said you went to a Sox game with some dude name Garrett?"

"Eh – it was okay, but he wasn't really my type. My friend Kate set us up, she thought we'd be perfect for each other, but no spark," Jasper noted as he perused the menu overhead.

"Don't worry, man. I'm sure you'll find the right one someday," I said.

"I don't know, Emmett. I'm tired of the games. I want a serious relationship, someone to spend the rest of my life with and it seems most of the guys out there are just looking for Mr. Right Now, " responded Jasper, looking a little defeated.

"Keep your chin up chief, you'll get there. In the meantime, let's get some tacos – I'm starving!"

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**A/N - This is my first fan-fic, I'd love to hear what you think so far...**


	2. First Night

Chapter 2 – First Night

**01-08-2010, 22:00 – EPOV**

I pulled into a parking space behind St. Bernard Hospital, took a deep breath, and gathered up my stuff. This was my first shift at St. Bernard's and although I knew of the hospital, my brother Carlisle was Chief of Surgery here; I still felt the first day jitters fluttering through my stomach. It had been a long road to get to this point and while I was sure I was up to the task, I wasn't a fan of the unknown. I had attended medical school in California on a Navy scholarship which required that I do my internship and residency in Navy hospitals. I did my internship at the Naval Medical Hospital in Portsmouth, Virginia and then did my ER/Trauma residency training out in the field in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now, 8 years later, I was finally back stateside and looking forward to a quiet life in the suburbs of Chicago. I had just rented an apartment in Oak Park, not too far from Carlisle's place in Lincolnwood. This was the first time I had spent any extended period of time with my brother since I was in high school and I was eager to get to know his wife Esme and my niece Alice on a deeper level.

When I let Carlisle know my plans to return to the Chicago area, he told me about the ER position available at St. Bernard's. I knew that I wanted to continue in Emergency Medicine, but I didn't want to work in a huge trauma center like Cook County. I had seen enough major trauma cases out in the field in Iraq. St. Bernard's was located in Englewood, which had a reputation for gang activity, but Carlisle noted that most of the trauma cases were directed to other hospitals which had facilities better equipped to handle them. I stepped through the automatic doors at the entrance of the ER and made my way to the Admissions desk so that I could be buzzed through the secured doors. It looked to be a fairly busy night, the waiting area was full and there were even some patients waiting outside the doors of the ER.

Making eye contact with the admissions clerk, whose name tag read Jessica, I held up my ID badge and gestured to the door. She gave me a quick once over, winked, and hit the button to give me access. I rolled my eyes and made my way through the doors. I had come in earlier in the week to fill out all of the requisite HR paperwork and take another tour of the ER, so I knew where the locker room was. As I was about to pull the door open, it swung out, almost smacking me directly in the face. I jumped back quickly and heard a female's voice exclaim, "Oh my God, are you okay?"

Looking around the door, I noticed Dr. Bella Swan standing there, with a sheepish expression on her face. I had met Dr. Swan the previous weekend at a dinner party thrown by Esme. She and her husband Jacob were good friends with Carlisle and Esme and their 15 year old daughter Vanessa was best friends with my niece Alice. Dr. Swan was the chief attending in the ER and while she usually worked the day shift, she made arrangements to come in tonight to show me the ropes.

"No worries – I have quick reflexes," I responded to her query with a crooked grin.

"Good thing, because while I mostly take myself out with my clumsiness, sometimes there's collateral damage," she stated as she smiled up at me. Dr. Swan was a petite woman, probably no taller than 5'2" but Carlisle said she ran the ER with an iron fist. Tonight she had her long dark hair pulled back into a bun and was dressed in scrubs with a white lab coat. She was a beautiful woman, but something told me that she didn't use her looks to gain an advantage. I got the impression at Esme and Carlisle's that she was pretty informal and preferred jeans and a t-shirt to heels and dresses. She stepped away from the door and said, "Well, come on in – you can choose any empty locker for your stuff and we'll get Jessica to make up a name plate for it. Once you get your things put away, I'll give you another quick tour of the ER and then we'll get started on seeing some patients. As you can see, we're a little backed up tonight," she said, gesturing out to the waiting area.

I quickly put my duffle bag and some additional HR paperwork in a locker, closed it, and made my way back out into the hallway to Dr. Swan. I had worn scrubs in to work so I wouldn't have to worry about changing before my shift. I took another deep breath to quay the nervous butterflies in my stomach and got ready to start my first night.

**01-09-2010, 03:00 – BPOV**

"So, ready to go grab some grub?" I asked Dr. Edward Cullen, our newest ER doc. We had been on shift for five hours and after I had taken him around to meet everyone, gone over our triage and charting procedures, and given him a quick tour of the exam rooms we started working on the back-up in the waiting room. Dr. Cullen was a good fit for our ER, his training gave him the experience to handle just about anything that came through our doors and the discipline instilled by the military meant that I wouldn't have to spend a lot of time looking over his shoulder. I was pleasantly surprised to find that his bedside manner was above reproach. Some of these military guys were pretty short and to the point with patients, and while I could understand that approach out in the field, it wouldn't suit here. Englewood was a low socioeconomic area and we saw a lot of patients from various racial and economic backgrounds, some of whom relied on our ER as their sole medical provider. Dr. Cullen, however, really took the time to get to know each patient and treated them with the utmost respect.

"Yeah, I could use a bite to eat," he responded, running a hand over the top of his head.

I thought back to our dinner last week. I have to admit, when I first saw him at Carlisle and Esme's, I was taken aback by how stunningly gorgeous he was. He was over 6 feet tall, with a swimmer's build, and beautiful green eyes. His reddish brown hair was cropped close to his head, a leftover from his military days I supposed, but it only allowed his eyes to pop that much more. It was hard to see the resemblance between Edward and his brother, though. Carlisle had blond hair and blue eyes with a smaller, stockier build. I noted that at dinner and Carlisle remarked with a grin, "He was a foundling – I have no idea where our parent's got him." Edward just rolled his eyes at his brother and with a smirk said, "Actually, Carlisle looks just like our dad and I look like our mother, which means I got the good looks and the brains."

Edward and Carlisle's parents had died in a car accident when Edward was just 16 and Carlisle was 23. Carlisle was in his first year of medical school and took a year off to see Edward through his senior year in high school. They had grown up in the working class neighborhood of Naperville and their parents weren't rich by any means. They had insurance on the house, though, so Carlisle sold it and used the money to fund an apartment and expenses until Edward went to college. Although they hadn't lived in the same city in years, it was evident that they were close. They had kept in touch throughout Edward's stint in medical school and subsequent deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. Carlisle was like a proud papa, always telling us about Edward's latest accomplishments.

"Well, man, I bet you must be beating the ladies off with a stick, since you've obviously dazzled my wife," remarked my husband Jacob with a smile as he rubbed the back of my neck with a large hand, leaning over to place a soft kiss on my forehead. Jacob was no slouch in the looks department either. His Native American background was obvious in his dark hair and eyes and copper colored skin tone. His 6'4" frame was muscular, but not excessively so. He leaned back in his chair and quirked up an eyebrow at me, his eyes filled with laughter. Because of Jacob's easygoing manner, I knew he was just joking with both Edward and me. Jacob was also former military, but Air Force. He was now a pilot with American Airlines and flew out of O'Hare.

"Uncle Jake," piped up Alice from across the table, "you've no need to worry – Uncle E doesn't swing that way."

"Alice!" exclaimed Esme, appalled that her daughter had just outed Edward during dinner.

"Esme, it's okay," Edward said. "I'm not hiding it from anyone. In fact, it's nice to be able to say it out loud after so many years in a Don't Ask, Don't Tell environment," Edward remarked throwing a smile over at Alice.

"That must have been hell on your personal life, though," my husband said.

"Well, given that I was doing my internship and residency training, I didn't have much time for a personal life anyway. Besides, the few people that did know were cool about it. As long as I didn't flaunt it around base, I was okay," Edward responded.

"Just gives credence to my theory that the beautiful ones are taken or gay," my daughter Vanessa added with a sigh. The whole table laughed at her downtrodden expression and our conversation turned to other topics.

I focused back on the present and looking across the cafeteria table at Edward, I asked, "How are you finding your first day so far?"

"So far, so good. I'm enjoying the steady pace and the variety of cases. In Iraq, I spent most of my time digging shrapnel out of soldiers. It's a nice change to see cardio and peds cases," he said, smiling at me over his bowl of soup.

"Good, I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's a busy night, but we've been busier. And your experience may come in handy here – sometimes we get GSW cases when the other ER's are full or if we're closest," I warned, then took a bite out of my turkey sandwich.

"I know, but at least it won't be a nightly occurrence," he replied.

"True." Changing the subject, I asked, "So what have you been up to the past week?"

"Mostly getting my new place set up. I found an apartment in Oak Park and have been out buying furniture and supplies," he noted with a shrug.

"Met any new friends?"

"Not yet, haven't had time, but I'll get around to it. I'm in no rush – I'm just happy to get some peace and quiet," he replied.

"Well, if you decide you want to go out, let me know, my friend Garrett is new to the area as well and knows all the hotspots already," I stated.

"Are you trying to set me up already, Dr. Swan?" Edward said with a chuckle.

"No, I swear! But you do have a lot in common and everyone can use a friend, right?" I asked with a grin.

"Maybe I'll take you up on it at some point, but only as friends. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, I just want to get my bearings first – get settled in, you know?" Edward replied.

"I know, but that's just me – I try to take care of everyone around me. You'll just have to get used to it," I said and took the last bite of my sandwich. "Are you ready to get back to the pit?"

"Yep, let's see what else has come in while we were gone." We rose from the table, took our trash to the bin by the door, and made our way back to the ER.

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**A/N: Thanks for all of your feedback so far. I'm enjoying hearing from you!**


	3. Domestic Disturbance

Chapter 3 – Domestic Disturbance

**01-09-2010, 04:45 – JPOV**

Emmett and I were nearing the end of our shift and I had to admit, I was going to miss the big guy. Not that I wouldn't see him often, he was, after all, my brother-in-law, but things would be different. I'd grown used to our easy camaraderie and wasn't particularly happy about having to work with a new partner come Monday. However, I was excited to take this next step in my career. I'd known since I was a kid playing cops and robbers that I was going to be a cop someday. Hell, I'd even worn a cop uniform for Halloween every year as a kid. Now I would be getting the chance to really make a difference in my new role in the gang unit in District 4. I have a sweet spot for kids, even though it was unlikely that I'd ever have any of my own, so I was also looking forward to working with the local gang intervention program. It was a volunteer program run by the community leaders and consisted of in-school and after-school programs designed to give kids options other than being out on the streets.

Looking out the passenger window, I noticed that the streets were pretty quiet. This was to be expected, it was early Saturday morning and even the criminals had to sleep sometime. I stifled a yawn and looked over at Emmett, "Hey, Starbucks opens up in fifteen, can we swing through? I need a caffeine fix," I said.

Emmett rolled his eyes and responded, "Dude, you and the Starbucks. What's wrong with Dunkin' Donuts coffee? It's cheaper and tastes better."

"Please, that shit isn't even close to drinkable. You just want donuts. You are such a cliché," I noted.

"Me, a cliché? Right, because a gay guy ordering a triple skinny white chocolate mocha with extra whip cream isn't a cliché," jibed Emmett.

"Shut up. The whip cream balances out the non-fat milk," I grumbled.

"Well, seeing as this is our last shift…I guess I can make an exception," Emmett declared. "Isn't there one over on 64th, by St. Bernard's?"

"Yep, it's just a couple blocks down from there," I answered. Emmett moved over into the right lane and hit the turn signal so we could make our way over. Just as he made the turn onto Stewart, the radio squawked.

"Unit 45, domestic disturbance reported at 345 W. 63rd street, unit D312. Please respond," sounded the robotic voice of the dispatcher on duty back at the station.

I hit the button on the radio on my shoulder and replied, "Dispatch, unit 45 en route, ETA 4 minutes."

Emmett looked over his left shoulder and pulled a u-turn so that we could head back up to 63rd. I flipped on the lights, but left the sirens off. There was hardly any traffic at this time of the morning, so there really wasn't a need to wake everyone up. "Damn it. Who the fuck gets up at 5:00 in the morning to start beating on someone?" Emmett complained as he turned back onto 63rd and we made our way to the 300 block. He pulled up to the low income apartment complex and we parked in front of the D building. I sighed loudly. I hated domestic disturbance calls; they were unpredictable and could spiral out of control quickly.

The city had made an effort over the past five years to tear down the old project buildings, such as Cabrini Green, and replace them with row houses and other forms of low income housing. This complex hadn't been replaced yet and we'd been on calls here many times in the past. I logged our location into the portable unit, spoke into the radio, "Dispatch, unit 45 on scene," and exited the squad car. It was still dark out and most of the apartments looked like their residents were sleeping. We entered the front entry doors and made our way to the stairs. The elevators never worked in these places so we didn't even bother. I noted to myself that the local taggers had been busy by the looks of the graffiti covered walls; unfortunately, one of them hadn't quite figured out how to spell fuck, spelling it 'fuk' instead. I smirked and continued my way up the stairs. As we rounded the 3rd floor stairwell and opened the access door, I began to hear the loud shrieks of a child coming from an apartment down the hall. I looked over at Emmett, the sounds of screaming and crying kids wasn't unusual for these buildings, the walls where thinner than paper, but these sounded like something out of a horror movie. Picking up the pace, I quickly spoke into the radio, "Dispatch, unit 45 requesting backup at this location."

I heard the call go out for the nearest squad car to head to our location and pulled out my weapon, noting Emmett had already done the same. As we made our way down the hall, the level of the screams increased. Reaching the apartment, Emmett pounded on the door and boomed out, "Chicago PD, open up."

I made eye contact with Emmett and nodded towards the door. I knew that we needed to get in there as soon as possible. The kid's screams signaled that something was majorly wrong inside. Typically, we would wait for back-up to arrive, but it didn't sound like we had time if we wanted to get the child out of the current situation. We removed the safeties on our weapons and Emmett took a step back from the door. I stood just to the right of the door, weapon ready, so that I could enter once the door was open. I knew that Emmett would be right behind me.

Emmett lifted his left foot and with a forceful kick, knocked in the flimsy door, stepping back quickly to the left, out of the range of fire. I shouted again, "Chicago PD, were coming in."

Getting no response, I gave Emmett the hand signal for entry and quickly glanced into the apartment to get a feel for our surroundings. Seeing no one, I made my way into the apartment, Emmett at my back. The first room we entered was the living room and it was a scene unlike anything I'd witnessed in my many years on the force. Blood spattered the dingy white walls and soaked into the already filthy carpet. There was a stench of rotten garbage and chemicals. Trash was strewn from one end of the room to the other and just beyond the couch, to the left of a glass coffee table, was the body of a red-headed female, all but drenched in blood. It looked like she had been stabbed multiple times and from the fixed stare of her open eyes; she was well beyond our help now. The coffee table was covered with baggies, filled with what looked to be crystal meth, and other assorted drug paraphernalia. Curled up in the back corner of the living room, behind a fake potted plant, was the screaming child. A little girl of no more than 6 or 7, she too was covered in blood. Her left leg was obviously broken, jutting out from her small body at an impossible angle. She covered her ears with both hands and continued to shriek.

I looked back at Emmett wide-eyed, and nodded my head quickly to the left indicating the kitchen. Before we could take care of the child, we needed to clear the apartment. I hadn't heard any other sounds other than the girl's terrified screams, but procedure demanded that we make sure. We took up our positions near the entryway to the kitchen and I poked my head around the corner. In the middle of the kitchen, pacing back and forth wildly stood a man. Scattered behind him across the kitchen counters looked to be the makings of a meth lab. The man had one hand fisted in his long, lanky blond hair while the other clutched a bloodied switchblade. He began muttering under his breath about devils and witches and I knew that he was probably under the influence of one or more substances. Emmett yelled from behind me, "Chicago PD, drop your weapon."

We both moved further into the kitchen with our weapons pointed directly at the man. The radio set on my shoulder squawked again, letting me know that our back-up had arrived and they were making their way up the stairs. "Come on man," I drawled out slowly, "put down the knife." He wasn't making any threatening motions but he wasn't responding to us either; he just continued to pace back and forth, muttering. Emmett stood to my left, both hands on his weapon. I knew we were both waiting for back-up to arrive before we made a move. I was standing just inside the kitchen doorway and in an instant felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. I half-turned to look behind me and noticed another man, dreadlocks hanging in his face and armed with a gun. Before I could even yell for Emmett to take cover, the man took aim and fired.

I felt the impact of the first shot as it hit me in the back. The momentum of the impact spun me right around to face the gunman. The subsequent shots hit my upper arm and my upper thigh. I collapsed to the kitchen floor and heard still more shots ring out from the living room. Our back-up had arrived and had taken out the gunman. The distinct sounds of footsteps making their way to the kitchen to assist Emmett with the other man were a welcome relief. Amazingly, I felt no pain, but seemed to be drifting in some hazy world where not much was making sense. I heard Emmett's voice screaming, "Officer down, Officer down," and the scuffle as he and the other officers tackled the remaining man, casting the knife away, and placing him in handcuffs. In an instant, Emmett was at my side putting pressure on my leg wound. He leaned over me and pleaded, "Hang on Jasper, a bus is on the way."

I licked my lips, finding my mouth incredibly dry for some reason, and attempted to respond. I wanted to tell him that I would be fine, to chill out already, but couldn't seem to make the words come out of my mouth. I looked up at him and saw tears welling in his eyes. Jesus, it couldn't be that bad, could it? I couldn't remember ever seeing Emmett cry and it was starting to scare me. Just as I registered my fear, the pain began to set in. Oh God, this was not good. The pain was so intense that it took my breath away. This was bad, real bad. I gathered my strength and whispered to Emmett, "Take care of my sister," as the room faded to black.


	4. Familiar Faces

Chapter 4 – Familiar Faces

**01-09-2010, 04:45 – EPOV**

I hit the half way mark on my first shift and overall, was pleased with the night. I had seen a steady stream of patients and after our lunch break, Bella seemed to be comfortable enough to let me see them on my own. It was an eye-opening experience and proved that the statistics on the evening news were accurate. A primary care physician would have handled a large portion of the cases I'd seen; of course, that would mean the patient would have health insurance. Many of the people waiting in the emergency room weren't urgent cases and were triaged appropriately; however, since they had nowhere else to seek medical attention, they were willing to wait for nearly 5 hours just to receive treatment. We'd finally cleared out the waiting room about a half hour ago and I was now sitting at the nurses' station catching up on my charting.

I felt someone staring at me and looked up to find Jessica, the admitting clerk who had buzzed me through earlier. "Can I help you with something?" I asked.

"No, it's slow up there so I thought I'd come back and introduce myself," she replied, smiling flirtatiously. "I'm Jessica," she said, holding out her hand for me to shake.

"Hi Jessica, I'm Edward Cullen, nice to meet you," I stood up and shook her hand. She held on to it longer than appropriate and I pulled my hand back sharply, trying to break the connection. She finally let go and leaned in towards me, "Cullen, huh? Are you related to Carlisle Cullen?"

"Yes, he's my brother."

"Really? Two delicious men in one family ought to be a sin," she said, leaning even further in. "So, Dr. Cullen, what are doing after your shift?" She eagerly awaited my reply with a predatory look in her eyes.

"Sleeping," I answered, sitting back down and returning my attention to the charts in front of me with the hope she'd lose interest and walk away.

"Jessica, shouldn't you be at your desk?" I heard Bella ask sharply as she approached the nurse's station.

"I'm going," she grumbled. "Well, if you should find yourself in need of some company, you know where to find me," she directed at me.

"I don't think you would be my kind of company, Jessica," I replied, watching as she flashed me a confused look and headed back to admitting.

"God, that girl is a menace and dumber than a box of rocks," Bella groaned as Jessica disappeared around the corner.

I chuckled, "I kind of got that feeling. How did she wind up working here?" I asked.

"She's the Chief Hospital Administrator's niece. She's been bounced from department to department and this is the latest attempt at finding her something she can actually do. I'm hoping that soon they'll run out of departments and she'll be bounced out the front door," Bella stated with a cheeky grin. "So, I'm thinking that it's been way too long since I've done an overnight. I need some extra strength caffeine and that crap they provide in the lounge isn't going to cut it. There's a Starbucks a couple of blocks down and I'm going to do a quick coffee run. Can I get you anything?"

"Actually, I'm good, but thanks for the offer. I'm not much of a coffee drinker," I said.

"An ER doc that doesn't do coffee?" she asked in astonishment. "How do you stay up?"

"Well, my shifts in Iraq were 48 on, 24 off, so I got used to be up for long periods of time without sleep. Since the shifts here are only 12 hours, I'm feeling pretty good," I responded with a smile.

"Lucky you – I feel like I'm dragging through quicksand. I'm going to go grab the coffee and I'll be back in a few. Page me if you need me," she stated as she made her way out through the doors to the ambulance bay.

"Will do," I replied and went back to my charts. A few minutes later, Dr. Erik Yorkie sat down next to me with his own pile of charts. I had met Erik when I toured the ER earlier and he seemed to be a pretty decent guy. He was younger than me and only a 1st year resident.

"How's it going?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Pretty good, nothing I couldn't handle yet," he responded.

"If you ever need any help, feel free to ask," I said, remembering my own residency days. The military hospital I did my internship at had given me a great foundation; however, the autonomy of residency was sometimes overwhelming. You were expected to see and treat patients with little to no supervision and until you had built up your confidence level, it could be scary. However, it was the role of an attending to oversee the residents and train them. I wanted to be sure that Erik and the other residents knew that I would be there for them. I made a mental note to talk to Bella when she returned from her coffee run about how she wanted me to handle resident training.

"Thanks man, I appreciate the offer. Dr. Gerandy, the guy you replaced, wasn't big on teaching," he remarked.

"That's what I'm here for, Erik, so anytime," I said, going back to my charts. Five minutes later the ER radio on the desk beside me came to life.

"St. Bernard's, this is CFD, come in," a voice issued from the radio.

Angela, the ER nurse in charge picked up the receiver and replied, "CFD, St. Bernard's responding, what do you have for us?"

"Multiple GSW victim, 26-year-old white male, blood pressure 90/60, possible femoral artery rupture. ETA 3 minutes. The bus behind us has a 6-year-old, white female, broken leg, possible stab wounds. Their ETA - 5 minutes."

"Roger that, we'll be standing by, St. Bernard out," the nurse replied quickly putting the radio receiver back in place. "Where's Dr. Swan?" she asked, looking at Erik and me with a questioning glance.

"She ran down to Starbuck's, she'll be back in a few. Page her and she'll come right back. No worries though, I can do this," I responded, and made my way to the ambulance bay doors to await the CFD paramedic unit. "Why don't you ready the trauma rooms for Erik and me and call down and have the blood bank on standby. If his femoral artery is ruptured, we're going to need it." She nodded and walked away hurriedly to carry out my orders.

Looking over at Erik I said, "You take the girl. It sounds like her injuries aren't a severe as the male's are and Dr. Swan should be back soon to help you out if you need it." He looked a little nervous and I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'll be in the room right next to you, if you need anything, have one of the nurse's holler for me." I donned the protective gown, gloves, and facial mask as Erik did the same. "You'll be fine, trust me," I offered, giving him some final words of encouragement. This Dr. Gerandy must have been quite a piece of work.

I felt the jolt of adrenaline go through my body as the first ambulance pulled up to the doors. I was used to working with trauma so I was able to use the adrenaline to gain greater focus. Erik was just a 1st year resident and wasn't overly confident. I'd have to keep a close eye out on him until Bella returned. The ambulance driver jumped out of the rig as soon as it rolled to a stop and ran to the back of the ambulance to assist his partner with the patient. I made my way to the back of the rig and looking in said, "Shit, is that a cop?"

"Yep, CPD," he responded quickly as he helped to unload the patient from the ambulance. "You'd better be on your a-game. I'm pretty sure his femoral is ruptured. His partner probably saved his life by applying a tourniquet on scene. Even so, he's lost a lot of blood and hasn't regained consciousness." The second ambulance pulled in and out of the corner of my eye I saw Erik make his way over to the rig. I walked alongside this patient listening to the EMT rattle off the patient's vital statistics. We made our way through the doors and into trauma room 1.

"Okay – let's transfer on three," I said authoritatively to the nurses in the room with me. We made the transfer, rolling the patient to his side so that I could assess the bullet wound to his back and the EMT's could remove the backboard. The EMT's had cut his uniform shirt and pants so they could access the bullet wounds directly. I reached behind the patient to feel my way down his spine, checking for additional injuries. I could feel where a bullet had lodged in his middle back on the right side; luckily, he had been wearing his bullet proof vest and it had lodged in the fabric of the vest and not his body. The wound on his left upper arm looked to be a through and through. In other words, the bullet entered the front of his arm and exited cleanly through the back. It was bleeding, but not as heavily as the leg wound.

"Alright, roll him back. Let's cut him out of the uniform and vest, but leave the belt. I don't want to release the pressure on that artery until we know for sure what we have," I directed. "I need a type and match and 6 units from the blood bank stat," I ordered.

"Is he going to be okay? What's going on?" boomed a voice from the doorway. I looked up to see a huge beast of man in a CPD uniform.

"Escort him out, please," I said to the EMT's. Too many people in a trauma room meant chaos and I had no time to deal with anyone other than the patient. I would talk to the man after we had finished. As the EMT's exited with the big man, the nurse rushed back in carrying the blood. "Hang the first two units and let's see if we can get his pressure back up,' I barked. Looking across the room at the other nurse, I said, "Get surgery down here stat – the femoral artery is ruptured and will need to be repaired fast if we are going to save the rest of his leg."

I watched the monitors closely to see if the 2 units of blood would bring his pressure back up. It came up minutely, but not enough. "Go ahead and run two more units and let's get him prepped for the OR." I glanced over my shoulder and saw Bella running through the door.

"Jesus, I leave for 10 minutes…" she trailed off, looking down at the patient.

"I got this; can you go check on Yorkie? He's got the other patient and I haven't had a chance to check in on him yet," I explained.

"Will do, are you sending him up for surgery?" she responded.

"Yeah, femoral artery is ruptured, hopefully they can repair it and save the leg," I replied.

"Doubting my abilities already, little brother?" I looked up to see Carlisle making his way into the room as Bella exited.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm on call for Dr. Jones this morning. I came in early to do some paperwork before my surgeries started at six," answered Carlisle.

"Lucky me," I said. "I think I've got him stabilized enough to get him up to the ER. His BP is starting to come back up with 4 units in, but I'm sure it'll be a blood bath once that belt comes off," I said, nodding towards the belt cinched around the officer's upper thigh.

"We'll clamp off the artery before removing the belt, but that may cause some issues for the rest of the leg. Let's get a move on and see what we can do," he stated. I nodded to the nurse and we unlocked the wheels of the gurney. We put him on a portable heart monitor, and wheeled the patient into the hallway, following Carlisle over to the elevator. "Can you have someone contact his family?" he asked.

"Sure – I think his partner is already downstairs waiting. He'll know who needs to be contacted," I responded. I heard a slight groan from the patient and looked down at him. It looked like he was beginning to regain consciousness. "Sir," I said, "I'm Dr. Cullen, you're at St. Bernard's and we're taking you up to surgery now." He just groaned again and never responded. As we reached the surgical floor, I glanced again at the patient. I hadn't really paid any attention to his face in the ER and this was the first time I got a good look at him. Surprisingly, he looked familiar to me and as I tried to put a name to the face so I could figure out where I knew him from, Carlisle said, "We're here. I'll call down to the ER once I'm done to give you an update."

"Please do. I'm on until 8, so I should be here," I responded, holding the door of the elevator open so Carlisle and the nurse could exit with the patient and make their way to the OR. Once they left, I rode the elevator back down to the ER and made my way to trauma room 2 to check in on Bella and Dr. Yorkie. I poked my head in the room and asked, "How's it going in here?"

"Good," Bella replied. "Dr. Yorkie has her stabilized and we've called Ortho down to repair the leg. We couldn't find any stab wounds, so the blood isn't hers. We've started to clean her up – it looks like she has some sort of chemical soaked into her clothes and hair. There are also a ton of bruises, new and old. This poor thing has not had a good life so far, but she's safe now," Bella stated, running her hand down the little girl's cheek.

"Okay, let me know if you need anything. I'm going to update my patient's partner and get the emergency contact information," I noted, turning to leave.

"Prepare yourself," Bella warned. "He's out of the Englewood station, which is just down the road. Half of the department is in the waiting room."

I left the room and walked over to the hazardous waste bin, disposing of the gown, gloves, and mask I had worn earlier. I grabbed my white coat and a note pad and made my way out to the waiting room. As I made my way through the doors, I realized Bella was right. It was a sea of blue, the waiting room full to bursting with CPD officers. The giant from earlier jumped up from the chair, pulling a tall blond woman up with him. "How is he?" he asked anxiously, tucking the blonde closer to his side, as she cried heavily.

"We've got him stabilized and he's up in surgery. The bullet wound to his leg severed his femoral artery and he lost a lot of blood. Are you the one that put the tourniquet on?" I queried.

"Um, yeah. I didn't make it worse, did I?"

"No, actually, you saved his life. Without it, he would have bled out before he made it here," I offered, wincing as the blond began crying harder.

The giant looked down at the blonde and said, "Honey, he's going to be okay, don't worry. Right doc?"

"He should be fine; however, there is a chance that he may not regain full function in the leg. It depends upon how fast they can repair the artery and get the blood circulating again. There may also be some nerve and muscle damage from the bullet itself," I responded, not wanting to be the voice of doom, but knowing that honesty was the best policy. "My brother is doing the surgery and he's one of the best surgeons in the state. I can take you up to the surgical waiting room; it's for immediate family only though."

"I'm his brother-in-law, Emmett. He's also my partner. This is his sister, Rosalie," Emmett replied, gesturing to the blond tucked into his side. She reached for my hand and said in a quiet voice, raspy with tears, "Please promise me my Jasper's going to be alright."

"I can promise we are doing the very best we can. Let's get you up to the waiting room and the nurse will come in to give you periodic updates," I said, leading them to the bank of elevators across from the ER waiting room.

"McCarty," called out one of the officers. "We'll be down here if you need us."

Emmett lifted a hand in acknowledgement and guided Rosalie into the waiting elevator. As we made our way up to the surgical floor, I went over the surgical procedures their brother was having done and the length of time it would take for the surgery to finish. Once we arrived at the waiting room, and the couple had taken a seat, I asked them if they wanted anything to drink or if we needed to call anyone else.

"I'll call my parents in Texas in a moment. I need to pull myself together before I do," Rosalie responded. "You have been a tremendous help," she said, reaching out and squeezing my hand.

"I'm just doing my job. If you need anything else, please contact the nurse at the front desk. She should be in soon to give you an update. If you need to talk to me, just let her know and she'll page me," I said. "I have to get back to the ER, but I'll come back and check on you later," I noted as I shook McCarty's offered hand and patted Rosalie on the back.

I made my way back to the ER, still trying to figure out where I had seen the officer before. The cop's face was so familiar and now I knew his name was Jasper. I ran my hand over my hair in frustration. I knew him, but it just wouldn't come to me. I shrugged it off, it'll come back to me eventually, and I still had two hours left on my shift. I would worry about it later.

* * *

**A/N: Not a doctor, or a cop, so artistic license on these scenes. Looking forward to your feedback....**


	5. Isolation

Chapter 5 – Isolation

**01-09-2010, 08:05 – EPOV**

I was sitting in the lounge, completing my last chart, when I heard Bella's voice behind me. "Do you have a few minutes before you head home?" she asked.

"Of course, I was planning to finish up this chart and then check in with Carlisle to see how the surgery went on the patient from earlier. He was supposed to call, but he probably got pulled into another surgery," I replied.

"Hell of a first day, huh? I swear, it's not usually like that, but at least I had someone with some trauma expertise here to handle it. You did a great job with him Edward, and I also appreciate you taking Yorkie under your wing as well. God knows that Gerandy never bothered with any of the interns or residents," Bella stated while rolling her eyes at the thought of the retired doctor.

"I wanted to talk to you about that actually. I wasn't sure what level of autonomy you give the interns and residents here. In Iraq, it was pretty much sink or swim. I would prefer to work closely with them on the night shift, but need to know how you approach it on day shift. It would be best if we are consistent," I said.

"Well, first and foremost we are a teaching hospital for the med students, interns, and residents. I came through a program that was 'sink or swim' as well and that is definitely not the approach I like to take here. I typically have the day shift interns and residents scheduled to come in an hour before my shift so that they can work up charts for the patients being handed over from the night shift. Then we do rounds on those patients and I use them as teaching cases. The residents supervise the interns, and I supervise the residents. They have to run charts past me on non-routine cases and I try to bring them in on those as well," she explained. "I want to support them while also giving them the freedom to figure it out on their own. It's a fine balance, but I think that if you are observant, you can make it work."

"Definitely, I think we can foster confidence by allowing them to take control of cases, but we need to mentor them when the case is out of their comfort zone," I responded, glad to hear that we were on the same page.

"Excellent. So, I have another question for you. I had planned to work night shifts all week with you, but I don't think it's necessary given the way you handled this morning's drama. Are you comfortable enough on your own? Angela, our head ER nurse will be here with you and is a great resource for any protocol questions you may have," she advised.

"I think I should be fine. Can I call you if I need to?" I asked.

"Of course – anytime. I would stay, but Jake has back to back flights this week and I don't want Ness on her own at night. God only knows what she and Alice will get up to when left to their own devices," she snickered. "Unless you have any other questions I'm going to head out and get some sleep. I've officially remembered why I am a day shift person – there's not enough caffeine in the world to get me through the 4 a.m. slumps," she said, going to her locker, grabbing her purse and keys and heading towards the door. "See that you get some sleep as well, Dr. Cullen, and call me if you need anything," she said waving as she exited the lounge.

I went back to the chart, making a few final notations and set it aside to drop off at the nurse's station on my way out. I was coming down from the adrenaline high of this morning's activities, but wanted to check in with Carlisle before heading home to bed. I went to my locker and grabbed the duffle bag I'd brought in with me, taking out the change of clothes stored inside. I quickly took off my soiled scrubs, tossed them in the nearby laundry bin, then redressed in jeans and a t-shirt. I grabbed the chart and the paperwork I still needed to turn into HR. I'd drop off those forms on my way up to the surgical floor.

**01-09-2010, 08:45**

Mrs. Cope in HR was quite the talker. I had been trying to turn in my forms for the last 30 minutes, but she kept asking me questions like she was a quiz show host or something. Finally, some other poor sucker made their way into the HR department and I was able to escape. I could feel my energy fading fast, but still needed to see if Carlisle was around. I had heard from Angela that patient from this morning, Officer Whitlock, had made it through the surgery, but was listed in critical condition. Femoral artery ruptures were dicey. There was recently a case in the news about a professional football player who was shot through the femoral artery and died. He'd made it through the surgery as well, but the loss of blood, and resulting low blood pressure and hypothermia were too much for his body. I hoped that this wasn't going to be the case for this patient. I also had to admit that I was still trying to figure out if I knew him or not. His name wasn't familiar to me at all, but his face was, and it was driving me crazy trying to place him.

I made my way to the surgical floor via the elevator. As I stepped off, I almost ran directly into Carlisle.

"Perfect timing, I was just on my way down to see if I could catch you before you went home. Let's go to my office – I'm not scheduled to scrub in again until 9:30 – and you can tell me all about your first day," he stated with a smile, squeezing my shoulder in a gesture of affection.

I followed Carlisle through the surgical floor back to his office. I felt blessed that we were working together. Carlisle and I had been close since my parents died, and he had become my surrogate father, even though there was only a 7 year age difference between us. He was the first person I came out to and helped me to see that it wasn't a choice, but how I was born, contrary to what our parents had believed. I had felt a lot of guilt and confusion during that time, knowing that my parents wouldn't have approved of my homosexuality. Carlisle's support was unwavering, even when I decided to enter the Navy. I never fully explained my reasoning to him, but I knew that the sale of our parent's house had only gone so far in paying for my undergraduate degree and Carlisle's tuition at med school. The Navy offered me a full scholarship to med school and in return, I just had to complete my residency training and four additional years of service. This would take a large burden off of Carlisle's shoulders, especially since he and Esme had Alice while I was still working on my undergrad degree. In all honesty, it had been a lonely 8 years in the Navy, constantly hiding my true self from those I considered friends. I had focused on completing my residency and my four year requirement, isolating myself from everyone, including my family back home, just to get through. I stayed on base during any leave time I had been granted and communicated with Carlisle infrequently through e-mail and letters. Now I had a chance to refocus on my relationships with Carlisle, Esme, and Alice, but I was finding it difficult to shake off my loner ways.

We entered Carlisle's office and I was unsurprised to find it reminiscent of the medical library at my alma mater. Bookshelves covered almost all of the walls and were crammed with medical books and journals. Interspersed with the books were photos of Esme and Alice and even a few of Carlisle and me when we were much younger. He took a seat behind his desk and gestured for me to sit in one of the guest chairs.

"We haven't really had a chance to talk since you came back, Edward. I wanted to tell you how very happy I am to have you back in Chicago. Esme and Alice are also pleased to be able to reconnect with you," Carlisle said, leaning back in his chair.

"I know, I've been busy trying to find a place to live and get settled, but I definitely want us all to spend some time together soon. I'm working night shifts, which will make scheduling difficult, but I want to make the effort. I realize that I didn't exactly keep in contact while I was in Iraq," I replied.

"Edward, don't feel guilty for that. I recognize how difficult residency training can be, but I can't imagine having to do it on the battlefield. I'm also aware of the sacrifices you must have made personally while there," he said, giving me a pointed look. "Don't think that Esme and I aren't indebted to you for what you did, and yes, I can guess why you did it. You're too damn stubborn for your own good Edward, Esme and I could have figured something out before you did something as drastic as signing away 8 years of your life. I just wish you would have let us in, so we could have helped you make that decision. You had to know we would have supported you anyway we could have."

"That's exactly why I did it Carlisle, because you and Esme would have sacrificed your own goals and ambitions to see me achieve mine," I argued. "Besides, I made it through and I'm here now. I just hope we can go back to the relationship we had before I left, I've missed you," I said with a slight catch in my throat.

Carlisle rose from his chair and held his arms out to me. I stepped willingly into his embrace and hugged him hard. Sadly, it was the first form of affectionate touch I'd had in 8 years. I found myself tearing up and stepped back to gain some control over my emotions. "Thank you," I whispered, "I really needed that."

"Anytime, you are my little brother and I love you, regardless of your hardheadedness. And Edward, I'll _always_ be here for you. Now, I know you have to be exhausted and while I want to talk to you more, I also want you to go home and get some sleep. Let me fill you in on your patient from this morning and then I'm kicking you out of here," he said sternly. He waved me back to the chair, retook his own seat, and gave me the low down on Office Whitlock's surgery.

"He made it through the surgery, but we had to put him on bypass while we grafted the artery. I put him on Heparin to minimize the chance of blood clots, but it's always a possibility in cases like these. The bullet also did some damage to the muscles, primarily the vastus medialis, when it rebounded off of the femur. His femur is fractured from the bullet as well. Overall, he's damn lucky to still be alive and that's only due to his partner's quick reflexes and the lightning speed with which you transfused him in the ER," Carlisle commented, shaking his head in awe.

"It didn't hurt that he was only three minutes away from the ER either," I remarked.

"True, if he had been further from an ER, he could have bled out, tourniquet or no tourniquet. But don't minimize your contribution Edward; you stabilized him quickly enough to get him up to surgery so that we could do the graft. I'm proud of you, you did an excellent job and on your first day!" Carlisle said with a smile.

"So what's his prognosis?" I asked.

"The first 48 hours are going to be crucial. If his body can stave off blood clots and infection, he'll pull through. It'll be a long road of physical therapy and rehab though to get that leg back to working order. Even then, he may still have a limp for the rest of his life," Carlisle responded. "He's in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, room 316, and I expect he'll be there for a week or two."

"I'm going to stop by there on the way out. I promised his family I'd check in with them before I left," I noted, rising from the chair. "How long are you on today?"

"I'll be here until 4, and then I'm off to watch Alice play Juliet in a high school play. I knew you were working again tonight, or I'd have asked you to join us. Alice is actually quite a good actress," Carlisle stated, his pride in his daughter obvious.

"I don't doubt it! I'll make sure to catch the next production," I promised. "I'm going to head down to the SICU and then head home. Thanks again, Carlisle," I said, as I made my way to the door.

"Anytime, Edward, anytime."

**01-09-2010, 09:15**

I exited Carlisle's office and made my way to the SICU to check in with Officer Whitlock's family. I yawned widely, running my hands over my face in a vain attempt to wake up a little before I popped my head into the room. I had told Dr. Swan that I was used to working 48 hours shifts, and that was true, but I hadn't really given myself any down time between my return from Iraq and starting at St. Bernard's. I guess it was starting to catch up with me. Shaking off the tiredness, I knocked quietly on the door and made my way inside.

Officer Whitlock was, as expected, unconscious, although his color looked better now that the femoral artery had been repaired. His sister, Rosalie, was seated next to the bed, holding his left hand in hers. She glanced up as I walked into the room and gave me a halfhearted smile.

"Dr. Cullen, I didn't expect to see you," she said.

"I promised I would check in before I left. I spoke with my brother earlier and he gave me an update on your brother's status. It looks like the surgery went well," I observed. "How are you holding up?"

"Hanging in there, I guess I'm still in shock. It was their last night as patrol officers – I never would have imagined that it would end like this," she said with hitch in her voice.

"Have you been able to contact your parents?" I questioned.

"Yes, they are taking the next flight out from Dallas. I gave them a basic overview of what happened, but will fill them in completely once they arrive," she responded.

"Is your husband still here?" I asked, looking around for the gigantic police officer.

"He got called back to the station to fill out reports on what happened. He wanted to stay, but Internal Affairs has to interview any officers involved when weapons are fired. He's also going to pick up my parents from the airport when they get in. I just can't leave Jasper right now," she said, looking at her brother and squeezing his hand.

"Can I get you anything before I go? A cup of coffee or tea, something to eat?" I queried, wanting to do something to comfort the poor woman.

"No thanks, I'm fine for now. Thank you for stopping by and thank you for helping to save his life. He's a very special person, not just because he's my twin – I can't imagine what it would be like if he didn't pull through," she replied with a shudder.

I looked over at the blond man, who seemed to be resting comfortably for the moment. Looking back at Rosalie, I remarked, "I've no doubt he's a very good man and we'll do our best to make sure he gets through this. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask for either my brother or me."

"I will," she said, and turned her attention back to her brother. I stepped out of the room and walked over to the nurse's station. One of the nurses looked up and made her way to me, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm Dr. Cullen. Can you do me a favor and check in on 316 once in a while? His sister has been here since around 5 this morning and their parents haven't arrived yet. I just want to be sure that she takes care of herself as well," I stated.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen. We'll make sure that she takes a break every once in a while," the nurse promised.

"Thank you," I said, and made my way to the elevators. My bed was calling and I was past ready for some sleep.

**01-09-2010, 10:00**

Twenty minutes later I pulled into the parking lot adjacent to my apartment complex, grabbing the Starbucks I obtained at the drive-thru near the hospital and my duffle bag. As I walked to my building, I heard a pitiful sounding meow from the bushes near the front entrance. I started to enter the building, when I heard it again. Sighing to myself, I walked back out of the building and started looking around to see where it was coming from.

I was almost to the side of building when a big orange head with wide green eyes poked out from behind the bushes. I knelt down, trying to coax the cat to come out further. It eyed me warily and advanced towards me slowly. It was filthy, covered in dirt and looked like it hadn't had a good meal in a few days. I held my hand out cautiously and to my surprise, the cat butted his head right into my hand. I scratched behind its ears and crooned, "Hey you, what are you doing out here? Do you belong to someone?"

The cat just looked up at me and meowed again. I felt bad for the poor thing and made a split second decision to take him inside with me to at least give it a meal and clean it up. I petted the cat a little more, shifted my Starbucks and duffle bag to my right hand, and picked up the cat with my left. It didn't attempt to jump out of my arms, so I stood up and walked back to the entrance of the building. I stood at the door a moment, trying to figure out how to open it with my arms full when one of my neighbors exited.

"Got your arms full there," said the elderly man with a smile. "Let me get the door for you."

"Thanks," I replied. "Would you happen to know whose cat this is?" I asked.

"Nobody's, as far as I can tell. It's been hanging around for a week now, begging for scraps," he responded. "Somebody probably just dumped it."

"Okay. Thanks for getting the door, have a good day," I offered as the man exited the building.

"Guess it's just you and me," I muttered to the cat and climbed the stairs to my second floor apartment.

I set the cat down and unlocked the door. As it opened, the cat scurried right in. "Make yourself at home," I said, rolling my eyes. I followed the cat in and found it waiting for me in front of the refrigerator. "I guess you have your priorities, huh?"

Opening the refrigerator door, I pulled out the milk and some lunch meat. I opened the cupboard and finding a small bowl, poured some of the milk in and set it on the floor. The cat immediately began drinking the milk as if it hadn't seen food in days. I found a paper plate; put some of the lunch meat on it and placed it next to the bowl. Within minutes, the milk and lunch meat were long gone. I opened the fridge again, looking for something else to feed the feline. The only thing I had left was some leftover Chinese from the night before. I emptied it out onto the paper plate and watched in amazement as the cat devoured it. Once it was done, I picked it up and set it next to the kitchen sink. "Time to clean you up a bit," I said, as the cat butted its head into my hand again. I reached for a wash cloth and after wetting it down a bit, began cleaning off the cat. "So, are you a boy or girl," I asked the cat, turning it to face away from me and lifting its tail, "Apparently a Mister," I mumbled, finding my answer. The cat looked back at me in disgust and jumped down from the counter. "Don't get too comfortable," I called out. "You can't stay."

I yawned again and figured it was time for bed. The cat could stay until I left for work later on. I refilled the bowl with milk and walked back to my bedroom. I pulled down the blackout shades, set my alarm for 4:00 p.m., and shed my shoes, jeans, and t-shirt. Clad in only my boxer briefs, I crawled into the bed, got comfortable on my side, and closed my eyes. I was just about to drift off when I felt something furry bumping into my head. I opened one eye to find the cat looking at me pitifully. I sighed and said, "Fine, you can stay." The cat curled in next to me and promptly fell asleep, as did I.

**01-09-2010, 15:45**

I woke with start, sitting straight up in bed and nearly knocking the cat over the side. He gave me a look of disdain and marched his way to the foot of the bed, before jumping off and heading out the door. Normally, I don't wake before the alarm, but the dream I had was so vivid, so real, that it pulled me right out of a dead sleep. I moved my legs over the side of the bed and turned the alarm off. As I got up and walked towards the bathroom, I recalled the contents of the dream and let out a gasp. It wasn't a dream at all, it was a memory, and it had provided the missing piece to the puzzle that was Jasper Whitlock.

* * *

**A/N: Anyone got any good cat names?**


	6. I got the blues

**A/N: Okay folks - add a lemon and apparently I become quite verbose. Be kind - it's my first time :-)**

* * *

Chapter 6 – I got the b.l.u.e.s.

**6/30/2002, 21:30 – EPOV**

"Jesus Christ, Carlisle, how many times do we have to go over this? I'm in for 8 more years - unless you feel like paying the military back my med school tuition, book fees, and room & board? I know I sure as hell don't have the money and neither do you," I yelled. I had known it was a bad idea to come here, but couldn't resist one last trip home before leaving for Afghanistan. My internship at the Naval Hospital in Virginia was complete and I was scheduled to ship out tomorrow. Carlisle and I were in the kitchen of his new house, cleaning up after dinner. We were having the same argument we've been having for the past 2 years.

"I just can't understand why you did this. There are other scholarships out there, student loans even – we could have waited on buying this house. Sometimes you just don't think Edward! Are you just going to push aside your personal life for the next 8 years, because I hate to tell you, you can't be gay and in the military," Carlisle argued.

"They call it 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' for a reason. As long as I keep my mouth shut, I'll be fine. It's worked so far. Why can't you just support me on this?" I asked, frustrated to no end.

"Because, I don't think you understand what it will be like for you. It's like going back into the closet all over again. Why would you do that to yourself?" he questioned with a shake of his head. "I've seen the change in you just during your internship. I'm terrified of what you will be like when you get out, especially since you will have essentially pushed your own wants and needs aside for 8 years!"

"I did what I needed to do and I'm fine with it. If you can't or won't support me then so be it," I shot back, throwing the dish towel onto the counter. "I'm leaving."

"Edward! Carlisle! Stop this right now. It's your last night here Edward, stay. Don't say goodbye like this!" cried Esme from the doorway, wringing her hands.

I walked over to where Esme stood, gathered her up in a hug, and whispered into her ear, "I can't do this tonight. I need to go, but know that I love you and I'll miss you all. I'll write you and Carlisle when I get there. Give Alice a hug for me." I released her from my embrace, placed a kiss on her forehead, and grabbed my duffle from the foyer. Not looking back, even as Carlisle called my name desperately from behind me, I walked out the door to my rental car. I threw the bag in the back seat, started the engine, and drove off into the night.

**06/30/2002, 22:45 **

I drove around Lincoln Park in a total haze for nearly an hour. My flight to Afghanistan didn't leave until 9:30 the next morning and I had planned to stay at Carlisle and Esme's. Heaving a sigh, I looked around for a cheap hotel to crash at for the night. Turning onto North Halstead, I saw no hotels, but did see a sign for a bar. Fuck it, I thought. I had only one evening of freedom left; I might as well have a drink or six before finding a place to sleep. I pulled into the parking lot across from the bar, locked my duffle in the trunk, and crossed the street.

The neon sign near the bar read b.l.u.e.s. Perfect, just perfect. I felt like sulking and this seemed to be a great place to do it. I pulled open the door and was immediately overwhelmed by the gritty sounds of Chicago style blues. I looked for a seat and found a two top near the back of the bar. Making my way towards the table, I scanned the small crowd. It was fairly slow for a Sunday night. I pulled out the chair and sat down, waiting for a server to find his or her way to my location.

A few minutes later, a voice with a slow Southern accent drawled, "Welcome to b.l.u.e.s., what can I get for you tonight?"

"A double scotch on the rocks," I replied, not bothering to look up at the man, focusing on the band instead.

"Comin' right up," he said. "I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail."

I glanced up only to see the back of the man as he walked off towards the bar. From my vantage point, I could see he was nearly as tall as me, with blond, curly hair and a lanky build. He moved with a certain grace that you often didn't see in men. I refocused my attention on the singer on the stage, who was lamenting the loss of his paycheck and oddly enough, his dog. Excellent – a fitting soundtrack to my mood.

Barely five minutes had passed when the server returned with my drink. "Here you go - one double scotch on the rocks. Are you wantin' to start a tab or pay as you go?" he asked. As he leaned in to set my drink down, I caught his scent, a strange mix of sandalwood, oranges, and vanilla. He straightened up, looking at me expectantly. As my eyes locked onto his, it was if someone had sent a jolt of electricity down my spine. His eyes were a deep blue, almost navy, and twinkled merrily. He looked like he'd just stepped out of the pages of a Marlboro ad. He had to be the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen and I was momentarily at a loss for words.

"Um, what?" I asked, totally blanking on what this deity had asked.

"Are you wantin' to start a tab or pay as you go? If you want to start a tab, I'll be needin' your credit card. If not, it's $7.00 for the drink," he repeated with a smile.

"I'll start a tab; just keep them coming," I responded, reaching for my wallet and pulling out my credit card. God knows I had plenty of money; the Navy not only paid for my schooling but also gave me a fairly decent paycheck. Having no family and no housing to pay for, I was able to bank most of it. Might as well splurge some before I left for hell. I handed the card over to the man and watched him walk back to the bar. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes off of him and feeling my stare, he looked back at me from the bar. He raised an eyebrow, as if he was asking if I needed something. I shook my head once and turned back to the stage.

Of all nights, I run into what I would consider my dream man the day before I leave for another country for God knows how long. I took a long sip from my drink and sighed. I wouldn't have done anything even if I was staying. Of the two of us, Carlisle was more outgoing. He had met Esme while grocery shopping and he had her name, phone number, and plans for their first date within minutes. I had dated a few guys, mostly in undergrad, but had never been the initiator. I thought of myself mostly as a geek and was pretty much in shock when anyone made an advance. And of course, now that I was in the military, my life as a monk was now a foregone conclusion. I couldn't complain though, I had signed up for this and I was going to see it through – 8 years from now I could find someone to settle down with. For now, I needed to concentrate on getting through my residency and making it out of Afghanistan alive.

The cowboy/server returned with my card and I held up my drink. "I'll be ready for another when you need to come back this way for your other tables," I said. At least I could enjoy the view of this spectacular specimen. It would be sort of my own personal parting gift.

He winked and said, "Will do."

I sunk down in my chair, pulling the other chair closer to me so I could put up my feet. I wasn't going to go back to Carlisle and Esme's with my tail tucked between my legs, so I figured I might as well get comfortable. I was vacillating between anger and self-pity after the events of earlier this evening. Carlisle usually supported me in everything, to find that I didn't have his support in something as life altering as this was disappointing. I understood where he was coming from, but part of me was also thinking he should be thanking me for taking the pressure off of him and Esme. Carlisle had used the proceeds of the sale of our parent's house to pay for my undergrad education and his remaining 3 years in medical school, which allowed him and Esme to buy the house in Lincoln Park. If he was buried by student loans or paying for my education, he, Esme, and Alice would still be living in the two bedroom apartment they were renting. That was no place to raise a kid. I was just finishing my bachelor's when they announced they were pregnant with Alice and it took them six years to save up enough to buy this house. No way was I going to add to their burden.

Well, I'd just have to go on without their support. I was nervous and paranoid as hell though. I knew I wouldn't be on the front lines or seeing any action, but I would be dealing with the aftermath. My internship in Virginia hadn't really consisted of a lot of trauma cases; mostly rehab for folks coming back from the war and routine cardio and peds cases. I wasn't sure if I was ready for what I would be seeing. On top of that, I was worried that they would be able to tell I was gay right off the bat. I didn't think that I was flamboyant or anything, but what did I know? I felt like a regular guy – I watched sports, went to bars, and shot the shit as well as the rest of them; the only difference was I was attracted to men instead of women. I hadn't heard any rumors about my sexuality while in Virginia and could only hope that would remain the case when I shipped out.

I finished my drink and looked up to see that my very fine server was making his way back with another round. The singer had moved on to another tale of woe and I leaned back in my chair to enjoy the music.

"Here's another drink. Still doin' okay or can I get you something else?" asked Mr. Beautiful with a delicious half grin.

"I'm good for now, thanks," I replied, reaching for the new drink.

"Will anyone be joining you tonight?" he asked.

"Um, nope," I said. "I'm going to be here drowning my sorrows all by lonesome," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that? I didn't catch that last bit," he asked, looking at me intently.

"Nothing – just muttering to myself," I responded.

"Well, you know what they say about talking to yourself…"

I laughed softly and said, "I don't think it's that bad yet."

"Good to know," he said with a wicked grin. "Look, I'm fixin' to be off for the night in about 10 minutes. Would you mind some company?" he asked nervously.

What? This God of creature wanted to hang out with me? I hesitated, trying to gather my thoughts and all that came out was "Um…"

"Oh, sorry - I just thought… No worries…" he said, looking sheepish and starting to back away from my table.

"Oh God, NO! Um, I mean yes, I wouldn't mind some company," I said shyly.

"Excellent – I'll be back in a jiffy and I'll bring another drink with me," he replied, smiling widely. He turned to walk back to the bar and I tried to make sense of what just happened. He was going to come back and sit with me? What in the hell are you thinking Cullen? You have to leave for fucking Afghanistan in the morning. This is no time to be striking up conversations with beautiful strangers.

Approximately 10 minutes later, superfine server man was walking back to my table, holding a soda in one hand and another scotch for me in the other. He placed the glasses on the table, and as I made to move my feet from the chair, he waved me off. "You look comfortable; I'll just grab a chair from one of the other tables."

He pulled a chair from the empty table next to mine and sat down on my left. He picked up his soda and took a long sip. "Thank God, I needed that. So, the name's Jasper…" he said, wiping his right hand off on his jeans and holding it out for me to shake.

"Edward," I replied, taking his hand in mine and probably holding onto it for a bit longer than necessary.

"Edward, huh? I wouldn't have figured you for an Edward," he said with a smirk.

"Really? I can't say that my first thought would have been Jasper, either," I said defensively.

Smiling crookedly, he remarked, "Don't get me wrong, I like Edward. Mine's a family name – could have been worse, I suppose. I could have been named after my Uncle Cletus."

"Oh my God," I laughed heartily, "You're right, Jasper is definitely the lesser of two evils!"

"I haven't seen you around here before, you new in town or just visitin'?" he asked.

"No, I'm originally from Chicago – actually Naperville – but was here visiting my brother in Lincoln Park. I've been living in Virginia for the past two years," I replied.

"Virginia? You work out there or somethin'?" he inquired.

"I was doing my internship. Now I'm getting ready to start my residency program," I said.

"A doctor, huh? Fancy that. You don't look old enough to be a doctor," Jasper remarked.

"I'm 26, I finished my undergrad early. You don't look old enough to be serving drinks," I shot back.

"I'm old enough to serve drinks, just not drink them. Liquor law says you have to be eighteen to serve, twenty-one to drink em'," he said, toasting me with his soda glass.

Of course, I thought to myself. I would find the only amazingly gorgeous, _**18**_-year-old in the entire place. "So, why are you hanging out with an old man like me and not your friends or girlfriend? The night is still young," I asked.

"Well, I have school in the morning – I'm attendin' the police academy. I just moved here a few weeks ago from Texas with my twin sister and haven't really had any time to make a lot of friends yet. And no _**boyfriend**_, either," Jasper responded with a wink.

Shit! Was he coming on to me? Did he think _**I**_ was gay? I was screwed – if this eighteen year old could tell I was gay, how was I going to hide it from my colleagues and superior officers? My expression must have scared him off, because the next thing I knew, Jasper was grabbing his drink and standing up.

"Sorry, I guess I read the signals wrong. I apologize if I bothered you…" he trailed off.

"No!" I exclaimed loudly, garnering looks from the tables around us. "Please sit back down," I said in a quieter voice. "It's not that, I just…"

"You just what?" he asked.

"I just can't … look, I'm in the military," I explained in a low tone of voice.

"Oh, shit. Sorry – listen, why don't we go somewhere a little more private then? I'd like to get to know you a little more and my apartment is right across the street. I room with my twin, but she's staying at her boyfriend's place tonight. We can talk without being interrupted," he noted, with a hopeful expression on his face.

Now what? I really, really wanted to go with him, but what was the point? He was 8 years younger than me – that was quite a difference. Plus, I would never be able to see him again after tonight. On the other hand, there was some sort of energy between the two of us that I didn't want to disregard. I hadn't been this attracted to someone in my entire life.

"If you are sure, I'd love to," I said. I don't know which one of us was more surprised by my words, Jasper or me.

"Um, okay. Let me go settle your tab and we'll head out," he said with a nervous grin and made his way to the bar. I followed behind him and waited while he cashed me out with the bartender. I signed the credit card slip, leaving a $50.00 tip for Jasper, and handed it back to the bartender. "You boys have a good night," he said. "Be safe."

"Will do – Zac," Jasper said, "See you tomorrow."

**06/30/2002, 23:35**

"Jasper, are you sure about this?" I asked as we exited the bar. I wanted to give him another opportunity to back out, considering he didn't know me from Adam.

"You aren't a serial killer or anything, are you?" he joked, looking at me with a smirk on his face.

"I'm not, but I could be. You really shouldn't invite strangers back to your place," I cautioned.

"Look, I know that we don't really know each other, but I can tell you need someone to talk to and I'm interested in learning more about you, Edward. Besides, Zac knows that I left with you and if I don't show up for work tomorrow, he'll know whose description to give to the police," he replied with a laugh. "Now, are you comin' or what?"

"Yes," I replied, following him to the building across the street. The first floor seemed to be a music store. There were guitars and amps in the window display. There was a second entrance to the side of the building and I stood back as Jasper unlocked the door, entered the alarm code, and gestured for me to follow him up the stairs. As we reached the top of the staircase, he turned left and unlocked the door to his apartment.

"Home sweet home," he said, holding the door open for me. I stepped through the doorway and looked around at the apartment. Jasper waved his hand at the couch, "Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Can I get you somethin' to drink? I have some beer if you are interested?"

"I'll take a beer, thank you," I replied. Looking around I noticed that Jasper's place was basically one big open space. There were dividers that separated the bedrooms from the living space, and a closed door that I assumed led to the bathroom. The living room and kitchen areas were adjacent and I watched as Jasper pulled two beers from the refrigerator. I could tell that Jasper's sister lived here as well from the feminine touches - throw rugs, framed photos, and plants were scattered around the space. "You have a lovely home."

"Thanks. My sister and I were lucky to find something that was close to both work and school. She attends the University of Chicago and works part-time at the bookstore there. Once we moved in I found out that b.l.u.e.s. was hiring servers; it has worked out perfectly," he replied, as he made his way back to the living room. Handing me one of the beers, he sat down on the opposite end of the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "So….you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Talk about what?" I evaded, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Whatever has you looking like your dog was run over and drowning your sorrows in double scotches on the rocks?" he shot back, not buying my bullshit for a second.

I sighed and said, "I told you earlier that I was here visiting my brother. We had a fight and basically, I left without saying goodbye to him. It's just we've been having the same argument the entire time I've been home and I'm tired of him not supporting me."

"What was the fight about?" he queried, looking concerned.

"I joined the Navy in medical school. They offered me a full scholarship, plus room and board, in exchange for completing my internship, residency, and four years of service at Navy hospitals. Carlisle, my brother, thinks I'm absolutely insane - that I'm basically throwing my life away for the next 8 years. But, I honestly couldn't see a better solution to paying for school. I didn't want to come out of school owing over $200,000 and Carlisle and his wife Esme have a 6-year-old daughter and just bought a new house. If they had had to pay for my education, they would never have been able to afford the house."

"How is that going to work though? If you are gay, and I'm assuming you are from the way you were checking out my ass earlier," he quipped with a cheeky grin, "isn't this going to be very difficult for you?"

"It's that whole 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' thing. During my internship, I pretty much kept to myself. I didn't date and threw myself into work. I figure I can do the same thing during my residency and no one will ever have to know that I'm gay. I'll be so busy with work that I won't have time for a relationship anyway," I replied, with a sad smile.

"True, but that's a hell of a sacrifice to make. No dates, no relationships, nothing for however long. I'm not sure I could do that," he offered. "I give you credit for doing it, I think it's great that you are doing this for your family and for our country, but I'm just not sure I could push away that side of myself for that long."

"If I'm being totally honest Jasper, I'm not sure how I'm going to do it either. But, I've always been a bit of a loner and even though I'm 26, I've never really had a serious relationship. I just threw myself into school and then work. Don't get me wrong, I've dated some, but I guess I haven't ever found that person that would make me second guess this choice," I explained, looking down at the floor. "Besides, it's not like guys are falling down over themselves to get to me. I'm pretty much a plain Jane."

"Are you shittin' me, Edward?" Jasper exclaimed with a look of confusion on his face.

"Huh?" I asked, completely confused by his reaction.

"Edward, you are absolutely, positively gorgeous. I nearly fell over when you walked into the bar tonight. Hell, half of the people in the room were eye fucking you. I didn't think I would even have a chance until I caught you checking me out," he said passionately. He reached over and grabbed my hand in his and squeezed it gently, "Edward, you are a beautiful man, inside and out."

I brought my eyes up from the floor to make contact with his enchanting navy blue eyes. I could see that he really meant what he was saying, even if I couldn't truly bring myself to believe it. Jasper's eyes talked, it was one of the things that I think drew me in. You could read everything he was thinking or feeling in those eyes and I felt myself drowning in them. I brought his hand up to my mouth and brushed my lips across his knuckles. "Thank you. I think you are beautiful as well," I said quietly.

The electricity in the room was tangible. I released his hand and Jasper moved to a kneeling position beside me on the couch. Placing his hand on the side of my face, he whispered, "Stay still, I just want to try somethin'." Slowly, he leaned in and placed his lips softly on mine and then made to move away. I placed my hand behind his neck and drew him in again; placing soft kisses on his cheek, his eyes, and then finally, his mouth. His lips were like heaven, and I couldn't resist taking the kiss deeper. I traced his bottom lip with my tongue and felt his lips part. I felt like my entire body was in flames and Jasper must have felt it too, because soon we were kissing hungrily – my tongue tangling with his in a war of passion.

Jasper shifted his position and straddled my lap. I groaned loudly as he pressed his arousal against my own. "God Edward, you taste so good," he said, a husky tone to his voice. I ran one of my hands down his back and placed the other in his soft hair. I felt his hands cup my face as he kissed me again, and I reached under the hem of his t-shirt, needing to feel his skin on my skin. He broke the kiss with a gasp and reached for my shirt, looking to me for permission. I nodded and he lifted the shirt over my head. I returned the gesture, removing his shirt as well and taking a long look at his beautiful body.

"Mmmm, Jasper, your body is amazing," I whispered as I ran my hands over his pecs and up over his shoulders. I placed soft kisses on his neck and then dragged my lips down to suck lightly on his collarbone. He tasted like the sweetest honey and I was drowning in his scent. I placed my hands on his taut ass and drew him closer to my erection, needing to feel the friction of his cock against mine. As I drew my lips lower and flicked a nipple with my tongue, Jasper began rocking his hips against mine, moaning my name. He ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me up for another long and languorous kiss. Too soon, he released my lips and leaned back.

"How about we take this to a more comfortable venue?" he asked, standing up from the couching and grabbing my hand.

"Are you sure? I don't want to do anything you don't want to do, Jasper," I said sincerely. I knew that if we kept going, I wouldn't be able to stop.

"Edward, I'm sure," he replied, pulling me up from the couch and leading me to one of the enclosed rooms. As we entered his bedroom, Jasper flicked on the light on his bedside table. "I want to see every inch of you," he murmured. "Take off your pants," he commanded, releasing his own belt and unzipping his jeans. He toed off his sneakers, removed his socks and jeans, and straightened back up, clad only in a pair of black boxer briefs. I stood there for a good minute or two, just drinking in his exquisite body. He wasn't overly muscular, but his muscles had definition. I shook myself out of my stupor and quickly removed everything but my own boxers. Jasper pulled back the comforter and sheet, and lay down on one side of the bed. Patting the space next to him, he arched an eyebrow at me and said, "Come and join me."

I walked around to the other side of the bed and got in. I moved until we were lying face to face, waiting for Jasper to make the next move. He leaned in and brought his lips to mine in yet another slow, but deep kiss. He placed his hands on my shoulder and pushed me gently until I was lying on my back, then began to trail kisses down my neck, my shoulder, and then my nipples. I moaned loudly, this man was sin incarnate; each touch of his lips increased my arousal almost to the point of pain. I looked down as his head moved lower, licking and sucking my abdominal muscles. He glanced up as I moaned again and with a wink, began to pull my boxers down. I lifted my hips to assist him in his quest and soon I lay completely exposed to him. "Oh Edward," he groaned, "You truly are beautiful." His eyes raked over my body and settled on my cock, which grew even harder under his gaze.

"You have me at a disadvantage, Jasper," I replied, eyeing his boxer briefs. "Do you think we can even the score?"

Jasper jumped off the bed, discarded his remaining piece of clothing, and crawled back over my body. I pulled him down to lay directly on top of me and took his lips in another hungry kiss. I didn't think I would ever get enough of the taste of him. As he settled his body on mine, his hard cock brushed against mine and I moaned again. "Mmmm, Jasper, you feel so good…"

He began to grind his dick against mine and the sensation was maddening. Our kisses became frenzied as we fought for dominance. Soon, too soon, he broke off and began to move down my body. He reached down with one hand and enclosed my cock in his large hand, running his thumb over the slit at the top to gather the pre-cum that had accumulated and using it to lubricate his strokes. "Jesus Christ," I exclaimed, thrusting my hips up as he stroked my dick.

"Can I taste you Edward?" he asked, eyeing my cock hungrily and then looking up at me from those under those long eye lashes.

"Fuck yes," I groaned and propped myself up on my elbows so that I could watch. Jasper spread my legs and then knelt down between them. His hand still stroking my cock, he leaned down and licked the tip, letting out a moan. "Mmmm, so sweet," he murmured and then I watched as his lips surrounded the head of my dick and he ran his tongue against the sensitive underside. "Unnhhh – Jasper – so good," I ground out, quickly becoming incoherent. It had been so long since I had felt anything other than my own hand and I was afraid I was going to come before he even really got going. He took my cock fully into his mouth then, almost to the hilt, and I threw my head back, growling from the feel of his lips and tongue around me. I plunged one of my hands into his hair, gently running my fingers through the curly locks as he began to bob up and down slowly, licking as he went down and sucking as he came up. "Fuck Jasper, I'm not going to last if you keep doing this…"

His pulled his mouth off of my cock with pop and whispered to me, "I don't care – I want you to come for me Edward. I want you to fill my mouth with your cum. I want to taste you." With that he resumed his actions in earnest and I began to cry out loudly. "Jasper, oh God – fuck! I'm….baby… I'm going to come …" I yelled as he took my cock in deeper than before and swallowed around the tip. I let go, shooting what felt like 6 years of cum down his throat. He took it all, and when I fell back to the bed in a heap of mush, I watched as he cleaned the remains of my pleasure with his tongue and sat up with a satisfied look on his face.

I pulled him up my body and brought him down for another deep kiss. Thrusting my tongue into his mouth, I could taste myself on him and groaned against his lips. I rolled, switching our positions so that Jasper was underneath me. Releasing his sweet mouth, I said, "That was fucking amazing, thank you."

"It was most definitely my pleasure," he replied, grinning up at me. I leaned back down and began brushing soft kisses on the underside of his jaw, down to crook of his neck and shoulder, and then lapped at his nipple. He moaned loudly as I gently bit down and then focused the same attention on the other side.

"It feels like you have a rather large problem that needs tending to," I murmured, pressing my reawakened arousal against his long, hard cock.

"Fuck, Edward," he hissed, grinding his dick against mine. I moved lower, licking his luscious six-pack and placing an open mouthed kiss on his hip. Taking his massive erection by the hand, I began stroking slowly while sucking his balls gently into my mouth. "Unnhhh, shit – that feels…" he trailed off. I glanced up at his gorgeous face to see him biting his lower lip and watching my movements intently.

"Do you like that Jasper?" I asked seductively, releasing him and licking up the underside of his dick. "Tell me what you want, baby. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"I want to feel you inside of me, Edward," he replied huskily, reaching down to tangle his hands into my hair while I continued my ministrations on his cock.

"Are you sure?" I asked, "I don't have anything with me."

He reached into the night stand drawer one-handed and pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube. "I'm 100% sure," he replied, handing them to me.

I took the essentials from him and laid them by his hip. Crawling back up his body, I took his lips in a frenzied kiss, thrusting my tongue deep inside his mouth. Then, I moved to kneel between his spread legs, placing kisses on the back of his thighs as I pushed them up towards his chest, opening his ass for me. I reached out and grabbed the bottle of lube, flipping the lid, and squirted some around his hole. I gently eased one finger in, moving it in and out slowly, trying to find his pleasure spot. He thrust upwards as my finger entered, and groaned, "Fuck, that feels like heaven." He was tight with just one finger and as I felt him relax, I gently added a second – scissoring them to stretch him further. I watched his face closely for any signs of discomfort and noticed a nervous look on his face.

"Am I hurting you, Jasper? I can stop if you want me to," I questioned, concerned that I was causing him pain.

"Don't stop!" he exclaimed. "You feel amazin'- it's just …" he trailed off, looking at me with a timid expression on his face.

"Just what, Jasper?" repeating his query from earlier this evening.

"I've….Edward, um, I've only done this once before and you're awful big…so, please – just be gentle with me," he said hesitantly, looking away from me.

"Look at me Jasper," I commanded, waiting until those beautiful navy eyes made contact with mine before continuing. "I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do. If you want me to stop at anytime, just tell me and I will. I only want to bring you pleasure, not pain." I placed a kiss against the inside of his knee and resumed my actions, stretching him even further. Jasper relaxed again and I added a third and final finger, waiting for him to adjust to the additional intrusion. I leaned in and began placing wet kisses on his turgid cock while continuing the motion in his hole.

"Ooohh, fuck – Edward," he yelled, beginning to lift his hips in rhythm with my fingers' entry.

"Are you ready for me, baby?" I asked, leaning back and removing my fingers and reaching for the condom. Tearing open the wrapper, I rolled the condom over my hard length and poured more lube over the condom and around his hole.

"Fuck yes," he hissed, "Please, Edward, I need to feel you inside of me!"

I positioned my dick at his entrance and placing my hands on his hips, gently pushed my way in. I felt some resistance and whispered, "Relax, baby, I'll take care of you." I made my way past the tight ring of muscles at his entrance and slowly thrust deeper. Once I was fully seated within him, I held still, waiting for Jasper to make the next move. The feeling of being inside Jasper was more intense than I'd ever felt before, he was so warm and tight. It was killing me to hold this still, but I wanted his experience to be one of pleasure, not discomfort.

He let out a loud sigh and I felt his entire body relax around mine. "I'm okay, Edward – please, keep goin'," he whispered, clutching the bed sheets in his hands.

I started thrusting in and out slowly, focusing on Jasper's face, using my hands on his hips to guide him into a simple rhythm. A light sheen of sweat glistened across his body, and I leaned forward to lap at his nipples. Straightening back up, I requested in a husky voice, "Rub your cock for me while I fuck you, baby. I want to watch you."

His hand reached down to grab his cock and began stroking himself, matching the rhythm of our thrusts. "Fuck yes, Jasper. So beautiful…" I picked up my pace, unable to help myself. The feelings this man invoked in me were entirely overwhelming and I could feel my orgasm building. "I'm so close…" I moaned.

"Unnhhh , me too…" he gasped, placing his feet down flat on the bed and driving his body up against me as I plunged into him. The change in angle allowed me to hit Jasper's prostate and I watched as he began to fall apart around me. He drew his bottom lip in between his teeth for a second and then yelled, "Oh God, oh fuck – I'm coming, Edward, unnhhh."

As he came, the sight of his cum shooting onto his stomach and chest and the feeling as he tightened his anal muscles around my cock sent me over the edge. My orgasm roared through me like a freight train, every nerve ending in my body pulsing with bliss. What felt like eons later, I regained my senses and grasping the condom, disengaged from Jasper's body reluctantly. I discarded the used condom in the waste basket next to the bed and collapsed with my head on his stomach, not even caring about the mess. Breathing like I had just ran the Boston Marathon, I gasped out, "Holy fucking shit, Jasper."

I felt his hands tangle into my damp hair, stroking gently, and he chuckled softly, "Holy fuckin' shit is right, Edward. That was, hands down, the best sex of my entire life."

"For me too, Jasper. I've never felt like that before…" I murmured, rubbing gentle circles on his hip with my thumb. After a few moments of lying in blissful quiet, waiting for our hearts to return to a normal rhythm, I pushed myself up.

"Where are you goin'…" he mumbled.

"I'm just running to the bathroom," I reassured. Leaving the sanctuary of Jasper's bedroom, I quickly found the bathroom and turned on the hot water tap. I relieved myself and then looked in the cupboard under the sink for a washcloth. Finding it, I held it under the tap until it was thoroughly soaked and then wringed out the excess water. After washing my hands, I turned off the tap and made my way back to Jasper.

As I entered the room I found him stretched flat on his back and out cold. Sitting down next to him, I gently began to clean him up. I got up to return the washcloth back to the hamper in the bathroom. When I came back into the room, he rolled onto his side and murmured sleepily, "Stay, please?"

"For a while…" I replied softly. I gathered up my clothes and pulled my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans. Noting that it was after 1:00 a.m., I set the alarm for four. I flicked the switch on the lamp on the nightstand and crawled into the bed with Jasper, pulling him so that his back was against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him. With a quiet sigh, he relaxed against my body and fell into a deep slumber. I placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head and felt myself drift off as well.

**07/01/2002, 05:00**

The vibration of my cell phone alarm woke me from the first truly deep sleep I'd had in years. I reached under the pillow to grab the phone before it woke Jasper, who was still blissfully asleep. I pulled away from his warm body and got out of the bed. It took everything I had to leave the paradise of this room but I knew that I had a flight to catch. Not wanting to wake Jasper, I quietly picked up my clothes and shoes and made my way to the bathroom. After taking care of my needs, I dressed quickly and walked out to the living room. I didn't want to leave and for once, I truly understood what Carlisle was trying to tell me. I had finally made a deep connection with someone, only to have to disappear to another country and pretend to be someone I'm not.

Last night was honestly the best night of my life so far, but unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't wake him up or I'd never leave, so I made my way into the kitchen looking for a piece of paper and a pen. Finding it in the drawer next to the refrigerator, I quickly penned a note to the amazing man in the next room.

_Dearest Jasper,_

_Thank you for an amazing night. I wish that I could stay and see where this could take us, but fate is not on our side. I ship out to Afghanistan today and am obligated to the Navy for the next 8 years. Your care and compassion has given me the courage to face the next phase of my life head on and for that I will be eternally grateful._

_Best of luck as you complete your training at the police academy. Please be safe and take care of yourself – no letting strangers into your house late at night! I wish you nothing but the best…_

_Yours,_

_Edward_

I folded the note in half, scrawled his name across the front, and placed it on the refrigerator with a magnet. Hopefully he would find it when he woke up later. Taking one last glance around the apartment, I sighed heavily and let myself out the front door. I walked out of the building and down the street to my rental car. I pulled out of the parking lot without looking back at Jasper's building. I knew one glance in the rearview mirror would ruin my resolve. I had to forget that last night ever happened, completely erase Jasper from my memory, or I would never make it through the next 8 years. Wiping away the tears that streamed down my face, I steeled myself for the next chapter of my life.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated...**


	7. Transient Paresthesia

**A/N: Welcome to my new readers from TwiSlash Unveiled, I hope this story lives up to Whitlock's Girl's recommendation.**

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Chapter 7 – Transient Paresthesia

_**Present Day – 01-09-2010, 16:03, EPOV**_

The feel of something soft and furry bumping against my hand brought me back to my senses with a jerk. Looking around, I found myself kneeling on the floor of my bedroom, my face wet with tears. The cat climbed up my leg and butted his head against mine as if to check if I was okay or not. I patted it softly on its head, and then ran my hand down over its back. I wasn't quite sure how I had ended up on the floor and wondered how long I had been down here, reliving both the best and worst night of my life.

I glanced up at the alarm clock and with relief, saw that I had only been out of it for a few minutes. I stood from the floor and made my way to the bathroom. On autopilot, I started the shower and adjusted the temperature. I had to be to work in a couple of hours and didn't have time for an emotional breakdown. Opening the glass door, I stepped into the shower and let the hot water rush over my body, hoping it would relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders and help me regain my composure. I couldn't let myself think of that night, and I definitely couldn't think of that night in combination with the events of this morning. I just thanked my lucky stars that I didn't recognize him right away or I may not have been able to do my job.

During my training in Afghanistan and subsequent deployment to Iraq, I had perfected the art of putting aside my own feelings and focusing on the job. My residency training started just hours after my arrival in Kabul, as I was transported to Bagram Air Base along with two soldiers who had been injured while on patrol. It was the early days of Operation Enduring Freedom and American and British forces were focused on ousting Taliban and taking control of the airport in Kabul. The country's infrastructure had been laid to waste by years of fighting with the Soviet's, civil war, and aerial bombings by U.S. troops. It took two hours to make the relatively short trip from Kabul to Bagram. Trauma victims have the best chance of survival if they are given medical attention within an hour of the incident. The 'Golden Hour', as we called it, had long since passed for the wounded soldiers I was traveling with and I had gotten my first taste of what my life would be like for the foreseeable future.

I had spoken to Dr. Swan about the Navy's sink or swim approach to residency training, but it was something that no one could understand unless they had lived it themselves. Upon my arrival to base, I was shown directly to the hospital facilities and put to work. The carnage I witnessed during my first shift as a resident would have sent most of my classmates back in med school running for their mommies. By the end of the shift, I felt like a mine detector and seamstress rolled into one. I spent hours debriding shrapnel wounds and stitching soldiers back together. After 48 hours, exhausted and literally numb both emotionally and physically, I was finally shown to my sleeping quarters, a bunk in one of the B-huts. The wooden structure housed 8 residents, four of which were passed out cold in their beds. The rest were still on shift or at the mess hall getting food before starting their next shift.

Within months I had graduated to seeing patients that back home would have been reserved for a 3rd or 4th year resident: amputations, closed head injuries, massive bleeders and other horrors. My paranoia regarding my sexuality was long gone – I interacted with patients and other medical personnel, but primarily only in the context of my job duties. I ate, drank, and slept my job. I worked 48 hour shifts, slept for 24 hours, and started the routine all over again. I spent much of my time in Afghanistan and Iraq on autopilot. Thoughts of my one night with Jasper or my family were distractions I wouldn't afford myself, so I tucked those memories deep in the darkest corner of my brain. I wrote Carlisle monthly. Short, detached one page letters that consisted mostly of recaps of medical procedures I'd performed.

I made the mistake during my second year at Bagram of befriending one of the soldiers in the mess hall. Kyle Johnson was a marine who had just finished basic training and hailed from my home town of Naperville, Illinois. I learned this when the shy man sat at my table, which had the only empty seat available. Almost every day for a month, Kyle sat across from me, regaling me with stories from home and his escapades out on patrol with his company. I didn't reciprocate, mostly listened, but had come to look forward to our daily chats. The last day I spoke with him, Kyle spoke of his wife back home, who was due to deliver their first child within the week. His eyes shone with excitement and love and I envied his ability to discuss his home life so freely. That same evening, Kyle was pronounced dead in my ER after he and his company had been picked off by sniper fire while out on patrol. It was a good lesson and the main reason why my attending had warned the residents to not get attached to the soldiers on base. After that experience, I became driven to learn everything I could about trauma medicine. I worked extra hours and pushed myself to save every 'Kyle' that came through the ER. I donated my furloughs to residents who had families to visit back home. I knew that if I returned home to Carlisle and Esme, I would not be able to hide what I had become – essentially a desensitized robot.

Shaking off the thoughts of my time in the military, I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began cleaning myself up. I had let my guard down upon my return to the States and now I was terrified that everything that I had held back over the years was going come bursting out of me when I least expected it. I took a few deep breaths and tried to clear my mind. I had known that this would happen, but hoped that I would be able to control my reactions. But then again, no one could have predicted that of all people, Jasper would end up in my ER during my first shift. I had no idea how to handle this. I'm sure Jasper's sister, his partner, and his parents would not appreciate knowing that I had had a one night stand with their son when he was only 18 and left without one word. But, it was years ago and Jasper probably would have no idea who I was anymore. He most likely had found a partner and was living his life happily until the events of last night. Although, only Rosalie and Emmett had been in the surgical waiting area this morning – surely if he was seeing someone they would have been there as well?

Finishing up, I grabbed the towel I had draped over the shower door and began drying myself off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped out to the sink to shave. The cat jumped up on the back of the toilet and watched my every motion. I was getting used to having the little bugger around and supposed that I'd better run to a pet store for some cat food and a litter box before my shift. I rinsed off the remnants of the shaving cream on my face, opened the medicine cabinet, and took out the deodorant and aftershave. Once I completed my routine, I removed the towel and placed it in the hamper to the left of the sink. The cat trailed behind me as I walked over to my dresser, grabbing a pair of boxer briefs, socks, and a set of scrubs. I dressed quickly and sat at the end of my bed to put on my socks and shoes. The cat jumped up next to me and let out a plaintive meow.

"What can I do for you? I'm going to go grab you some food and stuff and I'll bring it back before I leave for work," I murmured to the cat, scratching it behind its ears. It started to purr loudly and began rubbing against my hand. Realizing that I was talking out loud to a _**cat**_, I rolled my eyes at myself and stood. I wasn't sure I was cut out to be a pet owner, I worked long hours after all, but at least it was better than leaving the poor thing to starve to death. I grabbed my wallet and keys from the top of my dresser, threw a pair of jeans and a t-shirt into my duffle bag, and walked out to the kitchen to grab my iPhone, which I had left on the charger. I pulled up the location of the nearest pet store on the phone and headed out.

_**01-09-2010, 16:35**_

I pulled into the parking lot of the pet store on N. Roosevelt Road, wondering when I had become such a sucker. I'd never owned a pet in my life, but figured that as long as it had food and a place to go to the bathroom, it should be okay. Cats were supposed to be independent anyway, right? It wouldn't need me that much. Besides, this cat seemed to have made itself pretty much at home in my apartment. Who was I to kick it out?

As I walked through the automatic doors of the store, I was immediately overwhelmed. This place was huge and it seemed to carry the accoutrements for every pet imaginable. Looking at the overhead signs, I found the cat section in the back corner of the store. As I reached the cat food aisle, I shook my head in amazed disbelief. There had to be over 50 different kinds of cat food. Jesus – it was just a cat – why did it need all of this stuff? I must've looked lost, because one of the store's employees made her way over to me.

"Can I help you, sir?" asked the young girl standing next to me.

"Ummm – yes, actually. I found a cat this morning and well, I've never had a pet before. I'm not sure what all it needs…" I trailed off, looking around me in confusion.

"Well, what's your cat's name?" she inquired.

It's name? What the hell did its name have to do with what kind of food it needed? I was just about to tell her that I hadn't named it yet, when a name popped into my head, "Cletus – his name is Cletus."

The girl sent me a funny look and then laughed, "Cletus, really? That's hilarious. Ok – well, Cletus is going to need food and water dishes, some food, a litter box, cat litter, a bed, a collar, some toys…" she went on and on, trying to sell me what seemed like the entire contents of the cat department.

I cut her off, looking at my watch. I still needed to drop this stuff at home, eat something, and get to the hospital. "Look, I'm in a bit of a rush, actually. Can you just get me the basics? I'll pick up the rest when I have more time," I said.

"Sure – I just need to know how old Cletus is and then we can pick out the food and stuff," she responded.

"Ummm, I'm not sure – he looks young, maybe about 5 or 6 months old?" I asked, as if she would know never having seen the cat.

She went with it and soon my arms were laden with cat products. I thanked her and made my way to the front of the store to pay. I noticed that they had a veterinary clinic in the front of the store and made a mental note to make an appointment for my next day off. Who knew what kind of parasites the cat could have? The last thing I needed was fleas roaming my apartment. I grabbed a flea collar from a display next to the cash register and added it to the pile. The kid behind the register scanned all of the items and said, "That'll be $72.53."

Holy shit! Who knew that cat stuff was so expensive? I pulled out my debit card and swiped it through the machine. Picking up my bags, I trudged out to my car and popped the trunk, stowing the results of my kitty shopping spree. I got in the car and pulled out of my space, looking for a fast food restaurant to pick up some dinner on my way back to the apartment. After swinging through the McDonald's drive-thru, I returned home. Lugging the bags and my dinner with me, I entered the apartment. I unloaded the shopping bags and set up the food and water dish in the kitchen, Cletus trailing behind me the entire time.

"Okay buddy, here's the food and water. Your litter box is in the laundry room – use it please," I said, having no interest in cleaning up pet accidents. Cletus walked over to the food bowl and sniffed at it disdainfully, then jumped up onto the kitchen island where I stood eating my Big Mac and fries. Meowing pitifully, he looked at me hopefully. "Forget it, Cletus. Your food is down there," I noted. While I had him close by, I grabbed the package of flea collars and took one out. I attempted to place it around his neck and the cat became unglued, swiping and scratching at me with his claws. Two flea collars and a stolen French fry later, the cat stalked out of the kitchen to sulk and I washed and bandaged my arm, now covered in scratches. Sighing, I finished my dinner and grabbing my soda, walked back out to my car and headed into work.

_**01-09-2010, 17:40**_

I entered St. Bernard's for my second shift confident of my abilities as a doctor and completely doubtful of my ability to maintain the walls I had built to keep my emotions in check. Jasper was in this building, the very same Jasper who sadly was the last person I had slept with and the only person I had ever felt such an instantaneous connection to, and who I hadn't even remembered until 3 hours ago. Part of me wanted to run upstairs to his room and check on him, the other part knew that I had no business doing so. It was, after all, only one night and 8 years had passed. His life had gone in one direction and mine in another. It would be better for all concerned if I just forgot about him again. Resolving to do just that, I tapped on the glass of the admitting area to get the ditzy Jessica to let me in. Her face lit up in recognition and she waved at me like she hadn't seen me in years. She stood to make her way over to the buzzer and my eyes widened in shock. She was dressed as if she were about to start turning tricks on the street in front of the hospital and I held back a laugh as she stumbled on her six inch heels. She opened the door to the ER and not making eye contact, I headed straight back.

As I entered the locker room, I heard a deep voice say, "Dr. Cullen, just the man we need."

I looked up to see Dr. Ben Cheney. Dr. Cheney was an ophthalmologist and had gone to medical school with Carlisle. He and Carlisle remained good friends and could often be found out on the golf course together. He made his way over to me and extended his hand, "Good to see you Edward! I can't tell you how excited Carlisle is to have you back and working here."

I hadn't seen Ben in a long time, but it looked like not much had changed. He was a stocky man, and his dark chocolate skin contrasted with his hazel eyes. I noticed a bit of grey hair had appeared, but he mostly remained the same as I remembered. Taking his hand in mine for a quick handshake, I asked, "What brings you down here? I would've figured you to be long gone by now."

"Well, that's sort of why I'm waiting for you, son. You see, Dr. Mallory here," he said, gesturing to a young woman seated at one of the small round tables in the locker room/lounge, "called me down for a consult on a case. The attending on duty refused to sign off on the chart since he didn't authorize the consult." Cheney quirked an eyebrow at me and I wondered what was going on.

"Who's the attending on duty?" I inquired.

"That would be Dr. Michael Newton. He fills in when Bella, Dr. Swan, is off." Ben leaned in and spoke in a quiet voice. "Between you and me he's a bit of an arrogant asshole and tends to lord his position over the residents and interns when Bella's not looking. My Angela can't stand him and she's a pretty good judge of character. In fact," he said with a wink, "she's pretty impressed with you so far."

Putting two and two together I realized that the ER charge nurse I worked with last night was Ben's wife. "Angela's your wife? I had no clue!"

"I know you didn't, but she still likes you. And Angela is tough to impress, let me tell you!" he replied with a smirk. "Anyway, I need you to sign off on this chart so I can get home. Dr. Mallory was absolutely right in calling me down for a consult. The patient presented with a rather severe eye infection that antibiotics hadn't been able to resolve. Newton was going to prescribe another course, but Dr. Mallory here thought there might be a foreign object in the eye," he outlined briefly. "She was right; we found a tiny piece of metal shaving lodged in the sclera which was causing the infection. If it had remained untreated, it would have only gotten worse."

I directed my gaze at the young Dr. Mallory and asked, "What made you think of that?"

She looked up and hesitantly said, "I was doing a thorough history on the patient and when I asked him what kind of work he did, he mentioned that he worked as a machinist. My father was in the same line of work and something similar happened to him when he didn't wear his protective eye gear."

"Good catch. That's why taking a thorough history and getting to know your patient is so essential," I praised. I held my hand out for the chart and she handed it to me. I quickly scrawled my name across the paperwork and handed it to Dr. Cheney. "Don't be afraid to stand up to your attending if you think you have a valid reason," I encouraged, then turned back to the man standing next to me. "Well Ben, it looks like you've been granted a reprieve from the ER. It was good to see you again, and I'll try to go easy on Angela tonight. Wouldn't want to have her reporting back to you that I was a tyrant!" I joked.

"I've no worries on that score," he replied, laughing. "Besides, Ang would kick your ass five ways to Sunday if you tried!" He patted me on the back and headed out the door, calling back of his shoulder, "It's great to have you back, son. You'll have to come out golfing with Carlisle and I next time we hit the links."

"It was great seeing you as well and I'll definitely take you up on your offer," I replied. As the door closed behind him, I refocused my attention on Dr. Mallory. She looked too young to be a resident, so I assumed she was an intern. It was ballsy of her to jump over Newton's head. "Don't let this get you down. You did the right thing today and probably saved that man's eye. Good work."

She rose from the table, grabbed her belongings and made her way to the door. Stopping just before she left, she turned and said quietly, "Thank you Dr. Cullen. I'm really looking forward to working with you. Dr. Yorkie was singing your praises this morning and he was right. I think we will all learn a lot from you."

Once she had vacated the lounge, I stowed my belongings and looped my stethoscope around my neck. A graduation present from Carlisle and Esme, it had seen me through a lot. I headed out to the floor and checked in with Angela at the nurse's station.

"Hi Angela, how goes it tonight?" I asked. The night shift nurses had come on an hour prior to my arrival and she would have a handle on what was in store for the evening.

"Dr. Cullen, you decided to come back. I guess that means we haven't run you off yet," she joked.

"Not yet," I replied with a crooked grin. Angela filled me in on the patients that were being held over from day shift and pointed me in the direction of Dr. Newton. "Have fun," she remarked sarcastically. "When you're done with him, your residents are waiting to do rounds by exam room 1," she offered.

"Thanks," I said and strode off to find the wonderful Dr. Newton. Hesitating, I backtracked over to the counter and asked, "Angela, who oversees Admitting at night?"

"That would be me, why?" she asked, giving me a slightly confused look.

"Have you seen Ms. Stanley's outfit of choice for the evening?" I queried with a smirk.

"I haven't seen her yet, but now I will make a point of heading that way. Tell me she's not dressed like a hooker again?" she demanded with a sigh.

"I'm afraid so," I remarked and resumed my hunt for Newton. I found him flirting with one of the nurses by exam room 3. A tall, handsome blond, Newton reminded me of a Ken doll – all teeth and fake tan. I walked up to him and interrupting his attempt to ask the nurse out, introduced myself, "Dr. Newton? I'm Dr. Cullen, the new night shift attending. Do you have a few moments to go over the patients you are handing off to me tonight?"

"Ummm, sure. Can you give me a second to finish up here?" he asked, leering at the nurse. "I'll meet you in the lounge in 5 minutes." He turned back to the nurse, effectively dismissing me. Ben was right, he was an arrogant asshole. "Dr. Newton," I interrupted again. "I have rounds in 5 minutes, can we do this now?"

He looked over at me and noting from my expression that I wasn't going to take his shit, he heaved a sigh and headed towards the nurse's station. "Bit of an eager beaver, aren't you?" he stated. "It's not like your brother isn't here to save your ass if you screw up," he mumbled under his breath.

"Angela," he barked out. "Where are my charts?"

"They are exactly where you left them Dr Newton," Angela replied with quirked eyebrow. "Don't you start yelling at me because you can't keep track of your own charts," she said in a steely voice, successfully putting the doctor in his place. Heaving yet another sigh, he grabbed them from the counter behind the computer and headed into the lounge. I shot a grin at Angela and followed him back.

Ten minutes later I had had my fill of Dr. Newton and headed off to find my residents. I located them outside exam room 1, just as Angela had mentioned. I recognized Dr. Yorkie from my shift last evening. Two other men and a woman stood with him, laughing at a story that Dr. Yorkie was relating about a patient on a previous shift. The woman noticed me first and nudging Yorkie with an elbow, their conversation came to a screeching halt.

"Good evening, I'm Dr. Cullen. Let's start with some introductions so I can get to know who each of you are," I requested, eyeing the group before me. "Tell me your name, where you went to school, and your year of residency – then we'll get started seeing patients. Dr. Yorkie, you can begin."

"Ummm – okay. I'm Erik Yorkie, 1st year resident. I went to med school at Michigan State," he offered with a stammer and then looked at the woman.

"Hi Dr. Cullen! My name is Emily Johnson. I graduated from Northwestern and I'm a 2nd year resident," she said, reminding me of a cheerleader with her tone of voice and energetic disposition. The man standing to her right piped up, "Embry Call, 2nd year resident. I did my med school training at USC." Finally, the last man said, "Sam Johnson, 3rd year resident. Emily over there is my wife. I also did my training at Northwestern – that's where we met." He finished up by giving Emily a huge grin.

I went over my protocols for seeing and treating patients and set-up a similar system as Dr. Swan for rounds. We had 7 carry-overs from the previous shift, so I handed each resident a chart or two and got started. They seemed to be a good group of kids and I looked forward to teaching them. They seemed young to me, which was odd, since they were in their mid to late twenties. I started to think that my experiences had aged me considerably more than my 34 years. I shook off those thoughts and within the hour we had finished rounds. I sent each resident off to begin taking new admits and checked back in with Angela to see if anything new had arrived. So far, it seemed to be a pretty slow night, which was both a blessing and a curse. I had wanted to keep busy so that I could keep thoughts of the man lying upstairs out of my head. I grabbed a chart from the admit pile and strode off to see about a kid with a broken arm.

_**01-10-2010, 01:25**_

We had seen a steady stream of patients all night and I had spent a lot of time getting to know each of the residents. None of the cases we'd seen were life threatening, mostly flu, cardio, and peds. I was seated at the nurse's station during a lull in traffic and chatting quietly with Angela about how she'd met Ben, and hearing tales of their two kids, Jason and Kimberley. My stomach rumbled loudly and Angela kicked me out to go find some food. "If you don't quiet that thing down, you'll have a gastroenterologist running down here to find out what's causing all that noise," she joked. I let her know to page me if anything new came in and headed off towards the cafeteria.

Ten minutes later I found myself standing in the SICU. I swore under my breath – I had promised myself all night that I wouldn't do this but I just couldn't help myself. I made my way to the nurse's station. The night charge nurse glanced up at me and asked, "Can I help you?"

I offered my most winning smile and said, "Good morning. My name is Dr. Edward Cullen. I work down in the ER. One of my first patients was admitted to the SICU yesterday and I just wanted to check in on his status."

"Of course, which patient?" she inquired, pulling up the patient status screen on the computer in front of her.

"Ummm – Whitlock, Jasper," I responded.

"Okay. Patient Whitlock is listed in stable but guarded condition. He hasn't yet regained consciousness."

"Do you mind if I go take a look?" I asked. It wasn't technically against protocol – he was one of my patients, but I'd handed him off to Carlisle. Thankfully, she didn't seem to think it strange and gestured over to his room.

"Feel free, we just checked on him about 30 minutes ago and he seemed to be doing well," she offered.

I walked over to the darkened room and opened the door. As I strode over to stand beside his bed, I grabbed the chart and reviewed it. It seemed that Carlisle was keeping him under medically, sedating him so that his injuries could heal. His vitals looked good and I was relieved to note the lack of any issues on his chart. I placed it back in the holder at the end of his bed. The curtain covering the window in his room was open slightly, casting a bit of moonlight over his features. I moved to the side of his bed and drank in his face. He was as beautiful as he was when I first met him, although he was older now. You could see it in the slight crinkles next to his eyes. His blond curls were shorter, but still hung over his forehead in careless disarray. Unable to resist, I tentatively pushed the curls back from his forehead and traced my hand down his cheek, which was roughened by stubble. "I'm sorry this happened to you," I whispered to him, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "This is not how I wanted us to meet again."

A loud grunting snore sounded behind me and I snapped up straight and let out a small yelp in surprise. "Dr. Cullen?" a voice asked, raspy with sleep. "Is everything alright?"

I turned towards the sound and found Jasper's partner, Emmett, rubbing his eyes and unfolding his gargantuan frame from a rather uncomfortable looking chair in the corner of Jasper's room.

"Everything's fine Emmett, you just surprised me. I didn't expect anyone to be here, visiting hours ended quite a while ago," I noted, silently cursing myself for being so focused on Jasper that I hadn't even noticed the huge man in the corner. "It's a bit slow in the ER so I thought I'd come in and check up on him," I explained, nodding over to Jasper.

"Yeah, I kicked Rosie and her parents out around 11:00 p.m., but she refused to allow him to stay here alone. I had to promise to stay to get her to leave – she was so exhausted. She fought tooth and nail with the nurses until they allowed me to stay," he said with a smirk.

"Well, at least let me check and see if we can find a more comfortable chair for you. You have to be exhausted as well," I offered.

"That would be awesome. Listen, I appreciate your checking up on him. You and your brother have been amazing," he said sincerely. "His parents would like to meet you actually – your brother told them all about how your quick actions in the ER probably saved his life."

"That's not necessary," I stated tersely, starting to back towards the door. "I was just doing my job, besides your quick thinking helped as well."

"Oh- I know you are probably busy," Emmett hemmed, looking chastised by my statement. Jesus, Edward, the man was just asking if you could talk to the boy's parents, it wouldn't kill you.

"Look," I offered, "I'll stop back in the morning after my shift."

Emmett glanced up at me with a large grin and said, "That would be great. They really just want a moment to thank you."

Just then I felt my pager vibrate against my waist. Pulling it off the waistband of my scrubs, I noticed that it was the ER's number. "Looks like duty calls," Emmett said with a nod to my pager.

"Ummm – yeah," I nodded, glancing back to Jasper's form one last time. "Guess I'd better get back there. I'll check with the nurse on my way out about that chair," I said.

"Thanks man, I'll see you in the morning," Emmett replied. I stopped at the nurse's station on my way out and made arrangements for a recliner to be placed in Jasper's room. Making my way to the elevator and back down to the ER I replayed the encounter in my head. Had Emmett seen me touching Jasper? I didn't think so, but what if he had? What the hell was I thinking? I had to let this go. I would talk to his parents in the morning and then I would tuck Jasper Whitlock back into the recesses of my memory. There was no point in torturing myself by checking in on him every day. Steeling my resolve, I stepped off the elevator and said to Angela, "What do you have for me?"

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated :-)**


	8. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

**A/N: We're getting closer... patience grasshoppers! :-) As always, I'm appreciative of your reviews, story-alerts, and favoriting. I hope you enjoy this installment of my little saga...**

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Chapter 8 – Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

_**01-10-2010, 01:15 – EmPOV**_

I sat in an extremely uncomfortable chair in the corner of Jasper's hospital room running over the events of the day. Well, I guess I should say yesterday now, seeing as it was after one in the morning. The 'Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda' committee was alive and well in my head and even though I hadn't slept in over 24 hours, I just couldn't shut it off. What I did know was that this was fifty-shades of fucked up. My partner and brother-in-law, my best friend really, was in the fucking hospital, my wife was crazy with fear over her brother, and Internal Affairs was jumping all over my ass for not waiting for back-up. I shifted in the chair, trying desperately to find a position that would be somewhat comfortable, and ran a hand over my face. It was supposed to be a cake walk – one last shift and then we could ditch the patrol car and move into the next phase of our careers. Now we were both on paid leave pending an investigation. Not that it mattered; Jasper wasn't going to be going back to work anytime soon.

I had had a bad feeling when we got the call, but domestic disturbance calls were a big part of the job, so I shrugged it off. Jasper hated them, always saying that they could go south in a hurry. We should have waited for back-up the minute we heard that kid screaming, but one look at Jasper's face and I knew we were going in. He had such a soft spot for kids and really, if one of those douchebags from Internal Affairs had heard that kid, they would have gone in too – back-up or no back-up. The fucking living room was literally painted in blood, something I think I will never get over seeing. We cleared the living room and found one spaced out mother fucker pacing in the kitchen. I thought we were good until I saw Jasper turn back towards the living room. Then it was all slow motion as I watched my best friend get shot. I knew it was bad the minute I got to him – blood was pouring out of the wound on his upper thigh and almost as if on automatic pilot, I whipped off my belt and formed a tourniquet and then placed pressure on the wound. All I could think was that I didn't want to have to tell my Rosie that her twin had died because I wasn't quick enough to save him. Still, if that doctor in the ER hadn't been on the ball, he probably wouldn't have made it.

I was in even more trouble with Internal Affairs because I ditched the scene, but was I really expected to hang around while my partner was fighting for his life? I followed the ambulance to St. Bernard's, thankful that it was so close. Bursting into the ER, I got a quick glimpse of the doctor barking out orders and working on Jasper before he threw me out. I stalked the waiting room and debated whether or not to go pick up Rosie or stay and find out what was going on. Apparently the choice had been made for me because not 20 minutes later Rosie flew into the ER waiting room, her eyes desperately seeking either Jasper or me. Our captain had sent two uniforms out to get her, but they hadn't told her anything other than that one of us was injured and she would need to come with them. That's every cop's spouse's worst nightmare, seeing someone in uniform show up at the door, and I can't imagine what must have been running through her mind.

I grabbed her up into my arms and held her as she sobbed out Jasper's name. They were so close and I knew that this had to be killing her. I filled her in on what happened and we sat and waited together for the ER doc to come out and update us. I wasn't a religious man, but I prayed like a mother fucker for Jasper to make it. As we waited, the waiting room began to fill up with our colleagues and brass from the station down the street. The captain came and sat with Rosie and me. I apologized for bailing on the scene, but he waved me off and said we would figure it all out later. I knew that I would have to go back to the station at some point to fill out reports and meet with Internal Affairs, but I wasn't moving until we learned more about Jasper's status.

After what seemed like a lifetime, but was probably more like 5 minutes, the doctor came out to let us know what was going on. They were going to have to take him up to surgery, but he was hanging on. I interrogated the poor guy on whether or not Jasper was going to be okay, but he remained calm and even got my Rosie to settle down a bit. He then escorted us up to the surgical waiting room while going over the particulars of the surgery. Rosie and I sat and waited for two hours until another doctor came out to see us. This doctor, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was older than his brother, but also gave off the same air of calm and compassion as the ER doctor. Dr. Cullen filled us in about how the surgery went and discussed the road ahead. They were going to keep Jasper sedated for a day or two to allow his body to recover from the shock of the blood loss and the surgery. Because they had had to put him on bypass to repair the artery, there was a high risk of stroke and other complications. Rosie dissolved into tears at that point and Dr. Cullen immediately sat down next to her and comforted her. The doctor praised me for my quick thinking on the tourniquet, but I shrugged it off. He also went into how his younger brother Edward's quick work in the ER was really the turning point for Jasper and allowed him to even make it to surgery.

Relieved that Jasper had made it through the surgery, but terrified about what the future held for him, we made our way to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. Seeing Jasper attached to all kinds of machines and pale as a ghost sent Rosie into another round of hysterics and I did my best to comfort her. Once she had gathered herself, we called her parents and began making arrangements to get them here from Texas. Rosie seemed to settle a bit once she'd gotten off the phone with her father and asked me if I would pick them up from O'Hare when their flight arrived. I didn't want to leave her, but knew that I had to report back to the station anyway. Plus, I didn't want the Whitlocks to have to figure out how to get from the airport to St. Bernard's when they were probably out of their minds with worry. I pulled Rosie into my arms once again and we held each other tightly, gathering strength from each other. I then headed out to the station.

Four hours, and a massive headache later, I made it home with just enough time to change my clothes before I went to pick up the in-laws. I was sure that they would not appreciate me showing up in my uniform, which was still covered in their son's blood. I was pissed that Internal Affairs was trying to blame this clusterfuck on me and Jasper. Those guys hadn't seen action in years and had no freaking clue what it was like out on the streets. My captain told me not to worry; that other than a slight slap on the wrist, we'd be fine, but I was still concerned about our promotions and the fact that we were now basically suspended from duty. I pulled up to the domestic terminal at O'Hare and looked around for Rosie's parents. The Whitlocks were good people, but I knew that they still weren't sold on me as Rosie's husband. I'd admit that I probably wasn't a parent's first choice; I was rough around the edges and wasn't going to be earning six figures anytime soon. I'd spent the first seven years of my life living with my crack head mother, who prostituted herself out for drugs and food. When she OD'd, the state placed me in foster care. I'd bounced from one home to another until I was eighteen. Needless to say, there weren't many lessons on etiquette in my foster homes. The Whitlocks came from old oil money and Jasper and Rosalie had never wanted for anything. They had raised their kids right though, making them earn their own way even though they had massive trust funds. Jasper's decision to become a cop had thrown them, but I knew they were proud of him. I spotted the Whitlocks standing next to a skycap and pulled the car over next to them. Mrs. Whitlock rushed towards me, hugging me and crying, asking after her son. I filled them in briefly, loaded their luggage in the trunk, and drove them straight to the hospital. Mr. Whitlock interrogated me the entire way about what had happened and why we went in without back-up. I almost felt like I was back at the station with Internal Affairs, but I knew that he was just concerned about Jasper.

When we made it back to Jasper's room, Dr. Cullen, or Carlisle as he asked us to call him, came in to fill Jasper's parents in on the surgery and his prognosis. He again praised my use of the tourniquet, much to my chagrin. Rosie's parents looked over at me and Jasper's mom started crying and thanking me for my actions. Embarrassed at all the attention, I excused myself from the room to find a restroom. When I returned, Jasper's dad patted my shoulder and started asking Carlisle about his younger brother's military experience. I hadn't realized that the other Dr. Cullen was working his first shift when Jasper was brought in. Carlisle reiterated how lucky Jasper was that Edward was working that day, as he had unique training from his time in Afghanistan and Iraq that allowed him to stabilize Jasper so quickly. Mr. Whitlock and Carlisle then proceeded to have a long conversation on military life, as Mr. Whitlock had spent his early twenties serving in Vietnam. I knew that his opinion of the younger Dr. Cullen had just gone up to a new level.

I stuck close to Rosie, trying to make sure she didn't overtire herself. When visiting hours ended at eight, she got into one hell of a fight with the nursing staff; refusing to leave Jasper alone for the night. I could see in her face that she was exhausted and I knew that her parents probably were as well, after traveling all day. I sent them home with the promise that I would stay with Jasper. Rosie protested, arguing that I had been up since yesterday afternoon, but I swore that I would try and get some sleep while watching over her brother. Thirty minutes of arguing later, she finally gave in and I sent her home with her parents, promising to call if there was a change in Jasper's condition. She kissed me gently goodbye and I gathered her up in a huge bear hug. Nothing could make the world right like the feeling of my Rosie in my arms.

Now, over five hours later, I still hadn't been able to fall asleep. It didn't help that the nursing staff was in and out every 45 minutes, checking on one thing or another. It was a good thing that Jasper was sedated; I didn't understand how they expected anyone to get any rest in this place when they kept bugging you. I had just started to drift off when I heard the door open again. Figuring it was just another nurse checking in, I didn't make myself known. They knew I was here and I just left them alone to do their work. I glanced up briefly and realized that it wasn't a nurse, but the doctor from the ER, the other Dr. Cullen. He was reading Jasper's chart and then moved to stand next to the head of his bed. The curtain over the window was open slightly and illuminated Dr. Cullen and Jasper. I watched in shock as Dr. Cullen leaned in over Jasper and pushed his hair out of his face. He trailed his hand down Jasper's cheek and whispered, "I'm sorry this happened to you." He then leaned in to press a kiss to Jasper's forehead and said, "This is not how I wanted us to meet again."

What the fuck! Did Jasper know this guy? I couldn't remember meeting him at any point and I'd known Jasper since almost the first day he moved here from Texas. I faked a snore to alert the doctor to my presence, and he almost jumped out of his skin. My voice was raspy from disuse when I asked, "Dr. Cullen? Is everything alright?"

He spun around and looked at me guiltily, "Everything's fine Emmett, you just surprised me. I didn't expect anyone to be here, visiting hours ended quite a while ago. It's a bit slow in the ER so I thought I'd come in and check up on him."

I explained about sending Rosie and her family home, "Yeah, I kicked Rosie and her parents out around 11:00 p.m., but she refused to allow him to stay here alone. I had to promise to stay to get her to leave – she was so exhausted. She fought tooth and nail with the nurses until they allowed me to stay."

Dr. Cullen started looking towards the door and I could tell that he wanted to get out of the room as fast as possible. "Well, at least let me check and see if we can find a more comfortable chair for you. You have to be exhausted as well," he said, trying to find a reason to escape the room.

"That would be awesome. Listen, I appreciate your checking up on him. You and your brother have been amazing," I responded. It was true, I didn't think Jasper would be here now if it wasn't for the Cullen brothers, but that didn't explain his behavior now. I tried to think of a reason to get him back to the room when Rosie was here. Maybe she knew who he was to Jasper, although she hadn't mentioned anything when we met him earlier. But then again, she was beside herself with worry, maybe she had just forgotten. "His parents would like to meet you actually – your brother told them all about how your quick actions in the ER probably saved his life."

"That's not necessary," he snapped out quickly. "I was just doing my job, besides your quick thinking helped as well." He started backing away from me, heading towards the door, but I wasn't going to let him go without getting him to return in the morning.

"Oh- I know you are probably busy," I offered, trying to make myself look upset for having bothered him. Maybe if I pouted a little, he'd stop being such a stubborn ass and give in.

It must have done the trick, because the next words out of his mouth were, "Look, I'll stop back in the morning after my shift."

"That would be great. They really just want a moment to thank you," I noted, watching with interest as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his anxiety highly transparent. Just then, I heard the vibration of his pager. He pulled it from his waistband with a relieved look on his face. "Looks like duty calls," I said, nodding to his pager. Now that he had promised to come back in the morning, I could let him go.

"Ummm – yeah," he nodded, and looked back over at Jasper longingly. "Guess I'd better get back there. I'll check with the nurse on my way out about that chair." With that, he nearly sprinted out of the room.

"Thanks man, I'll see you in the morning," I called, before he got to the door.

What the hell was that! I settled back into the torturous chair, hoping that he would make good on his promise of a recliner, and replayed the previous few moments. Dr. Cullen had touched Jasper with what I could only describe as tenderness. It was how I touched Rosie when I just needed her to know how much I loved her and to reassure myself that she loved me. You didn't show affection like that to someone you don't know - which meant that he _**had**_ to know Jasper from somewhere.

I knew for certain that I'd never met him before. Not that Jasper typically introduced us to his dates; he kept his love life pretty close to the vest. Hell, I'd been at the academy with him for over a month before I figured out he was gay. In fact, I had mistaken Rosalie as his girlfriend at first. I chuckled to myself remembering that day as if it just happened. It was the end of our first day at the academy and Jasper and I were walking out to the parking lot. I had asked him if he needed a ride, but he said that someone was picking him up. Parked at the curb was a sweet 69' Mustang with an even sweeter driver. She stepped out of the car and bounded over to Jasper enthusiastically, asking how his first day went. I stopped dead in my tracks in awe. It was like God had sent an angel down from heaven just for me. The sun shone a little brighter, the birds were singing sweetly, and I just stood there with my mouth open like a big idiot. I gathered myself and looked between her and Jasper. Just my fucking luck, God sends me an angel of my own and she's Jasper's. He gave me an odd look and then introduced us. "Emmett, this is Rosalie. Rosalie, this is Emmett," he drawled with a smirk.

She gave me a once over and produced a smile that nearly knocked me off of my feet. Fuck! How had Jasper gotten to her first? I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that the angel was speaking to me. Jasper nudged me with his elbow and nodded towards Rosalie. "I'm sorry, I missed that, can you say it again?" I said apologetically.

"I was just sayin' how happy I am that my brother has already made a friend on the first day," she stated with the same drawl as Jasper. Wait a minute, did she say _**brother**_? Halle-fucking-lujah! I asked her out the next time she picked up Jasper and that was it for me, I had found my one. Between the academy and dating Rosalie, I had gotten to know Jasper pretty well, but he kept turning me down when I tried to set him up. I probably should've gotten a clue from that but I just figured he was shy or something. It wasn't until I dropped Rosalie off at their apartment one morning and raided the fridge for some breakfast that I realized what the deal was. As I went to open the fridge I saw a note with Jasper's name written across it pinned to the door with a magnet. I'll be the first to admit that I was a nosy mother fucker – it was what made me a good cop – so of course I read the note. When I got to the bottom of it and realized it was signed, 'Yours, Edward' it dawned on me. I boomed out across the apartment, "Jasper Whitlock - is there something you forgot to tell me?"

He stumbled out of the bedroom looking like he'd been fucked six ways from Sunday and eyed me with a confused look on his face. I gestured towards the note on the fridge and said sarcastically, 'Yours, Edward'?"

He grabbed the note off of the door and read it quietly. He looked at me sadly and said, "Is this goin' to be a problem for you?"

"Fuck no! I just wish you felt comfortable enough to tell me yourself," I replied.

"Well, I was plannin' on it – but since you are such a nosy mother fucker, you already know," he retorted, waving the note in his hand. He pinned the note back on the fridge and walked back to his room to get ready for school. I never asked him about the note and he never volunteered anything, but it stayed tacked up on the fridge for the next five years, until he moved into a new place when Rosalie and I moved in together.

Shaking off the memories of that time, I got back to analyzing the situation at hand. Of three things I was certain: 1) Dr. Cullen knew Jasper from somewhere, 2) Dr. Cullen obviously cared about Jasper as more than a patient, and 3) I was going to solve this mystery. I rose from the chair and made my way to the door - I had to see a nurse about a recliner.

_**01-10-2010, 07:45 **_

I woke to the sweetest smell in the world, coffee and donuts. I peered out at the room to find my beautiful wife standing in front of me holding a Dunkin' Donuts bag in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Jumping up, I placed a quick kiss on her mouth and grabbed the goods.

"How'd he do?" she asked worriedly.

"Fine, he was out all night. The nurses checked in about every 45 minutes. Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, was in around 5:30 this morning and said they were cutting back on the sedation. He should wake up sometime today," I responded with a smile. Noticing that her parents were also in the room, I greeted them by raising my coffee up in a toast. "How are you guys doing this morning?" I mumbled, my mouth filled to bursting with a jelly donut.

"We're fine Emmett," Mr. Whitlock said, looking at me amusedly. "I didn't realize you liked donuts so much!"

"Uh-hmmm," I nodded in response. I was starting to wake up a little more thanks to the coffee. Swallowing down the donut, I opened my mouth to ask Rosie about my encounter with the younger Dr. Cullen when the door to Jasper's room opened again. The Cullen brothers walked in side-by-side to greet the Whitlocks. I stayed silent in the corner of the room, watching their interaction and eyeing Rosalie to see if she knew the younger doc. I couldn't see any familiarity between any of the Whitlocks and the Cullens; they spoke only about Jasper's condition. If Rosie knew him, she was doing a good job of hiding it.

"So, Edward, tell me about your experience in the military. Carlisle here tells me you spent the last eight years in Afghanistan and Iraq serving our country," Mr. Whitlock asked the younger Dr. Cullen.

Wait, I thought to myself. Edward Cullen went to Afghanistan eight years ago. Eight years ago I found a note to Jasper from an 'Edward' who was leaving to go to Afghanistan. Could they be the same Edward? My eyes grew large and I stared over at him. He was talking in quiet tones to Mr. Whitlock and occasionally looking over at Jasper. He glanced over at me and seeing my facial expression, began to make his excuses to the family. I watched as he gave one last long look at Jasper and headed out the door. Mumbling to Rosie that I needed the bathroom, I followed him out. I had to know if I was right.

He was half way down the hall when I called out, "Dr. Cullen – I know who you are and I saw what you did last night."

He froze in his tracks but stayed turned away from me. I saw the tension in his shoulders and in the way his hands clenched at his sides. I started to make my way over to him, when he turned around to face me.

"It was a long time ago Emmett. What I did last night was inappropriate and I apologize. It's just that I hadn't seen Jasper in eight years and didn't remember who he was until after I left yesterday. It was quite a shock to see him here," he uttered quietly, with a pained expression on his face.

"You still have feelings for him…" I accused, watching his face carefully for his reaction.

He opened his mouth to respond when I heard Rosalie call from behind me, "Emmett – come quick! He's waking up!"


	9. Desolation

**A/N: He's awake! I know that some of you will be very happy to read this chapter. I hope it lives up to your expectations! Thanks, as always, for your reviews, favoriting, and alerting. I really do appreciate it. :-)**

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Chapter 9 - Desolation

_**01-10-2010, 08:15 – JPOV**_

I woke up to a cacophony of excited voices. To say I was confused would be an understatement. My whole body ached; I felt like a bus had hit me and then backed up to do it again. When I finally mustered the strength to open my eyes, I was assaulted by bright light. Closing them quickly, I desperately wanted to return to the cocoon of blackness that preceded my awakening. I felt someone grip my right hand hard, forcing me back to the surface. Unable to focus my eyes, I barely made out the features of my mother leaning over me. "Mama?" I questioned in a whisper, trying to understand why she was here and not in Texas where she belonged.

"Jasper! Yes, baby – it's Mama. Wake up now," she said, her voice breaking with tears.

"Mama, what are you doin' here?" I mumbled. Where the hell was I? I tried to reach up with my left arm to rub my eyes and winced with pain.

"Baby, be careful," she cautioned. "You have a lot of stitches in that arm. Use the other one."

"What's goin' on?" I asked, not sure if I wanted the answer or not. I was starting to come to my senses and a feeling of dread settled in my chest. I tried to bolt upright, but the pain forced me back down. "Emmett, where's Emmett?" I asked frantically. It was all coming back to me now. The domestic disturbance call, the hellish scene, the little girl, and the gunshots. I remembered Emmett being there, helping to put pressure on my leg wound, but was he okay?

"Bro – I'm right here," boomed Emmet's voice from the doorway. "I'm so glad you decided to rejoin the land of the living."

"Folks, I'm going to need to ask you to clear the room for a moment so that I can check Jasper over," called another voice. I looked to my right and saw a blond, blue-eyed man in a white coat standing to the side of my bed. Oh shit – I was in the hospital! How long had I been out of it? "I'll let you come back in when we're done," the doctor offered with a compassionate smile to the occupants of my room. I glanced around and was shocked to find my parents, Rosalie, and Emmett all at my bedside. Jesus, if my folks were here it must be bad.

"Jasper, baby, we'll be right outside in the hallway," my mama said, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"Son, I'm glad you're awake," my father said, squeezing my right hand and looking down at me with sadness in his eyes.

"I'm not leaving," I heard Rosalie, who was arguing with Emmett as he tried to usher her towards the door.

"It's okay Rosie," I called, "I'll still be here when you come back."

Finally, blessed silence fell upon the room. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief until I heard a chuckle coming from the doctor.

"Jasper, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I'm the doctor who performed your surgery. I need to check your wounds and then I'll go over everything with you. I'm sure that this is all quite overwhelming at the moment," he noted with a sympathetic look.

"Yeah," I mumbled, just wanting to go back to sleep. "I forgot how loud my family could be."

"They are just excited to see you awake and talking to them," he stated with a smile. "You've been through a traumatic event and it was touch and go there for a while."

"I was shot," I said, more for my own benefit than his. The pieces were falling into place and now I was starting to get scared. "Am I okay?"

"Let's start by going over what happened and then we'll get into a discussion about your recovery," he offered, placing his hand on my right shoulder and squeezing. "You were brought into the ER yesterday morning with three gunshot wounds, one to your left upper arm, one to your back, and one hit your upper left thigh. The gunshot to your arm was through and through; it went in the front and came out the back with no damage to bone, muscle or nerves. We stitched it closed during surgery and it should heal fine. We will remove the stitches in about 2 weeks and you should regain full usage of the arm. It'll be sore for awhile, I won't lie to you, but it'll be good as new in about a month," he reassured, checking the wound as he discussed it.

"Luckily, you were wearing your bullet proof vest and the bullet to your back was lodged there. There's some bruising on your back, but that too will fade within a week or two," he stated. "The worst wound was the leg wound. The bullet severed your femoral artery, ricocheted off of your femur – causing a fracture and damage to the surrounding muscle and nerves." As he listed off the damage, he pulled back the sheet that was covering the lower half of my body and lifted up the hospital gown so he could examine my leg.

"What the hell is that?!" I exclaimed, looking at the steel cage that encased the upper portion of my left leg.

"To set the fracture, we had to perform an external fixation. Because you have muscle and nerve damage, we couldn't risk further injury by placing a pin inside of your femur. Basically, we pinned your femur together using external pins, which is what you see now. The worst of the injuries was the severed artery. You nearly bled to death before we could get to you and you have your partner Emmett to thank for his quick thinking. He placed a tourniquet at the scene which allowed you to make it to the hospital. We repaired the artery in surgery, but had to place you on a bypass machine so that you wouldn't bleed out. There is a large risk of blood clots with that type of procedure, so we've also put you on blood thinners for a while to reduce the risk," the doctor noted.

"So what does that all mean?" I asked, firing questions at Dr. Cullen like I was interviewing a suspect. "How long do I have to stay here? Is the leg going to be 100% once you take the pins out? What about my job?"

"I expect that you'll need to stay in the SICU for another two weeks. As long as we have you on the blood thinners, I will want to monitor you closely," he offered. "After that, we can move you to our rehab facility so they can work with you on the leg. The pins will come out in approximately 3-4 months, but you should be able to do some light physical therapy after the first month. We'll also see if your nerves regenerate and if you'll regain full function of the leg."

"If? You're saying that I may not regain full function?" I questioned.

"There's a possibility that you will always walk with a limp, Jasper. You may not be able to run or place a lot of weight or strain on the leg. It all depends on how well the femur heals and if the nerves that were damaged fully regenerate," he stated, looking at me cautiously.

"No, no, no, no, no…" I wailed. "I need the leg to work perfectly. I'm a fuckin' cop! How the hell am I supposed to do my job if I can't run or put strain on that leg?" He had to have a better answer than this – my whole life depended on me being a cop. There was nothing else I wanted to be. I had dreamt of this job since I was a little kid. My whole identity was built on my career. If I couldn't be a cop, then I was nothing. I slammed my right fist against the bed and yelled, "You'd better have a better fuckin' answer than that, God damn it. You're taking away my life, here!"

"I'm sorry Jasper. That's the best answer I can give you at the moment. The rest remains to be seen," he replied. "My brother is an ER doctor here; in fact he treated you when you came in. He's also a former military doctor; he may have some contacts that can offer the latest in rehabilitation techniques. I'll get him to consult on the case. But even so, you'll have to accept that you may not be able to go back to work as a cop," the doctor noted.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now what? I threw my good arm over my eyes to hide the tears that had started to fall. One fuckin' psycho and now my whole world was being torn apart. They should have let me die. If they had known that I wouldn't be able to work as a cop again, they should've fuckin' let me go. That would have been better than this. I had no idea what to do now. I felt the sobs wracking through my body as I took in what I had lost.

"Do you want me to get your family back?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"NO! I don't want to see anyone. I'm no fuckin' good to anyone now," I yelled.

"Jasper, you need to calm down. Making yourself this upset is not going to help you heal. I know that I've dealt you a huge blow, but we don't know anything for sure yet. Let's just take it one day at a time," he replied in a soft but sure voice.

I just sobbed louder. I hadn't cried since I was 9 fuckin' years old and my dog Toby was hit by a car. I just didn't know how to take all of this in. I felt the panic welling up in my chest and tried to sit up to get out of the bed, but nothing would cooperate. "I need to get the fuck out of here – get me out of here," I yelled through my sobs, losing it completely.

The doctor moved to the side of the bed and hit the call button. A nurse replied through the speaker and I heard the doctor ask her to bring a sedative.

"Jasper, I'm going to give you a sedative to help you calm down. You're having a panic attack and I'm worried that you'll cause tear the stitches in your arm and leg. We'll talk about this more when you've had time to take it in and calm down," he stated as the nurse came in and handed him a syringe. He moved to the right side of the bed and injected the sedative and within moments I felt the blissful blackness return.

_**5 days later, 01-14-2010, 02:30 - JPOV**_

I was sulking. I knew it, my family knew it, hell even the hospital staff knew it. When I had woken up again, my family was sitting around my bed looking at me with pity in their eyes. I didn't want their pity. There was nothing anyone could do and they would be better served by moving on with their lives without me. I knew that they had probably heard my outburst and crying fit and I was ashamed of myself. After two days of being fawned and fussed over by my mama and Rosie, being on the receiving end of stern lectures from my father to snap out of it, and seeing the misplaced guilt in Emmett's eyes, I threw them all out. I was being a bastard, I know, but I couldn't take anymore. I saw the hurt expressions on their faces, but I didn't care. I was of no use to anyone and I just wanted to be left alone. I said the most hurtful things to them just to get them to go and leave me in peace.

My father and mother flew back to Texas and Rosie and Emmett stayed away like I asked. Rosie begged me to let her in, but I refused. It was all my fault anyway. Emmett let it slip that he and I were on suspension pending an investigation. Now my brother-in-law could possibly lose his job due to my stupidity – just when he and Rosie were about to start a family. I should've waited for back-up. I don't know what the hell I was thinking blasting into that apartment trying to act like a hero. I didn't follow procedure and pulled Emmett into this mess along with me. It could've been Emmett that was lying here and for that I would never forgive myself. When my captain came to visit this morning I laid it all out for him, telling him how I was the one that broke procedure and that Emmett was just covering my ass. My career was over due to this damn leg anyway – there was no point in taking Emmett down with me. He tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault; that he would have done the same thing given the situation, but I ignored him. I begged him to have Internal Affairs come in and interview me so that I could give them the real story. He just placated me and said I wasn't ready yet.

I was so damn frustrated. I couldn't get comfortable, couldn't move the way I wanted to, and I felt like shit. I was stuck in here for the unforeseeable future and just wanted to find a quiet, dark corner to curl up in a ball and hide. I forced the nurses to keep the curtains closed and the lights off. The darkness was soothing and I wanted nothing more to slip back into the calming blackness and forget that this had ever happened. I had turned on the television set once to catch up on the news, only to find my face and those of the victims plastered on the screen. I guess it must've been a slow news week for me to still make the evening news. I listened as the news anchor went on and on about how heroic Emmett and I were and how we were on leave pending an investigation. Bullshit – it was all bullshit – and I turned the TV off and threw the remote across the room.

Dr. Cullen visited me daily, checking my wounds and trying to force me into making decisions about my rehabilitation once I was sprung from this hellhole. I refused to answer his questions. What was the point? The leg wasn't going to work no matter what they did, so what did it matter where I went after this? He tried to point out that I would need assistance even if I went home, but I just tuned him out. I gave him credit though; he was a persistent son of bitch and kept coming back. Today was the first day he let his frustration with me show. I had been refusing to eat the awful hospital food that they insisted on bringing me and he told me to eat or he'd be forced to shove a feeding tube down my nose. He also said that he would be getting me a psych consult if I didn't pull myself together in the next day or two. Great – now I was crazy on top of being a cripple.

Then again, maybe I was crazy. I guess that is the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results? I looked over at the clock on the wall and saw that it was after 2:30 in the morning. Great – another night of lying here with nothing to do but think. I just wanted to turn my brain off – I was so exhausted but couldn't even rely on sleep for peace of mind. Every night I was haunted by visions of the blood smeared walls of the apartment and the screams of the little girl. Even when I was awake, it was like I replayed the scene over and over again, with one exception - now I watched as Emmett, not me, got shot and killed. The first two nights I woke up screaming until a nurse had to come in and sedate me. I tried to stay awake to avoid the nightmares, but eventually I passed out just to start the vicious cycle all over again. In the darkness of my room, the days and nights blended together until I wasn't even sure what time it was unless I looked at the clock. All I did know was that I wanted this torture to end.

I heard the door to my room open and closed my eyes. No need to make the nurses aware that I was up – they would just try to force me to eat something. I laid there pretending to sleep when the smell of a greasy cheeseburger filled the room. I felt my nose twitch and my stomach rumbled loudly. It smelled so good, even if I was refusing to eat. I must be dreaming again – who the hell would be bringing me a cheeseburger at 2:30 in the morning?

"I know you are awake – I can hear your stomach growling from across the room," a smooth, soft voice observed. The voice sounded familiar and at first I couldn't place it, but then I realized who it was with a start. Edward, _**my**_ Edward. The one I hadn't seen in 8 years but never forgot. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to wake up if this was a dream. Surely it had to be a dream, right? I hadn't seen this man since that one blissful, amazing, incomparable night and he could be anywhere in the world right now. Why the hell would he be in my hospital room?

"Come on, Jasper – you know you want it," the voice crooned. It _**was**_ my Edward. I was definitely dreaming and sighed in bliss. I had dreamt of Edward regularly for the first year after he left but eventually tried to move on with my life. I had, reluctantly. It didn't stop me from comparing every guy I dated to him though. But after a year of no contact I gave up, realizing that that one night had probably meant more to me than him. I threw myself into my job and dated often, but still hadn't found anyone who measured up.

"Am I dead?" I muttered, still trying to reconcile the fact that I was hearing his voice and smelling cheeseburgers.

"Not yet, but you will be if you keep going down the path you are on," he responded angrily. No, this wasn't good. I couldn't stand the thought of my Edward angry at me. "Stop being a stubborn ass and open your eyes Jasper. You're not dreaming and you're not dead. I'm really here and your cheeseburger is getting cold," he said, pulling the string to turn on the light behind the head of my bed. I threw my arm over my eyes to block the sudden influx of light. I heard the electronic motor of the bed begin to whir as it moved me into a sitting position.

I moved my arm and opened my eyes, trying to adjust to the dimly lit room. Looking to my left, I saw a figure in blue scrubs staring down at me, holding a fast food bag. He moved away to grab the tray that fit over the bed and wheeled it into place over my legs. He placed the bag and two sodas on the tray, and scooted a chair up next to my bed. Settled, he unloaded two cheeseburgers and a large order of fries onto the tray. "Eat up," he stated, "I'm on my lunch hour and don't have all day."

"What? How are you even here?" I stuttered, drinking him in. He looked the same – sure, a little older – but he was still the same sexy Edward. His hair was cropped close to his head, there were some wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead, but those green eyes still mesmerized me.

"You eat and I'll tell you all about it," he bartered.

"Fine, but only because this is better than that shit they call food here," I retorted, grabbing some fries off of the tray and munching them down quickly. The smell of the cheeseburger was unbelievable and before I knew it I had it unwrapped and was greedily chowing down. "Talk," I ordered.

His eyes twinkled with mirth as he watched me shove the food down. He swallowed, took a drink from his soda, and then began talking. "So, I was here when they brought you in. I'm an attending down in the ER and worked on you before they took you up to surgery," he said.

"What? How long have you been workin' here?" I asked around a mouth full of food. How long had he been in Chicago? Why didn't he look me up? Duh Jasper, how would he even know where to find you? You moved and he didn't even know your last name.

"I just got back from Iraq three weeks ago," he offered. "My brother Carlisle works here as a surgeon and said they had an opening. I was on my first shift when they brought you in."

"Carlisle's your brother?" I queried, trying to make the connection. They didn't look anything alike, but I realized that they had very similar demeanors.

"Yes, he's my brother and he's been telling me about what a pain in the ass you've been this week," he said with a smirk. He noticed that I had finished my burger and offered me the rest of his with a wave.

"Are you sure? I don't want to take away your lunch," I said hesitantly.

"I'm sure – besides you need it more than I do," he said, gesturing to the now empty tray. I had just inhaled a cheeseburger and fries in less than five minutes and groaned at the thought of what I must've looked like to him. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "Don't be embarrassed," he chided, "You're hungry, eat…"

I finished the rest of his burger and took a long gulp of the soda. Done, I grabbed a napkin and wiped off my face. Peering back over at him, I asked, "I take it you work nights?"

"Yep, 6 to 6. It's pretty slow down there tonight so I thought I'd see if I could come talk some sense into you. What the hell are you doing Jasper?" he questioned with a serious expression on his face.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to evade the question.

"Bullshit, you know exactly what I mean," he snapped. "Tell me what's going on with you."

I heaved a large sigh and to my surprise it all came spilling out. I talked about the call and how I had screwed up. I relived waking up and having Carlisle tell me that my career was over. I told him how I had thrown my parents and Rosie and Emmett out of the room and the depression that I sunk into. I felt myself tearing up and turned my head away. I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Hey," he whispered, running his hand down my cheek. "Look at me, Jasper."

His touch felt just like I remembered it. I turned my head and leaned into his palm where it cradled the side of my face. It was the first time in five days that I felt any semblance of hope and I was desperate for the feeling to remain. I gave in and began to sob like a baby. Immediately Edward took me into his arms and held me gently, crooning to me softly that it would all be okay.

"Let it all go Jasper. It's okay to let it all out," he murmured quietly, while rubbing slow circles on my back. I tucked my head into his neck and tried to catch my breath.

"I'm soaking your scrubs with tears and snot," I sniffled.

"Please – they've been soaked with a lot worse. You've not seen anything until a four-year-old has projectile vomited all over you," he joked. He started to release me and I grabbed on tighter, not wanted to let him go.

"Don't go," I cried, feeling so unbelievably needy and hating myself for it at the same time.

"Shhhh, I'm not going to let you go," he said, holding me tighter, continuing his gentle ministrations on my back.

After awhile I calmed myself down and leaned back so I could look him in the eyes. "I've missed you," I said, internally kicking myself for letting that slip.

"Oh, Jasper. I've missed you to. You have no idea how much," he said, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "Are you okay now?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," I offered with a tremulous smile, embarrassed that I hadn't seen the guy in 8 years and basically just dumped all of my fears, frustrations, and snot all over him with ten minutes of our reunion.

"So tell me why you think that your life is over," he said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. He went to let it go, but I grabbed a hold and wouldn't let go.

"I'm a cop Edward. My whole life that's all I've wanted to be. It's who I am. Who am I if I can't do the job?" I offered.

"A partner, a brother, a son – that's who you are Jasper. Don't let your choice of jobs define you, you'll end up like me – alone and emotionless," he said with a scowl. "Besides, you don't know for sure yet if you can't go back to work eventually. You'll only find that out once you finish rehab. But I can guarantee that you won't be going back to work if you don't even try," he noted.

"I'm scared," I whispered, laying all my cards on the table.

"I know you are, but you can't let the fear take over. You have to keep fighting. The Jasper I knew 8 years ago wouldn't have quit like this," Edward said with a smile and another squeeze to my hand.

I squeezed back and looked over at him. "Will you help me?" I asked.

"Of course – I'll be there for you every step of the way," he promised. "In fact, I'll come back after my shift ends this morning and we'll meet with Carlisle to discuss your options. Would that be okay?"

"You'd do that for me? Why? I mean, thank you, but it's not like we've been best friends over the past 8 years," I replied.

"I know, and for that I apologize. One day, I'll tell you all about it, but for now, I just want to be here for you, if that's alright with you?" he asked.

"I don't think I could do this without you," I said with a smile and a yawn. "Thank you."

"No problem, I'm just glad you are coming to your senses," he said with that crooked grin that I loved. "Now, why don't you try to get some rest and I'll see you in the morning." He looked at his watch and grimaced, "I need to get back down to the ER anyway and you need to get some sleep."

"Promise you'll come back this time?" I questioned warily.

"I promise."


	10. Screwed

**A/N: Of three things I'm certain: 1) I have the best readers in the whole world, 300 reviews on my first story? What? You guys rock!; 2) I need to stop writing this when I'm hungry and apparently I have a thing for cheeseburgers; and 3) RMHale is a genius, Rediscovering What Matters is too yummy for words. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...**

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Chapter 10 – Screwed

_**01-10-2010, 08:10 – EPOV**_

"Dr. Cullen – I know who you are and I saw what you did last night," Emmett called down the hall. I stopped in my tracks. Damn it! I knew it, he saw me last night. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I kept my back to him even though I felt him approach, trying to gain some control over my suddenly pounding heart. Turning around, I looked him in the eye and said, "It was a long time ago Emmett. What I did last night was inappropriate and I apologize. It's just that I hadn't seen Jasper in eight years and didn't remember who he was until after I left yesterday. It was quite a shock to see him here."

Emmett looked at me intently, seemingly cataloging my every expression. "You still have feelings for him…" he noted.

I was just about to shrug him off and tell him that he was crazy when Jasper's sister burst out of the room yelling that her brother was awake. Emmett gave me another long look but turned back to his wife and then moved quickly into Jasper's room.

Shit, shit, shit! He was awake! I stood there torn between the desire to see him and the need to get out of there as fast as possible. Self-preservation won and I rapidly made my way to the elevators and out to the parking lot. I pulled out of the lot and drove home in a total daze, replaying Emmett's last words to me – "You still have feelings for him…"

It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Sure, I cared about what happened to Jasper but it wasn't like I was in love with him or anything. It was one night and it was a long time ago. A lot had happened since then to both of us. Besides, unlike Carlisle I definitely didn't believe in love at first sight. Lust maybe, but not love. There was no way that anyone could fall in love with someone after one night. Of course, it was still hands down the best night of my 34 years on this planet, but I wasn't going to admit that to anyone. Pull yourself together Edward, I thought. He's awake, he's got his family, and he probably has long since forgotten you. Besides, you are in no position to be in anyone's life right now.

I pulled into my apartment complex and grabbed my duffle bag. As I entered the building, I noticed the same elderly man that helped me when I was trying to open the door the previous day with my arms full of stray cat. "Good morning young man, how are you today?"

Mustering up a half-smile, I replied, "Good morning. I'm well and you?"

"Just getting ready to start my day," he said with a grin. "Looks like your day is over?"

"Yep, just getting home," I responded. I walked over to the mail boxes and grabbed yesterday's mail.

"So did you end up keeping the cat?" he asked.

"I did, actually," I noted with an embarrassed grin. "I guess I'm just a sucker."

"I wouldn't say that. I think it shows that you have character. You don't see that too often these days," he remarked. "Well, I'm off. I have a hot date down at the senior center with Henrietta," he said, waggling his bushy eyebrows at me.

"Have a good time," I replied with a smirk, turning to head towards the stairs and my apartment.

"Oh, I will," he offered with a grin of his own.

I climbed the stairs and unlocked the door to my apartment, thankful to be home. Cletus was waiting right in front of the door and meowed plaintively as I walked past him to the kitchen. "What's the matter, buddy?"

The cat ran over to me and began to wind around my ankles, rubbing his head against my leg and purring furiously. I reached down to pick him up and he butted my head with his own. "Did you miss me?"

A meow was the only response I got and I laughed at myself for once again talking out loud to a cat. Had I really sunk so low that my only companion was a stray cat? Gently placing Cletus back on the floor, I looked over at his food and water bowls to see that they were both empty. I refilled them quickly and walked to the laundry room to check the litter box. With relief, I noted that he seemed to have found the box and had made use of it - which hopefully meant that I would not have any surprises to clean up. I undressed in the laundry room, tossing my dirty clothes in the washer and then moved to the master bath to take a shower before crashing for the day. I only had two shifts left this week and then I was off for two days; however, I felt like I had already been working for weeks instead of days.

Once I finished my shower, I dried off and grabbed a pair of clean boxers from my dresser. I went to the windows and looked out at the bleak January skies. It was cold outside, but we hadn't gotten any snow yet although it was forecasted for later in the week. Pulling the black-out shades down, I reset the alarm clock and got into bed trying to push away thoughts of earlier this morning. I tossed and turned until I finally fell into a restless sleep filled with strange and unsettling dreams filled with Jasper's image. In the last dream, I was back in the ER trying to staunch the bleeding in his leg wound when he coded and nothing I did could bring him back. I was screaming in agony in my dream when I woke with a start to find tears on my face and Cletus rubbing against my hand. I wiped the tears from my face with my hand and tried to bring my heart rate back to normal. What did I have to do to get Jasper out of my head, I wondered. I rolled over onto my side and Cletus curled up next to me. Petting the cat slowly, I eventually fell back asleep knowing that I had to be up in just a few hours to start the routine all over again.

_**01-12-2010, 18:30 – EPOV**_

Two days later I found myself enjoying my day off by lounging on the couch watching TV. Cletus was nowhere to be found, thoroughly disgusted with me after his vet appointment this morning. Apparently cats needed vaccinations just like kids and after an hour of waiting, I found myself back home with a wallet that was $200 lighter and one pissed off cat. I had picked up some more stuff for him as well – thinking that if anyone from my military days found out that I bought a kitty condo, a cat basket, and designer cat carrier they would've figured me out as a raging homosexual in two seconds. I couldn't resist though – and I felt bad that Cletus was home alone most of the time with nothing to do, which also explained the 10 or more cat toys I had bought.

Grabbing my beer from the coffee table I took a swig from the almost empty bottle and started thinking about what to do for dinner when I heard a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting any deliveries or company, so I was surprised to find Carlisle standing on my doorstep when I looked through the peephole. I unlocked the door and swung it open to let him in.

"Well, this is a surprise," I offered, moving back to allow my brother entrance into my apartment.

"I know - I probably should've called first, huh?" he asked with a grin.

"You don't need to call, Carlisle. It's not like I'm throwing massive parties or anything. I was just sitting on the couch watching TV and thinking about what to order for dinner," I noted, gesturing towards the couch. "Can I get you something to drink? I have water, soda, and beer."

"I'll take a beer thanks," my brother said, plopping down on the couch with a sigh.

I grabbed two beers from the fridge and brought them to the living room. Handing one to Carlisle, I asked, "So to what do I owe the pleasure? I figured you'd be home with Alice and Esme."

"Alice and Esme are at some mother/daughter thing for school with Bella and Vanessa. I was off today and it's too damned cold to golf, so I thought I'd stop by and see your new place and take my baby brother out for dinner," he responded, reaching across to ruffle my hair. "Besides, now I have a place to hide out when the estrogen levels at my house get too elevated," he joked, rolling his eyes at his fate.

"Please, you know you love it," I teased. "I'm not up to going out for dinner, but if you want, we can order some pizza and watch the Blackhawks game?"

"Can we get a large meat lover's pizza?" he asked eagerly. I laughed out loud and looked at him quizzically. "Esme is on a health food kick and I've not been allowed pizza for two months now. I've been craving a fully loaded deep dish from Edwardo's for ages," he offered with a sheepish grin.

"I see how it is, you've only come here to cheat on your diet," I joked. "I suppose I can help a brother out this one time. But you'll owe me one."

"If this pizza is as good as I remember it, I'll owe you more than one. Just remember though, if Esme asks, I had a salad," he said, with a blissful look on his face.

I got up to grab my phone and order the pizza. After placing the order, I walked back into the living room. Grabbing the remote, I changed it to ESPN and we watched as the Blackhawks took on the Ducks. We grumbled at the TV as the Ducks scored on us twice during the first period. It was amazing how quickly we fell back into our old routine from my high school days. Some of my best memories of Carlisle were of times just like these – hanging out, watching a game and bullshitting with each other. I had missed it more than I realized. Twenty minutes later another knock on the door heralded the arrival of the pizza and I watched with glee as Carlisle stuffed his face. I couldn't restrain my laughter and he shot me a glare, mumbling about how one day I would know what it was like to suffer - especially when he told Esme about my eating habits. Just as Carlisle grabbed his second piece, Cletus entered the room sniffing the air hopefully.

"What the hell is that?" Carlisle exclaimed, looking at me in shock.

"That - oh wise one - is a cat," I retorted with a smirk.

"No shit, Edward. I meant, what the hell is that cat doing in here? I didn't know you had a pet?" he said giving the cat a curious look as Cletus tried, nonchalantly, to make his way over to the pizza box.

"That, dear Carlisle, is Cletus," I said, pointing at the cat with my beer bottle. I filled him in on my adventures thus far with the cat and he just shook his head at me.

"You're a sucker," he said. "Don't let Alice find out or she'll have every cat at the shelter she volunteers at in your apartment. We'd be full up ourselves if Esme wasn't allergic. And how the hell did you come up with Cletus for a name?" he asked. I shrugged and he continued to make fun of me a little while longer; however, I noticed him slipping Cletus bits of sausage from his pizza throughout the night.

Two beers and a completely satiated Carlisle and Cletus later, the game was over (we lost –again) and I finally gathered up enough courage to ask about Jasper.

"So, how's Officer Whitlock doing?" I queried.

"Not bad, Edward, not bad. You're making progress grasshopper – only three hours before we settled into shop talk – impressive," he teased, but then a serious expression settled on his face. "I don't know what to do with him, Edward. Physically, he's coming along, but mentally…" he trailed off, looking grim.

"What's going on?" I asked hesitantly, both wanting and not wanting to hear the answer.

"He took the news that he might not regain full function of the leg rather badly and has fallen into a pretty deep depression. I thought he'd come around after a couple of days, but he's isolated himself and refuses to eat. He just sits there in that damn bed all day moping; which, honestly I can't blame him, but if he doesn't move past this he's going to do more harm to himself in the long run. I can't seem to get through to him, no matter what I try. Tomorrow I'm going to threaten him with a feeding tube and psych consult and see if tough love makes a difference," he said with a grimace, the stress evident on his face. Carlisle and I were similar in our approach to our patients. We tended to become attached and vested in their progress, which sometimes added to our stress level. I found that although the military had tried to drill it out of me, it was just an inherent part of my nature.

"I've seen this before, when I was doing my internship in Virginia and with guys who were injured out in the field in Afghanistan and Iraq. It takes some guys a while to come around," I offered, trying not to let my own concern show. "What about his family? They don't look to be the type to let him wallow for long."

"He threw them out. One of the nurses said she heard him screaming at them to leave and never come back. Apparently he said some fairly awful things to get them to go, but they've been calling and checking in on him every day. He thinks his parents went back to Texas, but they are still at his sister's place. I've asked them to give him a few days to come to terms with the situation. I think all their fussing was making him feel worse. I'll bring them back in if he doesn't get with the program in the next day or two," Carlisle said with a worried expression.

"Let me know how the conversation goes tomorrow and if you want, I can give it a try when I come back on shift," I offered, knowing that I was doing this more for myself than for Carlisle's benefit. I couldn't stand the thought of Jasper in pain, emotional or physical, and I would do anything to make it better if I could.

"I will – maybe you can get through to him. Especially since you've probably dealt with a lot worse during your time in the military. Speaking of which, I had been meaning to ask if you would mind checking with some of your rehab contacts back in Virginia on the latest techniques for rehabilitating injuries like Jasper's. Our rehab folks are top notch, but the military is always a step ahead of us when it comes to physical rehabilitation," he noted.

"No problem. I don't really keep in touch with anyone from my time in the military, but they are always willing to help out private and public hospitals," I said.

"Great. Now, it's getting late and my wife is probably wondering where the hell I am," Carlisle said with a smile, getting up from his seat on the couch. "It was great hanging out with you tonight – I've missed this while you were gone," he said, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Me too - we'll have to do this more often," I replied, walking him to the door. "Besides, I wouldn't want you to waste away from lack of junk food," I joked. "This can be your junk food hideout."

"Yeah, yeah. One day you'll have a partner that does the same thing to you and we'll both be screwed," he retorted with a grin. "Good night Edward. Thanks again. I'll text you tomorrow after I talk to Jasper."

"Please do. Good night, Carlisle. Give my love to Alice and Esme and drive carefully," I called, watching as he disappeared down the stairs.

Closing the door, I walked over to the coffee table and picked up the empty beer bottles and the pizza box. It had been good to spend time with my brother and I was glad that we were starting to get back the relationship we'd had before I went to medical school. My thoughts kept coming back to Jasper though and I was deeply worried about his state of mind. I'd seen it too many times when a soldier was injured and couldn't return to duty. They couldn't figure out who they were now that they couldn't do their job. Hell, I'm sure I'd be thinking the same thing if I couldn't be a doctor anymore, but life has to go on and I'd be damned if I let Jasper sink too far into the depression that I knew could claim him. I hoped he'd listen to reason tomorrow when Carlisle gave him what I liked to call the 'Come to Jesus' talk, but if not, I'd go and see him. If anything, maybe the shock of seeing me – if he remembered me that is – would knock some sense into him.

I placed the empties into the recycling bin and tossed the pizza box in the trash. After locking up and turning off the lights, I entered my bedroom. I undressed and got into bed, grabbing my glasses and a book from my nightstand. Within moments, Cletus jumped onto the bed and snuggled in. Petting the cat absentmindedly while I read, I found myself unable to concentrate. After a half hour on the same page, I gave up and turned in, trying to shut off the thoughts of Jasper running through my mind.

_**01-13-2010, 16:36 - EPOV**_

I had spent much of my day contacting my former colleagues at the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth and learning about the advances in rehabilitation medicine since my internship days. Not many people knew that the military was on the leading edge of prosthetic, rehabilitation, and emergency medicine. In fact, trauma medicine as we know it today got its start out on the battlefields and emergency medicine techniques were honed in Vietnam. One of the Physiatrists I worked with in Portsmouth, Kevin Smith, was a leader in his field and promised to talk to the Physiatrist assigned to Jasper's case. There had been many advances since my time at the Naval Hospital; however, while Kevin was optimistic that we would be able to get Jasper's leg rehabilitated, he too wasn't able to promise a 100% return of functionality. Kevin e-mailed me some of the latest research on traumatic femoral injuries and physical therapy techniques and I forwarded that information to Carlisle. I had just hit the send button on the e-mail when my iPhone beeped with a new text message.

_**Spoke with patient – no progress. Can u give it a try? I'm at wits end. – C**_

I heaved a sigh reading the message. Damn it! Stubborn fool – I couldn't believe that Carlisle's 'Come to Jesus' talk had no effect on him. Quickly I typed in a response to my brother's request.

_**Will do – my method may include non-Esme approved foods – that OK with you? – E**_

My brother's joy at eating the pizza last night had given me an idea of what to try with Jasper, but I wouldn't be able to do anything until my lunch hour. When I had read Jasper's chart the other night, there weren't any dietary restrictions so I figured a cheeseburger and fries might just break one Jasper Whitlock down. After four days of nothing, I'd be tackling someone for a cheeseburger and fries, so hopefully it would at least get me in the door. I just hoped he wouldn't throw me out once he figured out who I was.

_**Whatever works – let me know if the situation changes. – C**_

I had been hoping that Carlisle would be able to make Jasper see reason, so that I could continue to avoid seeing him. But, if even the threat of a feeding tube and the staff psychiatrist couldn't persuade him, I was damn well going to do everything in my power to get Jasper to see that his world hadn't ended just because he might not be able to be a cop anymore. I could only do my best. I sent another quick text to Carlisle letting him know to check his e-mail and then got ready to go to work. I was eager to get in and get my day started so that I could get to my lunch hour and see Jasper. I was nervous that he would have no idea who I was; however, if that was the case, I would use the fact that I was his ER doctor and that Carlisle was my brother as my in. My only concern was that I wouldn't be able to hold my own emotions in at the sight of a hurting Jasper. I was going to have to push my own feelings aside to make sure he got the help he needed. Gathering my thoughts, I made my way to the bedroom to get ready for my shift.

_**01-14-10, 07:42 - EPOV**_

I walked out of the ER and started to make my way up to the SICU to meet with Jasper and Carlisle. I had texted Carlisle at six to let him know that Jasper was ready to meet and discuss his options for rehabilitation. I knew that Carlisle had a surgery scheduled at ten, so I set up the meeting for eight, knowing it would give us plenty of time to talk with Jasper. Hopefully he would be ready to make the decisions he needed to make.

I had spent the time since leaving Jasper's room early this morning on autopilot, trying to tamp down the emotions that were simmering just below the surface and threatening to bubble up and overwhelm me. I had had a shift to finish and succumbing to my feelings would have done my patients and the residents I was supervising no good. I didn't hide it as well as I thought; however, since Angela asked me a few times this morning if I was alright.

I couldn't believe that once Jasper had gotten past the initial shock of seeing me in his room, he had interacted with me like the past 8 years had never existed. The feeling of Jasper in my arms, trusting me with his fears and vulnerabilities was beyond anything I could put into words. Above everything, I felt relief that he trusted me enough to let go and get everything off of his chest that he needed to in order to begin healing. But I also had a feeling like I was finally home. All of my own fears, worries, doubts, and insecurities disappeared the minute I held him in my arms, and in the light of day, I was too terrified to analyze it too closely for fear of what it really meant.

As I arrived on the SICU, I noticed the cafeteria workers preparing to bring breakfast to the patients. I made my way over to the cart and found Jasper's tray, letting the worker know I would be taking it in. As I opened the door to Jasper's room, I found him still sleeping. I moved portable table near his bed and place his breakfast upon it, then stood there just staring at the beautiful man in front of me for a few moments. He looked more like the eighteen-year-old I remembered when he was sleeping peacefully, his golden curls falling over his eyes as they must have done when he was just a boy. All of the strain that had appeared on his face during our discussion in the wee hours of the morning seemed to have disappeared and I was happy that he had hopefully gotten some much needed rest. Hating to wake him, but knowing that Carlisle was due to arrive at any moment, I moved to the window and opened the curtain. Looking out, I noticed that it had snowed overnight, but that the sun was shining brightly. The light from the sun must have woken Jasper and I heard his voice call out softly, "Edward, is that you?"

"Good morning, Jasper. It's me – here as promised. Carlisle is due to arrive any moment and I've brought your breakfast," I said, turning towards him with a smile.

He peered over at me sleepily, trying to adjust his eyes to the light and move himself into a more comfortable position. I walked over to his bed and asked, "Is it okay if I help you sit up a little? It'll be easier for you to eat that way."

"Thank you – all this layin' down is driving me crazy," he responded with a small grin. I looked into his eyes and saw a bit of the twinkle I remembered and beamed back my own smile. I brought the head of the bed up and helped move him into a more upright position. I moved the tray table over his bed and unveiled his breakfast.

"Let's see – reconstituted eggs, an English muffin, some juice – looks good to me," I teased.

"Yeah, right. You can say that because you get to leave and go to McDonald's," he retorted, but began to eat despite his obvious disdain. He finished in record time and I was about to ask if he wanted me to call down for a second tray when Carlisle entered the room.

"Good morning, Jasper. How are you doing today?" he asked, giving me a smile of welcome and looking shocked to see Jasper stuffing his mouth.

"Much better, Carlisle, much better," he said, winking at me. "Edward, can you take this away? I'm done."

"Of course," I responded, moving the tray table to the side of the room and pulling up one of the visitor chairs next to the bed. "Do you want me to stay or did you want to talk to Carlisle in private?" I asked, double-checking that he was still okay with me being there.

"Stay, please?" he said, motioning for me to sit next to him. I took a seat and he reached out his hand. Grabbing it in mine, I squeezed it in a show of support and gave him another smile. I looked over at Carlisle and caught his glance at our clasped hands and the look that said we would definitely be discussing this later.

"So doc," Jasper started, looking over at Carlisle, "I think I'm done sulkin' and Edward says I need to come up with a plan on how to get my leg better."

Carlisle began to go over Jasper's options and discussed the recovery rates associated with each. After a lengthy discussion on the pros and cons of each option, Jasper decided that the in-patient services provided at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (RIC) were the best choice, given that he lived alone and didn't want to rely on Rosalie or Emmett for assistance in daily tasks. Throughout the conversation, whenever Jasper was nervous or anxious he would look to me for reassurance or squeeze my hand as if to make sure I was still there. It was difficult for me to try to be both friend and doctor, so I let go of my role as a physician and just settled into making sure that my friend Jasper was taking it all in. Once the decision had been made, Carlisle began to talk about the timeline and when they would make the transfer. I could tell that Jasper was beginning to tire, and threw my brother a look to warn him to start winding the conversation down.

"I'm glad that you made this decision, Jasper. I think that you will be surprised at the results that RIC can get help you achieve. We'll talk more about the timeline and what to expect tomorrow – for now I want you to get some rest to help your body heal," Carlisle stated, understanding my non-verbal hints. "Were you still hungry, we can get you another tray if you'd like?" he asked.

"I'm good for now, thanks. Too tired to eat anyway," Jasper replied sleepily.

"OK – We'll let you rest until lunch then," Carlisle noted, as Jasper used the controls to move the head of the bed back into a more reclined position. "Edward – if I could see you in my office when you are done here?"

Shit. I was in for it, but I didn't care. Jasper was going to get the help he needed and I couldn't care less if Carlisle approved of my methods or not. "I'll be there in a minute," I responded, and waited until he left to see if Jasper was really okay with everything. "How are you doing?" I asked him, looking at his face carefully to gage his reaction to the conversation.

"Better, really. Thank you for being here," he said. "Are you headin' home now? You've got to be tired too."

"I am, after I talk to Carlisle, but I'm back on shift at six," I replied.

"Will you come back to see me? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to…" he trailed off, looking out the window and avoiding my gaze.

"There's nothing I'd like more," I said, waiting until he turned back towards me and catching his gaze so that he could see the truth of my statement in my eyes. "I'll stop back in around 5:30 and I'll bring you some dinner, ok?"

"Ok – thanks again," he whispered, and drifted off to sleep.

Walking out of his room, I made my way to Carlisle's office. Knocking on the door, I heard him call for me to enter and I poked my head around the door. "You still need to see me?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes and motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of his desk. I took a seat and just stared back at him, not volunteering any information whatsoever. I wasn't technically crossing any lines having a friendship with Jasper – he wasn't my patient anymore, but I could tell Carlisle was curious.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"What was what?" I responded, playing dumb.

"Come on, Edward. I'm not an idiot. You know him," he stated as if it was a fact and not a question.

"Yes," I said, sighing. "But I didn't remember who he was until after I went home that first day. Once I figured it out, it didn't matter, because you were his doctor, not me."

"True, but that doesn't explain what I just saw in there," he said.

"What did you see, Carlisle?" I asked, not understanding what he was trying to say.

"What did I see? I saw two men who obviously care deeply about each other, Edward. I saw one man, who I was about to admit to the psych ward yesterday, look like a completely different person today. I saw a brother who hasn't truly smiled in years look happy. That's what I saw in there," he retorted.

"Yes, I care about him, but only as friends," I replied, as Carlisle snorted.

"Friends my ass," he jibed.

"Fine, what do you want me to say, Carlisle?" I burst out loudly. "You want me to tell you that I'm in love with him? That I only spent one night with him 8 years ago but have never felt the way that he makes me feel? Is that what you want to know?" I yelled in frustration.

"Is that what you feel?" he asked quietly.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and then replied shakily, "I don't know. There's something there, but I'm not ready to deal with it. I've spent too long keeping my emotions locked up and I can't handle having them all flying at me now. Hell, I've been a freaking robot for 8 years, what the hell do I know about love? We've both lived very different lives – he just needs a friend right now and that's all I can offer," I said quietly, holding my head in my hands.

"I think you have a hell of a lot more to offer than you give yourself credit for, Edward," Carlisle noted. "The reason I was so worried about you going into the Navy was not that I didn't think that you could do the job, it was that I know you. You feel things so deeply, even if you don't admit it. You may think that you locked all of your feelings away, but they are right there, boiling under your skin. If you don't let it all out soon, I'm afraid of what will happen," he warned.

"I know," I cried, feeling the tears start to well in my eyes, "but I don't know how to let all of these feelings come to the surface without going insane."

"Let me help you. I'm your brother, you can talk to me. Nothing you can say will make me care about you less," he said, getting up and sitting in the chair next to me. He took me in his arms and like Jasper the night before, I just broke. All of the worries and horrors of the past 8 years came pouring out in incomprehensible sobs and he just held me through it all, murmuring words of reassurance. "I love you, Edward, Esme loves you. We're here for you no matter what."

After what seemed like hours, I finally pulled myself together and moved out of Carlisle's embrace. Reaching for the Kleenex on his desk, I cleaned myself up and laughed at the sight of Carlisle's tear-stained shirt.

"Jasper did that to me last night," I said, pointing out the mess I'd made of his shirt. "I told him that I'd had worse, but I don't know if that applies in your case."

Carlisle just laughed and said, "Trust me, I've had worse. Now, how are you feeling?"

I sighed, "Better – I didn't realize how much I'd been holding in."

"I'm just happy that you could finally let some of it go. Do you think it would help if you talked to someone? A lot of folks come back and need some help adjusting to civilian life," he noted, squeezing my shoulder. "There's no shame in admitting you need some help."

"I know, and I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't need it. Do you know someone good?" I asked.

"I do, and I'll get you the information later. In the meantime, why don't you go home and get some rest," he replied.

"I will – thanks, Carlisle," I said, giving him another hug.

"Thank you for letting me be there for you. Now go – I'll check in with you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I said, getting up and heading towards the door. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"I love you too."

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	11. Mendin' Fences

**A/N: A little later in the day than normal, but this one was giving me trouble. Hope you enjoy it! PS If you haven't read _Change_ by Nestaron go give it a try. I'm loving the complexity of this one and it's not often that you find a good vampire E/J story. :-)**

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Chapter 11 – Mendin' Fences

_**01-14-2010, 15:25 – JPOV**_

I woke up alone and surprisingly enough, I actually felt somewhat rested. The ache in my back was nearly gone and while the stitches in my arm still pulled if I moved it too fast, it was tolerable. My leg, however, was another story. I couldn't feel much of anything unless I tried to move it. Experimenting, I tried to wiggle my toes and move my ankle and cursed as pain shot through my system. Apparently that wasn't the smartest of moves. Sighing, I leaned back in the bed and looked around. Since I had destroyed the remote control for the TV during my temper tantrum the other day, I was stuck with nothing to do until Edward returned, if he returned.

Not that I doubted that he would be back, but I still couldn't understand why he would _**want**_ to spend any time with me. I totally wanted him to want to, but I didn't want it to be just because he felt he had to or because he pitied me. I was confused, to be completely honest. I wanted to see him, to hear his voice, to find out where he'd been and what he'd been doing – but I wasn't sure if our one night together entitled me to that level of friendship. Finally, I was embarrassed, because I'd unloaded all of my fears and frustrations on him without even knowing if he wanted to rekindle our relationship? Friendship? Acquaintance? Shit, I didn't even know how to classify it. All I knew was that now that I'd found him again, I didn't want to lose him.

I hit the call button for the nurse. I had the foulest taste in my mouth and would kill for a cup of coffee or a soda. A disembodied voice responded through the speaker behind my bed and I put in my request. A few moments later, the nurse arrived with a cup filled with ice and a can of Pepsi. I used the controls attached to the bed to raise myself into a sitting position and watched as she placed the portable tray table over my lap.

"Officer Whitlock, how are you doing today?" she asked, looking at me with a soft smile.

"Better, thanks," I responded and poured the soda into the cup using my good arm.

"Can I get you anything else or call anyone for you?" she queried.

What I really wanted was to see my family, but I had ruined any chance of that with my behavior the other day. I would be very surprised if any of them ever gave me the time of day again – especially after my particularly cruel words. I missed Emmett though, and wanted to know what was happening with the suspension and the case. Besides, he was the most forgiving, and I didn't feel up to getting my ass kicked by my sister yet. Biting my lip, I hesitantly asked, "Do you think I could call my brother-in-law?"

"Sure, let me get the phone for you," she replied, moving to the other side of my bed, grabbing the room phone, and placing it on the tray next to my soda. "You'll just need to dial nine first to obtain an outside line. Once you hear the dial tone, you can enter the number you want to call. I leave you to it, just hit the call button if you need anything else," she noted and then walked out of the room. Once the door closed behind her, I entered Emmett's cell phone number and took a deep breath.

"McCarty, what up?" boomed a voice through the phone.

"Emmett…" I said, cringing and waiting for the yelling to begin.

"Jasper, is that you? Hang on a sec – let me pull over, I'm driving," he replied. I heard the click of the turn signal and after a few moments, the sound of the engine turning off. "Are you okay?" he asked anxiously.

"I'm fine, um…" Shit this was hard. I knew that I needed to eat crow but I didn't want to do it over the phone. "Do you think you could come see me? Alone?" I asked softly.

"I'll be there in a bit," he replied and then nothing. He had hung up on me. Shit! Now what? In the five plus years I've known Emmett he'd never hung up on me, but he had said he would see me in a bit. I would just have to wait it out. Hopefully he wouldn't try to break my other leg in retaliation for hurting his wife.

_**01-14-2010, 16:01 –JPOV**_

Ten minutes later the door to my room burst open and my gigantic and slightly out of breath brother-in-law entered, hauling what seemed to be a rather unwieldy box. I looked up at him curiously and asked, "How the hell did you get here so fast?"

"Dude, I was already on my way here. I'd had enough of sitting at home listening to my wife cry about what an asshole her brother is and decided to come pound some sense into you," Emmett responded with a smirk, setting the box down in the corner of the room. "Are you done whining like a little bitch?"

"Geez, man, tell it like it is, why dontcha…"

"Look man, I know that you've had it rough and that everything is probably all overwhelming right now, but you can't take that shit out on the folks trying to help you. We love you Jasper and we were just trying to help," Emmett said, looking at me with the most serious expression I'd ever seen on his face.

"I know. I'm sorry, I really am. I just needed to work some things out and couldn't do it with y'all hovering," I replied. "I was angry and frustrated with the situation and took it out on everyone around me. Trust me, no one was spared."

"Well, it's not me you need to apologize to. I get it, I do. But your sister is a mess and Mama Whitlock isn't much better," he warned. "I've spent more time this week mopping up tears than I'm comfortable with. I mean, shit, you made Rosalie cry and that isn't easy to do. I should beat your ass just for that, but I'll give you a free pass this time if you promise me you'll make it right."

"I'll make it right," I vowed. "Are we good?"

"Yeah man, we're good. Now, can I get a hug?" he said with a grin.

"Just watch the arm," I cautioned and laughed as my hulking best friend swooped in for the hug. He squeezed gently and let me go, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. I looked over at him and was shocked to see tears in his eyes. He turned away from me slightly, and I looked out the window while he tried to regain his composure. Emmett really was a giant softy and I felt even worse that I had treated him so horribly.

"Thank you Emmett," I said softly.

"For what?" he asked, looking at me quizzically.

"For being here – for always being there for me – and for savin' my life," I replied, reaching out with my good arm to ruffle his hair, a little choked up myself.

"Oh man Jasper - I thought I had lost you. You have no idea…" he trailed off, looking pensive. "I'm just glad that they were able to get you here and fixed up. I really, really didn't want to have to tell Rosalie that I had fucked up and gotten her little brother killed. Besides, who would play Wii with me?" he grinned, attempting to lighten up the atmosphere in the room.

"I want you to stop blaming yourself for what happened," I said sternly. "It was my fault that I got shot, not yours. I was in such a damn hurry to get in there that I broke procedure. Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Emmett." I gave him a fierce look, letting him know that I meant business.

"We're partners, Jasper. That means that I've got your back no matter what. I didn't have your back…"

"Stop it," I interrupted. "If I'd waited for back-up we'd have been able to clear all of the rooms and would have known that asshole was hiding in the bedroom. And you did have my back – you saved my life – so just give it a rest, okay?"

"Okay," he replied. "Captain Oliver said he thinks that Internal Affairs will file the report and finalize the investigation next week after they've come in to interview you. He's pretty sure we'll just get a slap on the wrist given the outpouring of support for both of us from the public. It won't have any impact on our promotions, so that's good news at least."

"Yes, definitely," I responded. I was still planning to speak with Internal Affairs and let them know that it was my decision to go in without back-up. Hopefully they would decide to only discipline me and not Emmett. Wanting to change the subject, I asked, "What's in the box?"

"I'm your best friend, right?" Emmett asked with a smirk.

"Yep – what's in the box, Emmett?"

"Well, I figured you had to be going stir crazy in here so I used your spare key to stop and pick up some essentials from your apartment. I brought your laptop, your iPod, your cell phone, and some DVD's. I also grabbed some books – I wasn't sure what you'd already read, so I just grabbed the ones from the nightstand. I know you don't like people pawing through your stuff, but I assumed you'd let your best friend slide," he said, unloading the items from the box onto the table next to my bed.

I waved aside his concerns. It was true; I did like my privacy and rarely allowed anyone into my space, even Emmett and Rosalie. I guess I was a bit of a loner in that regard, but I was so thankful that he had thought to bring me these things that I didn't care. "Thank you – I _**was **_goin' crazy."

"I didn't bring food though – I wasn't sure if you were allowed to eat anything besides hospital food," he noted, grimacing in disgust at the thought of what I had been subjected to.

"Yeah, the food sucks, but I'm managin'," I said, not wanting to reveal that Edward was bringing me cheeseburgers. I wasn't quite sure how to explain Edward to Emmett or to my family. I mean, what could I say? Oh yeah, did you know that my doctor has a hot brother that works in the ER? I slept with him eight years ago, he disappeared, and now he's back and bringing me dinner. Oh and I sobbed all over him and guilted him into coming back and visiting me, whether he wanted to or not. It didn't make sense to me so how could I explain it to anyone else.

"So any hot nurses?" Emmett asked slyly, waggling his eyebrows at me. "Anyone who you can request a special sponge bath from?"

God save me, Emmett and his one track mind. "Emmett – all of my nurses are female and don't do anything for me," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"What? No male nurses? It's 2010, you'd think there'd be some equality by now!" he teased. "What about hot doctors?"

I tried to hide my blush as the thought of Edward's sexy body in scrubs crossed through my mind. Jesus, Jasper, what a way to keep it on the down low.

"Aha! I knew it," Emmett cried. "There _**is**_ a hot doctor…"

"Shut-up!" I hissed. "There is not…"

"I call bullshit," Emmett said in a sing-song voice. "What about Dr. Cullen? He's a hottie."

I guffawed, "He's married with a kid, Emmett."

"He is? What the hell, I thought he was gay?"

Wait, what? Carlisle wasn't gay. Unless my gaydar had suffered major damage during my hospitalization, Emmett had lost his mind. "Dr. Cullen is definitely not gay."

"Yes he is, I could spot it from ten miles away," Emmett argued. "Dr. Cullen is as gay as the day is long," he opined.

I knew something was up then – no way in hell did Emmett think Carlisle was gay. He must be talking about Edward and was fishing. How the hell did Emmett know Edward? And how did he know that I knew Edward? "Okay, you've got me Em, Carlisle is definitely gay," I replied, knowing that he was trying to bait me and get me to admit to knowing Edward.

Growing exasperated with my evasive maneuvers, Emmett pulled out a slip of paper from the box and passed it over to me. "I'm not talking about Carlisle, you idiot."

Glancing at the piece of paper, I recognized it instantly as Edward's note – the note he left me eight years ago. "Where did you get this?" I hissed.

"Um, it was hanging on your refrigerator – still. Nostalgic, much?" he asked.

Heaving a huge sigh, I admitted, "Yes, Dr. Edward Cullen is gay and hot. He's also just an acquaintance."

"Mmm-hmm. Just an acquaintance, huh? That's funny – I don't keep notes from my 'acquaintances' on my refrigerator for eight years, but maybe that's just me. I'm funny that way," Emmett said sarcastically.

"Jesus Emmett – fine, what do you want to know?" I said through clenched teeth, hating every second of this conversation.

"I want to know a few things – first, obviously you've seen him since you woke up, how did it go? Second, what's next? Are you going to start seeing each other? Cause it's obvious to me that you still have feelings for him, you don't just keep a note like that for no reason."

"First, I have some questions. How did you know? The note is only signed Edward, how did you know Dr. Edward Cullen was my Edward?" I asked.

"_**My**_ Edward? – Talk about giving it away," he laughed. Tapping his finger against his forehead, Emmett replied with a cheesy grin, "Besides - Detective, remember? Let's just say that I witnessed something the other night that helped me put the puzzle pieces together."

"What did you witness?" I groaned, not sure if I wanted to know or not.

"Well, at approximately 01:30 on the night of January the 10th, a certain Dr. Cullen came up to pay a visit to one patient Whitlock and provided said witness with an eyeful of his caring and compassionate bedside manner," Emmett reported with a wink.

"What the hell? I don't remember anything about that, the first night I saw Edward was last night," I responded and then groaned again. Shit! I'd let that slip without wanting to.

"Man, you _**are**_ losing your touch – this is just too easy," my brother-in-law noted with another shit-eating grin. "He came in to check on you, but his manner was a bit too familiar. Don't get me wrong, he didn't do anything creepy, but the way he was looking at you led me to believe that he knew you as more than a patient. The next morning he came in with his brother to meet your parents and they got to talking about his time in the military. It clicked for me and I confronted him about it in the hall, but you woke up and I didn't get a chance to get an answer from him. So….tell me about the big reunion," he said, with a hopeful expression.

"Not much to tell. He brought me a cheeseburger and fries and gave me a stern talkin' to about my mopin'," I evaded.

"Going to keep it close to the vest, huh?" Emmet noted, nodding sagely. "Fine, but don't think that I won't get it all out of you at some point."

"I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. Hell, I'm still tryin' to make sense of it."

"What's there to make sense of? Boy A meets boy B, boy A leaves, boy B misses boy A, boy B gets hurt, boy A takes care of boy B, boys A&B reunite and live happily ever after," said my wise friend with a smile.

"I wish it was that easy, Emmett. I have nothin' to offer him right now. And besides, I don't think he feels the same way I do," I lamented.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Do you remember when you told me about what you felt the first time you saw Rosalie? The hallelujah chorus and all that?" I queried.

"Yep," he responded, waiting for me to continue.

"That's how I felt the first time I set eyes on Edward. I was working at that bar in Lincoln Park, remember? He came into the bar and our eyes met and it was like a jolt went through my system. He looked so sad and I would have done anything to take that sadness away. I switched tables with another server just so I could wait on him," recollecting that night like it was yesterday. "There was just this connection from the first moment I saw him, but he was in the military and then he was just gone. I had one perfect night and then nothin'. I moved on, but it was like he was the measurin' stick for everyone else. I've never felt that way with anyone else."

"And now?" Emmett inquired.

"Exactly the same. It's like my whole body comes alive whenever he's near, but how is that possible? It's been eight years – he's not the same person. Hell, I'm not the same person. He's probably involved with someone else – I mean look at him, who wouldn't have snatched that up? Plus, I'm about to be in rehab for the next three months hopin' for the slight chance that I might make it back to 100%. What if I don't? What's the point of startin' somethin' in the midst of this mess?" I asked tiredly. "What if I'm just so needy and vulnerable right now that I'm latchin' on to the memory of him and not the reality?"

"I agree that you probably shouldn't be jumping into some serious relationship right now with all that's going on, but why can't you try being friends? If it's still there for both of you, it will wait until you are back on your feet – no pun intended. Just take it a day at a time and see what develops," Emmett advised. "If there is an off chance that he's really the one for you, do you want to risk not even trying?"

"No," I said softly. "I just think it's too much right now, on top of everythin' else."

"Exactly – so just be friends and take it from there."

I thought over Emmett's advice and it made sense. But first I needed to find out if Edward even wanted to be friends. I didn't want him hanging around just out of some misguided sense of obligation. Looking over at Emmett, I felt blessed to have him in my life. "You're right – thanks Em."

"Shit, I'm always right – you should know that by now!" he joked, once again lightening the mood. He glanced at his watch and said, "Look, I need to get home – Rosalie has no idea where I'm at and the last thing I need to do is piss her off further. Do you mind if I come back later tonight and bring her with me? I know that she really wants to see you."

"I don't mind, but are you sure she wants to come? I said some awful things…"

"Trust me, she'll be here – she loves you man. Even if you are a total douche bag," he smirked and leaned in for another quick hug. "Think about what I said about Edward and I'll see you later," he said and then waved as he walked out of the room.

I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Even thought I had treated them like shit, my family still loved me. I knew that I would still need to talk to my parents, but I wanted to set things right with Rosalie first. I reached over to the table and traced my fingers over Edward's note. Why _**had**_ I kept it all these years? If I was being 100% honest with myself it was because I'd always hoped that he would come back for me. That our one night together meant as much to him as it did to me – but I had no way of knowing what was going on in Edward's head unless we talked about it. Grabbing a book that Emmett brought, I tucked the noted inside and opened up to where I had left off. Hopefully I could escape in the book and take my mind off of things for a while.

_**01-14-2010, 17:20 – JPOV**_

I was completely engrossed in the book I was reading and didn't even hear when the door opened. I'm not sure what made me look up other than a strange feeling that I was being observed and the fact that my pulse sped up in response to some unknown stimuli. I glanced towards the door to find Edward standing there, holding a Tupperware container and a roll of silverware.

"I brought dinner," Edward said quietly, walking towards my bed. I drank in the sight of him in his scrubs. He was also wearing black rimmed glasses, which for some reason made certain parts of my body begin to take notice. Damn, even 8 years later he was still a sexy son of a bitch. I gazed into his eyes and realized that he looked exhausted. His eyes were weary and red-rimmed, as if he'd been crying or upset.

"Is everythin' okay?" I asked, wanting to know what had happened to make him look this way.

"Everything's fine, Jasper. It's just been a long day," he responded with a half-smile. He placed the Tupperware container on my tray and pulled off the lid. "I hope you like fish. I cooked up some salmon with wild rice and asparagus for dinner and made an extra portion for you. If you don't like it, I can go grab you something from the cafeteria…"

"It looks delicious," I interrupted his nervous rambling and smiled up at him. "Can you stay for a bit?"

"Sure, I don't have to be on the floor until six," he replied, plopping down into the chair next to my bed with a yawn.

I took a bite of the salmon and moaned - it was so good. Swallowing, I asked, "This is amazin'. Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Oh – Esme, Carlisle's wife, taught me to cook my senior year in high school. I think she was afraid I would starve to death or something out on my own. I like cooking," he shrugged, "it helps me to relax."

"I don't have the patience for it and never saw the sense in cookin' just for one," I replied. Then going on a fishing expedition of my own I asked, "Do you have someone to cook for back at home?"

Edward chuckled slightly and said with a grin, "Yes, actually. You were lucky - I was able to rescue a piece of salmon for your dinner. My dinner companion was quite taken with the meal."

"Well, you didn't have to deprive your companion – I could've made do with somethin' from the cafeteria. In fact, don't feel like you need to keep me company. I know that you are probably very busy, what with a new job and all…" I trailed off, not wanting Edward to see my disappointment at the thought of him with someone else. "I hope that I didn't take away from your time with your partner," I offered with a sad smile.

"No worries – Cletus will get over it," Edward replied with a twinkle in his eye. "It's a fairly new relationship and he'll just have to learn to deal with my schedule and quirks."

"Your partner's name is Cletus?" I sputtered out in stunned surprise. I just could not picture a gay man named Cletus; the image of my own Uncle Cletus popped into my head and was just too incongruent with the type of man that I pictured Edward having as a partner.

"Yep – wanna see a picture?" he asked, holding up his iPhone.

"Um – sure," I replied, wincing slightly at the thought of seeing Edward's boyfriend. He passed over the phone and I looked at the screen. At first I just stared, unable to take in what I was seeing. Once I got past the initial shock I looked over at Edward. "Cletus is a cat!" I exclaimed, watching as Edward's smile grew larger.

"Oh my God, Jasper – you should have seen your face!" Edward was laughing so hard tears were pouring down his face. "That was perfect! I wish I could have videotaped it," he said, still chortling with mirth. "Can you really picture a gay man named Cletus?" he asked.

"No, I couldn't – that was the problem," I said with a smirk. "How the hell did you come up with that name?" I asked.

"Honestly? I found him in the bushes outside of my apartment complex after my first shift. I went to the pet store that afternoon and when the girl asked me what his name was, Cletus just popped out. I had spent the morning trying to figure out why you looked so familiar and then it all came to me that afternoon. I guess that night was at the forefront of my mind. I remembered you telling me that your name could have been worse, that you could've been named after your Uncle Cletus," Edward stated with a crooked grin.

I looked down at the tray and pushed the food away, having suddenly lost my appetite. He hadn't remembered me. God, it hurt more than I thought it would. I tried to tamp down the emotions whirling through my head. I had spent eight years trying to forget him and failing while he had been successful.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" Edward asked, sensing the shift in my mood.

"Nothin' – just thinkin'," I replied.

"Try again, I know something is wrong – tell me," he demanded.

"You forgot me," I said softly.

"Shit. Fuck. No!" Edward exclaimed in rapid succession, getting up from the chair to pace the room. He grabbed at his almost non-existent hair and stopped in his tracks, looking me dead in the eye. I saw the pain in them and almost winced.

"Its okay, Edward. I shouldn't have expected you to remember me. It was a long time ago," I noted, trying to alleviate his stress.

"You don't understand – I _**had**_ to. I barely could bring myself to go to the airport that morning. It was torture leaving you there. I wanted nothing more than to stay in that bed with you and see where we could have taken things. But I had to go – I had to fulfill my obligation. But God - Jasper, I would have given anything to have stayed," he began to pace again, speaking passionately. "It was hell – and the only way I could survive it was to become a robot. I desensitized myself to everything but my training. I threw myself into work and ignored anything personal. Shit, I barely spoke to Carlisle. I wouldn't have made it through if I kept picturing how you looked and felt that night." He sighed and sat back down in the chair, grabbing my hand and holding it tight. "I'm so sorry."

I squeezed his hand hard and said, "Don't be – I tried to forget you too – you were just better at it than I was. I understand that you needed to do what you did. I just thought that if you were able to forget it meant that that night didn't mean as much to you as it did to me."

"Don't ever think that, Jasper – not even for a second," Edward said forcefully. "That was still, hands down, one of the best nights of my life."

"For me too, and I have to know or I'll never forgive myself…" I stopped, looking at him hesitantly.

"You can ask or tell me anything, Jasper," he encouraged.

"I don't want you to come back if you are only here because you feel guilty about leaving," I whispered, hoping beyond hope that he would understand what I was talking about.

"I'm not here because I feel guilty," he declared, looking me straight in the eyes, running his thumb over my wrist in slow circles.

"Do you still feel it?" I whispered.

"The electricity? The spark? The feeling like I've known you my entire life? Is that what you are referring to?" he asked.

"Yes."

"God, Jasper, from the first second I realized who you were I felt it. Hell, I even felt it when I was bringing you up to surgery but couldn't make sense of it," he looked at me again. "I feel it right now, but…" he broke off, rubbing his hands over his face and looking at me pleadingly.

"We're not ready," I said.

"We're not ready," he repeated, quietly. "I don't want to lose you again and I will if I don't try to fix myself first. I've spent years hiding my emotions and now that they are all coming back to the surface, I don't know how to handle them. I can't be the man you deserve right now, as much as it kills me to admit it."

"You're right. God knows I have enough of my own shit to fix," I replied with a self-deprecating smirk. "I don't want to go back to where we were though. Can we try just being friends for now? A smart man told me today that if this is real, it will wait until we're ready."

"I think that man is very smart. I want you in my life, Jasper – as just friends or more when the time is right. I refuse to let you disappear from my life again now that I've found you – you're stuck with me," he vowed.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather be stuck with," I noted. "Do friends hug?" I asked nonchalantly.

Edward walked over to my bed and moved the tray table out of the way, gathering me into his arms and holding me tightly. "Of course they do," he replied and then released me. "You need to finish your dinner and I need to get to work," he said with a smile. "Are we okay?" he asked timidly.

"I think we're going to be," I responded with a smile. "Come back tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away."

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	12. Interference

**A/N: It's still Sunday, at least in my time zone. I know some of you have an aversion to multiple POV, but I don't think I can get to Chapter 13 without getting these characters to shut-up first. I like to call this chapter the end of Act I - the next section of the story will begin next Sunday. Now I will shut up and let you get to reading, but not until I thank you again for all of your reviews, favoriting, and alerting. I can't tell you how much they mean to me! Enjoy :-)**

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Chapter 12 – Interference

_**01/14/2010, 18:05 – CPOV**_

I walked in the door only to be greeted by silence. Usually my girls beat me home, so I was confused as to where they might be. I meandered into the kitchen to check for a note from either Esme or Alice that would give me a clue about their whereabouts. Just as I entered the room; however, I heard the sound of the garage door opening and knew that they were probably already here.

The sounds of feminine laughter preceded my girls as they made their entrance into the kitchen. Esme was hauling a couple of grocery bags and jumped in shock at the sight of me leaned up against the island. "Jesus Carlisle, I wasn't expecting you to be here yet," she said, placing the bags on the counter next to the refrigerator and walking over to me to give me a quick kiss hello.

"I actually got out of there on time and traffic wasn't too bad," I explained after our lips parted. Pulling her to me, I leaned down to kiss her again, running my tongue lightly against her lips until she granted me entrance. Almost nineteen years of marriage and she could still make me forget my surroundings completely, at least until she pinched me hard on the ass. This time it was me that jumped and I broke away from her, "What the hell was that for?"

"That's for being randy when your daughter is in the room looking like she's about to vomit," Esme teased, quirking an eyebrow at me. "What was that for anyway? Not that I mind, but to what do I owe the pleasure?" she purred, looking positively delicious.

"Ugh, you guys are gross. Get a room already!" Alice exclaimed, leaving the kitchen in a huff.

I chuckled and remarked, "I think _**she**_ thinks she was the product of the Immaculate Conception given the way she freaks out when she catches us together."

Esme laughed and said, "Oh Carlisle, don't you remember how it was when you caught your parents making out? No one wants to think about their parents in that way!" She reached up and kissed me again softly. "Now tell me - what's got you in such a good mood?"

"Do you remember that patient I was telling you about? Jasper Whitlock? The one who was refusing to eat or see his family because he was so depressed?" I asked.

"Yes – did you have a breakthrough with him?" she inquired. Esme was one of the most loving and supportive people I knew and she routinely served as a sounding board for me when I was stressed out over patients.

"Actually, I didn't have the breakthrough. Edward did…" I replied with a smirk.

"How did Edward get involved with it? Did you ask him to help?" she asked, moving away from me to put the groceries away. She glanced back at me curiously as she opened the pantry door.

"That's just it, he was _**involved**_ before I even asked," I remarked and watched as her head popped out from behind the pantry door.

"What? I'm confused…" she gave me a quizzical glance and resumed her previous activities in the pantry.

"Apparently Edward knew my patient from before he left for Afghanistan. In fact, do you remember his last night here? How he left after our argument?"

Esme returned to the kitchen and began pulling out the ingredients for dinner from the refrigerator. "Mmmm-hmm," she murmured, signaling for me to continue as she worked.

"It seems that he met my patient that night and well…" I trailed off, raising an eyebrow at Esme who was looking at me from behind the stove as she began to heat the wok for what looked to be, unfortunately for me, yet another organic, fat-free, cholesterol free meal.

"_**Really**_," Esme gasped, understanding what I was trying to say.

"Really. So anyway – I found Edward in Jasper's room this morning and they were holding hands. Esme – if you could only have been there. The electricity sparking between the two of them could have lit up our house for a month," I noted, grinning widely. "It reminded me of when I first met you."

"Wow. Edward finally found someone," she murmured with a smile of her own.

"I think so, but he's freaking out," I said with a frown. "I confronted him about it after we finished talking to Jasper and he lost it. I knew that all those years of hiding his feelings were going to have serious repercussions. He's a mess, honey. He's finally starting to let those emotions come to the surface and now he doesn't know what to do with them," I observed. "I gave him a referral to a therapist I know that specializes in war veterans. I can only hope for his sake that he goes." I walked over to stand behind my wife and wrapped my arms around her waist. The much needed contact helped to calm my anxieties about my brother.

Turning, she placed her hand against my cheek and advised, "You have to let him make his own decisions, Carlisle. He's a grown man and I know that you sometimes still see him as that little boy who you took care of when your parents passed."

I rested my head atop hers gently and replied, "I know, but it's hard. I don't want him to mess this up. I want him to find someone he can love as much as I love you. If he continues to run from his feelings, he's going to ruin any chance they have together."

"Yes, but the more you interfere, the more chance you have of sending Edward back to his comfort zone of avoidance. He needs to learn how to handle these feelings on his own," she reminded me.

I leaned down and kissed her again tenderly. "How did you get so wise?" I asked.

"I'm a woman Carlisle, we know everything," she replied with a smirk of her own. "Now, dinner is almost ready. Go find your daughter and drag her from whatever she's doing."

"Will do," I said, sneaking one last kiss from my gorgeous wife. "But tonight, you and I are going to create some electricity of our own," I promised with a wink, leaving the kitchen to hunt for my daughter.

_**01/14/2010, 19:20 – RPOV**_

"Where are we goin'?" I asked, looking over at my husband who seemed to be making every effort not to look me in the eyes. Emmett had just gotten home after disappearing for much of the day and had immediately dragged me out to the car. Now we were driving down the Kennedy Expressway and I had no clue what the hell was going on. Frustrated, I folded my arms over my chest and glared at the love of my life, hoping he would cave and fill me in on our little adventure.

"Out," he replied, still not turning to look at me.

"Damn it Emmett, what's so damn important that we had to leave my parents in the middle of dinner?" I queried, starting to worry. "Wait! Is it Jasper? Is he okay? Did somethin' happen?" I fired questions at my husband, grabbing his arm with my left hand. I began to panic at the thought of what could be going on with my brother. It had been almost four days since I'd seen him last and while I was still upset, I didn't want anything to be wrong with him.

"No, babe – I'm sorry. I should have known you would have jumped to that conclusion. Jasper is fine," he reassured me, grabbing my hand and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss my knuckles.

"Then what the hell are we doin'?!" I whined in frustration. I was at my breaking point. Jasper and I had always been very close and not being able to see him put me on edge. For the first time that I could remember, my brother had yelled at me – flinging hurtful accusations at my parents and me about how we didn't treat him like a man, but like a baby. That we tried to control his life and that we could care less about what happened to him as long as he did what we wanted. Jasper was always the more laid back of the two of us – it had been a complete shock to see him so angry and to have that anger directed at me. When he told us to leave and never come back I had frozen in place, unable to believe my ears. Slowly, though, it started to sink in and we departed. I had cried for the first two days and then got pissed. How dare he tell me that I was babying him? He was my baby brother – of course I was going to baby him – he had just gotten shot for God's sake! Besides, since we were kids he was too non-confrontational to protect himself and it was my job as his older sister to take care of him. I know that technically I was only older by 11 minutes, but I had always watched out for him. My heart had broken into pieces when I heard him sobbing and screaming after Dr. Cullen informed him of his injuries and the ramifications for his career. All I had wanted to do was grab him up in my arms and make it all go away.

"Wait," I said loudly, Emmett's strange behavior solidifying my growing suspicions. "How do you know that Jasper is fine?" I asked, looking over at Emmett intently. Even though he was a damn good police officer – detective, now – I could still read him like a book. He started to fidget guiltily and when his eyes slid to mine, I had confirmation. "You went to see him? Behind my back?" I roared.

"Calm down, Rosie. And yes, I went to see him," he admitted, looking at me warily.

"What the hell, Emmett? Didn't he tell us that he didn't want us there? Is that where we are goin' now? If so, you can just turn the car around now," I advised in a low growl.

"Listen Rosie, I just couldn't take it anymore. You were upset, your mother is flooding our apartment with her tears, and your father is pissed at everyone. What did you expect me to do? Besides, you have to know that Jasper didn't really mean what he said – he was just releasing his frustrations on anyone that was handy," Emmett offered. "We had a good conversation this afternoon and I think he's ready to make amends."

Rolling my eyes, I said nothing further. Emmett could be a stubborn ass when he got his mind set on something and I could tell by the set of his jaw that I was going to be dragged to Jasper's room whether I wanted to be or not. Well, I would go, but it didn't mean I had to talk to him. I would just make sure he was really alright and then we could go back home.

Twenty minutes later we pulled into the visitor's parking lot and Emmett grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine as we made our way through the hospital to the SICU. "Just hear him out," he whispered before opening the door to Jasper's room and leading me inside. I tried looking anywhere but at my brother, but as soon as I heard his voice, my eyes snapped to his.

"Rosie?" he questioned, looking at me with such sadness in his eyes that I could feel my heart breaking again.

"What?" I snapped, feeling bad for being so mean, but also still upset that he had treated me like he had.

"Can we talk? I have some things I need to tell you and I need to apologize to you for my behavior the other day," he asked quietly. Good, he knew that I was pissed. Serves him right.

"Fine," I said, plopping down in the chair next to his bed and staring out the window. If I looked into those sad puppy dog eyes again I would lose my resolve. He had to know that his actions were not acceptable, even if it was killing me to do it.

"Listen – I'm just going to…" Emmett started backing away from Jasper and me and hot-footed it out the door. Chicken shit.

I heard him take a deep breath and then he began talking, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you or said the things I said the way I said them. I know that you were all just tryin' to help me, but I was just so damn frustrated and scared."

"Scared?" I asked in a shocked voice. All of the anger that I had been storing up disappeared. Jasper had never been scared a day in his life.

"Yes, scared," he reiterated. "I didn't know what good I would be to anyone if I couldn't do my job. It's all I know," he noted softly. "And I didn't want to be a burden to you or Emmett or to momma and daddy."

"Jasper, you wouldn't be a burden. You are my brother and kin takes care of kin," I declared, grabbing his hand and turning to face him. "You would take care of me if the situation was reversed, wouldn't you?"

"I would," he replied, "but this is different. This is my own fault."

"What?" I sputtered, totally at a loss as to what he was trying to say.

"It was my fault," he said fiercely. "I was the one who broke procedure and went in without back-up. I could have gotten us both killed and for that I will never forgive myself. You could have lost your husband because of me."

That wasn't how Emmett told it. In fact, Emmett had spent the last four days trying to take the responsibility for this mess himself. I figured that they both had made the right decision though. If I had heard that child screaming like Emmett said she had been I would have done exactly the same thing.

"Okay – you listen to me right now Jasper Whitlock," I yelled, completely pissed off at both Jasper and Emmett for being so ridiculous about this. "The only people responsible for this mess is that idiot James who was using his apartment for a meth lab and sampling his own product , his hooker girlfriend Victoria, and that fuckin' drug dealer Laurent," I said vehemently. The press had been covering the shooting and had revealed the details of the living situation in the apartment. "You and Emmett saved that little girl. God knows what they would have done to her if you hadn't gotten in there. Accordin' to the news they have abused her for a long time. I don't want to hear anymore from you or my idiot husband about how you gettin' shot was your fault or his fault."

Jasper looked up at me and I could see that my words were starting to sink in. "Besides, if it _**was **_your fault, you would have been fired and the captain says that you both will just get a slap on the wrist," I stated. "All you need to be worryin' about is gettin' better. When they release you from here we'll take you home with us and hire the best physical therapists we can find. I'll take some time off from work and we'll get through this together."

"I'm not comin' home with you and Emmett, Rosie," Jasper said softly, but with determination.

"Of course you are," I replied, looking at him as if he'd gone insane. "You can't go back to your apartment Jasper. Someone has to take care of you."

"I'm not going back to the apartment either. Dr. Cullen and Edward recommended the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago's inpatient program. I'll be there for 2-3 months," he said.

"What? Why? I can do this – you don't need to go some other hospital," I cried. "Why won't you let me take care of you?"

"Because Rosie, it's not your job. You're my sister, not my mother and not my wife. I need to learn to take care of myself. You have your own life Rosie. You have a husband and you're trying to start a family. I need to do this on my own. I need to know that I'm strong enough to get through this on my own and I can't do that if I let you do everything for me," he noted. "I need to find out who I am now and if I have what it takes to fight my way back."

"Do you not want me around, then? Because then we are just back to where we were four days ago Jasper," I said heatedly.

Jasper sighed heavily. "You are deliberately misunderstandin' what I'm sayin' Rosie. Of course I want you around, you are my sister. But I don't need you to fuss or fawn over me. You've always treated me like a little brother and I've let you, but it's time for me to stand on my own now."

I felt the tears start to slide down my face and I sniffled, "I know. I just feel so helpless. I want to make this better and I can't!"

"You can't – but you can support me, that's all I want or need," he said, squeezing my hand again. "I love you, sis. I won't be able to get through this without your support."

"You have it," I vowed. "You tell me what you need and I'll be there for you every step of the way." I wiped the tears from my face and offered him a smile. Standing up, I reached over to give my brother a hug and kiss. "I'm sorry I've been such an overbearin' cow."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm such an asshole," he remarked with a smirk. "So tell me, have momma and daddy written me out of the will?"

"Not yet," I grinned, "but you have some major suckin' up to do."

"I know – did they make it home alright?" he asked.

"Home? They didn't go home. They are stayin' with me and Emmett. Daddy's drivin' us crazy – he's been like a bear disrupted from hibernation," I remarked. "You didn't think they'd really leave, did you? We've been calling Dr. Cullen everyday to check in on you and momma told me this mornin' that she was plannin' on comin' down here tomorrow to kick some Whitlock tale pretty soon. You can't get rid of us that easy!"

"Will you bring them to see me tomorrow? I need to apologize to them too," Jasper requested.

"Of course, and we'll bring you some decent food as well. You know how momma gets when she's stressed – my refrigerator is full of barbecue and fried chicken."

"Oh – no need to worry about that," Jasper insisted, "I just want to see them. Besides, Emmett will be able to eat up all that food."

"Well, you don't know what you're missin', but it's your loss," I replied, looking at him strangely, but shrugging it off. Momma's food was kinda heavy – maybe he just wasn't up to big meals just yet. He let out a large yawn and I noticed the purple shadows under his eyes. "Now, I'm goin' to let you get some rest, but I'll be back tomorrow with the folks. Besides, I have a husband whose ass needs kickin'." I winked at my brother, gave him another kiss on the cheek, and headed out to find my man.

_**01/15/2010, 02:30 – EPOV**_

I plopped down in a chair at the nurse's station and heaved a sigh of relief. We had been swamped since I came on at six and we'd just finished with the last patient, for now. Angela threw me a smile and said, "How's it going Edward?"

"It's going. How about you?" I asked. I really loved working with Angela. She was highly skilled and kept the ER running efficiently. She was also quite funny and her sarcastic sense of humor kept things light.

"Can't complain, I guess. I'm off for the next three days which means I'll actually get to see my husband," she said with a smirk. "Feel like babysitting?"

"Um – not likely. I haven't the first clue about kids," I responded with a smile. "How do you and Ben do it? The working opposite shifts…" I asked, knowing that her husband typically worked days while she worked nights.

"It works for us. I wanted to be home with the kids during the day, but also didn't want to give up my career. I worked hard to become a nurse and I enjoy it. Besides, I only work 4 days a week, so Ben gets my undivided attention the other three," she replied with a wink and grin.

"I don't know how you working moms do it. I'm so exhausted by the time I get home that I can't imagine having to get someone ready for school or feed them breakfast," I said, shuddering at the thought.

"You do it because you love them. Trust me, when you have kids you'll know what I mean," she noted. "The key is to find a partner who will support you 100%."

"Well, I know that you found that with Ben," I stated. "That man's crazy about you. How did you meet?"

"Actually, we met here at the hospital. It was quite the fodder for the gossip mill for a while, but we didn't care," she said.

"Was it love at first sight?" I queried.

"Hell no! I hated his guts at first. I was working days and he came down here all high and mighty bitching about how my nurses weren't doing their jobs right. I put him in his place and sent him back to where he came from," she retorted, her eyes twinkling.

"If you hated him, how did you guys get together?" I inquired, confused.

"Well, Ben is a persistent bugger; he kept making excuses to come back down here to see me and finally wore me down. After two months I agreed to go out to dinner with him if he would stop bugging me at work and the rest is history. Best first date I'd ever been on," she remembered with a grin. "So, what's with all the talk about love? You got a certain someone that you're interested in?" she teased.

I blushed, cursing my pale complexion and how easily it gave me away. "I reconnected recently with someone I knew before my time in the Middle East," I confessed. "I'm not sure where it's going; we're both not ready for anything serious right now."

"Officer Whitlock, I presume?" Angela questioned with a smile.

My mouth dropped open in shock. "How did you know that?"

"Edward, Edward, Edward. You have soooo much to learn, young one. This hospital is a cesspool of gossip and those nurses up on the SICU are the worst of the bunch. A little birdie told me that you've been calling to check up on him nightly since he arrived," she remarked.

I hung my head in embarrassment. "I didn't think it was that obvious," I muttered.

"Hey, it's all just speculation and once he transfers out to RIC it'll die down. I have to admit you have fine taste in men, though. He's gorgeous!" she noted.

"He is, isn't he?" I beamed back at her.

She laughed, "Oh Edward, you've got it bad! Now, go to lunch and give those SICU folks some excitement. I'll page you if I need you."

"Thanks, Angela!" Following her advice, I sped over to the elevators and within moments found myself in front of the door to Jasper's room. The nurse on duty flashed me a grin and turned back to her charts. I had no reason to be here and Jasper was probably fast asleep by now, but I was drawn to him like a magnet to metal. I entered the room quietly, promising myself that I would just check on him and then make my way to the cafeteria for lunch.

Jasper was asleep and looked like he was resting peacefully. I was relieved to see it; he had still looked overtired when I had brought him dinner and as a doctor I knew the body healed better when it was well rested. I inched my way towards his bedside and looked down upon his beautiful face. I knew we both weren't ready for any type of relationship other than friendship, but I couldn't help how I felt. I found comfort in the fact that he still felt the same connection as I did and that he was willing to take it slowly too. Tomorrow I would take my first steps to becoming the type of man that I knew Jasper deserved. Carlisle called in a favor with his therapist friend and I had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. the next day. Just the thought of revealing my innermost thoughts and feelings to a stranger terrified me, but I knew it had to be done if I wanted to pursue something with Jasper.

I reached down and brushed the ever present curls off of his forehead and felt the familiar spark that always appeared when our skin made contact. He sighed softly and afraid that I had awakened him, I started to turn and leave the room. He mumbled something and I leaned in to try to catch his words. He sighed again and then, so softly that I almost missed it, he said my name. Even in his sleep he knew it was me and at that moment I vowed that I would do anything and everything to make this work.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	13. Trepidation

**A/N: I'm early! Of course, it's probably already Sunday somewhere so I won't get too excited. So, I have a little confession to make. Reviews - down from last week, traffic - down from last week, author - sad and insecure. :-( I don't want to become a review whore, because I really hate that when I'm reading, but if you have time, I just ask that you give me some feedback on what I can do to make the story better for you. As always, thanks to those who did review, alert, or favorite. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Oh - and in the middle section each chapter will have both JPOV and EPOV. Double the fun...**

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**Chapter 13 – Trepidation**

_**02/01/2010, 03:45, JPOV**_

This was it - my last night at St. Bernard's. I should have been asleep hours ago but I was filled with anxiety about what the next day would bring. As much as I hated being tied down to this hospital bed, at least I was familiar with my surroundings. After three weeks in this place, I had the nursing routines down pat and had learned to respect and trust Carlisle's opinion as my physician. Hell, I would like to think we had even formed a friendship of sorts. Tomorrow I would be transferred to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago to begin the arduous journey of rehabilitating my leg. Their in-patient facility was only 20 minutes up the Dan Ryan Expressway; however, it might as well have been a foreign country. I wasn't going to know anyone and worst of all, Edward didn't work there.

My first week here had seemed interminable; however, once Edward stepped back into the picture, time seemed to speed up exponentially. We had spent the last two weeks getting to know each other and with each day that passed; my feelings for him grew stronger. He brought me dinner every night, even on his nights off. We had traded e-mail addresses and phone numbers; keeping in contact even when he couldn't be here. Since our agreement to take things slow, our conversations in person stayed light, revolving around our families and our jobs, but our e-mails were a different story. Maybe it was the fact that we could share things with each other without having to look each other in the eye, but via Edward's e-mails this past week I had learned so much more about the man that I was now certain would become a major part of my life. I had also shared a lot about myself as well – more than I'd ever shared with any of my previous partners.

Edward confessed in one of his first e-mails to me that he was seeing a therapist to help him resolve some issues he had from his time in the military. He wrote about his experiences in Iraq and Afghanistan – the pressures of being a resident in the middle of a war zone, having to hide his sexual orientation, and how he had survived by burying his emotions and distancing himself from his family and his colleagues. He shared with me that since he'd returned to the States he'd been overwhelmed by the emotions that had begun to resurface and felt like a time bomb waiting to explode. I was glad that he was getting the help he needed, but felt terribly sad about what he had gone through and what he was facing now. My battle was mostly physical – or at least that was how I saw it – while Edward's was mental. But recently I began to see the similarities in our situations and knew that my actions the first week were my own way of trying to distance myself from my family, much like Edward had done. It was amazing to me that even in the midst of his own turmoil, Edward had seen fit to save me from myself and force me to reconnect with my feelings and family.

I wrote about my reconciliation with Rosalie and Emmett, and the ensuing conversations with my folks. I had been ecstatic to learn that my parents hadn't returned to Texas, but scared as hell to face the wrath of my momma. Shit, I would've rather gone back to that apartment building and gotten shot another ten times than face my parents after basically telling them to go to hell, but I made it through and I think my relationships with my folks, my sister, and best friend/brother-in-law were actually stronger.

My momma and Rosalie cornered me about Edward eight days ago, after I'd declined my momma's cooking for the fifth time and Emmett let it slide that someone else was bringing me my meals. Rosalie still wasn't sure that now was a good time to start up anything with Edward, but my momma was all for it. In fact, my parents, Emmett, and Rosalie had taken Edward and Carlisle down to the cafeteria for breakfast yesterday and apparently, according to Emmett, my momma drilled Edward like a CIA agent would drill a terrorist. Edward caved in less than five minutes and owned up to everything – our night together 8 years ago, his cooking of dinner, and even his naming of his cat after my dad's brother Cletus. Emmett was still howling with laughter over that one, but said that Edward had held his own and had done even better than Emmett himself had under similar circumstances. One of the greatest things to see was the developing friendship between Emmett and Edward. Emmett was always an easygoing person, but he and Edward had really taken to each other and they were even talking about the three of us going out together once I was back on my feet.

I spent some of the past week making arrangements to give up my apartment. Carlisle believed that I would probably be in RIC for 2-3 months. My lease was up at the end of this month so I asked Rosie and Emmett if they would mind packing up my stuff and putting it in storage until I was done with rehab. There was no point in keeping my apartment if I wasn't going to be living there and I wasn't that attached to it anyway. Besides, it was on the fourth floor and if my leg didn't get better, I wasn't going to be climbing those stairs anytime soon.

I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that I had less than three hours before the ambulance would be here to make the transfer. During my second week here the orthopedic surgeon removed the temporary external fixation pins and placed an internal pin to set the fracture. I was able to move my leg a bit more without the annoying cage, but I wasn't yet ready to place my full weight on it. Carlisle suggested that I be transported via ambulance to reduce the risk that I re-injure my leg. My folks and Rosie and Emmett wanted to follow us there and my momma wanted to ride with me in the ambulance, but I had convinced them that I would be fine and that I would see them later in the day after I had gotten settled in. Now I wasn't so sure that was a good decision and felt the anxiety returning about the big step I would be taking tomorrow, on my own.

I used the bedside controls to turn on the light behind my bed and pushed the bed to an upright position. I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight, so I reached over to the table next to my hospital bed to grab a book Edward had brought me a few days ago. Just as I turned to the dog eared page where I had left off earlier, I heard the door open. Looking up, I saw Edward standing in the doorway. A mixture of chagrin and confusion ran across his face as he met my gaze and began walking to my bedside.

"What brings you here this time of night?" I asked, putting the book back down on the table.

"Just thought I'd check in on you – I'm just getting to my lunch hour," he replied with a soft smile. He reached down to give me a hug and as I tucked my head into his neck, I inhaled Edward's unique scent – which calmed me immediately. We had become more affectionate with each other over the past few days, almost as if we needed to reassure each other with touch that nothing would change once I transferred to RIC. I relished each contact and found myself becoming frustrated at the limitations of my body. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull him to me, but my arm was still sore and my leg wouldn't allow me to maneuver myself the way I wanted to. One specific part of my body seemed to have no problem responding to Edward; however, and I was extremely grateful that I had positioned the portable table over my lap. He held me for a few moments longer than normal and then released me. He sat in the chair next to my bed, grabbed my hand and said, "I thought you'd be asleep. What are you doing up at this hour? Your body needs as much rest as possible to heal."

"Just anxious I guess. Maybe it's the cop in me, but I like knowin' what I'm gettin' myself into," I replied with a shrug. "I'm worried about what they are going to make me do and if it will even work."

"I'm sure it won't be as bad as you are building it up to be. Is it going to be hard work? Yes. Are there going to be days when you want to just say fuck it? Of course there are. Do I have faith that you can do this? Definitely," Edward noted with smile and a squeeze of my hand.

"I'm going to miss you," I said, looking away from him to hide my sadness. We hadn't really discussed what would happen to us once I transferred, but I didn't want to burden him with having to trek all the way across town to visit me, especially with his crazy work schedule. "I mean, I know that you can't be there all of the time or anythin'… but I would like you to visit if you feel like it," I stammered.

Edward brought our joined hands to his mouth and gently kissed my knuckles. My breath caught at the feel of his lips on my skin and I could feel my heart begin to beat rapidly. "Jasper, I'll be there every chance I get. We're in this together, right?" he looked at me for reassurance and continued in a hesitant voice, "I know it's only been three weeks since we've reconnected, but I don't think I can let you go now – I'm already in too deep." This time it was Edward that looked away, as if frightened that he'd said too much or that I didn't feel the same.

I pulled our joined hands towards me and placed them over my heart. "Do you feel that?" I asked; referring to the racing beat of my heart. He nodded and looked back at me with wide eyes. "I'm in deep too," I murmured, releasing his hand. Those green eyes drilled into mine, lighting up with a fire that I hadn't seen for eight long years. Edward got up from the chair, pushed the tray table away from my bed, and before I could even blink, he cupped my face between his hands and his lips were on mine.

And it was bliss – exactly how I remembered it yet somehow different. It wasn't tentative like our first kiss all those years ago. This Edward knew what he wanted and it was me. He sipped slowly at my lips like they were a fine wine that needed savoring and just when I thought I would die from the exquisite torture of these chaste kisses, I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip. I moaned and taking advantage of my open mouth, he plunged his tongue inside to tangle with my own. I used my good arm to pull him closer and ran my hand along his strong back as he plunged his fingers into my hair. I was lost in the sensations and we kissed for what seemed like hours until I felt a vibration on my arm. Groaning, Edward pulled away and reached for his pager. "Shit!" he exclaimed, looking at the readout on the pager and then looking back at me, as if torn between staying and going.

"Go," I whispered huskily. "They need you."

"_**I**_ need _**you**_," he replied with a grin and another quick kiss. "Try to get some sleep, will ya?" he advised as he walked backwards towards the door. "I'll stop back in the morning when I'm off shift."

"I'll try. Now go," I ordered with a beaming smile of my own and watched his fine ass walk out the door. I laid my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes, wanting to relive every moment of our kiss and the realization that we were both in this for keeps. Deciding that I would ask for what I really wanted for once, I reached for my cell phone and sent a text to Edward.

_**Can you ride with me to RIC tomorrow? – J**_

I had no idea what the hospital had paged him for, but figured he was busy, so I was surprised when my phone signaled an incoming text seconds after I had hit send. I hit the button to open it up saw Edward's response.

_**Of course, sweets. Now – go to sleep! – E **_

A feeling of relief spread through my body and I knew that I had made the right decision. We were in this together and what better way to start it off than by having Edward by my side as I made my first steps on the road to recovery. I yawned loudly and turned the lights off. I could sleep now.

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_**02/01/2010, 06:05 – EPOV**_

I think I literally floated back to the ER after spending most of my lunch hour in Jasper's room. It had been an amazing three weeks and the thought of him leaving had been weighing on me for the past couple of days. I knew that I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but I wasn't sure what he wanted. It was entirely plausible that he could want to concentrate on his rehabilitation and postpone any relationship with me until after he was released. Thankfully, that didn't seem to be the case. Still, I was no longer going to have him in the same building and I wouldn't be able to check in on him on the nights I was working. I was going to miss that quite a bit.

Angela had gotten much enjoyment out of the silly grin I wore on my face throughout the remainder of my shift. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to wipe it from my face and even my residents were giving me weird looks. I didn't care and wanted this euphoric feeling to last as long as humanly possible. I was now sitting at the nurse's station waiting for Dr. Swan to arrive so that I could hand my remaining patients off to her. I wanted to get in a quick shower before riding with Jasper to RIC and I still needed to figure out how I was going to get home afterwards if my car was here at St. Bernard's. I couldn't concentrate though – my thoughts kept going back to the kiss.

"Angela, did the doctors get into the narcotics again?" I heard Dr. Swan quip.

Looking up at her from my seated position behind the counter, I asked, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see that someone had a good night," she said with smirk. I blushed and Angela and Bella began laughing. "And how is Officer Whitlock this fine morning?" she asked in between giggles.

"Just fine, thank you very much," I said, embarrassed but also knowing that they were just happy for me. "He transfers over to RIC today."

"Hey, do you remember my friend Garrett? The one I told you about on your first day?" Bella inquired.

"Vaguely," I replied.

Angela laughed again. "Unless his name is Jasper, Dr. Swan, I think you are out of luck," she joked.

Bella laughed too and said, "I figured, but he's a physical therapist over at RIC. He works with traumatic injury patients and he'll probably be working with Jasper. He's very good at what he does – Jasper will be in good hands."

"Yeah? That's good to hear. Carlisle highly recommended their facility but I don't really know anything about it," I noted.

"It's one of the best in the nation. If any place can get him back to full functionality, it'll be RIC," Bella assured. "Now, let's go over these charts so you can get back to your man," she teased.

Once we completed the chart, I jumped into the shower in the locker room and then redressed in jeans and a sweater. I grabbed my coat, car keys, and wallet and checking the time, decided that I could make it to Starbucks and back so that Jasper could have some breakfast before they made the transfer.

After running through the Starbuck's drive-thru, I pulled back into the hospital parking lot and grabbed the carrier that held my and Jasper's coffees and two blueberry muffins. I had just stepped out of the car when Carlisle pulled into the slot next to me. I waited until he exited his car so that we could walk in together.

"What are you still doing here? Didn't your shift end 45 minutes ago?" he asked.

"Jasper asked me to ride over to RIC with him," I responded with a smile. "I just ran out to get us some breakfast before they get ready to transport him."

"I'm glad he'll have someone along for the ride. I know his mom wanted to go with him but he asked them all to wait to visit until later today," Carlisle responded over his shoulder as we made our way through the automatic doors and to the elevator that would take us up to the SICU. "I'm headed over there myself once I complete the transfer paperwork," he noted – pushing the button for the second floor.

"Yeah? Do you think you could give me a ride back here afterwards? I was trying to figure out how I was going to get back to my car," I stated.

"Sure, but I have a surgery scheduled later this morning, so I need to be back here by 10:30. I'm meeting with Jasper's physiatrist and physical therapists at 8:15 and then we'll meet with Jasper around 9:00 to go over the rehabilitation plan. Will that work for you?" he asked as we stepped out of the elevator and out onto the SICU.

"That works perfectly and gives me a chance to get a feel for the facility. I'll see you in a bit," I said as I made the turn-off to Jasper's room while Carlisle headed down the hall to the nurse's station. Entering Jasper's room for the second time that day, I placed the coffee and muffins on the tray table and leaned in to kiss Jasper softly on the lips. "Wake up sleeping beauty."

Jasper groaned and mumbled, "Don't wanna." I had learned over the past weeks that Jasper was most definitely not a morning person. I brushed my lips lightly over his forehead, his cheek, and then back over his lips again.

"Come on baby– your chariot will be here in 20 minutes and you still need to eat breakfast," I said, while brushing his hair away from his face.

"Coffee? Tell me there's coffee?" he asked pleadingly, finally opening his eyes and attempting to wake up. I straightened up away from the bed and pulled the tray table over.

"I see how it is. You'll wake up for coffee but not for me?" I teased. "And here I was thinking I was better than a triple skinny white chocolate mocha with extra whip cream…"

"Emmett," he growled under his breath, knowing full well that I had gotten that tidbit of information from his brother-in-law. He grabbed the coffee with his good arm and took three large gulps in rapid succession. I grinned as I saw him begin to really wake up as the caffeine hit his system. "Come here," he said, flashing those gorgeous navy blue eyes at me. "I must have been temporarily insane – you are most definitely better."

I leaned back down over him and placed a tender kiss on his lips, sighing internally at how perfect it felt to be able to connect to him this way. I was just about to deepen the kiss when I heard a fake coughing noise come from behind me. Pulling away, I glanced over my shoulder to see Carlisle standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face. "You boys ready to go? The ambulance just called in to say they are 10 minutes out."

I moved away from Jasper's bed and began placing his leftover belongings in the bag the hospital provided. Emmett and Rosalie had taken Jasper's laptop, iPod, and most of his books with them when they left yesterday. Jasper didn't know, but his parents had arranged to have Jasper's room ready a day early so that they could decorate it with some things from his apartment. RIC actually encouraged their patients and their families to make their rooms their own so that they would feel more comfortable there. I was almost eager to get there so that Jasper could see the fruits of Momma Whitlock and Rosie's hard work.

Jasper continued to sip his coffee in between bites of his muffin and gave Carlisle a bleary glare. "Tell me again why this had to happen at 7:00 a.m.?"

Carlisle chuckled and responded to Jasper, "That's my fault actually, I have a surgery scheduled later this morning and this was the only time I had to complete the paperwork and meet with the staff over at RIC. At least you got coffee, my brother didn't even think to get me one," Carlisle teased.

"I have my priorities," I shot back at Carlisle, winking at Jasper. We hung around the room a while longer until the transport driver showed up and they transferred Jasper onto the gurney. They began to wheel Jasper out of the room over to the elevator as I grabbed the bag of Jasper's belongings and my coffee. I tossed the bag with the muffin at Carlisle and said, "There, have some breakfast."

I caught up with the Jasper at the elevator and grabbed his hand. "Ready for this?" I asked.

"I think so," he responded hesitantly. "Thank you for coming with me, I know you have to be exhausted after working all night."

"It's not a problem J. I'm just happy you asked," I responded, stepping out of the elevator and walking next to the gurney as the transport guys made their way to the transport dock. They stepped to the nurse's station to verify the transfer paperwork leaving Jasper and I alone for a moment.

"Edward?"

"Jasper?"

"What's with the names? Sweets, baby, J?" he asked with a grin.

"Ummm….do you want me to stop? Am I going too fast for you? You can tell me the truth. I can slow down," I stuttered, embarrassed I had already moved us to the stage of pet names. After last night's or rather this morning's kiss I felt like we had made progress, but maybe not that much progress.

"No! Edward, I'm ecstatic that you feel comfortable enough with me that you can do that," he said enthusiastically. "But you have to tell me how you are coming up with them," he demanded with a pout.

"I'm trying them out – seeing which one fits you best. Any preferences?"

"I like them all," he replied, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

I leaned down to brush another kiss on his lips and said, "So do I, but I'll find the perfect one in time, trust me."

Jasper just smiled and whispered, "So, even though we are going slow can I call you my boyfriend now?"

"I would love that," I responded as the driver returned to place Jasper in the back of the ambulance. After they loaded him up, I hopped in beside him and grabbed his hand. "Here we go…"

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**A/N: Physiatrist: a Physician responsible for coordinating the rehabilitative needs of the patient, to promote a better overall outcome.**


	14. Turbulence

**A/N: Happy Sunday! Alrighty, first let me say that the response to the last chapter blew me away, but that I feel guilty! I'm officially done whining about reviews and story traffic. Next time I feel insecure, I'm going for the Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby and will spare you my tales of woe. Even if I only receive 1 review for the rest of this story, I'm going to keep writing it. Now, of course, don't let that keep you from reviewing, alerting, and favoriting - because I do so enjoy reading what your thinking!**

**Finally, someone or a few someones nominated my little melodrama for an 'Everything's Bigger in Texas' award under the category, 'This Fic is Going Places...' What? Really? :-)!!!!! Voting ends on April 19, 2010. If you are so inclined, the link to the voting page is on my profile page. If not, check it out anyway as there are a lot of great stories nominated and what looks to be some good readin'!**

**And now, I shall shut up and let you read. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 14 – Turbulence

_**02/01/2010, 08:45 – EPOV**_

I was standing in the hallway outside Jasper's room giving him some privacy while the nurses got him settled and checked his vitals and Foley catheter. I was a doctor and familiar with these procedures, but didn't think that my boyfriend wanted me in there while they emptied the bag attached to the Foley. I know I wouldn't have wanted him in there if it was me. Rosalie and Momma Whitlock had done an excellent job on his room and the look on Jasper's face when he was wheeled in was priceless. They had placed some of his favorite prints on the walls, some photos on the bedside table, and gotten a comforter in his favorite colors for the bed. Other than the medical equipment in the room, it looked like a normal bedroom and the delight at how homey the room felt was evident in Jasper's eyes.

Boyfriend…I had a boyfriend now. My heart rate sped up at the thought and the silly grin that always seemed to appear at the thought of Jasper broke across my face. We said we would go slowly, but after his confession that he was in as deep as me, I couldn't help myself. If I was being completely honest though, I was as scared as I was elated. What if I was moving too fast? What if Jasper wasn't ready for this? What if I was taking advantage of someone who was vulnerable and grasping on to someone familiar? The grin slid from my face and I felt the panic begin to set in. It was Jasper who asked if he could call me his boyfriend, so I had to have faith that he knew what he was doing. But what if he didn't? What if he regretted it? What if he felt pressured by me? Just two weeks ago we said we were both not ready yet here we were. God, I was such a freak. I felt like I was in junior high again and had to admit that I probably had the social skills of a seventh grader when it came to relationships.

I had slept with three people in my entire 34 years, including Jasper. How pitiful was that? And I had only been in what I would term a relationship with one of those men. I had met Demetri during my sophomore year at the University of Illinois and while I was attracted to him immediately, I had no clue how to approach him. It wasn't until we were assigned to work on a project together in our Psych 101 class that we became friends. I wanted him, but wasn't even sure if he was gay or not. I was absolutely shocked when he asked me out on a date and can still remember his self-deprecating smirk when he said that it had taken him nearly the entire semester to get up the courage to ask me out. Demetri was responsible for a lot of my firsts emotionally and sexually. We were together for almost two years but broke up when I made the decision to go to med school in California while he moved back to New York for graduate school. In the end, it turned out that he was more invested in our relationship than I was and we didn't part on the best of terms. Throughout our time together, he constantly complained that I wasn't emotionally available and now that I look back on it, he was right. But, I didn't feel a tenth of what I feel for Jasper for Demetri, so maybe that was why.

I had always kept my emotions locked up tight. My father was a man's man and I was an extremely sensitive child; it was a volatile combination. My father constantly told me to toughen up and act like a man, going as far as berating my mother for making me too girly. Luckily, Carlisle was still around during my early years and deflected a lot of my father's attention onto him. Carlisle was the son that my father always wanted – he was athletic, a total chic magnet, and had a wicked sense of humor. I was geeky and shy – into computers, video games, reading, and music. The majority of my interactions with my father revolved around him telling me how I needed to be more like Carlisle. I can clearly remember when my older cousin Felix came out to the family when I was fourteen. I had already begun to realize that girls held no interest for me, but my father's response insured that I kept my feelings locked deep inside. "Fucking faggots," he said to my mother as he watched Felix and his partner interact with my grandparents at a family reunion. He had grasped my shoulder tightly, leaned in, and said to me and Carlisle, "Thank God you boys aren't like that. I can't believe that your Uncle Aro allows them into the house. If you ever come home with a boyfriend, you'd better be ready to be on the doorstep with your bags packed." My mother glanced over at me and gave me a slight grimace. I was sure that she knew that I was gay, but we never discussed it – and knowing my father's feelings on the subject, I could understand why. Carlisle never said anything, just sat there eating his sandwich and not making eye contact with anyone. Later that day; however, Carlisle came up to me while I alone, reading under the shade of a huge oak tree, and said, "Edward, you know that no matter what, I'll always take care of you, right?" In that moment, I knew that Carlisle knew too, and was trying to reassure me that whatever I was, it was okay. Embarrassed, I looked up at him and said defensively, "I don't know what you are talking about." Carlisle just nodded and turned to walk away, but before he left he said, "Despite what dad says, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You love who you love, regardless of gender." Gesturing with his hand towards Felix and his partner, Carlisle went on, "We should all be so lucky to find a partner to love and share our lives with." I understood what Carlisle was trying to say, but the thought of being disowned by my parents was terrifying. I resolved then and there that my father would never know what I truly was.

Seth Clearwater, the therapist that Carlisle had referred me to, felt that I had begun this pattern of locking away my feelings due to my father; remembering that family reunion now, I had to agree. The problem was how to unlock them and not feel like I was going insane. Seth had given me some exercises to do that helped me stave off the panic I often felt when my long tamped down feelings began to rise to the surface. They helped some, but I still had a long way to go. What if I never got to the point where I could be completely comfortable with my emotions and with myself? Was it fair to be in a relationship with Jasper when I wasn't sure I would ever get there? I began using the deep breathing techniques Seth had suggested and tried to calm myself down. I had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow, since I was off, and decided to talk to him about my concerns.

The door to Jasper's room opened and the nurse exited, giving me a smile and letting me know that it was okay to go back in. I thanked her and turning around, noticed Carlisle walking towards me with an older gentleman wearing a lab coat and a man about Jasper's age in green scrubs. The younger man was absolutely gorgeous, with sandy blond hair and dark brown eyes. He was taller than both Jasper and me and on the muscular side. Of course, while I could admit that he was a very handsome man, he couldn't compare to my Jasper. Carlisle stopped in front of me to introduce the older gentleman and I watched as the younger man looked me up and down and then walked straight into Jasper's room.

"Dr. Stevens, I'd like to introduce you to my brother Edward," Carlisle said, gesturing towards me. "Edward, Dr. Stevens is the Physiatrist assigned to Jasper's case. He'll be working with the PT's and nurses to ensure that Jasper gets the best care possible. I also provided him with the information you forwarded over from Dr. Smith in Virginia. We've just finished the initial rehab plan and are ready to go over it with Jasper."

I shook Dr. Stevens' hand and replied, "It's great to meet you. Your facility is held in high esteem by my former colleague, Dr. Smith."

"That's good to hear," the doctor replied with a smile. "We are very focused on helping our patients attain results. I can assure you that we are going to do everything in our power to make sure Officer Whitlock regains most, if not all, of the functionality of his leg. Now, let's go in and see the patient," he stated, leading us into Jasper's room.

I was the last one in the door and looked past Carlisle and Dr. Stevens only to find Jasper sitting up in his bed laughing gaily at something the younger gentleman in the room was whispering to him. The man's head was close to Jasper's and his hand was on Jasper's arm. There was a familiarity between the two of them that seemed out of place if they were meeting for the first time. I felt a wave of insecurity as I realized that I hadn't ever seen Jasper look this lighthearted. Who the hell was this guy?

As if he read my mind, Dr. Stevens began by introducing himself to Jasper and then introduced the supermodel standing next to Jasper's bed. Apparently this amazing looking creature was to be my boyfriend's physical therapist for the next 2-3 months. I was going to kill Dr. Swan when I saw her next. She could have warned me that her friend Garrett belonged in films instead of working as a PT at RIC. This Garrett person was also a personable son of bitch and had easily charmed Carlisle as well. As Garrett stepped in front of me to shake my hand, he said, "Nice to meet you Edward. Bella's told me a lot about you! I'm glad we finally have the opportunity to meet. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better."

"Ummm – thanks," I replied shortly, shaking his hand and squeezing it hard. I couldn't say that I was looking forward to getting to know him and really, I just wanted him as far away from Jasper as possible. I looked him dead in the eyes and was surprised to find them twinkling with amusement.

"Garrett is our best PT and has a lot of experience working with traumatic injury rehabilitation. I know that it is a bit atypical to have someone assigned to your case, Jasper, that you have a prior history with. Given the circumstances; however, I think Garrett is our best bet," Dr. Stevens informed Jasper. Wait? What prior history?

Jasper must have seen the look on my face and piped up from the bed, "Garrett and I know each other from outside of the hospital. In fact, we went to a game together just a couple of days before I was shot. I'm actually happy to have a familiar face and have no problem with him being the PT assigned to my case."

They went to a game together? I needed to find out if their outing was a date or if they were just friends. Because if it was a date, there was no way in hell I could compete against Garrett for Jasper's affections. I mean for God's sake, all you had to do was look at the guy and see that I didn't stand a chance. I walked over to a chair in the far corner of the room and sat as Dr. Stevens, Carlisle and Garrett start to fill Jasper in on the rehab plan. I was completely lost in my thoughts and not paying any attention at all when I heard Jasper's voice say, "Edward – why are sitting all the way over there? Come sit next to me." I looked up at him and saw the quizzical expression on his face. He gestured with his good arm for me to come and sit on the side of his bed. I went willingly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. I was surprised when he grabbed my hand, brought it to his lips for a quick kiss, and then redirected his attention back to the men standing before him.

I half-listened over the next 30 minutes as my colleagues outlined each step of Jasper's rehabilitation process. My mind was whirring, trying to process all of these feelings at once – jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness. It was too much. I felt myself begin to tense up against the panic and knew that I needed to get out of the room before I did something stupid like throw Jasper down on the bed to kiss him senseless and mark my territory, punch Garrett in the face, or burst into tears. During the next break in the conversation, I leaned in to Jasper's and whispered, "I need the restroom. I'll be back."

"Are you okay?" he asked, giving me a concerned look.

I mustered up a smile and nodded, then walked from the room. I headed into the first bathroom I found and placing my hands on the sink, leaned over and tried to catch my breath. I silently berated myself for being such an idiot. What the hell kind of boyfriend was I? At the first sign of trouble, I ran like hell. I _**hated **_that every emotion I felt was blown out of proportion. It was like when you turned the lights on in a dark room – at first the light was overwhelming until your eyes adjusted. Every feeling I experienced was overwhelming right now; I was impatient to adjust already. I inhaled and exhaled deeply a few more times until I felt the panic begin to dissipate. I needed to get back in there – I had promised Jasper that I would see him through every step of this process and had failed already. I splashed some cold water on my face, dried the excess water with a paper towel, and walked back to Jasper's room. I couldn't bring myself to go back in though, and just sat on the floor in the hallway outside of his room. Maybe I should let him go – I was no good to him like this.

Fifteen minutes later I heard the door open and glanced up to see Carlisle looking down at me in confusion. "Jasper's asking for you. Where have you been?" he asked.

"Bathroom," I responded tersely. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten," he said, looking at me strangely. "I need to get back to St. Bernard's – so make it quick if you still need a ride."

"I do – just give me a minute," I said and rising from the floor made my way into Jasper's room. He looked up at me as I entered and gave me a heart-stopping smile.

"There you are! I was gettin' worried. Everythin' okay?" he inquired, the smile fading from his face as he looked me over.

"Fine. Just tired. Look, I need to get going – I'm catching a ride back to St. Bernard's with Carlisle and he needs to leave now," I replied, walking over to his bed. I leaned down to give him a quick kiss and then said, "I'll try and stop back tomorrow afternoon."

"Ummm – sure. I'll see you tomorrow then?" Jasper asked hesitantly, looking at me with a worried expression.

"Yeah – I have an appointment with Dr. Clearwater in the morning and I'll come over after, okay?"

"Okay – thanks for comin' with me this mornin'. I really appreciate it," he noted. "Go get some rest – you look exhausted. Besides, I think I'm in good hands here."

"It sure looks that way," I said sarcastically. "I'll see you later." I walked out the door without another glance at Jasper and strode down the hallway. I hadn't noticed Carlisle standing by the door and had walked right past him. Backtracking, I said, "Ready?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yes."

We rode back to the hospital in silence. I was brooding and Carlisle was probably going over the procedure for his surgery in his head. As he pulled into the space next to my car, he glanced over at me and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Jesus! I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm fine – just tired," I replied, irritated. I got out of Carlisle's car and unlocked my own. As I sat down in the driver's seat, I noticed Carlisle standing next to his car, looking at me from over the roof. "What?"

"Don't do it, Edward. Don't build up those walls again…" he said sternly.

I just closed the door, started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot. I just wanted to go home and sleep. I would figure out what to do about Jasper later.

_**02/01/2010, 10:10 – JPOV**_

What the hell just happened? The greatest morning of my life had just turned into the worst and I didn't have the first clue what I had done. Sighing loudly, I pushed the hair out of my eyes and tried to think back over the events of the morning. He was fine when I asked if I could call him my boyfriend. In fact, he looked just as thrilled as I felt. The ambulance ride was okay, more than okay. Edward had held my hand and we had given each other soft kisses almost the entire way to RIC. My room was a great surprise and I couldn't wait for Rosie and my momma to get here so that I could thank them. Edward seemed to be delighted in my shock at my new digs and had smiled widely at my response. The nurse came in to get me checked in and to empty my Foley and Edward stepped out to give me some privacy. I hated that damn catheter, but knew that I wouldn't be walking to the bathroom anytime soon so it was a necessary evil.

The change in Edward's demeanor had begun when he returned to my room with Dr. Stevens and Carlisle. I was still in shock that Garrett was going to be my PT. My friend Kate had set us up on a blind date and we had gone out to a game a couple of days before I was shot. Garrett was a great guy, but there was no chemistry there – for either of us – and by the end of the night we had agreed that we would be friends but nothing more. Apparently Garrett's friend Kate was friends with Edward's boss Dr. Bella Swan. Dr. Swan had told Garrett that I was being transferred to RIC, that I was involved with Edward, and to take good care of both of us. Garrett had come into my room before the others to ask if I was okay with him being the PT assigned to my case. I told him that I didn't have a problem with it and then he leaned in to tease me about Edward. He asked me if it was serious and I replied in the affirmative with a silly grin on my face. Garrett asked me if I would be willing to share Edward with him, joking that since I had landed the most beautiful man on the planet it was only fair to spread the wealth. I threw my head back in laughter, and whispered back that Edward was all mine and that I had no intention of sharing him with anyone.

The door to my room had opened and Dr. Stevens and Carlisle entered, followed by Edward. I saw a weird expression flicker across his face and then his face went blank as Dr. Stevens introduced him to Garrett. Garrett was his usual charming self and flirted with Edward, who was in turn actually quite rude. While Dr. Stevens confirmed that I was okay with Garrett being my PT – Garrett must have disclosed our date to him – I noticed Edward giving me a confused look. I quickly explained that we had just gone to a game and reiterated what I had told Garrett. There was nothing between us so it would not be a problem having him doing the rehab. Carlisle and Doctor Stevens launched into a detailed explanation of the rehab techniques they would be using, but I couldn't concentrate because I couldn't see Edward. I realized that he had seated himself in the far corner of the room and wasn't looking at anyone. Finally, I interrupted the doctor and called Edward over to my side. Once he was seated next to me, I immediately felt better and began to listen to Dr. Stevens again. Throughout the conversation I could feel Edward growing more and more tense beside to me. His breathing became choppy and just when I was about to turn to him and find out what was going on, he excused himself from the room, saying he needed the restroom.

He was gone for almost 20 minutes and I asked Carlisle to find him for me. I was worried that he was ill; he had looked awful pale when he left the room. I heard voices outside of my door and when Edward entered, I knew immediately that something was very wrong. I asked him again if he was okay, but he just brushed me off – telling me he was fine. Any man or woman in a relationship knows that the word 'fine' means anything but that. I knew that he had been up all night and decided not to push him on it. He gave me a quick, almost perfunctory kiss and said he would _**try **_to come back tomorrow. This was not the same Edward I had grown accustomed to over the past three weeks. This Edward was cold and unfeeling and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what had caused the change.

Maybe he was regretting taking our relationship to the 'boyfriend' stage. We had both agreed to go slowly, but I knew now that he was it for me. If I was honest with myself, I knew it the day he came into the bar eight years ago. I was in completely and irrevocably in love with one Edward Cullen and could only hope and pray that he felt the same way. What if he didn't? And if he didn't, why the kisses this morning? Why the pet names? If he didn't want this, why did he say yes when I asked? I wanted to scream I was so frustrated. If I could only get out of this bed, I would go to him and demand answers. I picked up my cell phone from the bedside table where Edward had unpacked it so that I could send him a text message and find out what was going on. I was just typing in the message when my door opened again and Emmett entered. "What are you doin' here? I thought you guys weren't comin' until this afternoon?" I asked, closing my phone and setting it aside for later.

"I had to go sign off on some paperwork at the station and since I was down here, I thought I'd stop in to say hello and see how you liked your new digs. I'm only here for a few minutes and then I'm off to pick up your parents and Rose. Where's Edward?" he queried, looking around the room as if expecting to see Edward standing next to me.

"Good question," I responded with a sad smile. "He was here, but he bailed."

"He bailed? What the hell are you talking about?" Emmett laughed. His laughter trailed off when he saw the expression on my face. "What happened?"

"I have no fuckin' clue," I said with a scowl.

One thing I could say for Emmett was that he was an excellent listener and he didn't say a word as I recapped the events of the morning for him. When I was finished, he sat there quietly for a few moments and then said, "Are you sure you passed the detective's exam?"

What the fuck? I spill my guts and he's talking about the detective's exam. "Yes, fucker, I'm sure I passed. What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm not so sure, because I don't even need to be a fucking detective to know your boy has turned green with jealousy," he replied with a smirk. "Come on man, how are you so dense? What was the first thing Edward saw when he came into your room?"

"Me laughin' with Garrett…" I said, beginning to get the picture.

"What would you think if you saw Edward in the same situation? Especially if you just found out that the person you are seeing was out on a date with this person just a few days before you met?"

"I'd wonder what was goin' on, but I would ask him about it," I insisted. "I wouldn't just go cold and leave."

"Yes, but that's you. Maybe Edward's not as secure in your feelings for him as you seem to be in his for you," Emmett advised.

"That's stupid, _**I**_ asked _**him**_ to be my boyfriend, not the other way around," I argued.

"True, but Edward strikes me as much more sensitive about these things. I mean, you are a laid back kinda guy but you aren't always the easiest person to read and you don't always volunteer a lot of information. From what I know of Edward so far, he wears his heart on his sleeve and is pretty shy. I think he may have given you the cold shoulder to try to protect himself from his own feelings," Emmett stated and then snorted. "Jesus Jasper. Just take away my man card now – I'm becoming fuckin' Oprah!"

I laughed along with him, but then sobered as I thought about Emmett's perceptions of the situation. Maybe he was right, but Edward wasn't here for me to call him on it and I didn't know if he was coming back. "How do I fix this?" I asked.

"Hell if I know," Emmett joked. "But I do know one thing – that man cares about you too much to stay away. He'll be back."

"And if you're wrong?" I questioned.

"Then I'll go knock some sense into him for you, seeing as you can't get up right now to do it yourself," he promised.

We chatted a little bit more about the station and the fact that Emmett was starting at his new precinct tomorrow. Our suspension had been lifted after Internal Affairs finalized their interview with me last week and as our Captain had assured us, we had both only gotten a slap on the wrist and a notation in our personnel files. I was happy that Emmett was going back to work – I knew that he loved the job just as much as I did.

I yawned loudly as the stress of the morning and my lack of sleep the previous night began to catch up with me. Emmett excused himself saying that he needed to go pick up my sister and parents and that they would return later in the afternoon. I used the controls to push the bed back into a reclining position and closed my eyes, thoughts of Edward's behavior and what it meant running through my head. I would give him some space today, but he and I were going to have a conversation when he returned tomorrow – that is, _**if**_ he returned. Either way, I wasn't letting him walk away without a fight.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated! Have a great week and I'll see you next Sunday. :-)**


	15. Veracity

**A/N: Happy Easter ducklings! Or Happy Sunday to those of you not partaking in the bunny extravaganza. First, allow me to say thank you for pushing my first fan fiction story past the 500 review mark. I have truly enjoyed reading your reactions to each chapter and sit on pins and needles each week to read your response to a new chapter. Second, as a token of my appreciation, I've posted an outtake - Jasper's POV of the night he and Edward met in the bar. If you have suggestions for future outtakes, please feel free to pass them along. **

**A quick note to xrazzlesx - thanks for the suggestion - I've incorporated it into this chapter, but maybe not in the way you were thinking. I'll try to expand on it in the next chapter if it works. Thank you for the suggestion! **

**Finally, I'm going to re-recommend a story I recommended in an earlier chapter, but apparently you folks are not listening to me! Go read _Change_ by Nestaron. It's soooo good and doesn't have the amount of reviews it deserves. Give it a try - I guarantee you'll love it as much as I do. You can find it on the 'My Favorites' section of my profile page. **

**Now, without further ado, I'll shut up and let you read. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 15 – Veracity

_**02/02/2010, 07:15 – EPOV**_

I stood in the shower trying to gather myself. It had been a horrible night and I had barely slept at all. Images of Jasper laughing with Garrett, Garrett's hands on my boyfriend's body, and so on had run through my mind as I tossed and turned. I had turned off my iPhone when I walked through the door, knowing that if the hospital needed me they would try my landline – a number I hadn't given Jasper yet. I was too much of a chicken shit to talk to him yesterday and just wanted to hide from everything and everyone.

An orange head poked around the shower curtain and Cletus made his presence known with a rather loud meow. "Sorry buddy, no food for you today," I said to the cat. I wondered if other people's pets were this demanding. Cletus had one priority in the morning and that was his food dish. He had filled out quite a bit in the weeks since I'd found him and this morning he was off to the vet to be neutered, which mean that he'd had no food since midnight. This was not a pleasant situation for either of us since the cat tended to have complete panic attacks if he could see the white space at the bottom of his food bowl. He was due at the vet at eight, so I quickly finished up my shower and then stepped out to shave. Looking in the mirror I noticed that my hair was starting to grow back. I thought about having it cut again and then figured I'd let it grow out. I'd kept the buzz cut while I was in Iraq due to the heat – it was just cooler to have it so short. Considering it was snowing out today, that was no longer a concern.

Cletus was sitting on the bathroom counter next to the sink watching me shave and meowing away. The cat had full on conversations with me when I was shaving and I didn't have the first clue what he was trying to say. However, I figured today's talk was probably a desperate plea to save his balls. "Not gonna happen buddy," I replied to the cat, who'd I found having his way with the throw pillow on the couch a couple of days ago. I'd mentioned it to Angela in passing, and after her laughter subsided she told me to get him in to be neutered before he started spraying my furniture and howling like a banshee. "The fate of your balls has already been decided, I'm sad to say," I noted, as I patted him on the head. He jumped off the counter, apparently giving up, and I resumed the task at hand. Cataloging my features in the mirror, I couldn't see why Jasper would choose me when Garrett was an option. My hair was a mess and the dark circles under my eyes spoke to my lack of sleep last night. I was pale as a ghost, even after eight years in the desert, and I sure as hell wasn't built like Garrett was. Sighing, I washed the last remnants of the shaving gel from my face and then brushed my teeth. I wasn't good enough for him – he deserved someone better - someone without a shitload of issues who wouldn't run at the first sign of trouble.

Walking back to my room, I quickly dressed for my day and went to grab the cat carrier from the closet in the hallway. Now I just had to get Cletus into the carrier, but the damn cat had done a disappearing act. Going from room to room, I called his name, but to no avail. Looking at my watch, I realized that it was getting close to eight, and if I didn't catch him soon we were going to be late. I walked into the laundry room and placed the carrier on the washer. Grabbing the empty food dish, I took the bag of hard food out from the cupboard above the washer and dryer and shook the bag. Within seconds, an orange ball of fur came skidding to a stop in front of me, after having lost traction on the linoleum. Looking up at me hopefully, Cletus once again began meowing. Reaching down, I grabbed him by the scruff and stuck him in the carrier. "Sorry buddy, it has to be done." All I got in response was a growl and a hiss – understandable – I wouldn't be pleased either given the circumstances.

I took the carrier out to the foyer and placed it next to the front door. Going back to my room, I picked up my keys, wallet, and phone from the dresser. Eyeing the phone, I decided to face the music and turn it on. As the device booted up, it began to chime loudly – signaling missed calls, text messages, and voice mails. I pocketed the phone without checking them, not quite ready to face the world yet. Picking up the carrier, I walked out of my apartment, locked the door, and made my way to my car. I loved the fact that each apartment was assigned a garage – no scraping of windshields or brushing snow off for me. I got Cletus situated in the back seat, strapping the carrier in with the seatbelt. He had quieted down, except for the occasional plaintive meow. I hit the button to open the garage door and started the car, turning on the heat. Backing out carefully, I closed the garage door and sped off for the vet. As the car accelerated, Cletus began to wail at air raid siren levels. Ears ringing, I was ecstatic that the vet was only 10 minutes away.

By the time I arrived at the vet's office, I had a pounding headache and Cletus was hoarse, sounding like he'd spent all night smoking cigars. Releasing the seat belt, I pulled the carrier out and walked in to the animal hospital. The girl working the front desk checked us in and let me know that I could pick him up at four. Leaning down to get a last look at him, I put my fingers against the door to the carrier only to hear a hiss. "I know buddy, it'll be okay," I crooned to the cat and left to go grab a coffee and some breakfast before my appointment with Dr. Clearwater.

The vet's office was directly across from a Starbuck's, so I walked across to get a cup of tea and a scone. I wasn't particularly hungry, but needed some time to gather my thoughts before heading to my therapy appointment. I wanted to discuss yesterday's events with Seth and see if he agreed that I should let Jasper go, given my current inability to behave like a normal person. After gathering the tea and scone from the barista, I found a table in the corner and took out my phone. Might as well get it over with, I thought.

The missed calls were from Jasper and Carlisle. I moved on to the text messages, not quite ready to hear Jasper's voice. I scrolled through reading the text messages that had come in since yesterday.

**02/01/2010, 12:30 **

_"Edward – call me. Don't do this to yourself again. I'm here if you want to talk about it. – C"_

**02/01/2010, 13:45**

_"E- call me – J"_

**02/01/2010, 18:52**

_"E – at least tell me you are okay, I'm worried – J"_

**02/02/2010, 19:30**

_"This is a reminder not to feed Cletus after midnight tonight. Your appointment is scheduled at 8:00 a.m. – Banfield Pet Hospital"_

**02/01/2010, 20:21**

_"E –check your voicemail – J"_

**02/01/2010, 21:03**

_"Edward – Jasper's worried about you, call him or I'm coming over to kick your ass – Emmett"_

**02/02/2010, 01:30**

_"E- Garrett means nothing, give me a chance to explain please – J"_

**02/02/2010, 02:45**

_"I miss you… - J"_

If possible, I felt even worse than before. Jasper needed his rest and it looked like he was up until at least three o'clock this morning trying to get a hold of me. I wanted nothing more than to run over to RIC now and reassure him that it would all be okay, but I couldn't. I needed to talk this over with someone first, to make sure that I was doing the right thing. I felt like I couldn't trust my feelings anymore and I was scared to make a step in any direction for fear of setting off a land mine. I switched over to the voicemails and held the phone up to my ear to listen.

**02/01/2010, 13:30, Carlisle Cullen**

_"Edward Anthony Cullen – I swear to God, you'd better call me before you do something stupid. I don't know what happened this morning, but talk to someone about it before you do something rash. If you can't talk to me at least talk to Seth. I know you have an appointment tomorrow. I love you – you know where to find me if you need me."_

**02/01/2010, 18:21, Esme Cullen**

_"Hi honey. Carlisle's worried about you. I know sometimes you might not want to talk to your brother about personal stuff, but just know that I'm here if you want to talk. I love you."_

**02/01/2010, 19:25, Unknown Number**

_"This is Banfield Pet Hospital calling to remind you of Cletus' appointment at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow. Please remember to discontinue any food and water after midnight tonight. We'll see you both in the morning. Have a lovely evening."_

**02/01/2010, 19:47, Jasper Whitlock**

_"Edward, umm, this is Jasper. Look – please call me, I can explain everything. Garrett is just a friend, nothin' more, I promise. I don't know what you think you saw, but it was nothin'. I'm worried about you. Please – you owe me at least a chance to explain it to you."_

**02/02/2010, 01:52, Jasper Whitlock**

_"Edward, please. I can't take not knowin' what's goin' on. Fuck! I'm stuck in this bed and I just want to come over there and make sure you are okay. You are my boyfriend now – you don't get to just walk away without an explanation, damn it. Emmett thinks you are jealous of Garrett, but there's nothin' to be jealous of, I promise. I want you and only you. How could you think anythin' else? Please call me, I don't care what time it is. I just need to know we are okay, that __**you**__ are okay._

Well, I had made a complete mess of things, hadn't I? My family was worried, Jasper was worried and pissed, and I was at fault – as usual. What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just be a normal boyfriend? Jasper's messages had been filled with worry and concern for me - the asshole who was too scared to man up and just talk to him. Carlisle was right, I needed to talk this over with someone who wasn't attached to the situation and Seth was my best bet. I rose from the table and tossed the scone that I'd only taken one bite of, having lost my appetite after the first text message. Walking out to my car, I resolved to do whatever Seth advised. I had no idea what was right or wrong anymore.

_**02/02/2010, 09:00 – EPOV**_

Ironically, Seth's office was housed in a building only two blocks from RIC. As I pulled into the parking garage, I fought the urge to run over to Jasper and fix everything. Instead, I exited my car and took the elevator to the fourth floor. As I entered Dr. Clearwater's office suite, his receptionist Claire greeted me. She looked up with a smile and said, "Dr. C's is finishing up with a patient and will be with you in just a few moments. Can I get you something while you wait? Tea or coffee perhaps?"

"I'm good," I replied, declining her offer, and took a seat in the waiting area. Leaning back in the chair, I took a few deep breaths, trying to gather up the courage to tell Seth everything. I just wasn't used to talking about this stuff. My father wasn't big on expressing feelings and it made me feel like a failure that I was so screwed up that I needed to talk to someone about mine. During my first appointment with Seth he had made it clear that I had to want to get better for myself and not for my family or Jasper. And I did – it was just more difficult than I thought it would be. The sound of a door opening brought me out of my reverie and I watched as Dr. Clearwater walked a woman, obviously the patient Claire had mentioned, to the door. After she left, he turned towards me and gestured for me to follow him into his office.

As I entered, I was once again reminded of Carlisle's office since Seth's was set up similarly. There were shelves filled with books and photos; however, there was no couch, which I was somewhat thankful for. Seth's office did not fit the stereotype I had in my head of a therapist's office and was instead reminiscent of someone's study or den. I took a seat in one of the two recliners grouped in the corner and waited for Dr. Clearwater to begin. He closed the door, grabbed his coffee mug from the desk and took a seat across from me. He was about my age, maybe a little older, with bronze skin and dark hair. His coloring reminded me of Bella's husband Jacob, and I wondered idly if he was of Native American descent as well.

"Well, Edward, you look like shit," Seth remarked, looking at me with a quirked eyebrow. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

I'd had four appointments with Seth so far and this was what I loved about him best, he cut right to the chase and didn't accept bullshit. It was almost like talking to a good friend, someone who knew you well enough not to let you get away with anything. He also didn't seem to fall back on trite psychobabble; instead, he just allowed me to say what I needed to say and helped me to find the answers on my own.

"I fucked up," I replied, looking down at the floor in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact.

"How so?" he asked.

The whole sordid tale of yesterday morning came spilling from my lips and I winced as I recounted my reactions to Garrett and my behavior as I had said my goodbyes to Jasper. Once I was finished, I looked up to see Seth gazing at me sympathetically.

"Sounds like you did a good job," he teased. "Let's start with your reaction to Garrett. Why didn't you feel like you could compete with him for Jasper's affections?"

"Shit, you only have to look at him to know that I can't compete, he's gorgeous and I'm not. If Jasper can have that, why would he want me?" I explained.

"So, Jasper is only looking for a relationship based upon his partner's appearance?" Seth inquired. "He sounds pretty shallow to me."

"Wait, what? Jasper's not shallow – he's the most caring person I know," I argued.

"If that's true, then your appearance shouldn't matter, should it," Seth tossed back.

"It doesn't, but he deserves better than me," I said. "He deserves someone who is normal, who doesn't panic at the slightest experience of a strong emotion. He's got enough on his plate without me adding my garbage to it."

"Okay. So you want to break up with him to save him from your problems. That's very gallant of you. Does he get an opinion on this or are you just going to unilaterally make the decision for both of you?" Seth replied.

"Jasper's in a tough place right now. He's just starting rehab and it's going to be a long road. What if he's not thinking clearly enough to know what's good for him? What if he realizes he made a mistake in asking me to be his boyfriend? I can't do this knowing that it will all fall apart when he's better and realizes that I'm completely screwed up," I confessed, eager for Seth's response. This was what I was most afraid of – Jasper figuring out that he could do better.

"Have you told him you are in therapy and why?" Seth asked.

"Yes, he knows," I answered.

"And what was his response?"

"He seemed glad that I was getting the help I needed and offered to listen if I ever wanted to talk about it with him," I said. Jasper did not seem to think less of me for being in therapy; in fact, he was always very supportive when I spoke with him about my sessions.

"Have you discussed what you are going through and our sessions?"

"Yes, to a certain extent. He knows that I spent years hiding my feelings and that I'm having anxiety issues now as I let them surface. He's been very supportive," I offered.

"So he already knows how screwed up you are and still asked you to be his boyfriend? Maybe his judgment is lacking," Seth speculated with a smirk.

"Very sneaky, Dr. Clearwater. I see what you are doing, but it's not going to work. You can't tell me that with everything Jasper has been through and with what he's about to go through that this is a good time to start a relationship," I countered.

"Edward, you don't get to schedule relationships. Let me offer an example. When I returned from Iraq five years ago I wasn't exactly in the best place. I'm not sure if you are aware, but I was injured very badly and in order to save my life, they had to amputate my left leg below the knee," he said, lifting up his left pant leg to show me his prosthetic leg. "While I was in Germany receiving treatment and going through rehab, I met an Army nurse named Jennifer. There was an instant connection between the two of us but I kept pushing her away, thinking – much like you – that I wasn't good enough for her. To her credit, she didn't let me and though it wasn't easy, we developed a very close relationship. In fact, that's her over there," Seth noted, gesturing to his wedding photo, which was proudly displayed on one of the bookshelves. "Yes, it was hard. There were days that I'm sure she wanted to throw me through the window out of sheer frustration, but she loved me and stuck with me through it all. If you love someone, you take all of them, the good and the bad. Put yourself in Jasper's place for a moment. Should he let you go just because there's a possibility that he won't regain full function of his leg?"

"Of course not, I don't care if he never walks again," I declared. "He's still my Jasper; regardless."

"And if he tried to let you go, what would you do?" Seth pushed.

"I'd fight," I replied, getting emotional at the thought of such a thing.

"Why? Are you saying that Jasper doesn't know what's best for you?" he asked.

"Because I love _**him**_, not what he can or can't do. And no, I know what I can and can't handle, it's not up to Jasper to make that decision for me" I retorted, and then stopped, replaying the words I just said. Fuck, in my stupid attempt to save Jasper from having to deal with me, I was basically telling him that he wasn't smart enough to make the decision for himself. I blew out a breath and looked up at Seth, who was waiting patiently as I worked my way through my epiphany.

"I'm an idiot," I admitted.

"No, I wouldn't say you are an idiot. I'd just say that you've only been looking at this from your point of view and not allowing Jasper any input at all. Relationships are two way streets, you both need to have a say on what happens for it to work," he advised. "I also think you are trying to protect yourself from getting hurt, but you should know by now that that road is a dead end. You've been protecting yourself for years – has it worked?"

"Not at all," I admitted. "But I'm still worried about my reactions to things. I mean, just the sight of Jasper laughing with Garrett sent me into a panic attack."

"What did you do when you felt the panic attack begin?"

"I excused myself from the room and tried to do the breathing exercises that you gave me last session," I replied.

"And did they work?" he asked.

"They helped, but then I started thinking about how a normal boyfriend wouldn't have to run to the bathroom to get over a panic attack. A normal boyfriend would have waited until everyone left and then had a discussion about what he'd seen. I got caught up in this loop of feeling weak for having these thoughts and thinking that Jasper would be better off without me," I noted with a sigh.

"Maybe Jasper doesn't want normal," Seth offered. "Besides, what is normal anyway? What you may think is normal may not be what Jasper thinks is normal."

"So what do I do now? How do I fix this?" I asked.

"What do you think you need to do to fix it?" he replied, turning my question right back at me.

"Talk to Jasper," I said.

"Exactly, you both need to lay your cards on the table and discuss what you want out of this relationship. No relationship will work if the people involved don't communicate," Seth reiterated.

"Now, let's talk about the panic attacks. How often are you experiencing them? How bad are they?" he inquired.

"They aren't as bad as they were when I first got back and those exercises are helpful. I'm more concerned about whether the feelings I'm experiencing are real or not," I confessed.

"Well, let's look at yesterday's debacle again from Jasper's point of view. If he had walked in on you and someone else in the same position that you found him in, would he be right in feeling jealous?"

"Probably, but not to the extent that I was feeling it," I replied.

"There – that's what I want you to remember Edward. Your feelings _**are**_ valid; they are just blown out of proportion. It's not like Jasper was just sitting there twiddling his thumbs and you got jealous over nothing. There was a valid reason to feel jealousy. The issue is not that you are feeling the _**wrong **_things; the issue is that you are feeling them more deeply than would be considered normal. And I believe that will go away with time," he stressed, and then continued.

"As a doctor you'll appreciate this metaphor, I hope. For years you've been blocking your emotions and it's not like they just magically disappeared. They were still there, but festering, like an abscess. Eventually they have to come to the surface and when they do, it's painful as hell and it feels like it will never go away. But with proper care and attention, you can heal an abscess. How would you treat an abscess Edward?"

"Depends on what stage it was, but if it was ready, I'd release the infection and then prescribe antibiotics," I remarked.

"It's a painful process, though, right?" he asked.

"Extremely – especially just before it's about to burst. However, most patients find instant relief once the infection is released."

"That's what we are doing now, Edward. We're releasing the emotions and I can guarantee you'll feel relief once it's over. But you need to go through this stage to get to that point. I could prescribe you an antidepressant to help regulate your moods, but I honestly believe that you need to feel these emotions. And the longer you allow yourself to feel them, the more comfortable you'll become with them," he advised. "But, if you find the panic attacks are starting to interrupt your life to the point that you can't function at work or with your family and partner, then I want you to call me and I'll give you a prescription for something you can take to help stave them off. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," I replied.

"Okay – you've made amazing progress Edward," Seth noted, smiling at my look of disbelief. "Seriously, if this had happened a few weeks ago you would have broken up with Jasper the same day and would have gone back to hiding your emotions. Instead, you decided to talk to someone about what you were feeling first. That's real progress in my book."

"Thanks, does that mean I'm cured?" I joked.

Seth laughed and said teasingly, "You're getting there; I think there may be hope for you yet. I'll see you next week, though. In the meantime, I want you to go talk to Jasper. I believe you are both overdue for a much needed discussion. Tell him what you feel, Edward and listen when he responds. Again, the key to a good relationship is communication. Now, off you go."

I rose from my chair and shook Seth's hand. "Thanks Dr. Clearwater, I appreciate your time." As he walked me to the reception area, I thought about our conversation and decided that I would head over to RIC right away. I made a follow-up appointment with Claire for the following week and headed out the door. Seth was right, I needed to allow Jasper to have his say and then we needed to discuss what we both wanted out of this relationship. That is if Jasper hadn't already decided that I was too much work. I walked the two blocks down to RIC and pushed through the entrance doors. It was time to face my boyfriend.

_**02/02/2010, 09:15 – JPOV**_

I was in the midst of my first physical therapy session with Garrett and frustrated as hell. I could barely do anything with the left side of my body and mentally kicked myself for somehow thinking this was going to be a breeze. Garrett had me working on building up the strength in my upper body and right leg, since there was little we could do with my left leg while it was encased in plaster. After only fifteen minutes, my hair was plastered to my face because I was sweating like a pig.

"Again," Garrett ordered, watching as I used a small ball to do bicep curls with my left arm. The stitches had been removed last week, but the arm was still sore as hell. I refused to give up though and continued working through the exercises. Plus, I had to admit that I was channeling some of my anger at Edward's lack of response to my text messages and voice mails into my therapy session. _Might as well get somethin' good out of it, _I thought.I had moved from being worried about Edward to being downright pissed and now I was spoiling for a fight. Garrett had taken one look at the expression on my face when he walked in this morning and put me right to work, probably determining that he'd be better off focusing my energy on my rehab. Gritting my teeth, I completed the repetitions with my left arm and switched over to begin them again with my right.

"You want to talk about it?" Garrett asked with a smirk.

"No, let's just get this over with," I responded, not in the mood to chit chat with anyone. My therapy sessions were scheduled twice a day, once at nine and again at three. My family would come to visit me in the evenings when they had time. I had finally talked my folks into going back home at the end of the week, much to Emmett delight and appreciation. I know he was looking forward to having his apartment back to himself and Rosie. Rosie would be going back to work as well so for the most part I'd be on my own, although I had thought that Edward would be around to help me through this. I still couldn't believe that he had left like he had, over something as stupid as jealousy.

"Okay – once you finish those reps, we'll start working on your shoulders. Using the ball, you'll extend your arm out in front of you and then bring it straight up over your head. We'll do 20 reps on each side. Let me know if you experience any pain," Garrett advised, watching my movements carefully but obviously deciding not to push me to talk about what was really bothering me. Three weeks of being in a hospital bed had taken away all of the strength I had built up during my usual workouts with Emmett.

"How is it possible that I'm so weak? I used to work out every day and thought I was in pretty decent shape," I asked Garrett.

"Being bedridden takes a lot out of you. Plus, you had two major surgeries – give yourself a break. You'll get there – it's just going to take time," he reassured. "The important thing is that you do the exercises faithfully. This week we'll do two sessions a day, but starting next week I want you to add a session in the evenings by yourself."

"I'll do whatever it takes," I vowed with a grimace.

"If you keep up that attitude, you'll see results, I promise. It's the folks that think negatively that have the hardest time getting back to normal," he stated.

We continued the session until just after ten and when Garrett said we were done, I collapsed against the bed in sheer exhaustion. I hadn't slept well the night before and the workout had taken the last bit of energy I had.

Gathering up the ball and the strength training cords, Garrett praised me for a job well done and reminded me that he would be back at three. He told me to eat a good lunch and to get some rest. I pulled a face at the thought of more hospital food but promised to heed his advice. A few minutes later, the nurse came in to give me a bath. She asked me if I wanted a shave, but I just wanted to go to sleep – she could do it tomorrow. Yesterday I was thinking that Edward would visit after his therapy appointment, but today I wasn't holding out much hope. I reached for my phone and checked again for missed calls or text messages. It was stupid, the phone would alert me with a chime if I'd received any calls, but I couldn't help but check to see if he called. Feeling somewhat better after the bath, I leaned back in the bed and tried to catch a nap. I was just drifting off when I heard the door open again. Glancing at the door, I noticed Edward standing just inside my room, looking down at the floor like a guilty school kid.

"I didn't think you'd show up today," I murmured, relieved that he was okay but also angry that he had put us through this.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I should never have left like I did yesterday. Will you give me a chance to explain?" Edward said hesitantly, looking up to meet my gaze.

"Sit," I ordered, gesturing at the chair next to my bed. "You don't get to talk right now. You get to listen, since you couldn't be bothered with returnin' my calls yesterday," I sniped.

Edward immediately sat in the chair and looked me dead in the eyes. I could tell that he had probably little to no sleep either from the dark circles under his eyes and the fact that he was wearing those damn black framed glasses, which turned me on like you wouldn't believe. He was here and while I was doing a little happy dance on the inside, I was going to have my say.

"What the fuck were you thinkin'?" I yelled, then lowered my voice and tried again. I wasn't going to yell, I was too exhausted. "I thought you were as happy as I was and then you come back into the room and it's like you were a completely different person. You were rude to Garrett and even if you thought there was somethin' goin' on, you should have at least given me a chance to explain. That's what people do in relationships, Edward. They talk. They don't fuckin' run away, leavin' the other person to wonder what the hell happened. Besides, it's not like I can run after you," I noted, gesturing at the infernal cast that kept me tied to the bed.

"I know," Edward responded. Before he opened his mouth to say another word, I continued on – needing to get everything off of my chest.

"And then you refuse to answer my calls and texts, makin' me worry that somethin' happened to you. I nearly sent Emmett over to your apartment to make sure you were still alive. The least you could've done was tell me that you didn't want to talk to me. Christ Edward, you don't make it easy on people, do you?" I said, hitting the bed with my right fist in aggravation.

"I turned my phone off," Edward admitted. "I didn't want to talk to anyone; I guess I just wanted to wallow. I didn't think anyone would worry. I'm sorry…" he trailed off, watching for my reaction.

"I get that you didn't want to talk to anyone, but Jesus Christ, I love you – what was I supposed to think when you didn't return my calls? You _**always **_return my calls, what if somethin' happened to you? I don't think I could live with myself," I said, irritated with him for not thinking of anyone but himself.

"You love me?" he asked as if shocked, his eyes beginning to glimmer with tears.

"Yes, asshole, I love you," I retorted. "Although God knows why, you can be so damn aggravatin' – do you think I make a habit of askin' people to be my boyfriend? Do you think that I call people who obviously are pissed off at me about stupid things fifty times? I worry about all of my doctors like I worry about you," I said sarcastically. "Of course I love you, you idiot."

"You love me…" he looked at me in total wonder, and I began to realize what I'd just blurted out in a fit of anger. Shit, I wasn't ready to tell him that yet, but it just came out. I took a deep breath and looked at him, needing to know if he felt the same way.

"I'll say it a million more times if you need me to, but yes, I love you," I said softly, reaching for his hand.

"Oh God, Jasper I love you so much, you have no idea," he said, grasping my hand and pulling it to cover his heart. "I am such an idiot – I got jealous and then I panicked and then I decided you'd be better off without a freak like me for a boyfriend. I have no idea what I'm doing, Jasper. I don't know how to be in a relationship – fuck, I've only slept with three people and that includes you. I want this to work, but I don't want you to regret taking a chance on me…" Finally, Edward's rushed rambling drew to a stop and he looked at me, tears escaping his eyes to run down his face. He seemed to be holding his breath in anticipation of my response.

I felt a brilliant smile break across my face knowing that he loved me back. If we loved each other we could fix it. "When you left here yesterday, I thought that you didn't love me – that you were regrettin' becomin' my boyfriend. We are such idiots, Edward. We need to trust each other and say what's on our minds. I know you are having a hard time dealin' with your emotions, but you can talk to me about it. Let me be here for you like you are here for me. This is only gonna work if we talk to each other."

"I know and I promise I will be better about talking to you about things. I saw Dr. Clearwater this morning and he helped me to make sense of what I was feeling. I was wrong to leave like that. I think we both need to talk about our expectations and what we need from each other," he said, looking at me hopefully.

"Well, I've got nothin' but time," I replied, patting the side of my bed. "You look exhausted, come lie with me and we'll discuss everythin' later. We still need to talk, but I need a nap and you look like you could use one too."

"Are you sure? I don't want to crowd you or anything," he said.

"Just help move me to one side so there's enough room for both of us," I directed. Edward did just that, gently lifting me up so that he could shift me to left side of the bed. Kicking off his shoes and taking off his coat, he crawled in beside me and rested his head on my chest.

I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged. He lifted his head and looked up at me. "Kiss me," I whispered.

He maneuvered himself up so that he was leaning over me, and then placed his lips against mine. I ran my tongue across his lips, begging for entrance, and soon we were lost in the passion that always sprung to life when we were near each other. Eventually, the kiss gentled and Edward pulled away. "I thought we were going to take a nap?" he teased.

"I needed a fix first," I said, grinning. I reached up to stroke my hand down his cheek, which was reddened from the scruff of my beard. "I should've had the nurse shave me," I noted.

"I'll do it for you later, if you want me to," he replied sleepily, tucking himself into the crook of my arm and tracing his hand up and down my chest slowly.

"Yeah, as long as you don't chop me up," I warned.

"I'll take good care of you, baby," he promised.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" he responded, fading fast.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jasper."

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**A/N: As always your feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm off to find some Starbucks - now that Lent's over it's on again! Until next Sunday... Oh, and if you so desire, voting is still open in the 'Everything's Bigger in Texas' awards until April 19, 2010. Southern Charm is nominated under the category, 'This Fic's Going Places'. If you want to vote, the link is in my profile. If not, there's a bunch of other brilliant stories nominated and some good reading.**


	16. Resolutions

**A/N: Wow. I'm totally and completely stunned by the response my little story received over the past week - over 110 reviews! First, thanks to SubtlePen and CherBella for pimping Southern Charm out in Twitterland. I took the plunge and you can find me out there now too - Meikela22. I warn you - I'm boring!**

**Another big thanks to MistyHaze420 and Nestaron for their recommendations of my tale in recent chapters of their stories, _Lessons Learned _and _Change_. If you aren't reading either one of these stories at the moment, I highly suggest you click on over to my favorites section and get started. :-)**

**Welcome to my new readers and as ever, thanks to all of you that read, reviewed, favorited, and/or alerted Southern Charm this week. I'm blessed to have the world's best readers ever - no lie!**

**xrazzlesx - keeping my promise - thank you again for the idea!**

**Again, with the long A/N, but I can't help myself. Zipping my lips now so you can read. As always, enjoy!**

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Chapter 16 – Resolutions

_**02/02/2010, 14:23 – JPOV**_

I looked down at the man I loved in wonder. He truly was beautiful – even more so when sleep took away the worry lines from his forehead and erased the purple shadows from underneath his eyes. Edward had fallen asleep with his glasses on and they sat slightly askew on his face. It was extremely cute and one of the reasons that I loved him. He wasn't in the least bit vain, giving little to no thought to his appearance, despite the fact that he was absolutely breathtaking. I desperately wanted to fast forward to a time when we were both healthy, mentally and physically, and could just be. Unfortunately, there was still quite a bit of road left before either of us reached our respective destinations. My only hope was that at the end of the journey, we'd both be standing there together.

I looked across the room at the clock and noticed that it was almost 2:30. I was loathe to wake Edward up; he was resting so comfortably and honestly, I was enjoying the feeling of his body so close to mine. I couldn't believe that we had slept so long, but I guess we both needed the rest after the stress of the previous day and our respective therapy sessions this morning. I had missed lunch completely and wondered why the nursing staff hadn't barged in to wake us up. Although, on second thought, I was glad they hadn't. Spending these hours asleep with Edward was more nourishing than any lunch the facility could have provided. Unfortunately, I knew that Garrett was due to arrive soon and Edward and I still hadn't discussed his reactions yesterday. I wanted to clear the air on the Garrett situation before we talked about everything else.

Running my fingers through his hair gently, I called out his name softly, "Edward, honey…time to wake up." He shifted his body closer to me and nuzzled his face deeper into my chest. "Come on babe, up and at 'em."

"Don't wanna - good dream – I'm sleeping with my Jasper," he mumbled into my chest.

I chuckled and replied, "Sorry – but you have to, and you're not dreamin', I'm right here." His eyes popped open and he reached up to adjust his glasses, checking me over as if to verify that I was indeed still there.

"Did you sleep?" he asked worriedly. "You could have just pushed me over if I was making you uncomfortable."

"I slept like a baby, actually. I just woke up a few minutes ago," I replied, giving him a reassuring smile. "And I wasn't uncomfortable, quite the opposite. How about you? Feelin' better?"

"Much better, thanks…" he said, flashing that crooked grin I loved so much. He lifted himself up over me and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I need the bathroom – I'll be right back." He got out of the bed, put his shoes back on, and walked into the attached bathroom. I tried to shift myself back to the middle of the bed, ending up with my upper body in the middle of the bed while my lower half remained where Edward had moved me earlier. It was these little things that frustrated me to no end. Edward returned, looking a little more alert, quirking an eyebrow at my predicament.

"Impatient, much? I would've helped you if you waited," he teased.

"Shut-up and help me," I huffed out. "I fuckin' hate that I can't even move myself around on the damn bed."

"You got halfway there," he observed, as he got me situated on the bed. "Once you regain your strength, you be able to move around better. Don't forget that your cast weighs a ton."

"I know – I just like bein' able to do things for myself," I noted, using the bed controls to move to an upright position.

"We all do, but there's no shame in asking for help either," Edward responded, taking the seat next to the bed.

"Yeah – uh, pot, meet kettle…" I laughed.

"I know – we're both bad at it, aren't we?" Edward smiled, but then grew serious and said, "But we need to learn to do it if we're going to get better, huh?"

Sighing, I replied, "You're right. And we both need to learn to be completely honest with each other about everythin' if _**we're**_ goin' to make it," I noted, motioning with my good hand between the two of us.

"I'll do whatever it takes, Jasper," Edward vowed. "I don't want to lose you – I don't think I could I could take it. You're it for me."

"I feel the same way. Now, in the spirit of our conversation, let's start with Garrett," I said, watching as Edward winced. "No, I want you to know exactly what went on between the two of us and then I want you to tell me about what happened yesterday. Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed, settling deeper into the chair in preparation of my tale.

"I was set up on a blind date with Garrett through our mutual friend Kate. She and Garrett have been friends for years and he had just moved out here a few months ago from Boston for a job here at RIC. She thought we'd be a good match and if nothin' else, Garrett could meet some people in the area. She gave me his number and I called him to set up the details. We decided to take in a game and have dinner," I stated, watching Edward's reaction closely. He sat quietly, maintaining eye contact and waited for me to continue.

"We went to a game two days before I was shot. I met him there and we had the typical first date conversation, just tryin' to get to know each other. He's a nice guy but there was absolutely no chemistry at all, for either of us. By the end of the night, we'd decided that we'd be better off as friends. I never even gave him a second thought and the first time I've seen him since that night was yesterday. That's all there is to it," I noted. "Besides, in the meantime I reconnected with this gorgeous doctor and he took up all of my thoughts," I joked, smiling over at Edward. He smiled back and took my hand in his. "Your turn," I said.

"I don't even know where to begin," Edward said, but as I squeezed his hand in reassurance, he began to hesitantly tell me about the morning from his point of view. "I saw him coming down the hall yesterday with Dr. Stevens and Carlisle and the first thing I thought was that I was going to kill Bella for not telling me how gorgeous he was. I began comparing myself to him and knew that I couldn't compete in the looks department. When I walked into the room and saw him touching you … your heads were close together and you were laughing, I got jealous." He exhaled roughly and continued. "Then he was so damn personable and I just wanted to hate him," Edward let out a short laugh, "especially when you said that you'd gone out on a date together. If you could have someone like him, why would you want someone like me?" he asked, shaking his head, clearly not expecting an answer.

"I sat in the corner to try to gather my thoughts but instead it all just started to spiral out of control. By the time you called me over to your bed, I was consumed by jealousy, insecurity, and this overwhelming sense of possessiveness and then I felt a panic attack coming on. That's why I bolted from the room – it was either leave or do something I'd regret. I went to the bathroom to try to calm myself down but instead started thinking that a normal boyfriend wouldn't need to leave, that you could do better, and that maybe I should let you go. Then I did what I've been doing for the past eight years – I shut down, trying to lock all of those emotions away," he confessed. "After Carlisle dropped me back at my car, I went straight home and hid myself away from everyone. I knew that I had an appointment with Dr. Clearwater in the morning and I was going to wait to talk to him before I did anything else."

Edward rubbed his free hand over his face and sighed, "I'm an idiot - I'll admit it. I should've stayed so that we could talk it through, but I was just so sure that I knew what was best for you. In my twisted head, I thought I was doing the right thing. Seth helped me to see that I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt and that what I needed to do is what I'm doing now – talk my feelings out with you. I'm so sorry Jasper," he said, then shook his head. "You're right, I am damn aggravating."

"Hey now, no knockin' my man," I teased softly. "Let me clarify a few things for you first before we go further. One," I said, holding up my index finger, "I was laughing because Garrett took one look at you and decided you were the most beautiful man on the planet. He asked me if I would share the wealth and I let him know that I had no intention of sharing you with anyone." I watched his face closely and saw the doubt creep across his face. I sighed in exasperation. "Edward, when will you ever see yourself clearly? I told you this eight years ago and it's still true today. You are absolutely, positively gorgeous. You have a body to die for, amazing green eyes, and a smile that lights up a room, not to mention one of the most pure and compassionate hearts I've ever encountered. I can tell you everyday all the reasons I am attracted to you and why I love you, but until _**you**_ believe it yourself; it's not going to matter."

"I know," he whispered. "I'm trying, but it's so hard. I've spent all this time locking away every feeling – good or bad. It's hard to trust myself now - everything I'm feeling is blown out of proportion to the point that I began to question of what I was feeling was valid or not. Plus, I've grew up with a father who spent much of my childhood telling me what I was lacking in comparison to Carlisle, in all areas. It's difficult to see myself in a positive light when I've had years of someone pointing out the negatives. I will try harder, I promise," he remarked with a self-deprecating grin.

"That's all I can ask," I replied with my own sad smile, hurting at the thought of what Edward had endured growing up with a father like that. "When you left I knew you were upset, but I had no idea why. It took Emmett to clue me in to the fact that you might be jealous of Garrett. You have no idea how frustratin' it is to be trapped in a bed when all you want to do is run after someone. I understand your need to try to figure things out on your own, but Edward – we're in this together. You can't make decisions on what's best for me without my input. Next time either of us is upset with each other or worried about somethin', we need to discuss it, okay?"

"Agreed, the same goes for you too, though. I want us to be equals, not just you having to take care of me. I want us to take care of each other. I know that your recovery isn't going to be easy either and that you may get frustrated or depressed or angry. I just want you to be able to lean on me for support too. If we can lean on each other, we have a halfway decent chance of getting through this, right?" Edward asked, looking at me hopefully and with love in his eyes.

"Agreed, and I think we have a great chance of gettin' through this if we stick together and have realistic expectations of each other," I replied. "I just got you back and I'll be damned if I let you go now." We smiled goofily at each other and using the hand that was intertwined with his, I pulled him towards me. He rose from the chair and leaned down over me.

"I love you so much Jasper."

"I love you too. Now shut up and kiss me," I said. I saw the fire light in his eyes just before his lips met mine and soon lost myself to the sensations and taste of my boyfriend. I plunged my tongue into his mouth, tangling it with his and moaned from pleasure. I wanted him closer and ran my hands down his back and tried to pull him further towards me. I could kiss him for hours as I lost all sense of time when we were together like this. My hands were roaming down to his delectable ass when we were rudely interrupted by the sound of laughter from the doorway.

"Well, well, well. I'm not sure if we can qualify this as physical therapy, but it looks like fun to me," Garrett joked as he walked into the room.

Edward placed a chaste kiss on my lips and straightened up from the bed, turning to face my PT. Surprising the hell out of me, he walked over to him, offering his hand for a shake. "Hello Garrett," he stated, accepting Garrett's hand in his own. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I was rude and it was inexcusable."

Garrett shook his hand for a moment, glanced over at me briefly, and then smiled widely at Edward. "No worries – getting situated in a new facility is stressful for both the patient and the family. Finding out your boyfriend went out on a date with his cute PT is definitely an excuse for rudeness," Garrett conceded with a wink towards me. "Did Jasper tell you that the date was a dud?" Garrett laughed, and then looked my boyfriend over again, "So, do you have another brother besides the unfortunately straight Carlisle?"

"Sorry, fresh out of brothers," Edward joked back and I was glad to feel the tension in the room dissipate.

"Such a shame," he replied, shaking his head. "It's three o'clock Jasper – are you ready for more torture?"

"I suppose so," I replied and then looked over at Edward. "Do you want to stay?"

"I'd love to, but I have to go spring Cletus from the vet. He was in to be neutered and I have to pick him up by four," he said, and all three men in the room winced at the thought of having our testicles removed.

"Poor guy," Garrett remarked with a snicker.

"Tell me about," I agreed, then said to Edward, "My momma's bringin' BBQ tonight, can you come back?"

"I was planning on it," Edward replied with a grin. "Now I just have more incentive. Let me get out of here so you two can get to work." He grabbed his coat and then strode back over to my bedside and placed a kiss on my forehead. "Love you," he whispered into my ear before walking towards the door, flashing a quick grin at Garrett on his way.

"Love you too," I called after him and beamed as I watched him walk away. I then directed my attention to Garrett. He looked a little dazed and when I called his name, he looked back at me as if coming out of a trance. "You are one lucky man, Whitlock. That's all I got to say."

"I know," I replied. "Trust me – I know."

_**02/02/2010, 15:14 – EPOV**_

As I walked the two blocks back to the parking garage where my car was located, I reflected over the past few hours. Heading into RIC, I was doubtful that Jasper would be as forgiving as he turned out to be. Yes, he had read me the riot act, but it was well deserved. However, in the midst of his diatribe he had let it slip that he loved me and from that point forward I didn't care how screwed up I thought I was, I knew I wasn't letting this man go again.

I couldn't wipe the stupid grin from my face and ignored the funny looks I was garnering from passers-by. Had they never seen anyone stupid in love before? I pulled out my cell phone and sent a quick text to Carlisle, thanking him for being there for me and asking him if we could meet up for lunch sometime. I needed to apologize for being such an ass yesterday and also wanted someone to share my joy with. Carlisle may have been my older brother, but I'd also come to think of him as one of my best friends. I finally got to my car and jumped inside, eager to pick up Cletus and get back to Jasper.

Twenty minute later I arrived at the vet's office and was surprised to find Cletus packed up in his carrier and ready to go. I had actually arrived early and expected to have to wait while they got him ready. As I walked up to the counter, the girl from this morning looked up at me. I watched as relief washed across her face. "Dr. Cullen! I'm so glad you are here. Cletus is raring to go home," she said with a grimace. I moved to the carrier that was sitting on top of the counter and looked in, only to be greeted with a deep growl and an angry swipe of the paw at the cage door. Backing away from the obviously incensed cat, I looked over at the receptionist with raised eyebrows. "Ummm, yeah. He's not a happy camper," she said, glancing over at the carrier with a bit of fear on her face.

"Did the surgery go okay?" I asked.

"Oh – yes. The surgery went fine," she reassured me. "It's just that he was pretty aggressive when we tried to take him out of the carrier this morning. He, ummm… well, he bit the doctor," she whispered. "We had to tranquilize him just to get him prepped for the surgery and that in combination with the general anesthesia has made him, shall we say - a little worse for wear."

"No worries, though," she continued in a slightly more cheerful tone of voice. "We gave him an injection for pain and the doctor is sending you home with antibiotics and additional pain meds. The directions for dosage are on each bottle. He'll be woozy for a few more hours and I wouldn't let him eat anything until later tonight, once the anesthesia has fully worn off. Sometimes they can get nauseous and adding food to the mix probably isn't a good idea," she warned.

"Okay. Does he need to come back to have stitches removed or anything?" I inquired.

"No, the stitches will dissolve on their own. If you notice any major swelling, then bring him back for a follow-up. Just try to keep him from licking it, so he doesn't cause more irritation. He's due back in four weeks for his final set of shots and then you should be good until next year," she chirped. "I've already made the appointment for you; just call me if it doesn't work with your schedule and we'll rearrange the time," she said. "Alrighty, so that will just be $150.00 for today and then you're all set."

I handed over my debit card and gathered up the bag with the meds and the appointment card. I wanted to laugh at the thought of Cletus trying to defend his balls by biting the vet, but didn't think it would be appropriate at the moment. After retrieving my card and the receipt, I picked up the carrier and walked out to my car. Securing Cletus in the backseat, I tossed the bag with the meds in the passenger seat and headed home. Surprisingly, Cletus was quiet as a mouse the entire way – a refreshing change from this morning's howling.

Once safely in my apartment, I put the carrier down and opened the door. Looking in, I saw that he was curled up in the back of the carrier and looking at me balefully. "Come on buddy," I cooed, trying to coax him out so I could get a better look at him and check to make sure he was okay. He crept towards the front of the carrier and then darted out, heading straight for his kitty condo. Unfortunately, his balance was off from the anesthesia and he fell over onto his side three feet shy of his goal. I watched in astonishment as he righted himself unsteadily and waddled to his tower, looking like he'd just been punched in the gonads or had a bad case of hemorrhoids. By all rights, the feeling was probably the same. He glanced over his shoulder at me and let out a slurred howl and then crashed onto the first level. Shaking my head in bemusement, I walked to the closet to stow the carrier and then moved into the kitchen to put the meds in the refrigerator. His next dose wasn't due until the following morning so I figured it would probably be best to leave him alone to mourn his lost manhood and sleep it off.

I went into my room and freshened up a bit, then grabbed a new razor and the shaving cream – placing it into a small toiletry bag to take with me – the razors hospitals provided were worth shit. I could have a lot of fun giving Jasper a shave later, I thought. Not that I didn't enjoy the scruff he'd accumulated since his transfer to RIC. He looked positively sinful clean shaven, but the scruff added a bit of an edge. But I knew it would make him feel more like himself and I would gladly help him anyway I could.

I stopped in the living room on the way back to my car to grab a couple of DVD's that I thought Jasper might like to watch during his downtime. I had to go back to work tomorrow night and I knew that his parent's were leaving tomorrow morning. Rosalie and Emmett had also gone back to work this week, so Jasper was likely to have a lot of free time on his hands. I would definitely be there as much as I could, but I wanted to make sure that he had something to occupy his mind so that he didn't dwell on his situation. I walked over to check on Cletus only to find him still draped across the first level of the condo, his head hanging over the side and tongue hanging out. Snapping a quick picture to share with Jasper later, I headed out to spend the evening with my boyfriend and his family.

_**02/02/2010, 17:25 – EPOV**_

Cross-town traffic during rush hour was a bitch and by the time I made it back to RIC it was almost 5:30. Rushing from the parking garage into the lobby of the building I hit the button for the elevator to take me to Jasper's floor. The bell sounded and I entered quickly, eager to see Jasper again. The door was just about to close when a large hand reached between the doors. As they reopened, I was surprised to see Emmett make his way inside. He looked just as surprised to see me and for the first two floors; neither of us said a word. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer I turned to look at Emmett only to hear him say, "So, you finally pulled your head out of your ass?"

"Ummm, yeah," I responded, my face flushing with embarrassment. I knew that Jasper and Emmett were close and worried about his reaction to the events of the previous day. He glared at me for a moment, before breaking into a wide grin and hooking his arm over my shoulder. "Thank God! If I had to watch him brood any longer I was going to puke," he joked.

"I'm sorry," I replied, serious in my apology. "I just got overwhelmed and wasn't thinking straight," I offered in explanation.

"I figured it was something like that," Emmett nodded as we reached our desired floor and stepped out into the hallway. "Just don't let it happen again. I like you Edward, but Jasper is not only my partner and brother-in-law, he's also my best friend. Hurt him and I'll hurt you," he warned.

"Emmett, I can't promise to never make a mistake again, but I'm damn well going to try to get this right. I love Jasper too much to screw this up again. If I hurt him, you have my permission to do your worst," I replied.

Emmett smiled back at me and then rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "You're in for a treat, Eddie my boy. Momma Whitlock is the BBQ queen!" he exclaimed. "I'll be sad to see her go, since it means her BBQ goes along with her. My Rosie's not much of a cook," he whispered to me. As we reached the nurses' station, I told Emmett to go ahead without me. I needed to pick up a few items for later and the nurses were more than happy to accommodate my requests. Taking the supplies with me, I entered Jasper's room to the sound of laughter and the most delicious smells.

I greeted Jasper's parents and Rosalie, threw a quick smile at Jasper, and then made my way to the bathroom to drop off the supplies and the toiletry bag. I placed the DVD's on the bedside table and leaned over to give Jasper a quick kiss hello. Jasper wasn't having it though and I lost myself in the kiss until I heard Mr. Whitlock clearing his throat behind me. I could feel my ears turning red as I pulled away from Jasper, but started to smile when I saw the twinkle in Jasper's eyes. The little sneak was enjoying my discomfort! I turned to face his father and blushed even further when I noticed that all of the room's occupants were watching us with varying expressions on their faces. Rosalie looked pleased, Emmett had a smirk on his face, Momma Whitlock was grinning from ear to ear; however, Jasper's father looked very stern and I was almost afraid of his reaction.

A few seconds later though, he dropped the serious expression and reached out and offered his hand. I shook his hand and almost fell over in astonishment when he pulled me in for a hug and whispered in my ear, "Thank you for takin' such good care of my boy. I can see how much you love each other. Welcome to the family son." I felt myself start to get a bit choked up that he had so quickly accepted me. My own father would have rather thrown me out the window. Releasing me, he stepped back and looked at his own wife, calling out in a teasing manner "Where's the food woman?" I was thankful for the distraction so that I could gather myself and reached back with my hand to grab Jasper's. Knowing me so well already, he squeezed my hand in reassurance and then released it.

"You'd think you people were starvin' to death," Momma Whitlock admonished her husband, but then started unpacking what looked to be a first class feast. Rosalie began setting out plates and utensils, along with wet naps and Emmett started doling out sodas. I asked if I could help, but was waved away by the women and took a seat next to Jasper's bed. Looking over at him with a smile, I whispered, "I love you."

He mouthed the words back to me and then blew me a kiss. I winked and mouthed back, "Later."

Over the next two hours I sat with Jasper and his family as we ate the most delicious BBQ I've ever had and listened to stories of Rosalie and Jasper's exploits as children. I laughed loudly when Jasper's mom told me about a Halloween when he was five and how he cuffed the boy next door for stealing a piece of candy from his trick or treat bag. I wiped away tears of mirth when she told me how they withheld the handcuffs from his costume for the next few years. I totally lost my train of thought though when Jasper leaned in to whisper in my ear that they could still come in handy someday, and nipped my earlobe. She also showed me some pictures of the twins when they were kids that she just happened to have in her purse, much to her children's dismay. I loved watching them interact as a family – the love they had for each other was evident and I pushed away my own feelings of melancholy at how different my childhood had been.

His parent's flight home was scheduled to leave midday tomorrow and by eight they decided to go back to Emmett and Rosalie's place to pack. They would return to say their goodbyes to Jasper on their way to the airport in the morning. I helped Rosalie and Momma Whitlock clean up the remains of dinner and then watched as they took their leave. Momma Whitlock asked me if I would be there in the morning as well, but I told her that I had a staff meeting in the morning at the same time. "Well, I guess we'll just have to say our goodbyes now," she said and gathered me up in a big hug. "Not that I think this will be the last time I see you Edward," she noted with a smile. "You be good to each other, okay."

"We will," I promised, returning the hug and then reaching out to shake Jasper's father's hand again. "Have a safe trip home," I offered. Soon the room emptied and it was just Jasper and me.

"Come here," he murmured, giving me a look that I was well aware would lead to no good.

"Uh-uh. I'm not kissing you again until we've shaved the scruff off of you," I noted, walking to the bathroom to gather my supplies. A few moments later I returned with two small basins of hot water, a wash cloth that I had soaked with hot water, the shaving cream and a razor. Pulling the rolling tray table next to the bed, I unloaded everything onto the try and then tried to figure out how to make this work. Looking at Jasper, I raised an eyebrow and then reclined the bed just a tad. Toeing off my shoes, I gingerly placed a knee on the side of the bed and then moved so that I was straddling him, careful to keep my weight on my knees and away from his injured leg.

I pulled the table closer to me and grabbed the hot wash cloth, applying it to Jasper's face to open his pores and soften the slight beard that had grown in. After a few moments, I removed the cloth and then applied the shaving cream to his face lightly. Rinsing off my hands, I picked up the razor and began to carefully remove the scruff from Jasper's face. The entire time, I felt his eyes on me but I didn't look up from the task at hand, not wanting to get distracted and hurt him by accident. Brushing the tips of my fingers across his face gently, I checked to make sure I had gotten it all and then dipped the washcloth into the second basin, wrung out the excess water, and then washed Jasper's face gently, setting the used washcloth back on the tray table.

Neither of us had spoken a word the entire time, and when I was finished I placed a quick kiss on the tip of Jasper's nose and said, "All done. See, I didn't chop you up, now did I?" I finally made eye contact with him only to find him staring at me, the love he felt for me shining out of his navy blue eyes. I smiled at him and unable to resist, leaned in to give him the kiss I denied him earlier, when he stopped me.

"Edward?" he said in a roughened voice.

"Yes, baby?" I responded, worried that I had done something wrong.

"No one has ever taken care of me like you do," he said, clearing his throat. "I love you so much," he said fiercely, resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you too, Jasper. You have no idea…"I replied and then caught his lips with mine in a slow, but sweet kiss. Unlike the hungry kisses from earlier in the day, this one was all about showing our love to one another, in the only way we could given Jasper's current physical limitations. I brushed my thumb over his smooth cheek and across his eyebrow, and then slid my hands into his curly locks, gently massaging his scalp. We broke apart, needing to breathe and to regain our senses after the emotionally charged moment. Finally, I kissed him softly on the cheek before moving carefully off of the bed. Gathering up the used supplies, I moved into the bathroom to clean them up and stow them for another time.

When I returned to the room, I found my boyfriend dozing off. I knew that he hadn't slept well last night – if at all – and that his first day of PT probably had taken all of the energy he had recovered during our nap. I watched him for a moment, his face relaxed in slumber and felt my heart fill to bursting with the love I had for this man. I didn't want to wake him, but wanted to let him know that I was heading out for the night. Brushing my knuckles across his cheek, I murmured his name and smiled as he shook himself awake.

"I'm going to head home now so you can get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow after my staff meeting. Do want me to bring you some lunch?" I offered.

"Sounds good," he murmured sleepily. "Give us a kiss goodnight," he said and then puckered his lips. Laughing softly, I brushed a chaste kiss across his plump lips and then kissed his forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my love. I'll see you tomorrow."

The only response I received was a soft snore.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated and always taken into consideration as I write. Until next Sunday... :-)**


	17. Frustration

**A/N: It's late, but it's still Sunday! This was a difficult chapter to write - it fought me the whole way, so I'll be interested to hear your thoughts. As always, thanks for your reviews, favoriting, and alerting. I truly, truly appreciate you taking the time to read my little story. **

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Chapter 17 – Frustration

_**02/17/2010, 04:32 – EPOV**_

I was in hell. This was my third straight double shift and I was counting the minutes until it was over. Four days ago Dr. Newton was found – at the hospital chapel of all places - in an extremely compromising position with Jessica Stanley. Luckily for them it wasn't a patient or family member that discovered their tryst. That was the good news. The bad news – for them at least – the discoverer was Angela. Since she didn't have much patience with either of them to begin with she reported them with glee. The upside was that incompetent Stanley and her hooker attire had finally been dispatched from the hospital. The downside? Newton was suspended for the week and I had to cover some of his shifts – which meant I hadn't been home in three days, hadn't seen Jasper in three days, and had worked 72 hours straight. I would be off for two days starting at six o'clock and was counting the minutes. We'd been slammed all night and this was the first break I'd had in nearly twelve hours. I headed over to the nurse's station to chat with Angela before going to find some caffeine.

Apparently, my residents were also counting the minutes since I'd become a raging tyrant – their words, not mine. I'd noticed that by hour 52 they'd begun to tiptoe around me, but I was too tired to care. I'd had agreed to work this crazy non-ending shift so that I could have today off. Specifically because today was the day that Jasper's cast was coming off so that his femur could be x-rayed and an EMG could be performed. If his x-ray showed that the fracture had healed, the cast would remain off and Garrett could begin physical therapy on the leg. More importantly; however, the EMG would determine if the nerves had started to regenerate. This would help Dr. Stevens and Garrett determine just how much functionality Jasper would regain. It was a big day and Jasper's career as a police officer hinged on the outcome.

Jasper and I grew closer every day and I couldn't imagine my life without him as a part of it. Almost three weeks had passed since his parents returned to Texas and Rosalie and Emmett went back to work, which left a lot of time for Jasper and I to really get to know each other. Prior to the Newton situation, I had developed a routine. I worked my twelve hour shift, went home for a few hours of sleep, and then went to spend a couple of hours with my boyfriend before starting the cycle all over again. I relished my days off because they meant I could spend more time at RIC, snuggled with Jasper on the hospital bed kissing, talking, or napping. These past three days were the first time we'd been apart in weeks and it was killing me. Sure, we texted back and forth and I called him whenever I got a break, but it wasn't the same as seeing those twinkling blue eyes light up when I walked into his room or the feel of his body against mine. I heaved a loud sigh and glanced back up at the clock – 04:39 – an entire 7 minutes had gone by. I laid my head on the counter of the nurses' station and groaned in frustration.

"Okay – I can't take anymore," Angela griped at me from her seat behind the counter. "If I had known that squealing on Newton and Stanley would lead to more punishment for me than them, I'd have left them to it," she teased.

"It's been three days!" I whined, raising my head from the counter and sending Angela my best puppy dog look. I knew that most of the staff thought I was just overtired and cranky from being on shift for almost 72 hours, but Angela was well aware of why I was so out of sorts – especially as she had been the primary recipient of my complaints over the past three nights. "I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much," I admitted. "Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal…" I trailed off, looking at Angela sheepishly. Angela had become my go-to person for relationship advice. We'd developed a strong friendship over the past few weeks and we both spoke openly about both of our significant others - sometimes too openly.

Angela laughed at me, shaking her head at the anxious look on my face. "Edward…that's love for you. Especially in the beginning, although it's usually accompanied by a large dose of lust as well," she advised, raising her eyebrow in question.

I looked around to check that no one else was within hearing range and confessed, "You have no idea." I groaned, showing my right palm to her as an example. "There should be calluses, I tell you. I haven't practiced this much self love since junior high," I admitted with an embarrassed grin. "Its torture – we both know that we can't go any further than first base, but that doesn't mean we don't want to." I gave Angela a pitiful look and she laughed again.

"Well, his cast comes off today, right?" she asked, and then continued on, not waiting for an answer. "That should help things a bit," she said with an evil grin.

"Maybe…" I muttered, losing myself in a daydream of the things I could do to Jasper once the cast was removed. I knew that he was as frustrated as I was. Our kisses had become more and more heated and our hands had a tendency to roam. However, even with the cast off it wasn't like we could go much further then we'd already gone. First there was the privacy issue. We'd been caught more than once by members of the RIC nursing staff and to my chagrin, Garrett – who couldn't resist making teasing comments about our antics. Second, the hospital bed was small and while it worked for naps, it wasn't exactly conducive to the way I wanted to hold Jasper. Finally, Jasper wasn't healed enough to go any further than second base and even though he had offered to help alleviate my "problem", I wasn't about to take any pleasure if he couldn't. Not that I hadn't been relieving my problem on my own, as evidenced by the raging case of carpal tunnel syndrome I was developing.

My dreams were filled with images of Jasper and I together, his cock in my mouth, his hands caressing my body, my lips on his skin. It was so bad that even Cletus had deserted my bed in favor of safer territory. I often woke sweating, with the sheets and blankets tangled from my tossing and turning. But more importantly, each touch, each kiss in real life and in my dreams was infused with love. As much as I wanted to be fucked by Jasper, I wanted to make love with him more. Each time I entered his room I was struck by the fact that it felt as if I loved him more than the day prior. I was counting the minutes until I could see him again, but I was also counting the days until our relationship could exist without restrictions of any kind. And if I was feeling this way, it had to be a hundred times worse for Jasper, who couldn't even leave his bed.

I felt Angela's hand cover mine and became aware of my surroundings. The lack of sleep coupled with thoughts of Jasper was causing me to drift off. "Sorry – zoned out there for minute," I noted.

"Yeah, it looked like you went to your happy place," Angela said with a smirk. "We've got a trauma coming in though, so you'd better wake up."

"What do we have?" I asked, feeling the adrenaline start to kick in and give me what I would calculate as my fifteenth wind at this point.

"MVA – head on collision on the Dan Ryan. They airlifted the driver of one of the cars to Cook County, but we're getting the driver and passengers of the other car, since we're closest. Driver has a probable head injury – unresponsive at scene. Passenger has minor injuries as she was in the backseat with a baby. ETA – 5 minutes. I'll get Trauma 1 and 2 ready for you," Angela noted and headed off to gather up the troops.

"Roust Yorkie and Call out of the crib for me, would ya?" I called after her, and seeing her nod of agreement, moved off to gown up for the incoming traumas. Both residents had been on call with me for the past 24 hours and I'd sent them off to catch some sleep when it got slow. I'd caught an hour or two here and there over the past few three days, but was looking forward to getting a solid eight soon. I heard the heavy footsteps of both residents come up behind me in the ambulance bay and outlined the plan of action.

"Yorkie, you and Call take the passengers. It sounds like we're getting a mother and infant. They were in the back seat and the paramedics say the mother only has minor injuries, but make sure to check for any internal bleeds from the seatbelt. Call – check that baby over thoroughly. I don't want an inch of that kid missed in your exam, got me?"

"Got it boss," Embry Call said and stayed put as the first bus pulled into the bay. I moved forward to see which patient was being unloaded first and when I noted it was the male driver, I turned to Yorkie and Call and pointed at the ambulance pulling in. "Get going," I yelled and turned my attention back to the driver.

"38 year old male, unrestrained driver," the paramedic rattled off the vitals and then went on to describe the scene. This was always helpful as we tried to determine what injuries to look out for. "Looks like he went head first through the windshield on impact, we found him on the hood of the car that hit them. Non-responsive on scene, but started to mutter incoherently in the bus - probable intracranial bleed, the left pupil is completely blown." As we wheeled the patient through the automatic doors to the ER, I heard a female screaming behind me, "Danny! Danny! Don't leave me!"

Looking over my shoulder, I barked out an order for Yorkie to calm his patient down and took the first trauma room. Once the transfer was complete, I ordered a CT scan and Neurology consult. There was no doubt that he had a closed head injury, but I wouldn't be able to determine the extent of the intracranial hemorrhage without the scan. I checked the driver for other injuries and was surprised to find he only had a dislocated shoulder. I reduced the shoulder and once Angela noted that the CT was available, we headed on down. I met Dr. Johnston in the booth and watched the scans as they came up. It was evident that he had a subdural hematoma and would require a craniotomy to relieve the pressure. Even with the procedure, his chances of recovery were minimal. I turned his care over to Dr. Johnston, who was already on the phone having OR 1 prepped. Heading back to the ER, I checked in on Yorkie and gave an update to the distraught wife of my patient. I then walked over to check on Dr. Call and the infant. Leaning in the doorway, I called out, "How's the baby?"

The young resident turned to look at me and shrugged, "I can't find a thing wrong with her, amazingly. Their car was hit head on by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the Dan Ryan with his headlights off. They never saw him coming. Thank God they were driving a Volvo and had the car seat installed correctly," he noted with a shake of his head.

This is something we saw too often in the ER – infants and toddlers injured because they either weren't secured in a car seat or because the car seat was installed incorrectly. Thankfully that had not been the case here. The baby began to wail and I watched in amusement as my bulky second year resident backed away from the crying child in horror. "There's nothing wrong with her, why's she crying?" he asked frantically.

I walked over to the bed and made my own examination. Call was right; there were no outward signs of trauma. I reviewed the ultrasounds he'd taken of her abdomen and the CT scan and found no indication of internal bleeding. Reviewing the labs, everything seemed normal. Somehow, someway this beautiful little girl had made it through unscathed. Lifting her from the bed into my arms, I turned to Dr. Call and said, "You'd be crying too if someone was poking and prodding you and your mommy was nowhere in sight. Go check with Yorkie to see if the mother is ready for her." Once the resident left the room, I cooed to the baby, "You just want your mommy, don't you?" I sung to her softly and smiled to myself as she began to calm down. A few moments later she had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I turned to take the baby back to its mother and found Angela watching me from the doorway.

"You're good with babies, Dr. Cullen," she observed, giving me a smile. "Although I'm not sure if _Dani California_ is an appropriate lullaby," Angela noted. "Mom's ready for her. Are you ready to give her back?" I'd held babies before during my years as a doctor, but I'd never had a response to one like I was having now. She felt so right in my arms, as if they were always meant to hold a baby. The thought of what that meant terrified me. I'd never wanted kids, certain I'd be damning them to the same childhood I'd endured. But for the first time I could picture it – Jasper and I standing over a crib, me sitting in a rocking chair feeding the baby a bottle as Jasper looked on… I shook the thoughts off and reluctantly handed the baby over to Angela, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head before Angela took her into the next room. I'd only been with Jasper for a few weeks; no way in hell were we at that stage yet.

Twenty minutes later I felt my pager vibrate. Pulling it off of the waistband of my scrubs, I noted the callback number and contacted the OR upstairs. The driver hadn't made it and Dr. Johnston wanted to know if I wanted to tell the wife or if I wanted him to come down and do it. I was about to tell him I'd do it, when Angela rushed towards me and said we had another trauma coming in. I looked up at the clock and noticed that it was already close to six – Dr. Swan should be in if she wasn't here already. Quickly I relayed the situation to Dr. Johnston and followed Angela out to ambulance bay to find out what was next. Angela briefed me on the situation. Apparently a fire had broken out at a local factory and a few of the workers had been overcome by the smoke. Those closest to the fire had second and/or third degree burns. Again, we were the closest ER, so we were getting the bulk of the patients. Angela went off to round up the residents and interns and check on the day shift folks to see if they were on yet. We'd need all hands on deck to clear these patients and any hope I had of getting out of here on time flew right out the window. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text message to Jasper letting him know that I might not make it.

_**02/17/2010, 08:47 – JPOV**_

Today was the day. The future of my job rested on the outcome of the tests that would be performed today and while I tried to convince Edward that he didn't need to be here for this, he and I both knew I was full of shit. I tried to be positive and I worked my ass off for the past three weeks, doing everything Garrett told me to do without complaint. Garrett had me doing PT three times a day, twice under his direction and then I repeated the exercises again on my own before I went to bed. It was gratifying to see parts of my body return to their former state of fitness. I was even starting to regain the six pack I'd had before I entered the hospital – mostly due to the evil crunches that Garrett forced me to complete daily. This week I'd gained enough strength in my upper body to move myself around on the bed and I'd surprised Garrett and Dr. Stevens yesterday by demonstrating my newfound abilities. According to them, I was well ahead of schedule and one of the most motivated patients they had ever treated.

Little did they know that regaining full functionality of my leg so I could return to work was no longer my only incentive. I was also determined to get out of here so that Edward and I could have a normal relationship. I desperately wanted to do the things normal couples did on dates. I wanted to gaze at Edward across a candlelit table in some romantic restaurant. I wanted to hold hands and sneak kisses as we strolled around Navy Pier. I wanted to make out with him in a movie theatre and steal his popcorn. I wanted to lie on a sofa with my head in his lap while we watched Top Chef, which I'd discovered was a favorite for both of us. Most importantly, I yearned to show him just how much I loved him by taking care of him as well as he took care of me.

Since my parents left, Edward had come to see me every day. He brought me books, DVDs, dinner, and great conversation. We'd talked for hours, learning as much about each other as we could. My favorite times were the quiet ones, like when I'd be reading and running my fingers through his hair as he napped with his head on my chest. Or when he would pull up a chair next to my bed, dock his iPhone and we'd just listen to music together. It was in those soft silences and gentle touches that I felt the depth of my love for him and the strength of his for me. I learned so much about my boyfriend by observation alone. He was deeply sensitive and felt things strongly. While he would argue that it was partly due to his current emotional state, I believed that it was an inherent part of his nature. He was quiet, but had a dry sense of humor. He regaled me with stories and pictures of Cletus, who he treated as if he were his child. I teased him often that he loved Cletus more than me, but I could see that Edward just had a great amount of love for everyone who took the time to really get to know him. Once you broke past Edward's defenses, you'd be hard pressed to find a more caring or compassionate friend, family member, or lover. He'd give you the shirt off of his back if he thought you needed it and that made him not just the man I loved, but someone I truly respected.

Four days ago he'd received a call from Dr. Swan that had effectively ended our face-to-face contact for three days. At first I'd watched on in amusement as Edward laughed to the point of tears as Bella described the Newton situation to him. His laughter faded quickly when he learned that she would need him to cover Newton's day shifts since they could only get a floater to cover nights. He negotiated to work three doubles so that he could be here with me today - something I'd argued vehemently against, to no avail. Edward was stubborn as hell when he was determined to do something. I was worried though. He was already running himself ragged trying to maintain his work schedule, visit me, and get the rest he needed. Over the past three days, we'd kept in contact via texts and phone calls. With each subsequent call, I'd heard the growing exhaustion in his voice. It was more important to me that he take care of himself and stay healthy, but I recognized his need to be there for me. I would have done the same for him had the situation been reversed.

I eyed the time displayed on the ticker running across the bottom of the TV screen. I was watching the local news and had already heard about the factory fire that was currently keeping my man at work before Edward texted me. I heard the door open and looked on as a nurse and Dr. Stevens entered. My x-ray was scheduled for nine and it looked like Edward was going to miss it, despite his best efforts. I took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, trying to shake off the nerves fluttering in my belly.

"You ready Jasper?" Dr. Stevens inquired with a smile. Our first stop would be radiology, where my cast would be removed so that they could take x-rays and determine if the fracture was healed. I hoped like hell it was, because I wasn't sure I could take another day of the plaster monstrosity.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I replied with a half smile.

"Is Edward here?" Dr. Stevens asked, looking at me quizzically. "I know he was planning to accompany you to your appointments today."

"He's stuck at the ER," I noted with a grimace. "There was some factory fire and they got flooded with patients just as he was about to go off shift. He said he'd try to make it as soon as he can," I offered.

Dr. Stevens sighed, stating, "Such is the life of an ER doc. That's why I chose Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation! I'll let the nurses know where to find us in case he makes it. In the meantime, let's get started."

I nodded my agreement and fiddled with the blanket covering the lower half of my body as the nurse unlocked the wheels of the bed. She and Dr. Stevens then wheeled me to the elevator so that we could make our way to the Radiology department. RIC was a fully-functional facility and had fully staffed Radiology, Neuromusculoskeletal, and Orthopedic departments. Before I was transferred from the bed to the x-ray table, Dr. Jones, the orthopedic surgeon arrived to remove the cast. He whipped out a miniature circular saw and turned it on, reassuring me that it was designed for just this use and would not break the skin. Moments later he'd cut the length of my cast on the left and right side and gently removed the cast along with the padding. My leg looked like something from a freak show, the skin was wrinkled as if I'd had it submerged in water for days and the smell was atrocious. Dr. Jones and Dr. Stevens both examined the surgical scars and said they looked good. They asked me not to move the leg until they completed the x-ray, wanting to make sure it was healed before I moved it and did further damage.

The smell must have been getting to the nurse as well, because she quickly came over to wash and dry the leg off. I let out a sigh of relief once she'd finished and heard laughter from the other occupants of the room. "Maybe it's a good thing Edward didn't arrive on time," Dr. Stevens joked and then helped the x-ray tech transfer me to the table and set up for the films they wanted to take. They were just about to clear the room when I heard the sound of sneakers squeaking against the floor and running footsteps. I propped myself up on my elbows to see what was going on when Edward slid into the room, bending over at the waist to catch his breath. He was still wearing his scrubs and those fuck-hot black-rimmed glasses. I couldn't believe that he'd made it and once he caught his breath, he looked up at me with my favorite crooked grin, "Sorry I'm late baby. It's been a crazy morning." He walked over to where I was lying and leaned down to give me a quick kiss before straightening up to introduce himself to Dr. Jones.

I wanted to yank him back to me and get a real kiss – it _**had**_ been three days – but knew that the x-ray tech was ready to get going. For the next twenty-minutes the technician took film after film from every possible angle. Finally he was finished and as he went to check to see if they'd developed correctly, I was transferred back to my bed. Edward reentered the room and came directly to my side, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze and then pulling it up to his mouth to brush his lips across my knuckles. "How are you doing, baby?" he whispered, his concern for me apparent in his eyes.

This was the first chance I had to really look him over and I was horrified to see how exhausted he was. There were dark circles under his eyes; evident even behind the glasses. The hair that had almost grown completely back was standing up in fifty different directions. "Why are you here Edward? You should be at home in bed!" I exclaimed, "You look horrible!"

"Thanks sweetheart," he responded dryly. "I'll go to bed after your appointments are over. Another hour or two isn't going to make much of a difference at this point. Besides, I promised I'd be here and I'm not going anywhere."

I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of how he'd worked 72 plus hours and still came to support me through my appointments. "I love you," I whispered to him fiercely.

"I love you too, silly. Now tell me, how does it feel to have the cast off?" he teased, trying to lighten my mood and deflect my attention from his exhaustion.

"Like heaven. I'd say better than sex, but I'd be lying," I retorted with a wink. "You missed the best part – I nearly cleared the room from the smell that leg was omitting once they removed the plaster."

He laughed and replied, "It's bad, isn't it? People forget that your body still produces sweat, even when covered by a cast. The padding absorbs it, but once you crack that cast open there's no containing it anymore." He leaned down to place a soft kiss on one of my surgical scars and said, "Doesn't smell so bad now – I take it they cleaned you up?"

"Yeah, thankfully," I said, and then glanced back down at the newly uncovered leg. "I'm still shocked at how withered it looks in comparison to my other leg. Is that normal?"

"Yep – that happens because you haven't been able to use it. It'll start to return to normal when you and Garrett start exercising it," Edward replied, reassuring me that my worries were unfounded. We both turned as Drs. Jones and Stevens reentered the room.

"What's the verdict?" Edward inquired, holding my hand in a gesture of support.

"I'm happy to say the cast can stay off," Dr. Jones replied with a smile. "The fracture looks to be completely healed and the rod we implanted is still placed properly. I'm clearing you for physical therapy starting tomorrow."

I let out the breath I wasn't even aware I'd been holding and beamed up at Edward. "Thank God," I exclaimed. "It'll be nice not to have to try to move my leg with that thing on it."

"Move your leg?" Edward asked with raised eyebrows.

"Oh! I meant to show you later, but I spilled the beans I guess. I was able to move myself around in bed yesterday. Those exercises Garrett tortures me with seem to be paying off," I gazed up at Edward and watched as his eyes filled with pride for my accomplishment.

"That's great Jasper! You are doing such an amazing job," he noted, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"Thanks," I replied. "So what's next?" I asked, looking expectantly at Dr. Stevens.

"Next up is the EMG. As we discussed earlier this week Jasper, this is actually the most important test. We'll be able to see if the nerves damaged by the bullet have regenerated enough to allow you to regain full functionality of the leg," Dr. Stevens advised. "I'll know immediately from the readouts if the nerves are repaired and communicating with the muscles in your thigh."

I held Edward's hand tightly as they wheeled me to another room down the hall. The technician began attaching sensors to multiple points on my leg and then inserted two tiny needles attached to wires in my thigh muscle. Dr. Stevens advised me that I might feel some small shocks and then turned the machine on. Edward rubbed his free hand up and down my back while watching the readout closely. I looked at the screen as well but had no idea what I was looking at. The test continued for a while, as Dr. Stevens adjusted the needles' depth and then rescanned. A few times during the exam he asked the technician to bend my leg and move my knee towards my chest. After nearly a half hour, he turned off the machine and excused himself from the room to get the printed results. He returned and called Edward over to take a look.

I grew increasingly anxious as I waited for one of them to actually say something. Didn't they realize that they were killing me over here? Finally, Edward turned to me and I felt my stomach drop as I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. It was bad news. Fuck. Now what?

Edward walked over to stand next to my bed and leaned down to cup my face in both hands. He took my mouth in a deep kiss, filled with emotion. He broke away and taking a deep breath, said…

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**A/N: *hangs head in shame* Sorry!!!! I'd love your feedback, even if you want to kill me right now. :-)**


	18. Progress

**A/N: Happy Sunday Chickadees...it's 3:06 a.m., PST, and as promised, here's another installment of my little melodrama. Apparently, I need to start adding more cliffies as the response to the last chapter was overwhelming. Unfortunately, FFN decided to make my life hell and reset my PM's and alerts to disabled. If I missed responding to your review, my apologies. The issue has now been corrected. As always, thank you for taking the time to review, favorite, and alert my tale. I do so appreciate it.**

**And now, without further ado...**

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Chapter 18 – Progress

Previously…

_Edward walked over to stand next to my bed and leaned down to cup my face in both hands. He took my mouth in a deep kiss, filled with emotion. He broke away and taking a deep breath, said…_

_**02/17/2010, 10:05 – JPOV**_

"The nerves are starting to regenerate! You have some work ahead of you, but if you work hard, you are going to be chasing after criminals in no time."

Edward's eyes were filled with joy and I finally released the breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. "It's good news?" I repeated, trying to take the information in.

"The best, I promise," Edward reiterated, leaning down to kiss me again. "They're not a hundred percent yet, but the EMG definitely shows that the nerves are beginning to repair themselves."

"Are you sure? Really sure?" I asked Edward, not wanting to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

"Seriously, Jasper – I'm sure. If you don't believe me, ask Dr. Stevens. He only let me tell you because it was good news," Edward reassured, chuckling at my unwillingness to believe what he was telling me.

I glanced over at Dr. Stevens and saw the smile stretched across his face. "Oh my God," I whispered and grabbed Edward's hand, gripping it hard. I had spent the past month and a half praying that I would get to this point, but never allowed myself to believe it would actually happen. In fact, I was pretty much preparing myself for the worst so that I wouldn't fall apart again when they told me I wouldn't regain full function of the leg. But, wait - didn't Dr. Stevens say I should have felt some small shocks during the test?

"Are you _**sure**_?" I asked again, looking at Dr. Stevens. "I thought I was supposed to feel shocks during the test and I didn't feel a thing…"

"Did you feel the needles as they entered your skin?" Dr. Stevens inquired.

"Yes, somewhat - but I didn't feel the shocks. Maybe the test wasn't workin' right?" I queried, my voice rising in fear.

"I assure you the test was working perfectly. This machine was recalibrated just this week. You may not have felt the shocks because your peripheral nerves haven't completely regenerated. Nerves start to heal at the site of the breakage. Imagine if you will a piece of wire that begins at the spinal cord, threads through the muscle, and extends out to the skin. Your nerves were damaged when the bullet rebounded off of your femur. Therefore, the damage is at the middle of the wire, not the top. That's where the healing takes place. As the nerves heal completely, they'll begin sending signals to the top of the wire as well as back to spinal cord. That's when you will be able to register the sensation of the shocks," Dr. Stevens explained.

Edward nodded and said, "Jasper, trust us. This is outstanding news."

I leaned back in the bed and felt the smile begin to appear on my face. I was going to be okay. "Okay, so what's next?" I asked, energized and ready to get going now that my disbelief had dissipated.

Both Edward and Dr. Stevens laughed at my eagerness. Dr. Stevens began to outline how my physical therapy sessions would change over the next month. "Garrett has been spending a lot of time working on your upper body strength as well as rebuilding the muscle tone in your right leg. That will serve you well as we get you up and on crutches. You won't be able to put any weight on that leg for the time being, but Garrett will start working with you to strengthen the leg so that you can get to that point. Now that the cast is off, there's a lot more we can do. However, I need you to follow Garrett's directions very closely. Trying to push yourself too fast at this point may only set you back by causing you to reinjure the leg or strain the muscles. We'll put a brace on the leg to help keep it stable, but you'll need to stay off of it as much as possible," Dr. Stevens cautioned.

"So, as long as I stay off of the leg and use crutches, I can get up and move around? Get out of this bed?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, but don't start running laps around the hospital yet. You are going to find it difficult to maneuver on crutches and as much progress as you've made already, believe me when I say you are going to grow tired quickly," Dr. Stevens warned.

"I hear ya – don't push myself too hard. I'm just so damn sick of this bed," I whined.

Edward smiled and said, "I'm sure that Garrett will have you up and moving in no time. However, don't be afraid to ask for help, Jasper. I know you want to do this all on your own, but we are all here to help you."

"Edward's right. Now, let's get you back to your room so we can get the brace fitted. I will also check if we can get Garrett to swing by between patients to show you how to maneuver with the crutches," Dr. Stevens stated.

Fifteen minutes later we were back in my room and Dr. Stevens had gone off in search of Garrett. I looked over at Edward, who had plopped himself in the recliner in the corner of the room and was out cold. My poor boy was exhausted and I felt guilty for keeping him here when he really should be home in bed. However, I was ecstatic that he was here for the good news. I watched him from my bed, wondering how it was possible to love someone this much. I knew that we still had a lot to get through individually and together, but I couldn't imagine not having him by my side.

The door opened and I looked up expecting to see Garrett, but found Carlisle standing there instead. He gave me a wide grin and then shook his head at the sight of his brother sprawled out in the recliner. Walking over to my bedside, he clasped my shoulder with one hand and leaned in to talk to me quietly so that we wouldn't wake Edward.

"He so damn stubborn, Jasper! I hope you are prepared to put up with him," he said quietly, a teasing glint in his eye. "Bella told me that he'd pulled a 72 hour shift so he could be here. I told him I'd drive him, but he wouldn't wait. By the time I grabbed my keys and got back down to the ER he was gone."

"I know! He texted me earlier and said he wasn't sure if he would make it. When he got here I told him to go home to bed, but he refused," I sighed, and then continued. "I'm glad you're here. I was worried about him drivin' home when he's this exhausted, so I was just goin' to leave him asleep in the recliner for a while." We both looked over as Edward readjusted himself in the chair and began to snore softly.

Carlisle rolled his eyes and returned his gaze to me. "So how did it go?" he asked, referring to my appointments this morning. "I haven't had a chance to check in with Dr. Stevens yet."

"It went well. They said the fracture has healed so I can keep that damned cast off and I guess the nerves are repairin' themselves, so they think I may get full use of the leg back," I said with a grin.

"That's amazing news, Jasper. I'm really happy for you!" Carlisle exclaimed.

"Thank you. If it wasn't for the fantastic job y'all did at St. Bernard's and Edward's support, I'm not sure I would have made it this far," I noted.

"Well, I can say for myself and the staff, we were just doing our jobs," Carlisle said humbly. "Edward is another story… I have to say I've never seen a connection like the two of you have. I'm so glad you found each other. I know that I have you to thank for some of the changes I see in him. I'm grateful to you for bringing my little brother back to us, Jasper. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him this happy," Carlisle remarked.

"There's nothing to thank me for. Edward's doing all the hard work. I know it hasn't been easy for him, given his relationship with your father and his time in the military, but I know that he's taking everything Dr. Clearwater says to heart and doing his best. He's an amazing man, Carlisle, and I love him with everything I have," I replied earnestly.

"He is amazing, and I'm relieved that he's finally starting to realize that for himself. But don't sell yourself short Jasper. The love of a good partner can do wonders too," Carlisle noted. "His love for you helped spur him to make the changes he needed to make."

I smiled and said, "My family would probably say the same of him. My father especially likes him and my momma is ready to start plannin' the weddin'," I joked. "My baby found a good man _**and**_ he's a doctor," I smirked as I repeated my momma's words for Carlisle. "I think they like him more than me!"

Carlisle laughed along with me. We both jumped when the door slammed open and a booming voice called out, "Well, are you going to be coming back to work or am I going to have to fight crime in Chicago singlehandedly from here on out?"

"Shhhh!!!!" Carlisle and I both tried to quiet Emmett down, but it was too late. Edward jerked awake in the recliner and eyed us all sleepily.

"When the hell did you two get here?" he asked irritably.

"I don't know about Doc here, but I just walked in the door, lazy bones," Emmett responded and then turned towards me and impatiently asked, "Well?"

"Hopefully, another month or two of therapy and I should be good to go," I informed Emmett with a smile.

My giant of a brother-in-law walked over to the side of the bed as Carlisle moved towards Edward and pulled me into a big hug, "I'm so happy for you, bro!"

"Thanks, but why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?" I inquired curiously.

"Just stopping by – told my captain that I needed to take an hour to check on my partner," he retorted. "I knew that you wouldn't remember to call us until later and you should know by now that I'm too impatient to wait." Looking over at Carlisle and Edward, Emmett's eyes grew wide at the sight of my boyfriend and he exclaimed, "Dude, you look like shit. What the hell happened to you?"

"Shut-up Emmett! He's been on shift for 72 hours – leave him be," I said in defense of my boyfriend.

"On that note, I think I should probably go find a flat surface to pass out on," Edward retorted. "I'm off for the next three days, baby, so I'll be back after I've gotten some sleep and relieved Alice from taking care of Cletus." He strolled over to my bed and pressed his lips to mine softly. Leaning in, he whispered in my ear, "It's been three days since I've held you and while I want nothing more than to kiss you for hours, I don't think I have the energy." Straightening up, he ran his hand down the side of my face and said, "Try not to do too much with that leg yet. Wait for Garrett, okay? I'll see you later tonight. I love you."

I pulled him down for another kiss and then pushed him away. "Go sleep. Don't come back until you have gotten some rest," I ordered. He smiled at my tone and then weaved his way tiredly over to where Carlisle waited. "I love you too," I said. "Let Carlisle drive you home so I know that you made it okay."

"I will," he replied and then waved as he left the room. Carlisle stuck his head back in the door and said, "Congratulations again, Jasper. I'll be sure to check in on you in a week or two."

"Thanks Doc," I said and then sighed as the Cullen brothers disappeared from view.

"Oh man, you've got it bad," Emmett observed.

"No shit, Sherlock," I rejoined. "Don't you have to get back to work?"

"Trying to get rid of me already – I see how it is," he replied with a smirk. "Actually, I also came to see if you would mind if Rose and I came tonight with dinner? We'll bring enough so that Edward can eat too if he's here. We have something to tell you."

"Why don't you save yourselves the trip and tell me now?" I asked, trying to read the expression on Emmett's face.

"No, I promised Rosie I'd wait until we could tell you together. Besides, she's going to bring you some clothes now that you're out of that cast. But, she can leave them at home…I know that you love that hospital gown - easy access for Edward and all…" Emmett teased.

"Shut-up! Tell her to pack stuff I can either work out or lounge around in," I instructed with a smile. "What time are you plannin' to bring dinner? Can we do it late? I want to give Edward a chance to get a decent amount of sleep."

"No problem, we'll swing by around eight. Sound good?" Emmett asked.

"Perfect. Now – leave me in peace. I'm about to learn how to walk on crutches and somethin' tells me I won't want witnesses," I joked. "I'm glad you stopped by," I added quietly, not wanting to get too sappy.

"I'm thankful it was good news," Emmett said seriously. "Try not to fall on your face. We'll see you later, okay?"

My brother-in-law, always the joker. I waved him out of the room and grabbed a book from the bedside table to keep my mind occupied until Garrett arrived.

_**02/17/2010, 19:28 – EPOV**_

I woke up about an hour ago and after showering and shaving, got dressed to go back to RIC. Jasper had texted me earlier that Rosalie and Emmett were bringing dinner and had something to tell him, but not to come if I was too tired. I'd crashed moments after Carlisle dropped me off so I'd had a solid seven hours and wanted nothing more than to spend some quality time with my boyfriend.

Alice and her friend Vanessa had been here when Carlisle brought me home. She had been taking care of Cletus for the past three days and since they were off of school today, she'd brought Vanessa with her. I vaguely recalled seeing Cletus wearing a sweater as I stumbled to my bedroom, but figured it was an exhaustion induced hallucination. However, upon waking, I found Cletus glaring at me from the foot of the bed, wearing a rhinestone collar and purple and pink striped sweater. I quickly removed the garments from the cat and made mental note to tell Alice that she wasn't Reese Witherspoon in _Legally Blonde_ and my cat wasn't a dog. Besides, Cletus was already depressed about the loss of his balls – there was no need to add insult to injury.

I walked out to the living room to call a cab since I'd left my car in a parking garage a couple of blocks down from RIC. As I pulled the phone off of the charger, I saw a note with my keys sitting on top. Pocketing the keys, I read the note from Carlisle stating that he'd worked it out with the girls and Esme to pick up my car and bring it back to my apartment. I smiled at the thought of how great my family was and fired off a quick text message to Carlisle with my thanks. I pulled my coat out of the hall closet and headed out to the garage.

It was just after eight when I arrived at RIC and as I walked down the hall to Jasper's room, I felt my heart beat pick up in anticipation. I picked up the pace and opened the door. As I stepped in, I was greeted by Emmett's loud voice calling, "Finally – now we can eat!"

Rosalie walked over and surprisingly, welcomed me with a quick hug. Jasper's parents and Emmett had accepted me early on. However, Rosalie, while always perfectly polite, usually kept her distance. I'd questioned Jasper about it last week and he'd said that she just took a while to warm up to new people. I really hoped that was the case, because as twins, they were extremely close. It would be difficult for both of us if she couldn't accept me as Jasper's boyfriend. I returned Rosalie's gesture and said, "Something smells delicious. Thank you for including me."

"It smells delicious because she didn't cook it," Emmett quipped from his seat in the corner.

"Emmett McCarty! One of these days I'm going to cook for an entire month and force you to eat every bite," she snapped and then winked at me to show that she wasn't really upset with his comment.

Turning away from the bickering couple, I started to walk over to Jasper when he motioned for me to stay back. I stopped in my tracks and watched as he slowly swung both legs over the side of the bed and grabbed the crutches that were propped against the nearby chair. I watched with baited breath as he stood on his good leg, adjusted the crutches under each arm, and made his way to me. As he reached my side, a beaming smile emerged and his eyes shone with pride at his accomplishment. He wasn't putting any weight on his injured leg, but he'd made it almost across the room. When he stopped in front of me, I kissed him gently. I wanted to pull him into my arms and kiss him senseless, but didn't want to upset his balance.

"I missed you baby," I murmured against his lips, feeling his turn up against mine as he smiled.

"I missed you too," he replied as he pulled away. "I thought I'd show off my new skills," he said with a grin and then maneuvered himself into one of the chairs pulled out from the table laden with dinner. I quickly took the seat next to him and began helping Rosalie dish out the Chinese food they'd brought with them.

"So, what is it that y'all needed to tell me?" Jasper asked Emmett and Rosalie as plates were passed around and sodas poured into glasses.

"Emmett didn't tell you?" Rosalie queried, looking at Jasper in surprise. "I was sure that he'd have spilled the beans by now."

"Hey! You told me that I wouldn't get sex for a week if I said a word. I kept my mouth shut," Emmett protested, while Jasper and I laughed.

Rosalie joined our laughter and once the moment passed, took a deep breath and pulled her brother's hand into hers. She had an odd look on her face and I hoped that everything was okay. Knowing that she wasn't exactly comfortable with my presence in Jasper's life yet, I interrupted before she could begin and asked, "Are you sure you want me to stay? If it's personal, I can step out for while."

Rosalie looked over at me in shock and said hesitantly, "Edward, I owe you an apology. I know that I've been a bit cold towards you and I'm sorry. I've always been a bit overprotective of Jasper and with him bein' hurt and all, I just wasn't sure if this was a good thing for him right now." She chewed her bottom lip nervously before continuing, "But, I see how your face lights up just by being in the same room as my brother and its evident how much you love him. I mean, anyone who would drag their ass across town to see this dork after working 3 days solid has to be in love," she teased. "In all seriousness though, I see how happy he is when you are together. How can I do anythin' but welcome you into the family? And although you've only known each other for a short while, I have a feelin' you're going to be around for a long time. Can you forgive me?"

I leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek, then said, "There's nothing to forgive. I'm glad that he has someone that will protect him so fiercely. If our roles were reversed, I'd do the same. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family."

I sat back in my chair and felt Jasper's hand rub my leg in reassurance. I looked over at him and smiled as he leaned in for a kiss. Just before our lips met, he murmured a thank you in my ear and then kissed me softly. Smiling at his sister, he said, "Okay – so out with it already."

Instead of talking though, she bounced out of her chair and walked over to a suitcase that was standing next to the dresser. Pulling a t-shirt out of the side pocket, she returned to her seat and tossed the balled up shirt across the table to her brother. "I'm not good with the sap," she shrugged unapologetically and then smiled at Jasper. "Go ahead, take a look."

Jasper unfolded the shirt and gasped as he read what had been screen printed on the back. He beamed at his sister and then turned the shirt around so that I could read it. The back of the t-shirt read 'Uncle Jasper' in large blue letters. Rosalie was grinning from ear to ear and I could tell that she and Emmett were both overjoyed at the prospect of becoming parents.

Jasper's eyes danced with delight as he whooped loudly and yelled, "I'm goin' to be an uncle!"

Emmett laughed loudly and said to Rosalie, "I told you he'd be happier about this than anyone else." Rosalie pulled her chair up close to Jasper's and he pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so happy for you sis," he said, resting his forehead against hers for a moment. The twins separated and Jasper began firing questions off at a rapid pace. "How far along are you? Do you know what you're havin'? What's the due date? How did this happen so fast? I thought you just went off the pill a few weeks ago?"

"Whoa – slow down hard charger, one at a time," Rosalie responded with a laugh. "First, I'm a week shy of three months. It's too early to tell the sex. We have an ultrasound scheduled next month and we'll find out then. My due date is August 30th. As for how it happened, do I really need to fill you in on the birds and the bees?" she joked.

Jasper just rolled his eyes and said, "You know that's not what I'm askin'. I just thought you'd have to try for a while after goin' off the pill. That's what Emmett said…"

"Yes, because Emmett is an OB/GYN in his spare time," Rosalie teased. "Actually, remember that God awful bout of bronchitis I had in December? I took antibiotics and completely forgot that they would make my birth control ineffective. Apparently, I'm fertile Fanny and got knocked up right away."

The twins continued to talk about Rosalie's pregnancy and her and Emmett's plans to start hunting for a house now that they had a little one on the way. I leaned over towards Emmett and held out my hand, "Congratulations! You're going to make an excellent father, Emmett."

Emmett took my hand and shook it, then smiled, "Thanks man. I can't wait."

We spent the next hour talking about everyone's good news. I relished the opportunity to get to know Rosalie and Emmett better and could see us all being great friends. I cleaned up the empty plates and soda cans while Rosalie yawned widely. "Tired, babe?" Emmett asked and when she nodded sleepily, he began to gather up their stuff so that they could head out. After Jasper congratulated his sister for the hundredth time and hugged Emmett tightly; the couple said their goodbyes and left. Silence descended on the room and I got up to unpack the suitcase of Jasper's clothes that Rosalie brought. Once I'd completed the task, I turned to find Jasper staring at me from across the room.

"What?" I inquired, as Jasper continued to gaze at me.

"Why are you all the way over there?" he asked.

"Just putting your stuff away," I said. "Visiting hours are going to end soon and I wanted to get this done for you before I have to leave."

"Can you bring me a set of pajama bottoms? I'd really love to get out of this hospital gown now that I don't have that cast to worry about," Jasper said. "Garrett says I can wear the brace underneath if the pants are loose enough."

I fished out a pair of pajama bottoms from the dresser and walked over to my boyfriend. He took them from my hands and then pulled me so that I was leaning down over him. Placing his lips on the underside of my jaw, he whispered, "Help me take a shower?"

I bit my lip and nearly moaned aloud at the thought of Jasper naked and wet in the shower. It would be utter torture, but I knew that until now he'd only been able to partake in baths provided by the nursing staff. I nodded at him and walked into the bathroom to determine if there was a place for Jasper to sit or if I'd have to ask the nursing staff for a stool. Luckily, the showers had built in seating. I started the water, adjusting the temperature and pulled out a couple of towels from the linen cabinet. I turned to go get Jasper when he came through the door on his crutches and sat down on the lid of the closed toilet seat, propping his crutches up against the wall.

"Is it going to work?" he asked hopefully.

"Looks like it. I can help you get into the shower – there's a built in bench and you can use the detachable shower head to shower while seated. Rosalie packed a toiletry bag for you, so you can use your own shampoo and soap," I offered.

"Is there room for both of us?" he asked with a shy grin.

I groaned aloud, "Jasper…"

"What?" he said with a not so innocent look on his face.

"You are trying to kill me, aren't you?"

"It's just water Edward, you won't melt," he teased.

"I melt just looking at you Jasper and you know it," I countered. "Yes – there's room for two."

"Excellent," he replied, his eyes flashing with mixture of mirth and lust. "Help me out of this Godforsaken gown and get me in there."

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**A/N: Yes, I left it there. Yes, I will continue exactly where I left off next Sunday - even I am not that cruel. Didn't mean to stop there, but really - just too tired to do it justice tonight. :**)


	19. Contact

**A/N: Alrighty, I've never double posted before and probably won't again, but you all have rmhaleff and otta_ff to thank for getting my, shall we say, 'creative juices' flowing with their unholy tweets of Jackson Rathbone pix from last night's 100 Monkeys concert. (Most excellent inspiration ladies!) Besides, two cliffies in two weeks does not happy readers make...**

**A special thank you to Dilmn8 and Mrsyt31 for pre-reading this chapter for me. I appreciate it chickadees. And if you aren't reading Jungle by Dilmn8 or Til Summer Comes Around by Mrsyt31, get thy asses over to their profiles quickly...**

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Chapter 19 – Contact

_**02/17/2010, 21:10 – JPOV**_

I had been plotting all afternoon. Perhaps it was evil of me, but I couldn't help myself. Garrett came in just after my room cleared out and fit me with the leg brace. Then he got me up and out of bed on the crutches. He'd asked me if I wanted the nursing staff to help me take a shower and change out of the gown, but I declined, much to his disbelief. I'd been bitching and moaning about a shower for weeks, but I had plans and if I knew my boyfriend, he wouldn't be able to resist helping me out with this task. Especially if he was a tenth as sexually frustrated as I was.

Besides, what better way to celebrate all of our good news than getting Edward naked and wet? Now my plan was coming to fruition and I was trying not to hop up and down in glee. He'd just said the sweetest thing about how I made him melt and there was no way in hell he wasn't getting in that shower with me now.

"Excellent," I replied, giving him my best come hither look. "Help me out of this Godforsaken gown and get me in there."

Edward moved from the shower to stand in front of me and then began to loosen the ties on the back of the gown. His fingertips brushed the nape of my neck and I barely managed to tamp down the shiver that ran through my body at the sensation. Once the ties were open, he pulled the gown off and raked his eyes over me – his pupils eclipsing the green of his eyes to the point that they almost appeared black with lust. He knelt down in front of me to remove the brace and I bit my lip to keep from moaning aloud. Edward on his knees in front of me was a sight that would be etched on my brain until the day I died.

He unfastened the Velcro straps that kept the brace in place and set it aside on the bathroom floor. His gaze caught mine and I could see a mixture of need and uncertainty there. The damn fool was still debating if this was a good idea or not. I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind, so I reached for my crutches and motioned for Edward to give me some space so I could stand up and make my way over to the shower. He rose to his feet and watched closely as I maneuvered myself into the shower and onto the built in bench. I handed my crutches to him and then said, "Are you plannin' to get in or are you goin' to stand there starin' at me all night?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me and then, flashing that delicious crooked grin, began to undress. As I enjoyed the floor show, I mourned the fact that I couldn't do it for him. I wanted nothing more than to rediscover Edward's body one piece of clothing at a time. I wasn't complaining though, if I couldn't do it myself, watching Edward do it for me would still rate high on Jasper's list of favorite things. I catalogued the slight changes in his physique since the last time we'd been together this way. His time in the military had brought more tone and definition to his muscles and I found myself running my tongue across my lips in anticipation of being able to run my lips and tongue across him. He toed off his shoes and socks and as his fingers began to undo the button fly on his jeans, I felt my breath hitch. I heard him chuckle and flashed my eyes up to his to see him grinning at me. "Anticipating something, baby?"

I grinned back and nodded, unable to form words as Edward pushed the jeans over his hips and down his legs, revealing a cock that was, like mine, already semi-hard. "Commando?" I croaked out.

"I haven't had a chance to do laundry yet," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Thank God for small favors," I murmured in reply and then almost came on the spot as Edward turned and bent over to retrieve his clothes from the floor. Now that was a view I wouldn't mind having on a daily basis. Unable to catch myself, I groaned loudly and nearly laughed as Edward spun around to make sure I hadn't fallen to the floor of the shower.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm more than okay," I responded with a smirk. "Just enjoying the view…"

My smirk was returned and I watched as Edward pulled the shampoo and soap from the toiletry bag on the counter, walked towards me and entered the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind him. "Now, we're going to get you cleaned up and back into bed. No funny business," he warned sternly, trying to be serious and push aside his needs to take care of mine.

_Not happening_, I thought, but was distracted as Edward detached the shower head and began soaking my body with the hot water. I moaned loudly – it had been so long since I'd taken an actual shower and it felt heavenly. He soaked my hair and then placed the shower head back into the holder affixed to the wall. He poured out some shampoo and began to wash my hair, using those long fingers to massage my scalp. I kept my eyes closed to avoid getting the suds in my eyes but also to just enjoy the feeling of his hands on my body. "How does that feel," he murmured hoarsely and I just hummed in response. I heard him clear his throat and then reach for the shower head. The water returned as he rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. Once complete, he began to run the water over my back and I opened my eyes to find Edward's wet and dripping body standing to the side of mine. "Your turn," I whispered and gestured for him to kneel in front of me so that I could return the favor.

He handed me the shower head and complied, sinking to his knees and bending his body towards me as if in supplication. I lathered his hair with the shampoo and ran my fingers over his skull, tugging gently at the locks of hair that even wet tended to stick up everywhere. Now it was Edward's turn to moan and I hid my triumphant grin by pushing his head down slightly so that I could rinse the shampoo out. I ran the water over his back to remove the leftover suds and then handed it back to him. Edward picked up a washcloth and adding soap and water, began cleansing my body one piece at a time. First he ran it gently over my face and then reached behind him to grab the shower head to gently rinse the soap from my face. When he finished, he dropped the shower head to the floor and applied soft kisses to my forehead, eyelids, cheeks and finally – finally, my lips. I pulled his bottom lip between my teeth in an attempt to deepen the kiss. I was already burning out of control for him – but he just moved away and resumed his actions with the washcloth. He'd run it over my back, then rinse and kiss. Over my shoulders and neck – rinse and kiss. Down my chest and across my abs – rinse and kiss. I rested the back of my head against the shower wall in agony. This was slow torture and when he skipped my cock to run the washcloth over my legs and feet, I groaned in frustration. "You missed a spot," I growled as he ran his lips over my knee cap.

"Did I?" he whispered as he knelt in front of me again, pushing my legs apart gently so that he could wash the inside of my thighs. "I wouldn't want you say I did less than a thorough job, Officer Whitlock," Edward murmured, beginning to run the soft washcloth across my balls gently as I moaned in pleasure. He knew what he was doing to me and was enjoying every minute – the bastard. Just when I thought I couldn't take another minute, he ran the washcloth up and down my shaft twice and replaced it with his hand. I clamped my lips tightly together – an attempt to keep my yelp of pleasure from bringing every nurse in building running – and watched as he stroked my soaped up cock slowly, running his thumb over the tip and then back down. "Fuck…" I hissed and growled again when he removed his hand and began rinsing the soap from my body.

"I'll take care of you, baby," Edward promised softly, placing the shower head back on the floor once the soap had disappeared down the drain. He reached up with one hand to the back of my neck and pulled me down to him for a hungry kiss. Plunging his tongue in my mouth to tangle with mine, we both began breathing heavily as the fire that raged between us began to burn out of control. We broke away from each other to inhale some much needed air and then, oh God, then he bent forward and took my cock in his mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I whimpered, plunging my hands into his hair and gently guiding his actions as he sucked me in, running his tongue around the head of my dick. His hands were running up and down the small of my back as he bobbed up and down, and I found myself about to explode after only a few minutes. "Oh fuck – Edward – it's too good…" I rasped out, unable to pull my eyes away from the sight of my cock plunging between those red lips. I moved my hands away from his head, not wanting to hurt him as I lost my mind from the pleasure he was providing, but he grasped them with his own and put them back. Releasing my cock from his lips, he ran his tongue over the slit and said, "Take what you need, love."

He took my dick back in between those lips until I hit the back of his throat. Moaning harshly, I began to gently thrust into his mouth, trying not to make this uncomfortable for him. He reached down and gently tugged on my balls and it was all over. I exploded into his mouth and cried out from unbelievable sensation of Edward's mouth and tongue on my dick. He continued to run his tongue around the head, licking up the last emissions of cum that issued from my cock. When I finally returned to the land of the living, I pulled him up for a deep kiss and then ordered him to stand.

As he stood in front of me, I leaned forward and ran my tongue and lips across his abdomen. "Do you know how fuckin' much I love you?" I sighed, not waiting for an answer. "I just want to drown in you – be one with you forever," I reiterated, resting my forehead against his stomach, overwhelmed by the feelings coursing through me.

"Don't you know that I feel the same way?" Edward said quietly, lifting my chin so that he could gaze directly into my eyes. "I thank God every day that we found each other again."

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me, resting my cheek against him and responded, "Me too, baby, me too."

He went to step back and turn off the water, but I wasn't done with him yet. "Show me, Edward. Show me what you do when you think about how much you love me," I whispered longingly.

His eyes blazed and he groaned, reaching down to grasp his cock firmly with his right hand. "Fuck Jasper," he moaned, and began pumping his dick in quick strokes. I leaned back against the shower wall and observed, relishing in the fact that this man was all mine. It was too much for me though and I pulled him towards me slowly. He looked at me between half-closed lids and fuck if he wasn't the sexiest thing I'd seen in my life.

"Stop," I ordered. "That's mine and I want it where it belongs," I reiterated, tapping my lips with a finger.

"Yes sir," Edward responded with that salute and gently guided his fully erect cock into my mouth.

I hummed as I took him in. Finally he was letting himself take what he needed from me. As I sucked and licked, I relished in the sounds of Edward's uncontrolled moans, happy that I was making him feel as good as he'd made me feel. I trailed the fingers of one hand down his ass and between the cheeks, circling around his hole with my index finger and delighting in the fact that I was sending him over the edge. He began to thrust into my mouth, mumbling curse words under his breath as he gave himself up to the sensations. I felt his cock grow in my mouth and knew that he was close. I dragged my teeth up his dick gently and then plunged back down, inserting my index finger into his hole in time with his thrusts.

"Oh – fuck," my love gasped, throwing his head back in ecstasy. "Just like that baby, I'm so fucking close."

I moaned around his cock in response and felt his hands tangle in my hair. He held my head still as he reached his climax, fucking my mouth slowly as I swallowed down everything he gave me, watching his face as he came. I ran my tongue around the head as he pulled out and then smiled up at him. "I love watching you when you let go, you're so beautiful."

"No one is as beautiful as you Jasper," Edward noted with a smile and another deep kiss. "Now, I hate to say this, but the water is starting to get cold. Ready to get out?"

"I guess," I responded, unwilling to be parted from him even if meant we would freeze under the cold water.

Edward returned the shower head to the holder and turned the water off. Opening the shower curtain, he grabbed a towel and began to dry me off carefully, running the towel across my body as if I was a delicate piece of china. Once he finished, he grabbed the other towel and dried himself off quickly. "I think that if you sit on the toilet seat again, we can get your brace and pajama pants on and then get you back to bed," he advised.

Taking the crutches he had retrieved, I carefully made my way over to the toilet and sat down. Edward refastened the brace and then grabbed the pajama pants and helped me into them, one leg at a time. "Okay – stand up so that I can pull them all the way up," he ordered with a grin. "Not that I want to cover this beautiful body, but all good things must come to an end," he noted sadly.

Once I was dressed, I sat back down and watched as he turned to retrieve his clothes from the counter. I didn't want him to leave and said, "Can you stay?"

He turned to look at me and smiled wistfully. "There's nothing I'd like more than to fall asleep with you in my arms, but I don't think it's allowed."

"Let's see what we can do about that," I said with a grin and hit the call button on the wall. A minute later the disembodied voice of Emma, the night charge nurse echoed through the room. "Are you okay Jasper? Do you need something?"

"I'm fine Emma, but Edward's really too tired to drive home. He's been working for three days straight and is exhausted. Can he stay here tonight so I don't have to worry about him killing himself or someone else on the way home?" I asked, laying it on thick for the nurse and flashing a wicked grin at Edward.

"I'm technically not supposed to allow that Jasper, but I will make an exception this time. Just make sure my nurses don't walk in on something they shouldn't," she warned.

"Thanks, Emma," I responded. "I appreciate it."

"Anything for you Jasper," she replied sarcastically. "Now go to sleep."

I laughed and looked over at Edward. "You heard the lady – go grab a pair of pajama pants and meet me by the bed, handsome."

Edward chuckled, but followed my orders and left the room to get dressed. I got back up on the crutches and made my way back into my room and over to the bed, finding Edward already dressed and waiting for me.

I settled into the bed first and Edward followed after me, turning off the light and plunging the room into darkness. I rolled onto my side for the first time in weeks and faced Edward, running my fingers through his hair. "I love you," I mumbled sleepily, my day catching up with me finally.

He curled himself around me and whispered, "I love you more than life, baby." Safe and secure in the arms of my boyfriend, I drifted off to sleep.

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**A/N: And now I really mean it - til next Sunday... :)**


	20. Enough

**A/N: Look up. There at the top of the screen. Do you see it?! It's the review counter and it's over 1000! You guys rock!!!!! *sniffle* So, to honor this auspicious occasion, I decided to have a little fun with the one thousandth reviewer. I gave them the option of selecting three different outtakes they'd like to see from Southern Charm - no holds barred (well, except for the future, because that would give it all away, now wouldn't it?). Anywho. They selected their three and now you get to vote. Choose which outtake you would like by voting in my poll (posted on my profile page). I'll give you until next Sunday to vote and then I'll post the outtake the following Wednesday. **

**In case I haven't said it enough, I love you guys and gals. You've made my first experience as a fan fiction writer an unbelievable one. Now, on to chapter 20...**

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Chapter 20 – Enough

_**03/03/2010, 09:35 – JPOV**_

"God damn it!" I screamed out of sheer frustration, taking the tension cord I'd been working my left leg with and throwing it across the room, missing Garrett's head by inches.

"What the fuck, Jasper?" Garrett exclaimed, looking at me with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

"What the fuck? I'll tell you what the fuck. It's been two weeks and you still won't let me do a fuckin' thing with this leg!" I huffed out an exasperated sigh and pushed my overgrown hair back from my red and sweaty face. We were in the rehab room of RIC and while we weren't alone, we were a fair distance from the other patients. Now that I was able to get around somewhat on the crutches, we'd moved our sessions here. "Do your fuckin' job," I hissed between clenched teeth. For the past two weeks Garrett had barely let me put any weight on the leg and we'd only done some light work with the tension cords. At this rate, I was never getting out of here.

"Jasper, you know it doesn't work that way and besides, it's barely been two weeks," he said calmly, trying to bring down my level of anxiety. "If you push yourself too hard, you're only going to reinjure the leg and be here longer," he warned.

"How long am I goin' to be trapped in this hell hole, Garrett? I want the fuck out of here. I literally can't take one more day of this fuckin' place." I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs or better yet, pound something into the ground. Anything to take away the feeling of being caged in. It was one of the reasons I loved my job as a cop – I wasn't trapped behind a desk and actually got outside on a regular basis. After almost 2 months of one hospital or another, I'd had enough. "If you aren't going to help me get this leg back to where it should be, find me someone who will," I said, angry that because of him we were making no progress whatsoever. Garrett looked completely unfazed by my outburst and was even trying to hide a smirk, which only served to piss me off further. "Stop fuckin' lookin' at me like I'm insane and do somethin'!" I yelled, slapping my fist down on the thick mat I was seated on.

"What do you want me to do, Jasper? Do you want me to work you out until you tear a muscle or re-fracture the leg? Do you want me to push you so hard that you are too exhausted to even get out of bed in the morning? How is that going to help you?" he retorted, his face growing serious as he began to comprehend just how angry I was.

"Anything is better than this, Garrett," I fumed. "I can't even get myself up off of the fuckin' floor without help," I whined, feeling completely useless and good for nothing.

Garrett plopped down next to me and sighed. "There's no magic time table Jasper. I can't tell you if you'll be ready to go in weeks or months. It is what it is – everybody heals differently. I refuse to allow you to jeopardize the progress you've made so far by doing exercises you aren't ready for. I can find you another PT, but they are only going to tell you the same thing," he noted. "Besides, each time you use that tension cord you are gaining muscle tone. I can see the difference already," Garrett stated, trying to accentuate the positive. "Why are you in such a damn hurry? You're job is waiting for you when you get back; you have a loving and supportive family, and a boyfriend who would throw himself in front of a bus for you. You've got nothing but time, Jasper. We'll get there, I promise."

I sighed and rolled my shoulders back, trying to relieve the tension that had built up over the past two weeks. "I want my life back. That fucker may not have killed me but fuck if this isn't worse somehow. Sure my job is waiting for me, but what if I don't get back? Then I'm going to have to give up on my dream job and settle for somethin' else. Yes, my family is loving and supportive, but they have their own lives to worry about. Rosie and Emmett are getting ready to start a family and my folks can't be flyin' back and forth to take care of their grown ass son. And Edward…" I heaved out a broken sigh, trying to hold in the feelings that surfaced at the thought of my beautiful boy.

"Yes, what about Edward?" Garrett prodded.

"How long until he realizes that it's not worth it? He's exhausted – runnin' himself ragged tryin' to settle in at a new job, fix his own problems, and take care of me. He spends almost as much time in this hell hole as I do. What kind of fuckin' relationship is that?" I asked brokenly, hanging my head down at the thought of what I was putting him through. "I feel like I'm holdin' him back from having a normal life. We can't even go on a real date for fuck's sake!"

"Has Edward said that he doesn't want to do this anymore?" Garrett asked quietly. "Has he given you any indication that this is too much for him?"

"Of course not, but that's Edward. He'd crawl through the Sahara desert to get the last glass of water and then just give it to someone who needed it more. That's just who he is. I feel like I'm takin' advantage of him," I admitted.

"Dude, let me tell you something. That man loves you so much he's stupid with it. He looks at you like you hung the moon and stars and yes, he'd do anything for you. But Jasper, that's what love is. Sometimes one partner sacrifices their needs to help the other. One day, he'll need you to do the same for him. There's no equality in relationships – anyone who says so is full of shit," Garrett announced with a grin. "Some days you'll be taking more than you're giving and some days _**he'll **_be taking more than _**he's**_ giving. That's just how it is. It all balances out in the end."

"How'd you get so fuckin' smart?" I teased, leaning my head on his shoulder in exhaustion.

"Experience," he replied, and I was surprised hear a wistful tone creep into his voice.

"Tell me?" I asked. Granted, it was probably a pretty personal question to ask your physical therapist, but I felt like Garrett and I were also good friends at this point, even when I wanted to kill him.

Garrett sighed and leaned his head against mine. "His name was Liam. We met when I was doing my PT fellowship back in Boston," he began softly. "He worked at this diner across the street from the hospital that I would go to on my lunch hour. I would sit in his section every day, trying to get him to notice me or give me some indication that he was as attracted to me as I was to him. He was shy; almost painfully so, and barely looked at anyone even when he was taking their orders. But there was just something about him that drew me in," Garrett remembered with a smile. "He wasn't the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen, definitely no Edward," Garrett teased with a wink, "but when he smiled, it took my breath away and he had this fuckhot Irish accent. I finally made a move after a month and he said yes. We went out on a few dates and as we got comfortable with each other, he came out of his shell. He was sweet, loving, and had a wicked sense of humor…" Garrett trailed off, lost in his thoughts for moment.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"I took and I took but I never gave back. His mother became ill and he was her primary caretaker. I constantly complained about the fact that he wouldn't hire someone to help her out, that he was choosing her over me. Hell, I even offered to pay for it but he just kept telling me that I was missing the point. That he did it because he loved her." Garrett's clenched his fist on top of his knee then made a concerted effort to release it before he continued. "When she passed, I was actually relieved because it meant that we'd have more time to spend together. I was so fucking young and selfish – wrapped up in my own idea of what a relationship was supposed to be based upon what my parents were like. My mom worshipped my dad. She waited on him hand and foot and I thought that's what he would do if he really loved me. I was so fucking stupid."

"Eventually he had enough of it and broke up with me. It took me a long time to realize that love wasn't about who gave what to whom – there's no scorecard. It may seem like you're taking an awful lot from Edward right now, but you're giving just by letting him show you how much he loves you by taking care of you," Garrett said with a sad smile. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're a lucky bastard, Jasper."

"I know," I whispered, wanting nothing more now than to hold Edward in my arms and show him how much I loved him. Garrett sat still and quiet, lost in the past. "You'll find your Edward someday, Garrett," I noted with a smirk.

"Well, if you ever forget what a good thing you've got, it just might be _your_ Edward that I find," Garrett joked, trying to dodge the elbow I dug into his side.

"Not gonna happen, my friend," I retorted, lifting my head off of his shoulder to throw him a warning glare.

"Are you done bitching and moaning now?" he asked with smile.

"For today," I retorted. "But seriously, when can we start doin' more? I feel like I'm just treadin' water."

"Well, what I was going to tell you before you started throwing things at me…" Garrett said, laughing at the sheepish expression on my face. "I think tomorrow we can start working on the parallel bars. See that guy over there?" Garrett said, pointing at an older gentleman using the apparatus to support himself while taking hesitant steps. "We can try that out tomorrow. We've built up your upper body strength enough so that you can try to take some steps using your arms as support."

"How will that help? Why can't I just try to start walkin' on it?" I asked.

"Until the nerves are fully regenerated, it's going to be difficult for you to know when you are putting too much weight on the leg because you won't feel pain. If you use the parallel bars, you can take some of the weight off of your leg by compensating with your upper body. This way you get rebuild some muscle recognition for the motion of walking but mitigate the risk of re-injury," Garrett advised.

It made sense and I felt guilty for doubting Garrett's abilities and throwing what basically amounted to a temper tantrum. "Look…I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on you. I do think you are probably my best chance at gettin' back to full strength. Will you accept my apology?" I asked.

"Jasper, I've been yelled at, hit, spit at, and anything else you can think of by patients at one point or another. I understand and know enough not to take it personally. However, I do think you might benefit from talking to someone about the night you were shot and the result. You've got a lot of anger boiling just beneath the surface and they can help you to release it in a positive way. We have a counselor on staff that can work with you if you're interested," he offered.

"I'll think about it," I replied, not sure if I would feel comfortable opening up to anyone about that night. What could I say when I barely had my mind wrapped around what occurred in that apartment.

"That's all I can ask," he said with a smile. "Now, ready to head back to your room? I believe that someone's boyfriend was due to arrive around 10 o'clock?"

I smiled half-heartedly and allowed Garrett to help me up off of the floor. "Yes, he's off today and said he'd be in although he should be out enjoyin' himself and not stuck in here with me," I muttered.

Garrett just rolled his eyes and helped me back to my room. As he left, he called out, "Give and take Jasper – give and take. Let him give…"

_**03/03/2010, 10:07 – EPOV**_

As I entered the lobby of RIC, I stopped at the front desk to see if they could direct me to Garrett's office. I'd just come from my weekly appointment with Seth and had an idea that I wanted to run past the PT. Over the past few days, I could sense that Jasper was starting to suffer from a bad case of cabin fever. I wanted to get him outside for a bit, but hospitals typically had policies regarding letting patients leave the facility. And if they were allowed to leave at all, they had to be supervised. I was hoping the fact that I was a doctor would allow Garrett and Dr. Stevens to grant an exception to hospital policy.

Reaching the information desk, I waited for the kid manning it to end the call he was currently on. After a few minutes of listening to him coo to his girlfriend about their date last night in a sickening baby voice, I lost my patience and banged on the desk to get his attention. Finally, he told the girlfriend that he needed to get to work and rolling his eyes, asked what I wanted. I asked for directions to Garrett's office and upon receiving them, I made my way to the elevator bank.

Garrett's office was on the floor below Jasper's room, which was a blessing. I know that Jasper had taken to roaming the halls on his crutches to offset the boredom of sitting in his room between rehab sessions. I didn't want him to know what I was up to unless the response from the PT was positive. Walking down the hall, I found the office and knocked on the door. I heard the sound of rustling papers and a thud before the door popped open a bit and Garrett stuck his head out, a half eaten apple clutched in one hand.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you," he said swallowing quickly. "I just dropped Jasper back at his room after our morning session. Shouldn't you be up there?" he asked, a confused expression crossing his face.

"Actually, I was hoping you could help me with something," I replied. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure – come on in," he said, opening the door wider and allowing me to brush past him and enter the office. I nearly laughed at the chaos that surrounded us. Piles of charts and paperwork were stacked on every available surface. A plant that was in desperate need of some water sat drooping in the corner. I glanced around; trying to find a place to sit, but every chair had something in it. Garrett shot me a look of embarrassment and quickly cleared the paperwork spread across the chair in front of his desk. Waving towards it, he said, "Have a seat. I apologize for my office. I'm usually only in here between sessions and have a tendency to just dump and run. So what could I possibly help you with?"

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but Jasper's been a bit on edge the past few days. I think that if he can get out of here for a couple of hours, it'll do him some good. I know you probably have a policy that prohibits patients from leaving without supervision, but I'm hoping you can make an exception?" I asked hopefully.

Garrett sat quietly for a moment and then muttered something under his breath. It sounded suspiciously like, "Of course …can't expect less from the perfect boyfriend," but I couldn't be sure. Jasper had taken to teasing me about Garrett, saying that the PT had a crush on me and that I 'dazzled' him. I'd yet to see any evidence of it and thought Jasper was smoking crack. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to respond.

"You have good timing. My session with Jasper this morning didn't go so well and I agree that he needs a break. Unfortunately, the hospital has a strict policy against unsupervised outings due to the possible liability issues," he replied with a grimace. "I'd really like to help you out but I don't have authorization to make an exception. Besides, he has another session at three, which means you wouldn't be able to go too far, even if you could go."

"Who does have the authorization to make an exception?" I pressed, wondering if I could make an appeal to that person if Garrett couldn't help me.

'Well – Dr. Stevens could probably approve it. Before I ask though, tell me what you were planning," he said.

"Really, I just wanted to get him outside and take him down the block for a late breakfast at the diner on the corner. I don't think it will matter much to him where we go – he just needs a change of scenery. Before we go on though, is he okay? You said your session didn't go well?" I asked, worried that something had happened to set Jasper's rehab back.

"Actually, he's just frustrated – which is not uncommon at this stage. He wants me to push him harder than I'm willing to and lost his temper. He's got it in his head that he needs to do everything right away. He's one of the most motivated patients I've ever worked with, which is a blessing and a curse," Garrett commented. "Given what the nurses overheard the other night, I would have thought he was working some of those frustrations out with you," Garrett smirked and looked at me knowingly.

Blushing, I opted to ignore any mention of our shower sessions and get back to my original line of questioning. "So, would you be willing to ask Dr. Steven's for permission if I promise that I'll keep him in a wheelchair the entire time and bring him back in two hours?" I tried out my most dazzling smile in hopes of influencing the PT to support my plan. "Please?" I added for good measure.

"Umm…." Garrett lost his train of thought and looked at me blankly.

Surprised this was actually working; I grinned and prompted him to continue. "Garrett? You were going to call Dr. Steven's?"

"Umm…yeah," the PT said, shaking himself out of whatever stupor he'd fallen into and picking up the phone. I leaned back in the chair and tried not to eavesdrop as he outlined my proposal to the Physiatrist. He grew quiet as he listened to Dr. Steven's response and didn't make eye contact. I started to fidget in the chair, tapping my fingers on the arm and bouncing my knee up and down. I really hoped this worked. Jasper had been working so hard and I hated seeing him so down at being stuck in the hospital.

After a few minutes, Garrett looked up at me with a smile and gave me the thumbs up. Another grin spread across my face. I was so ecstatic that I wanted to jump across the desk and give Garrett a big hug. Hanging up the phone, he smiled back and said, "Dr. Steven's says it's okay as long as you sign a form stating that you are taking liability for his care over from the hospital during the time period that he's out of the facility. He also said that the minute that Jasper begins to tire, you are to bring him straight back here."

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, jumping out of the chair – ready to go grab my boyfriend and make a break for it.

"Slow down hard charger," Garrett called out. "I still need to get the paperwork and find a wheelchair you can use. Why don't you go break the good news to him and get him ready? I'll swing by the room when I have everything gathered up."

I nodded in agreement and held my hand out for Garrett to shake. "Thanks man, I can't tell you how much this will mean to him."

We shook hands and Garrett smiled, "Well, if it keeps him from throwing things at me, I'm all for it. I'll see you both in a bit."

I raised my eyebrows at the thought of Jasper throwing something at Garrett. That must have been one hell of a therapy session. Exiting his office, I headed up to Jasper's room. Expecting to see him wandering the hallway outside of his room or chatting up the nurses, I was surprised that instead he was in his room with the lights off and the curtains drawn. It was reminiscent of the night I executed the cheeseburger intervention and I knew that he was sulking again. Not saying a word, I moved to the dresser and began pulling out clothes that would be warm, but easy to put on over the leg brace. Once I'd found what I wanted, I turned to face him and tossed the clothes at his chest. He grabbed them before they landed and scowled.

"What the hell kind of greetin' is that?" he growled, glaring at me from his bed.

"Why are you lying here in the dark?" I retorted, not bothering to respond to his question. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtains open, letting in the sunlight.

"I'm havin' a bad day. Is that not allowed, Dr. Perfect?" his voice dripping with sarcasm as he continued to pout. What he didn't realize was those pouting lips only made me hard, not sympathetic.

Deciding not to feed into his mood, I responded with a grin. "Dr. Perfect? I think I like that one," I purred. "You can call that out next time I make you cum," I said with a smirk. "Yes, Dr. Perfect. Right there, Dr. Perfect…Fuck me, Dr. Perfect," I mocked. "I bet the nurses will love hearing that."

I could tell that he was trying to stay mad, but his lips were beginning to twitch up in amusement. I moved to stand next to his bed, leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth, then whispered, "Get dressed baby - I'm breaking you out of this joint."

"What?!" he exclaimed, looking at me in shock.

"Must I repeat myself?" I asked, shaking my head. "I thought it was your leg that was injured, not your eardrums. We're getting out of here for a couple of hours. Now go get dressed." I ordered.

Jasper looked confused, but did as I said. He maneuvered his way to the bathroom on his crutches and threw a sultry look over his shoulder. "You wanna help me get dressed?"

"You want to get outta here?" I replied with a half grin. "Because if I start to take your clothes off, I can guarantee we're not leaving."

Balancing on his good leg, he flipped me off, then readjusted the crutch under his arm and headed into the bathroom to change. Moments later a knock sounded on the door and I called out for the person to enter.

The door opened and Garrett appeared, rolling in a wheelchair. He grabbed some paperwork from the seat of the chair and held it out to me. "Read it over and sign, and then you guys can go. It's almost 10:30 now, so I'll expect you back by 12:30 sharp," he reiterated. The bathroom door opened and Jasper emerged wearing a sweatshirt and loose fitting jeans. He glanced at Garrett and then at the wheelchair with a frown.

"Why can't I use my crutches?" he complained.

"Because I don't want to take the chance that you slip and fall. I'm only letting you do this because I know you're itching to get out of here and because your boyfriend here dazzled me into submission," Garrett replied. "You either sit in the wheelchair or you don't go at all." As they bickered, I signed the release form and handed it back to Garrett.

"Fine," Jasper growled, but made his way to the chair and sat down, handing his crutches to me so that I could set them out of the way. "Where are we goin'?" he asked, looking up at me eagerly.

"Just to the diner on the corner, but I thought it would be a chance for you to get some fresh air and a change of scenery," I explained. "We can get something to eat if you're hungry – I know I am."

"Sounds like a plan," Jasper replied, eyes shining with anticipation. "Thanks, Garrett," he said, looking over his shoulder at the PT.

"Don't thank me – it was your boy's idea," he noted. "I'll see you guys in a couple of hours. I've got to run to another session."

"Do you want us to bring you back anything?" I asked, thankful for his assistance.

"Nah – I'm good. Enjoy yourselves," he said and loped out of the room.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Let's get the hell out of here," Jasper ordered with a grin, releasing the brakes, executing a smooth turn, and heading out the door.

I had to step up my pace and only just caught up to him at the elevator. "Eager much?" I asked, laughing at his impatience.

"You have no idea!" he replied, wheeling into the elevator once the doors opened. I pushed the button for the lobby and remained quiet as I watched Jasper nearly bounce in his seat with anticipation. Once we'd arrived on the first floor, he wheeled his way across the lobby, out the front doors, and onto the sidewalk. He stopped there, waiting for me to catch up. It was unseasonably warm for March in Chicago, the temperature expected to reach almost 60 degrees, and I watched with a smile as Jasper inhaled a deep breath of fresh air. Well, as fresh as Chicago air can be.

"Which way?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder at me.

"Go left. The diner is on the corner, just about a block down," I responded. "Do you want me to push you or do you want to do it yourself?" I asked, giving him the option.

"I'll do it myself for now. I'll let you know if I get tired," he said and took off down the sidewalk. A few minutes later we arrived at the diner and I held the door open as he moved the chair over the threshold. Smiling widely, he greeted the hostess and asked for a table for two. Once she'd seated us at the diner's only wheelchair accessible table and taken our drink orders, he turned to look at me.

"I love you, Edward. I probably don't say it often enough, but I do," he said softly.

I reached across the table and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently and teased, "You only love me because I helped you escape."

He laughed with me, but then grew serious. "True, but I also love how you just know me. You understand me like no one else ever has."

"Jasper, you get me too. And I love you more than life. So – you want to talk about what's got you so down?" I asked, giving him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to talk about it. He was just about to respond when the waitress arrived to take our orders. Once she left, I motioned for him to continue.

He recapped his morning and told me about his disappointment with his lack of progress. I refrained from dispensing any medical advice and just listened, knowing that he just needed to vent. Once he'd finished, I asked, "What's bothering you most? The slow pace of rehab or being trapped in the hospital?"

"It's a bit of both, really. I want out of there. I'm not used to being stuck inside this long and it's makin' me antsy. Plus, I want to get back to my life. I want to go back to work and do what I love the most. I'm tired of makin' you hang out in a hospital room when you should be home sleepin' or enjoyin' your day off. I want to go out on dates with you and throw you on the bed and fuck you senseless," he said with a sad smile. "I feel like I'm holdin' you back from your life."

I sat there quietly for a moment, trying to find words that would reassure him that his worries were unfounded. Finally, I gave up and just blurted out, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

Jasper looked at me, a hurt expression on his face and I quickly replayed the words that had burst from my lips. Trying to fix it, I started again. "Not the first part, Jasper. I understand about wanting to go back to work and being trapped in a hospital. What I'm talking about is the thought that you are holding me back from my life," I said. "_You_ are my life now Jasper. I'd much rather be trapped in that hospital room with you than be anywhere without you. Do you know how difficult it is to leave you there every day? We'll get to the dates and the senseless fucking – trust me. But for now, I'll take any bit of time I can get. Hell, I'm surprised you're not sick of me yet," I teased, still holding onto his hand tightly.

"I'm not sick of you, Edward. If anything, I don't think I will ever get enough of you," he reassured and then let go of my hand as the waitress approached with our meals. We ate in silence, both contemplating our recent conversation. When we were done and on our third cup of coffee, I asked Jasper to tell me about his promotion. I knew that when he was on patrol he worked nights. I wasn't sure what, if any, difference his promotion would make to his routine.

Eyes lighting up, Jasper described the differences. "Well, first off, I'll be working days instead of nights. Detectives work four ten hour shifts a week and then take off-hour calls on rotation. So, I guess there'll still be some night work, but only if I'm the detective on call that night," he said.

"Are you and Emmett still going to be partners?" I asked.

"No," he responded with a frown. "Emmett was assigned to District 16 up in Jefferson Park. It's close to where he and Rosie live and he'll be working narcotics. I was supposed to go to the gang unit in District 4, on the South Side, but who knows where I'll end up now. My position was given to another detective so if I get back, I'll go wherever there's a spot," he explained.

"When."

"What?"

"When you get back," I reiterated. "Not if, when."

Jasper rolled his eyes, but smiled gratefully and continued, "Yes dear. _When_ I get back there will hopefully be a spot close to Rosie and Emmett's. That way I won't have to commute so far," he noted.

"Rosie and Emmett's?" I asked cautiously. I hadn't broached the topic of where Jasper would live once he was released but I knew that what I really wanted was for him to move in with me. I didn't know how to ask him though. We'd really only been together for 2 months and I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him or moving too fast.

"You know that I gave up my apartment when I found out I'd be in rehab for a few months. Until I find a new place, I'll have to stay with Rosie and Emmett."

"I guess that makes sense," I said, not looking up at him – knowing that my disappointment would be written all over my face.

"Edward?" Jasper called out quietly. I reluctantly raised my gaze to his and quirked an eyebrow. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Well, umm…" I stumbled over the words, wanting to ask but not knowing how he'd take it. "I was just going to say that I have a two bedroom. I'm not using the second bedroom so if you want, you can stay there."

"In the second bedroom?" Jasper repeated with a smirk.

I sighed loudly and said, "Well, I'd much rather we share my bedroom, but I'll understand if that's too fast for you. I just wanted you to know that the option was available," I mumbled, kicking myself for bringing this up at all. I looked down at my nearly empty coffee cup, not wanting to see Jasper's face when he rejected the idea.

I felt his foot kick me under the table and I quickly looked up at him in confusion, "What the hell?"

"You know what Edward? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Of course I want to move in with you dumbass. I love you. I've been hopin' you'd ask me but didn't want you to think you had to because I had nowhere else to go. Besides, I need to be there to keep you from spoilin' Cletus to death," he joked, but the fire in his eyes contradicted his teasing. He was just as excited about the prospect as I was.

"Really?" I breathed. "You'd move in with me?"

"Yes, if you'll have me. I warn you now I'm a slob and I can't cook," he said with a smile.

"I'm a neat freak and a closet foodie. I think we'll get along just fine," I responded with a grin, buoyant at the thought of Jasper inhabiting my space. We sat their grinning like fools until the waitress interrupted with our check. Looking at my watch, I realized that our two hours was almost up and it was time to get back to RIC.

"You ready to go back?" I asked.

"Not really, but I guess we have to," he replied.

"We do, but hopefully we can talk Dr. Steven's into letting us do this more often," I said, rising from my seat and waiting as Jasper rolled the chair back and turned so that he could accompany me to the front of the restaurant. I paid the bill and we made our way back outside. Just before we reached the entrance of the hospital, Jasper came to a stop. He inhaled deeply a few times and gave me a wistful smile.

"Might as well suck it in while I have the chance," he offered by way of explanation. "Thank you for doin' this for me baby. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you thought of this."

I bent down so that our faces were even and placed my lips on his, kissing him gently. "You're welcome, love. Now, let's get inside before Garrett sends out the calvalry."

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**A/N: So, cbaty is writing a new story, Money Matters, and she's letting me beta! It's an E/J mystery fic and I think you all will really enjoy it. So go check it out. You can link to it from My Favorites tab in my profile. And as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. :) Until next Sunday...**


	21. Forward

**A/N: Happy Sunday and most importantly, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms! We have a bit of business to go over before we get to the story, so let's get to it. ****The winner of the Outtake poll is the E/J POV from a time when they were apart. I will be work on this for posting this week under Southern Charm - The Outtakes. Congrats to all that voted for this one! **

**Thanks to all of you that have reviewed, favorited, or alerted my story. I appreciate you all so very much. **

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Chapter 21 – Forward

_**04/07/2010, 10:02 – EPOV**_

Life was good. Actually, life was excellent and I couldn't honestly remember ever being this content. I strolled down Superior Street on my way to RIC lost in thought. I'd just finished my weekly therapy appointment with Seth and we both felt that I could cut back to an appointment every other week. As the weeks passed, I'd begun to get a better handle on my emotions and the panic attacks had become virtually nonexistent. This small step forward allowed me to trust myself and my feelings and I was pleased with the progress I'd made so far. I knew that I still had a lot of unresolved issues stemming from my relationship with my father; however, for the first time since I'd returned from Iraq I felt less like some sort of robot and more like an actual human being.

While Seth seemed to give me all of the credit for the progress I'd made, I knew in my heart that it was primarily due to the loving support I'd received from my family and Jasper. They'd accepted me for who I was regardless of the flaws I'd tried to keep hidden. Truthfully, it was a relief to know that I didn't have to be perfect or straight to be loved. I'd spent so much of my life trying to live up to who my father wanted me to be that I'd lost sight of who I really was. Coming home and allowing all of my pent up emotions to surface had actually freed me from this burden and I was looking forward to the next chapter of my life with Jasper by my side.

The last few weeks, while tiring, had been fantastic. Newton had returned to work, tail tucked between his legs, and I'd been able to return to a normal working schedule. The man I loved more than life itself had agreed to move in with me and was making excellent progress in rehab. He'd also taken Garrett's advice and began working with RIC's on-staff counselor on some of the unresolved anger he harbored over the night he was shot. I was surprised that he agreed to it, actually, but he'd said that my willingness to discuss my issues with Seth had shown him that it wasn't a weakness to admit you needed to talk to someone. The counselor had read Jasper perfectly and helped him funnel some of his frustration and rage into a punching bag, much to Garrett's relief and my dismay. The first time I'd spied him pummeling the bag – hot, sweaty, and shirtless – my mind instantly conjured up images of the same sweaty, hot, and ripped man hovering over me while he fucked me hard.

I nearly moaned aloud as the images returned and tried to force them to the back of my mind. We'd relieved some of our frustration during our shared showers, but as time passed, I longed for the day when we could truly be together without fear of reinjuring his leg or being caught by nosy nurses. But I longed for more than sex too. I was ready for quiet nights spent watching TV after dinner. I wanted to celebrate holidays together with our families. I wanted to be annoyed because he didn't pick up after himself. I wanted it all. It was crazy, we'd really only been together for three months, but I knew deep in my soul that I'd never love anyone the way I love Jasper.

Caught up in my thoughts, I almost walked right past the front entrance to RIC. I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of Jasper leaning against the building, using only a cane to support his leg. He'd made astonishing progress and was almost ready to put full weight on his injured leg. Two weeks ago Jasper experienced painful tingling sensations in his left thigh and called me in the middle of the night, terrified that something was wrong. He'd been too scared to call for the nurse, but thankfully had contacted me. Once I'd calmed him down and got him to describe the sensations he was feeling, I realized that the nerves had completely regenerated. I excitedly informed him of this fact and I'd left a message with Dr. Stevens' service to let him know. The next morning they performed another EMG and verified my suspicions. Now that the sensation had completely returned to his leg, Garrett was able to push Jasper's rehab a little further and allow him to do more. The result of Garrett's hard work and Jasper's determination was evident in the peaceful expression on Jasper's face as he tipped it up to the sunny sky. His eyes were closed and I was overcome by the beauty of this man - the rays of light making his blonde curls shine in the sun. I snuck up on him and placed my lips on the underside of his jaw.

"Mmmm, hello my love," Jasper said languidly, eyes still closed as a lazy smile stretched across his face.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked with a smirk, encircling his waist with one arm as I cupped his sun-warmed face with the other. "Or do you let just anyone come up and kiss you?" I teased.

"I'd know those lips anywhere," he replied, opening his eyes and leaning in to give me a proper hello. Our lips melded together and I was again amazed by how content I felt in his arms. We kissed softly, reconnecting after a day apart, and then separated - Jasper's navy eyes twinkling with happiness and mirth as he took in my slightly dazed expression.

"Shut-up," I muttered, ducking my head into his neck in embarrassment.

"I didn't say anythin' sweetheart. Besides, I love that I can dazzle you. It's only fair when you do it to me every day," he noted with a grin. "Are you ready to get somethin' to eat? I'm starvin'."

I reluctantly released him and reached down to grab his free hand. Since our first outing to the diner was successful, Dr. Stevens had allowed us to venture out of RIC twice a week. I knew that Jasper treasured these excursions into the real world as much as I did. We no longer had to use the wheelchair - Jasper could walk without assistance for short periods but he needed the cane for support while he built up his endurance. He walked with a definite limp – something Garrett said would diminish with time but may never completely go away. Only time and more therapy would tell.

We made our way down to the corner diner and sat in our usual booth. The wait staff knew our habits and I smiled as a waitress brought over two steaming mugs of coffee without us even having to order. "The usual, boys?" she asked with a smile, not bothering with menus.

I glanced over at Jasper as he nodded his agreement. "Apparently we're boring," I replied with a smile. "The usual it is."

"Not boring, darlings. You just know what's good," she noted with a grin and went off to place our orders.

"So how was your session with Dr. Clearwater?" Jasper asked quietly, holding my hand across the top of the table.

"It was really good, actually," I responded with a smile. "He thinks we can cut back our appointments to every other week."

"That's great Edward!" Jasper exclaimed and I saw the pride he had for me reflected in his eyes.

"How about you? How's your morning been so far?" I asked, knowing that he'd already had a PT session with Garrett.

Biting his bottom lip, something he only did when unsure or nervous, he stated tentatively, "I'm not sure. Maybe I'm bein' paranoid but I think they are goin' to tell me I need to stay longer than two months."

I squeezed his hand and asked, "What makes you say that? I thought Garrett told you yesterday that you were making amazing progress…"

"Dr. Stevens was there this mornin', observin' our session. He never said a word and when I asked Garrett why he was there he said that he was just checkin' in to see how things were goin'. He wouldn't need to do that if things were goin' well, would he?" Jasper asked, those expressive eyes filled with doubt.

"There could be a hundred different reasons why he was there, baby. You shouldn't read too much into it. Just concentrate on doing the best you can and the rest will fall into place," I reassured. I knew that the two month mark was looming in Jasper's mind and he was anxious to be released from the facility. "Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out things beyond your control," I cautioned.

"I know," Jasper sighed. "I'm just so ready to get outta there. I just want…" he trailed off as the waitress came to top off our coffee cups. When she walked away he remained quiet.

"Just want what Jasper?" I prodded, wanting him to continue where he'd left off.

He took a sip of his coffee, sighed, and then leaned forward, eyes peering intently into mine. "I just want you. I want to be home already and movin' forward with our lives."

"I want that too…so much," I said fervently, my mind recapturing the thoughts I'd had earlier as I walked to meet him. "We'll get there," I assured him.

"How can you be so positive all of the time Edward? You always think the best is goin' to happen," he said with a scowl. "Can't you just join my pity party for once?"

"Baby, I lived the mother of all pity parties for eight years. I'm over it. I refuse to continue living waiting for the other shoe to drop," I stated with a self-deprecating grin. "Not that I'm discounting the fact that it's difficult. It is. Hell, I want nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up every morning with you by my side. You have no idea how frustrating it is to leave you every night, but what other choice do I have than to have faith? Fifty years from now this will seem like a drop in the bucket compared to the time we will have spent together."

I brought Jasper's hand up and brushed my lips against his knuckles. I heard someone clear their throat and realized the waitress had returned with our orders. Releasing my boyfriend's hand, I gave her an embarrassed grin. "You boys are just adorable," the older woman said with a wink. "Can I get you anything else or are you alright for now?"

Jasper replied, "I think we're good, darlin'."

"And a Southern gentleman to boot," she remarked, shaking her head and wandering off to check on her other tables.

We chose to put our earlier conversation on hold in favor of sustenance, both of us hungry and tucking in greedily to our breakfasts. This had become one of my favorite things to do with Jasper and I had a feeling I would have fond memories of this diner for the rest of my life. I pushed my plate away once I was done and watched as Jasper shoveled in food like he'd been on a deserted island for years. "Hungry, babe?" I mocked with a grin.

"I told you I was starvin'," he replied, his words garbled by the bite he'd just taken. As Jasper's therapy sessions had increased in difficulty, I'd seen a corresponding increase in his appetite. Between Garrett's workouts and his sessions with the punching bag, my boyfriend had become the poster child for physical fitness, his muscles toned and firm in all the right places. Not to mention the six-pack that I lavished much attention on in the shower. I tried to cook healthy meals for us when I brought lunch or dinner, but I knew that he loved his Southern cuisine and the greasier the better. Within moments, Jasper had cleared his plate of the scrambled eggs, hash browns, and biscuits and gravy he'd ordered and looked wistfully at the empty plate. I chuckled and then laughed outright as he glared at me.

"What? I couldn't help it! You just looked so sad that your biscuits and gravy were gone," I teased. "You really shouldn't be eating that stuff anyway – it's not good for you."

"That's why it tastes so good," he replied with a smirk. "All that good for you stuff tastes like shit."

"Oh – so you're saying my cooking tastes like shit?" I said, narrowing my eyes at him. I was just joking but wanted to see how he would dig himself out of the hole he'd created. Jasper usually spoke without a filter, his thoughts tumbling out of his mouth without prior consideration of the possible implication of what he was saying. Truthfully, I enjoyed his directness and found it refreshing, but I also loved messing with him.

Jasper's eyes widened as he realized what he'd just said. He began backtracking quickly in an effort to save himself. "No! You know I love your cookin' Edward. I'm just sayin' that the healthy stuff doesn't usually taste as good as when you make it."

"Good save, baby," I replied with a wink. "Tomorrow I'll bring you some of this new tofu dish I made yesterday so you can try it. Lots of protein – it'll be good for you." I knew that Jasper would eat whatever I brought just because I made the effort to cook for him, but even I couldn't stomach tofu. I watched his face carefully and nearly burst out in laughter as he tried to hide his disgust at the thought of such a meal. He looked down at the table for moment before looking back up at me.

"Sounds delicious," he said with a tight smile. He was hopeless. Everything he was thinking or feeling was written all over his face and this time I couldn't hold back my laughter.

"You must love me if you're willing to eat tofu," I said through my chuckles. "That shit is disgusting," I continued with a wicked grin. "Seriously Jasper, I'm not gourmet chef. If I cook something that you don't like, you don't have to eat it. I promise I won't make you eat brussel sprouts if you don't want to nor will I be offended if you don't want to eat something I make."

Jasper let out a huge sigh of relief and grinned back at me. "Thank God. I was picturin' havin' to sneak in pizza deliveries while you were at work. Not that I don't love your cookin', I do – it's just that I love my junk food too."

"I let you in on a secret, J – I do too," I admitted. "Besides, you'll make fast friends with Cletus if you share your pizza with him. I cook healthy meals so that I can afford to splurge every once in a while. I'm not burning calories at the same rate you are and I don't work out as often as I'd like to, so I need to watch what I eat. Besides, we old folks need to keep the arteries from clogging."

Jasper snorted and said, "Old folks my ass. You're only 8 years older and look mighty fine to me, babe. I love every inch of your old ass." He flashed a dimpled grin at me and like a teenage girl, I melted at the sight.

"Suck-up," I retorted. Glancing at my watch, I realized that our two hours had flown by. "We need to get back. I printed out the floor plan for the apartment and thought we could make a list of what you wanted to bring and what we'd need to get rid of." I motioned for the check and after it arrived, we walked up to the cashier to settle it. As we waited in line we continued our conversation.

"Oh God, you're goin' to go all OCD on me, aren't you? The next thing I know you'll have color coded lists and a time schedule for the movers," he said smirking at the thought.

I blushed because he had me. I'd already begun compiling an inventory (with photos) of the furniture that currently inhabited my apartment and had downloaded it to my thumb drive. I figured we'd be able to add his stuff to it, albeit san photos, this afternoon using his laptop. How else would we know what to keep and what to get rid of?

"You've already created the list, haven't you?" he accused, amusement filling his voice. "Is it color-coded?"

"No," I replied hotly, embarrassed that he'd caught me out. "But it does have photos," I mumbled under my breath.

"Did you say photos?" Jasper said, chuckling at the thought.

"Yes, it has photos. I thought you'd like to know what you are accepting or rejecting," I replied, mortified even though I knew he was just messing with me. "It's not like you've seen my stuff. How would you know what you might want to keep?" It had made sense to me at the time. As we reached the front of the line, I pulled out my wallet and paid the bill, leaving a good tip for the waitress. We walked out of the restaurant and back into the sunshine.

As we walked back towards RIC, Jasper grew serious and reached for my hand, squeezing it until I looked over at him. "What, so I like lists! Is that a crime?" I said, a little peeved at his reaction and eager to defend my OCD tendencies.

"I was just teasin' babe. Actually, I think it's sweet that you thought to take pictures so I can see what the place looks like and what you already have," he replied. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to turn and look at me. "You always think of everythin' that will make my life easier. You take such good care of me. I can't wait until I can return the favor. I love you so much…" he finished, leaning across to place a kiss on my forehead.

I rubbed my thumb over the top of the hand held in mine and replied, "You return the favor every day just by loving me, Jasper."

_**04/07/2010, 11:57 – JPOV**_

As we walked through the RIC lobby I decided that, unlikely as it sounded, Edward was perfect. Okay, he wasn't really – he was a neat freak, he bitched and moaned about Mike Newton like he was the devil himself, he drove a Volvo, and he always forgot to answer in the form of question when we watched Jeopardy, which let me tell you, frustrated me to no end. Minor annoyances aside, Edward was perfect for me and I had finally gotten over the worry that he'd wake up and realize that I wasn't the one for him. I mean the man had created a photo inventory of his apartment so that I would have a chance to help decide what we would keep or donate. Who does that? My boyfriend, that's who, and I loved him even more because he took the time to think of it.

_"Fifty years from now this will seem like a drop in the bucket compared to the time we will have spent together."_ Those words had blown me away and were locked on repeat in my head. He said it as if it was a foregone conclusion that we'd be together fifty years from now and if I hadn't really internalized the fact that he truly loved me before today, that statement right there was incontrovertible proof. The idea of Edward and me, old, grey or – heaven forbid! – bald; undoubtedly cranky as hell, but still together… I felt my heart literally skip a beat at the thought. Sometimes my feelings for him were so strong that it felt like I could drown in them and as we entered the elevator, I wrapped my arms around him tightly and just breathed him in.

I remained enveloped in the cocoon of his arms until the elevator alerted us to our arrival on the 3rd floor. As we walked down the hall to my room, I noticed Garrett and Dr. Stevens standing nearby at the nurse's station. My free hand was entwined in Edward's and I tightened my grip anxiously. What the hell could they possibly want? I'd just seen them a couple of hours ago and nobody had anything to say. What had changed? Did Dr. Stevens' observation reveal that I needed to extend my stay? As much as I wanted to believe in Edward's positive take on the situation, I wasn't convinced. I was still limping pretty heavily and knew that even though I'd almost been here for two months already, I had a long way to go before I would be ready to go back to work.

I slowed my pace, trying to delay the inevitable, when Edward leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Whatever it is, good or bad, we'll get through it together, okay?" He pressed his lips to the top of my head and squeezed my fingers. "Now, if you could just loosen your grip a bit? I need to use this hand for other things," he continued then leaned back and smiled at me reassuringly. I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply. I relaxed my hand, but refused to let go completely. I needed his touch to keep me sane.

Once we'd reached the nurse's station, Dr. Stevens strode forward to shake my hand and then Edward's in greeting. "Jasper, Garrett and I would like a moment of your time to discuss your progress. I realize that you just returned from breakfast, but I wanted to catch you while Edward was still here – unless you'd like to do this in private?" Dr. Stevens asked, bound by privacy laws to ask my permission for Edward's inclusion in our upcoming conversation.

"I'd prefer it if Edward participated in this conversation," I said nervously. "Let's get this over with," I muttered to Edward and turned to head into my room. I took a seat in one of the chairs grouped around the small table that Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and I had eaten at just a few weeks prior. Pulling Edward down to sit in the chair next to me, I tried to settle the anxiety I felt building in my stomach. I released his hand but felt better instantly when he began rubbing small circles over my back. Garrett took the chair opposite from Edward and after closing the door, Dr. Stevens took the seat directly across from me.

"Jasper, I can tell by your expression that you're anxious to know why we're here, so let's just get to it. I wanted to meet with you to go over your rehabilitation plan and the progress you've made so far. As you are aware, I've been getting updates from Garrett every other day on the work you do in therapy and this morning observed a session for myself. According to the last EMG we performed; the nerves that were damaged by the bullet have regenerated and are functioning at approximately 97 percent. You've gained a tremendous amount of muscle tone in your leg and are able to place weight upon it, although not for long periods of time…" Dr. Stevens paused for a moment to allow me to take in what he'd said so far. I nodded for him to continue, unable to say a word and really just wanting him to spit it out already.

"When you were admitted, Carlisle and I estimated that you could possibly remain in our inpatient program for two to three months, depending upon your rate of recovery. Next week you'll have been here for two months exactly and I have to say, Jasper, that I've never seen another patient progress at this rate given the injuries you presented with," Dr. Stevens noted, smiling at me. I felt my heart rate pick-up, knowing that my fate was hanging in the balance. "I'm pleased to tell you that you've made enough progress that you can continue your physical therapy on an out-patient basis."

I sat there stunned for a moment, trying to process his words. Looking over at Edward, I noticed the wide smile on his face and wondered if I'd heard the doctor correctly. Still in a state of shock, I looked back at Dr. Stevens and asked for clarification, "Just so I can be sure that I heard that right. You're lettin' me outta here?"

Dr. Stevens smiled and nodded. "Yes Jasper, we'll be releasing you next week. You'll need to return three times a week for physical therapy and once a month for follow-up appointments, but Garrett and I both feel that you can continue from home. Obviously you're not recovered enough to return to work, but if you continue to progress at this rate, you should be back on the job in two to three months."

I looked at Edward and beamed, feeling myself begin to choke up at the thought that finally we would be able to move forward. Directing my attention back to Dr. Stevens and Garrett, I listened as they outlined my next steps and the plan for my outpatient sessions. My release date was set for April 15th. Once we'd settled on a plan of action, I walked around the table to shake Dr. Stevens' hand, thanking him for his assistance. Movingbvgh towards Garrett, I pulled him into a hug and murmured my heartfelt thanks into his ear. I would never have made it this far without his exceptional skill as a physical therapist, his patience, and most of all, his friendship. Garrett shrugged off my thanks, warning me that the fun wasn't over yet. Once the room had cleared of everyone but Edward, I sat back down in the chair and released a heavy sigh of relief. I was going home!

Edward pulled me up from the chair and led me over to the bed. I got in and lay there silently as Edward removed my shoes and then kicked off his own. He got in on the opposite side. We were lying on the bed, facing each other when Edward pulled me into his arms and said quietly, "Let it go, baby." I buried my face in his neck and released nearly three months of anxiety, frustration, and fear in a torrent of tears. As I sobbed, Edward held me close. I could feel his tears mingle with mine as we gripped each other tightly. After a while I was able to regain control and pulled back slightly to look into Edward's eyes. They were red-rimmed and wet but filled with the same blend of joy and relief that I was feeling. "I love you so fuckin' much Edward," I whispered fiercely, uncertain how to get the depth of my feelings across to him.

"I know, baby. I love you too, so much." He kissed me chastely and then ran his fingers through my curls, pushing them back from my face.

"Where's your spreadsheet?" I asked tiredly, excited that we could finally start planning our future together.

"My spreadsheet can wait," he responded, tucking my head back into the crook of his neck. "Rest now and when we wake up, it'll be spreadsheets galore," he joked.

"I can't wait," I murmured, settling in for a nap with my partner.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next Sunday... :)**


	22. Preparation

**A/N: Alrighty - a few housekeeping items before I let you get into the story. I know, I know - patience grasshoppers. :)**

**1) I've done some rearranging. The Cletus outtakes are now separated into their own little story - The Cletus Chronicles. That way you non Cletus lovers (tsk, tsk) don't have to suffer through them to get to the E/J outtakes.**

**2) The poll winner is now posted as Chapter 2 of Southern Charm - The Outtakes. If you haven't read it already, go take a look. It gives some good insight into life for E/J while they were apart.**

**3) A lovely and talented reader - XrazzlesX, made an amazing banner and video for Southern Charm. The link is in my profile - check it out and leave her some love!**

**4) Finally, 22 chapters of Southern Charm and I haven't missed a Sunday yet. However, this week is what I like to call hell week in my world. Commencement has arrived and as a college administrator, I'm responsible for working the ceremonies, getting diplomas ready, etc. I will make every effort to post next Sunday, but if I am going to miss a Sunday, next Sunday would be it. **

**Alrighty, I'm done now. As always, thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favoriting. I love the fact that after 22 chapters, you all are still here with me. :) Enjoy!**

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Chapter 22 – Preparation

_**04-09-2010, 09:21 – EPOV**_

I needed help – reinforcements so to speak. I wanted to surprise Jasper by having all of his stuff moved and in place when he came home. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was being a stubborn ass and going on and on about hiring movers once he'd a chance to sort through his stuff. I tried to be sneaky about it and asked if I could go take pictures so we could make a spreadsheet, but he just laughed at me. Seriously, what's so wrong with wanting an electronic inventory of his furniture? It made sense to me, but Jasper said he'd deal with it later. I wanted him to feel at home from day one and in my mind that could only happen if his belongings were already intermingled with my own. I sighed loudly and fiddled with my iPhone. I'd decided that there really was only one person who could help me; however, I found myself scared to death to call her.

Rosalie was still somewhat of an enigma to me. For one thing, she was intimidating as hell. Sure, she'd given us her blessing and apologized about her initial lack of enthusiasm regarding my relationship with her brother, but I still got the sense that she thought we were moving too fast. Yesterday at dinner, Jasper informed her that he would be moving in with me once he was released. She smiled at him sweetly and then yanked me out into the hallway. I stood silently as she outlined in great detail exactly what she would do to Edward Junior if I ever hurt her twin. Let's just say I got the picture and made a concerted effort to block the entire conversation from my memory. When we returned, Emmett smirked, well aware of his wife's reaction, and Jasper looked confused, unaware of his twin's threats to my manhood. Now I had to try to convince a highly volatile and hormonally challenged pregnant woman to assist me in my mission to surprise her brother.

Determined to put my plan into action, I pulled up my contact list and selected Rosalie's number. Pressing send, I held the phone to my ear and waited for her to pick up. It was almost nine thirty but she'd mentioned at dinner that she didn't have class until eleven, so I hoped that she would answer. I listened as the phone continued to ring and then her voice mail kicked in. "I'm busy. Leave a message and if it's worth my time, I _**might**_call you back." _Jesus – friendly much?_

"Umm…Rosalie…this is, umm… Edward. You know - Jasper's boyfriend?" _Fuck Edward, how many Edwards do you think she knows?_ I took a deep breath and tried again. "Listen, I was wondering if you could help me with a surprise I'm planning for him. I know you're busy, but when you get a chance, can you call me?" I hung up, knowing that she would have my number from the log on her phone. Rosalie had given me her number a while back in case Jasper needed anything but this was the first time I'd used it. I set my phone down on the kitchen island and decided to whip up some chicken salad sandwiches to take with me to RIC. I was off and planning to spend the rest of the day with Jasper.

The minute I opened the refrigerator door, Cletus magically appeared. I swore that he had a built in radar system for any type of food preparation. It didn't matter how quiet I was, as soon as the refrigerator cracked open, he was there giving me the 'I'm starving to death' look. As I grabbed a baguette, a rotisserie chicken I'd picked up from the store earlier, and the necessary condiments, I heard "Danger Will Robinson…Danger" emanating from my phone. Rosalie was returning my call.

Quickly putting the sandwich ingredients on the counter, I grabbed the phone and answered hesitantly, "Hello?"

"Edward – Rose. What can I do for you?" she said, getting right down to business.

"Umm, hi Rose. Thanks for calling me back. I wanted to see if you could help me with something? That is if you have time, I know you are probably very busy," I replied, hoping that she was in a good mood today. Emmett had regaled Jasper and I with a few stories of Rosalie's crazy mood swings since becoming pregnant. We'd all had some good laughs at Rosie's expense, especially when Emmett told us about how she'd told some woman off at the grocery store for taking the last pint of Chubby Hubby ice cream, accusing her of stealing from a pregnant woman.

"Yeah – I got that from your message," she said sarcastically. "Stop suckin' up and tell me what you have in mind for my brother? And why are you callin' me? I figured you'd go to Emmett before callin' me."

"Well, this particular surprise needs your expertise," I responded and then went into what exactly I needed her help with. "Jasper said you'd helped him decorate his old apartment and besides, having Emmett make any kind of interior decorating decisions would probably not be a good thing," I finished quickly, having outlined in detail her role in my plot. I held my breath, waiting for her response.

"Okay," she said slowly. "So basically, you want me to help you go through Jasper's stuff and decide what to move in to your place and where it should go?"

Of course, when she said it like that, it sounded pretty simple. But I had no fucking clue when it came to this shit. Esme had helped me decorate this place and somehow it came out exactly like I wanted it to. But Jasper and I didn't spend our time talking about interior design, so I had no idea what his preferences were. Realizing that Rose was waiting on my answer, I released the breath I was holding and replied, "Basically, that's what I need help with if you're willing."

"Are you off this weekend?" she asked.

"I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, but I'm available between seven and four if that suits?" I answered, hoping this meant that she would be willing to help.

"Emmett and I will see you tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. – be ready to give me a tour of your place and then we'll go take a look at Jasper's storage unit and decide what to move. And for God's sake make sure you've cleaned the place up. I don't want to have to wade through a mess," she ordered. "Give me your address," she demanded.

I rattled off my address and Rose hung up abruptly. I stared down at the now silent phone wondering what exactly I'd gotten myself into. Setting it back on the island, I turned back to where I'd placed the ingredients for Jasper's lunch and found Cletus attempting to make off with half a chicken. He managed to rip off a chicken leg before I could react, then jumped off the counter and ran down the hall. "Cletus – drop it," I ordered, as I caught up to him in the laundry room. He looked at me wide-eyed, the chicken leg clamped firmly between his teeth. I grabbed the drumstick and tugged, freeing the leg from his jaws but not before he snagged a big chunk of the meat for himself. He took his spoils and slunk off to his cat condo. I muttered under my breath and returned to the kitchen to dispose of the now tainted drumstick. Twenty minutes later I'd finished packing the cooler with our lunch and headed off to spend some quality time with my boyfriend.

_**04-10-2010, 7:17 – EPOV**_

I was stuck on the Dan Ryan and praying for a break in traffic so I could make it back to my place by 7:30. Heaven knows how Rosalie would react if I was late for our appointment. Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, I tried to figure out what the problem was. It was early Saturday morning – there shouldn't be this much traffic on the road yet. I grabbed my Starbucks from the cup holder and took a large gulp. I'd had a busy shift and barely made it out of there on time. Fucking Newton strolled in at half past six and then bitched that I wasn't ready to go over charts with him. If I had time, I would've smacked him upside the head with one of the charts, but instead I gritted my teeth and got it over with. Not bothering to change out of my scrubs, I dashed out to my car and hopped on the freeway. _Fat lot of good that did you, Cullen…_

Nervously glancing at my watch, I cursed inwardly as the minutes passed. At 7:24 we started to move and I made my way over to the express lanes in a vain attempt to make up for lost time. Seven-forty-five found me dashing up the stairs to my second floor apartment. I found Rosalie standing in front of my door, tapping her foot impatiently. Emmett was seated on the floor, stuffing his face with a donut and drinking from a Styrofoam cup. "Sorry…" I stuttered out in response to the glare Rosalie shot my way once she caught sight of me. Emmett rolled his eyes and grinned, rising from the floor and standing behind his wife.

"About time you got here," she huffed out. "If you want to get this done before Jasper comes home, we don't have time to waste."

"Jesus Rosie, let the man catch his breath, would ya?" Emmett teased and then gestured for me to open the door. I unlocked the apartment door and ushered them in, mumbling that they should feel free to look around while I changed. I walked quickly to my bedroom, ripped off my scrubs, and redressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Tugging my sneakers back on, I exited the room to find Rosalie looking at the books and photos on my bookshelves. Emmett was seated on the sofa, Cletus in his lap, sharing bits of his jelly donut with my overfed cat.

"Sorry about that," I repeated as I entered the living room. "Can I get you anything? Something to drink, maybe? I can put a pot of decaf coffee on – it won't take long." I asked, trying to be polite.

Emmett started to open his mouth when Rosalie shot him a look and said to me, "No time. Take me on a quick tour and then we'll head off to the storage unit." Emmett just shrugged and went back to petting his new best friend while his wife pulled out a clipboard and pen.

I took her from room to room and tried to fill the silence by telling her which items I really wanted to keep and what could be donated to charity. From time to time she would jot something down on her clipboard and mutter under her breath. After we returned to the living room, she motioned for me to take a seat next to her husband while she began pacing in front of us, scribbling madly on her list. Emmett leaned over and whispered, "Breathe man. She doesn't bite…much." The three of us, Emmett, Cletus, and I sat on the couch watching her movements like we were at a tennis match. After what seemed like hours, she turned to face us both and I tensed in anticipation of the verdict.

"Okay. So it looks like you and Jasper have the same taste, which will make this much easier than I initially thought. You have a lot of good pieces here and what Jasper has will fit in nicely. Emmett – call your work buddies and see if they would be willing to help you move Jasper's stuff tomorrow. If they can, call the storage place and see if they rent out U-Hauls. We'll need a truck. And stop feeding that cat donuts – it's going to explode," she snapped at her husband. He leaned back over to me and whispered, "I love when she goes all drill sergeant." He waggled his eyebrows at me and then headed off to the kitchen to make the calls, Cletus trailing closely behind.

"Once he's done, we'll head over to the storage unit and make a list of what's coming here. It's going to take some coordination, but we can use the same truck to haul the stuff you don't want back to the storage unit. It's paid up through the end of the month, so if Jasper agrees with the choices we make, you can contact a charity to come pick it all up," she noted, not even glancing up from her clipboard to look at me. "I made a list last night of what I think Jasper would like to bring with him. It's too bad you don't have a list of your stuff to take with us to the storage unit. It would make it easier to remember what you have and what goes with what," she said.

I hopped off the couch and headed into the second bedroom, which I was currently using as an office. Grabbing my inventory list, I walked back into the living room and handed it to Rose. She flipped through the list and then, to my great surprise, looked up at me with a huge smile on her face. "Oh Edward, you and I are going to get along famously."

_**04-11-2010, 14:20 – EPOV**_

I found myself surrounded by Chicago's finest but desperately wishing for the company of one Detective Whitlock. I'd barely seen him and knew that it was only going to get worse as I tried to get everything done before Jasper came home on Thursday. I'd told him that I wouldn't be able to see him much this week because of work. It was the first time I'd flat out lied to him and I hated it. Not to mention I missed him something fierce. I'd still dropped in each day to bring him dinner before heading to St. Bernard's, but I was so exhausted that I barely had time to do much more than peck him on the lips before I left for work.

Emmett and Jasper's colleagues had come through and a bevy of police officers had shown up at my apartment bright and early this morning to be greeted by Drill Sergeant Rose McCarty. Rose was completely in her element, ordering men around left and right. Over the past two days we'd become closer, drawn together by our mutual OCD tendencies. As we'd gone through Jasper's stuff, she'd told me stories from their childhood and we'd gotten to know each other better. She still scared me to death, but I felt like eventually we could become good friends.

Emmett and I were in the bedroom putting together Jasper's king size bed. We'd moved my queen sized bed and matching furniture into the second bedroom for guests. I wasn't sure who was coming to visit, but Rose assured me that I would thank her one day. The smaller, third bedroom was now transformed into an office that Jasper and I could share. As we worked on the bed frame, we heard Rose shouting at someone to be careful. Emmett snickered and shook his head. "She loves this shit," he said looking over at me from across the mahogany bed frame.

'Aren't you worried about their reaction to being yelled at by your wife?" I asked, wondering how the officers were taking being yelled at by a pregnant woman.

"Hell, no. They've seen my Rosie in action before. They know she's all bark and no bite," he responded. "Besides, their wives are just as bad."

"Hmmm," I replied, completely mystified at the inner workings of Emmett and Rosalie's marriage. It seemed to me that she definitely wore the pants in their relationship, but Emmett seemed content enough with his fate. I thought about how others would view me and Jasper and snorted. Jasper had me wrapped around his little finger, much like Rosie had Emmett wrapped around hers. It must be some sort of Whitlock voodoo.

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing, just contemplating the Whitlock voodoo," I replied.

"Whitlock voodoo?" he inquired, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

"Haven't you noticed how they have us at their beck and call? Rosie just has to say jump and you say how high. I do the same with Jasper," I admitted. "Whitlock voodoo."

"Nah – that's not voodoo – just love," Emmett noted. "I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say that we have the same power over them."

I contemplated that for a moment and decided that he was right, but refused to believe that there wasn't something more at work besides love. What I felt for Jasper went beyond love – it was all encompassing and I had yet to find a word that truly described it. Both lost in thoughts of our significant others, we made quick work of the bed and headed out to the living room to see what else needed our attention. Looking around, I could see how it was all coming together. My sofa was still there, but Jasper's favorite armchair had replaced my recliner. We'd added another bookcase to make room for his book collection and his stereo system was housed in my entertainment unit. Jasper's clothes hung beside mine in the closet. We'd hung some of his artwork next to mine. Jasper would still have some unpacking to do – items that were personal that I hadn't unpacked - but it was a start. I smiled stupidly and jumped as someone rubbed their arm across my back.

"Happy?" Rose asked me quietly.

"Ecstatic. I can't believe it's really happening," I confessed. "I mean, he said yes, but now it just seems real, you know?"

"I know," she replied. She reached down and grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked. I was confused as to why she was thanking me when she'd basically given up her weekend to help me out.

"For putting the most beautiful smile on my brother's face. For taking such good care of him. I had my doubts, I'll admit. But I have to tell you, I've never seen my twin as happy is he now," she replied. She released my hand and smiled up at me, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Thank you. I promise I'll work hard every day to keep that smile on his face," I assured, becoming a little choked up myself. "And Rose, thank you so much for helping me with this. I couldn't have done it without you."

She grinned and relieving the heavy emotion of the previous moment, said, "Damn right you couldn't have!"

I laughed and looked across the room to see Emmett leaned up against the wall, eating a slice of the pizza I'd ordered to as a thank you to Jasper's coworkers. He had been keeping tabs on our interaction and gave me a wink. I decided I was lucky. Not only had I found Jasper again, but I had also made some great friends in the process.

_**04-14-2010, 10:15 – JPOV**_

Something was wrong. Edward had been distant since we'd learned of my release date and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was having second thoughts about us moving in together. He'd barely been around, putting in extra hours at St. Bernard's. When he _**was**_ here, he was quiet and distracted. Not to mention the numerous text messages he received and responded to. His attention was definitely elsewhere and every time I'd asked if everything was okay, he just shrugged it off – saying that work was crazy right now.

The thing was - I knew he was lying. When I asked him directly why he was working so much all of a sudden, he avoided eye contact and said he was covering vacations. After that conversation, he'd taken to breezing in to drop off dinner; pecking me on the lips before taking off again. From our previous conversations about his past, I knew that when Edward was upset or worried he tended to throw himself into his work, which he had certainly done this week. The only thing I could think of that could possibly be worrying him was my impending release and move.

I missed him. There was an almost palpable ache in my chest that I knew could only be relieved by figuring out exactly was wrong with Edward and spending time with him. I vowed that if he showed up today, which he promised he would, that I would confront him about his behavior. If it turned out he had changed his mind, then I would just move in with Rosie and Emmett until I could find my own place. I hoped that wasn't the case, but what else could it be?

I lay on the bed impatiently waiting for him to arrive and thought about the conversation I'd had with Garrett during our PT session this morning. I'd asked about what activities I was cleared to do now that I was going home. He'd gone over daily activities and then answered the million dollar question – whether or not sex could be included in those daily activities. Thank the baby Jesus the answer was yes, although there were a couple of positions that were off limits for the moment. And as much as I was looking forward to making love to Edward, I was aware that we probably needed to have a conversation about that as well. When Edward and I met eight years ago, he was only my second sexual partner – my high school friend Peter being the first. At eighteen I'd not been experienced enough to decide if I was a top or a bottom, although my preferences leaned towards a top. However, when Edward and I were together, I'd bottomed for him. Honestly, I would take him anyway I could get him, but I wondered how it would work if we were both partial to being tops.

I was getting ahead of myself though. First I needed to find out precisely what my boyfriend was hiding from me. I pulled out my phone to see if he'd texted me – he was running later than normal and I hoped he hadn't gotten caught at the hospital. Just as I was about to call him, the door to my room opened and he walked in, carrying some empty boxes.

"Hey baby. How are you today?" he asked, setting the boxes down by the foot of the bed and coming over to give me a kiss. His lips barely brushed mine before he pulled away and began putting the boxes together. "So I thought we'd pack up the stuff in here today so I could take it with me. That way we only have to worry about getting you home tomorrow, not a bunch of boxes."

I just watched silently as he began filling the boxes methodically, removing the artwork my momma and Rosie had hung and emptying out the dresser drawers. He was humming to himself under his breath and not looking at me at all. I sighed, trying to gather the courage to confront him about his odd behavior. I was terrified that he had changed his mind; just going through with it because he was too scared to tell me.

Finally, I'd had enough and all the fear and anxiety I'd experienced this week broke free. "Stop it!" I yelled angrily. "Put the fuckin' boxes down and _**look**_ at me."

He dropped the box he'd been filling and turned to look at me, shock at my outburst apparent on his face. "What's the matter baby?"

"Don't you baby me. I want to know what the fuck is goin' on," I demanded.

"I...I don't understand. Why are you so angry?" he stuttered out.

"Why am I angry? Gee Edward, I haven't the first clue. Maybe it's because I've barely seen you in a week and when you are here, you barely touch me. Or it could be the fact that you look like you're about to drop dead from exhaustion. I know you're hidin' something from me. If you've changed your mind about me movin' in with you, just say it – because I can't take this shit anymore," I pleaded, at my wits end.

"What? No!" he exclaimed. "I haven't changed my mind. I still want you to move in," he stated, moving over to stand next to me. "I'm sorry if something I've done has made you think differently. That wasn't my intention at all."

I looked at him closely, trying to judge if he was being honest or not. His eyes were pleading with me to believe him and I did, but it still didn't explain his actions this week. "Okay," I said slowly, "If that's not it, what's goin' on? Because you haven't been actin' like yourself this week and I'm worried about you. I love you Edward. You can tell me anythin', you know that right?"

He surprised me by climbing into the bed with me and pulling me onto his lap. "I know Jasper and trust me when I say that when I can tell you what's going on, I will. I just can't right now – but it's nothing bad, I swear to you." He nuzzled his head into my neck and hugged me tightly. "It's just been a crazy week. Tomorrow, when we get home, I'll tell you everything, I promise."

I wanted to push him to tell me now, but I also wanted to give him the time he asked for. I leaned back to look at him and reiterated, "You'll tell me everythin' tomorrow?"

"Yes, I swear," he said solemnly. I nodded and rested my forehead against his in relief.

"Now, I heard something about barely touching you. We can rectify that situation right now," he declared, leaning in to kiss me softly. I groaned as he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and bit gently, soothing the nip with his tongue. Eager to reconnect with him, I attacked – plunging my tongue into his mouth and wrapping my arms around his neck. Now it was Edward's turn to groan as he returned my fervor. I shifted so that I was lying on top of him, his lean body stretched out underneath mine. Our kisses grew frantic as I pressed my hips into his, our cocks making contact, albeit through layers of clothing. Edward threw his head back, breaking our lips apart as he moaned loudly. His hands reached down to grab my ass and press me down harder as he thrust up against me slowly. "Fuck baby, I want you so much," he hissed.

I was beyond words. Pleasure radiated through me as our bodies moved together unhurriedly. I was so desperate for him and while I knew we should stop – someone could walk in any minute – I couldn't. "Don't stop," I begged in between deep, drugging kisses. "I need you….so much."

We continued to thrust against each other, our pace increasing as the slow fire between us turned into an inferno. Edward began running his lips along my jaw, then trailed down to my neck – nipping at me gently. "Oh God…love you …" he moaned against my neck.

"Mmmm, you feel so good…" I whimpered, trying to hold out but knowing it was pointless.

"I'm close, baby…shit…" he sighed, then took my lips in another ferocious kiss.

"Oh fuck…me too…" I bit out as my abdominal muscles clenched in anticipation of my imminent release. I began grinding down against him in a circular motion and felt powerful as Edward began to lose it underneath me.

"Jasper… fuck…right there, harder!" he cried out, his arms wrapping around me tightly, crushing me against his body from head to toe. With one last, hard push down, I exploded – burying my face into his neck to muffle my shouts. Edward followed moments after and we both collapsed, out of breath, but completely satiated.

I lay draped across his chest, unable to move. We needed to get up before we fell asleep and one of the nurses found us like this, pants full of jizz. I started to laugh at the thought. "What's so funny?" Edward grumbled from underneath me.

"We need to get cleaned up. I was just picturin' one of the nurses findin' us passed out, with wet spots in our pants," I replied, giggling like a school boy. I went to roll off of him but he just held me tighter.

"Not yet," he said, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm too comfortable to move right now."

"It's not going to be comfortable when this starts to dry. Let's go get cleaned up and go get somethin' to eat," I cajoled. "I've worked up an appetite."

"Fine," he whined, then asked, "Do you at least have a pair of pants I can borrow?"

I snorted and then said, "Yeah, I think I have a pair of jeans that'll fit you." His hold loosened and I got out of the bed, grabbing my cane from where it leaned against the wall. Edward followed behind and we began laughing again as we waddled our way into the bathroom to clean up. I started the shower and began undressing. Finished, I stepped in without waiting for Edward, figuring he'd catch up soon enough.

As I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair, I felt his presence behind me. "I love you Jasper," he whispered, placing a kiss between my shoulder blades.

I leaned back against him and felt the ache that had been in my chest all week disappear. "I love you too." At lunch we could discuss some of the topics that had been weighing on me all week – such as finances, work schedules, etc. Right now, I was just going to enjoy being back in Edwards arms.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next Sunday...hopefully! :)**


	23. Amalgamation

**A/N: Sorry! It was a crazy week last week and I just couldn't get to this chapter until today. To make up for it, it's an extra long one. :) Thanks for all of your reviews, PM's, favoriting, and alerting - I do so appreciate it. As always - enjoy!**

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Chapter 23 – Amalgamation

_**04/14/2010, 11:30 – EPOV**_

While we'd sated our appetites for each other earlier, now my man wanted food. As we walked down the street to what I now thought of as our corner café, I couldn't believe that tomorrow Jasper would be coming home with me. I felt like asking someone to pinch me – just so I could be certain it wasn't all a dream.

Some days it was difficult to comprehend just how much my life had changed. If someone had told me last year at this time that I'd reconnect with the love of my life and that we would be moving in together, I'd have scoffed in disbelief. At that point, I'd hit rock bottom and had struggled daily with how disconnected and monstrous I'd become. I still had doubts that I was good enough for Jasper and made a conscious effort daily to be the type of partner he deserved. This morning's blow-out was a perfect example of how inept I really was. I knew that lying to Jasper was just asking for trouble – the man was a detective for God's sake – but I overrode my instincts to preserve the surprise I was planning. Now I was questioning my motives. Was the surprise for Jasper or was it for me? Sure, I wanted him to be comfortable in his new home immediately but I could also admit that part of me was trying to prove to him that I could be a good boyfriend and anticipate his needs. What if I was wrong and he hated that I had taken it upon myself to move his stuff?

That was the crux of the problem. Deep in my soul, I knew that Jasper loved me. But a small voice in the back of my head was still waiting for him to realize that he could do so much better than me. When it came to relationships, I was sure that Jasper – though younger – had far more experience than I. Hell, I'd only been in one real relationship prior to this and it had not ended well. Jasper and I never really discussed our pasts, choosing instead to focus on the present. I knew that we needed to talk about these things, but I was terrified that once he realized just how inexperienced I was, he'd come to his senses and leave.

We were both quiet as we reached the diner and took our regular booth. As we waited for the waitress to bring our drinks, Jasper remained deep in thought. Once we'd placed our orders, I grabbed his hand and squeezed, pulling him back from wherever his mind had gone. "What are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Just trying to put my thoughts in order," he responded with a smile. "We need to talk about some things before tomorrow and I'm just trying to determine the best way to start."

"Oh," I mumbled, releasing his hand as my heart rate began to climb. I cursed my insecurities as I immediately began to think the worst.

Jasper grabbed my hand back and pulled it towards him, clasping it between both of his in a gesture of reassurance. "Breathe babe – I just think we need to talk about logistics. We kind of just jumped right in without thinkin' about who is going to pay for what and who is responsible for what. I may not have created a spreadsheet…" he teased gently, "…but I still like to plan ahead. If we iron these things out now, that's one less thing for us to worry about."

I released the breath I'd been holding and took a sip of my tea to settle my nerves. I wanted us to go into this with no secrets and realistic expectations, so I decided to set aside my fears and dive right in. "I've never done this, Jasper," I confessed hesitantly. "Honestly, I feel younger than you when it comes to relationships. I've never loved someone enough to want them to move in. Other than you, I've only had one serious relationship and that was back in college and doesn't even compare to this. I wish that I could say that I know what I'm doing, but I don't have a fucking clue," I admitted, hoping against hope that he would understand that I was asking him to lead so that I could follow. "I just know that I love you and need you with me."

"Edward, we're both learnin' here. Maybe I've been in a few more relationships than you, but they never reached this point either. To be completely honest, they couldn't have, because I compared everyone to you. We're both goin' to have to balance what's best for us as a couple and individually, but we can do that together if we remember to keep the lines of communication open, okay? Besides, I love you and I have faith that we can make this work." Jasper reassured with a wink, then pulled out crinkled sheet of paper from his pocket. "So, I made a list…"

My anxiety lessened by Jasper's words, I broke out in laughter at the sight of the list. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen," I remarked, recalling Jasper's comments about my spreadsheets. "I must be rubbing off on you," I observed with a smug grin.

"Yes, well you _**were**_ rubbin' off on me this mornin' if I recall correctly, but I don't think that can be considered the cause of my list makin', amazin' as it was," he sassed back. "I just didn't want to forget these things and it's not like I had anythin' to keep me occupied this week," he stated with a small glare, not letting me forget for a minute that he was still due an explanation for my actions.

"Tomorrow," I assured him and then tried to peer over at the list, my curiosity growing. "So what's on this list of yours?" I asked, eager to learn what he'd been pondering over the past week.

"Okay – first, let's talk about finances. How much is the rent and what are the utilities runnin'? I'd like to split everythin', so maybe we can open a house account in both our names for the bills?" he inquired.

I initially hadn't planned on charging Jasper anything for rent, but recognized that was unreasonable. Knowing Jasper, he'd want to contribute something. However, I also knew that since the shooting, he was receiving only a portion of his normal earnings as disability pay - which couldn't be much, considering the pittance CPD officers were paid. As an attending ER physician, I made well over $150,000 a year. It wouldn't be fair to ask Jasper to shoulder half of the bills when I made so much more than he did. I decided to try for a fair compromise. "What if we calculate our total combined income and then split the bills based upon the percentage our income contributes to the total?" Jasper looked at me in confusion and I rushed on to explain, "I make a lot more than you do Jasper. I don't think it's fair for us to split the bills evenly when I make so much more than you."

Jasper nodded and then asked, "How much do you make a year? If you don't mind me askin'?"

"After malpractice insurance, I'm grossing about $173,000 a year. So you see what I'm talking about? CPD officers can't make much more than $50,000 a year. It wouldn't be fair to split it evenly," I responded, making the case for my suggestion.

Jasper quirked a brow and replied, "True – CPD pay sucks. When my detective salary kicks in, I'll be at $48,000 a year. But that's not my only source of income Edward. In reality, I probably bring in much more than you do. My folks set Rosalie and me up with trust funds that became available to us when we turned 21. I've barely touched mine, but if I wanted to, I could live off of the interest alone and still make more than you."

I sat there stunned. From some of the comments Emmett had made, I knew that Jasper's parents were well off, but I wouldn't have guessed that Jasper was a trust fund baby. Not that it changed anything for me; Jasper was still Jasper regardless of how much money he did or did not have. "Umm, okay…" I said, not really sure how to respond.

Jasper laughed and reiterated, "So, we'll split everythin' down the middle?"

"Yeah, I guess that works for me. We can set up a house account sometime next week and pay the bills out of there," I replied. "With everything, it comes to about $3500 a month."

"Excellent. Movin' on," Jasper continued, pulling out a pen from his back pocket to mark off the items as we discussed them. "Household chores…"

"Don't get too excited now, baby," I joked, watching the dread flit across his face. "I'll take cooking and grocery shopping if you take laundry and dishes."

"Do you have a dishwasher?" he asked hopefully.

"I do indeed have a dishwasher," I noted with a smirk. "I also have someone that comes once a week to clean the place. As long as we clean up behind ourselves and Cletus, we should be good."

Jasper placed a check mark on his list and looked up at me nervously. "Ok, what side of the bed do you sleep on?"

"Well, I tend to drift to the middle. I don't really have a side. Do you?" I asked, curious about why he was nervous about this topic.

"Not really, just wonderin'," he muttered, as he fiddled with the sheet of paper in front of him.

Jasper only fidgeted when he was nervous, so now I was really interested in the contents of this list. I needed a distraction so that I could snag it from him, because at this rate, we'd be here all day before he spit out what was bothering him. I signaled for the waitress to refill the hot water for my tea. When she arrived and Jasper's attention was drawn elsewhere, I grabbed the list.

"Hey!" he protested, trying to recapture the sheet of paper. I held the list high above the table, quirking an eyebrow at my boyfriend until he subsided.

"Now, let's get this over with," I said, glancing over the wrinkled page. He had about 6 questions scrawled out with checkmarks placed next to the first two. As I read the third question, I looked over to see a flush crawl up my boyfriend's neck.

"Well?" he huffed out, impatient for my answer.

"Bottom…mostly," I replied, wondering how we would work it out if he also preferred to bottom. With my other two partners I'd only bottomed. Jasper had been the first and only time I'd topped.

He grinned cheekily and answered, "Top…mostly."

"So you won't mind switching every once in a while?" I asked, knowing that with Jasper, I would be open to anything.

"Not at all," he shot back with a wicked smirk. "I can be versatile."

"I bet you can," I responded with a wink. "I'm looking forward to seeing just how versatile you can be."

He snorted out a laugh and waved for me to continue down the list. The next question was about our work schedules and if I would ever be willing to switch to the day shift. We'd talked about this before, but he'd never come out and asked me if I'd be willing to change my work hours to accommodate his schedule. It would be hard on us once Jasper went back to work if I worked nights and he worked days.

"Actually, I can talk to Bella about switching to days, but I was hired on specifically for nights. I doubt they will allow me to switch after only three months on the job," I explained. "As you know, I usually only work four twelve hour shifts a week. Maybe we can try to coordinate our schedules so that we are both off on the same three days?"

"I can see what I can work out once they give me my assignment," Jasper replied. "Thank you for at least bein' willin' to talk to Bella about it. I just think it will be hard if we work opposite shifts and never see each other, but we'll make it work one way or another, right?"

I agreed as the waitress returned with our orders. As we ate, we went over the remaining items on the list, which was mostly about when he could move his stuff in, when he could get his car, and where he would park it. Little did he know that most of his belongings were already in our apartment and Rosalie was dropping off his car this afternoon. I'd been able to rent an extra garage space to house Jasper's baby, a fully restored 1970 Karmann Ghia convertible. Rosalie and Jasper had bought and fixed it up when they'd first moved to Chicago. Since it was not exactly a winter weather car, Jasper also had a Toyota Tundra that was already parked in the two-car garage allotted with our apartment. We talked about how Jasper would get back and forth to his PT appointments, considering the Karmann Ghia was a stick shift and the truck was high off the ground. We decided that I would drive the truck on the days he had PT so he could take my Volvo, which was an automatic. By the end of our meal, we'd covered a lot of ground and I could tell that Jasper was just as eager as I was for tomorrow.

As we headed back to RIC, Jasper filled me in on a conversation he'd had with his parents yesterday. Apparently they'd wanted to come up for the weekend to welcome him home, but he'd asked them to give him time to get settled in first. "Besides, I kinda wanted to have you to myself for a while first," he noted, leaning over to bump his shoulder against mine.

"I understand," I replied, thankful he'd been able to get them to delay their visit for a little bit. The Whitlock's had accepted me with open arms and were ecstatic at the news that we would be living together. I loved Jasper's folks, but I too wanted some time alone with him first. "Maybe they can come down the weekend after next and we can have everyone over for dinner?" I offered. "It would give Esme and Carlisle a chance to get to know everyone too."

"I'd like that," Jasper said as we entered the rehab facility. We made our way across the lobby and into the elevator. As the doors closed behind us, Jasper leaned in and kissed me softly. "I can't wait until tomorrow, babe."

I smiled widely and nodded in agreement. Once the doors opened, we took off for Jasper's room so I could collect the boxes I'd packed earlier. I'd told Jasper that I had an appointment this afternoon and that I wouldn't be able to stay. I also had to work tonight so that I could have the next three days off. I wanted to be home with Jasper for a couple of days before I had to return to work. Once I had the boxes stacked by the door, I pulled him into my arms to say goodbye. I kissed him hungrily, then broke away to leave. "I'll be back in the morning to pick you up baby. Call me if you need anything between now and then," I said, laying my head on his shoulder because I really didn't want to leave.

"Go or you'll miss your appointment," he warned with a smile. "Startin' tomorrow we can spend all day with each other."

I grinned at the thought and lifted my head to gaze into his eyes. "You don't know how much I'm looking forward to that," I responded.

"Me too," he said and then pushed me towards the door. "Now go. I'll see you in the mornin'."

I walked to the door and hefted the boxes into my arms. He opened the door for me and as I walked out I called, "Love ya…"

"I love you too," he returned as he closed the door behind me.

_**04/15/2010, 09:50 – JPOV**_

I was bouncing off the walls. Dr. Stevens left moments ago after handing me my discharge paperwork and I sat anxiously waiting on Edward's arrival. I'd barely slept at all last night, filled with a restlessness I hadn't felt in years. For the past month I'd been anticipating this day – now that it was finally here I could hardly contain myself. The door to my room opened and I looked up hopefully, expecting to see Edward but found Garrett standing there instead.

"You ready to go?" he asked with a smirk. Stupid question on his part, I'd been ready to go for weeks.

"No, I think I want to stay here for another month," I retorted sarcastically. "Any last minute words of wisdom?"

"Ummm, one would be to calm down. You look like you're about to launch off into outer space with all that nervous energy," he teased, observing my bouncing knee and tapping fingers.

"I'm just ready to get goin'," I replied, chagrined.

"No second thoughts?" he questioned. "Were you able to iron out those details you'd been worrying about?"

"Actually, we had a really good conversation about all of that stuff yesterday. Now I'm just ready to get home and start our life together," I offered in response. Garrett and I had developed a great friendship while I was here and he'd been a sounding board for a lot of my worries over the past couple of months.

"Yeah, well you're going to miss me, I just know it," he joked, coming to sit in the chair next to me.

"How the hell can I miss you? I'll still see you every other day for my PT sessions," I replied. Garrett and I would be doing outpatient PT three days a week until my leg was completely healed.

He just grinned at me and then said half-jokingly, "So, remember what I said – don't go all porn star on Edward right off the bat. I don't want you to reinjure your leg trying to reenact _The_ _Gay Man's Kama Sutra_."

I grinned back at him cheekily and replied, "Well, you could come supervise, but I think Edward might have an issue with that." Garrett's eyes glazed over at just the thought of seeing Edward naked and I smacked my palm against the back of his head. "Oy! That's my boyfriend you're fantasizing about!"

Garrett shook himself from whatever perverted day dream he'd lost himself in and smiled at me lazily. "Just remember, anytime you get tired of him – let him know I'm ready, willing, and able."

I was about to respond when the door opened again, letting in my delectable looking boyfriend. Apparently he'd come straight from work – he stood there in wrinkled scrubs and glasses, his hair sticking up in fifty different directions. I elbowed Garrett hard to keep him from drooling. Edward was mine and I made my way over to him to lay claim. I cupped his face with my free hand and pulled him in for a slow, deep kiss. When we parted, I heard Garrett groan behind me.

"I take it you're all set?" Edward asked, smiling over at Garrett now that he'd noticed he was in the room with me.

"I'm beyond ready to go," I replied. "No offense Garrett."

"None taken – I'm off to my next appointment anyway. I'll see you on Monday, Jasper," the PT said, walking over to the door. "Edward, I hope we can all get together sometime for drinks or something?"

"I'd like that. I'm sure Jasper has your contact info," Edward responded with a crooked grin. Garrett's eyes began to glaze over again so I decided to help him out the door.

Once he'd departed, I launched myself at Edward. "Come on – come on! Let's get the hell out of here!"

"Someone's anxious to bust out of this joint, huh?" Edward laughed but grabbed the handle to my suitcase and looked around the room. "Do you have everything?"

"Yep, I've checked it at least twenty times," I reassured, eager to leave now that he was here.

We exited the room and made our way down to the lobby. "I parked in the patient pick-up zone – thought I'd save you the walk to the parking garage," Edward noted as we exited via the rear entrance. A silver Volvo was parked at the curb. He popped the trunk and loaded my suitcase, then made his way over to passenger door to open it for me. Before I climbed in, I flashed him a smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Once he made sure I was safely inside, he closed the door gently and jogged around to the driver's side. As he climbed in, he reached across and pulled me to him, kissing me gently, then resting his forehead against mine. "I thought this day would never come," he whispered.

I kissed him again and then nearly jumped out of my skin when a car honked loudly behind us. "Come on – let's go home."

Edward pulled away and started the car, pulling out into traffic. He reached across and rested his hand on my thigh as I tried to calm the nervous butterflies that had invaded my stomach. I knew that I wanted to make a life with Edward, but now that we were actually doing it, I was filled with anxiety. I leaned my head against the passenger window, watching the scenery as we drove down the highway in an attempt to gather my composure. After three months in one hospital or another, I was a bit overwhelmed to be out in the real world again. The ride home was silent, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Twenty minutes later, Edward signaled that our exit was ahead and I sat up eagerly to take in the neighborhood I'd be living in. Edward pointed out things as we passed – the Farmer's Market that would start up again in May, the local shopping center and Starbuck's, and the Arts District. I was looking forward to roaming around the quaint shops with him and finding things to decorate our place.

Moments later we turned into the apartment complex and drove towards the garages located directly behind the second building. Edward activated the door opener and I was shocked to see my truck already parked in the garage. I looked over at him in surprise and received a sheepish grin in response. "Emmett dropped it off last weekend," he noted, squeezing my thigh gently. He turned off the car and then turned in his seat so he was facing me. Leaning across, he opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small wrapped box. "Before we go in I want you to open this," he said, handing me the small package and leaning back into his seat to watch my reaction.

I unwrapped the package and found a sterling silver key chain with my name engraved on the back. My truck and car keys were attached as well as a few additional keys. Edward pointed out the house and garage keys as well as the mail key. At that moment, the magnitude of what we were about to do set in. We were actually going to move in together. I took a deep breath and tried not to break down in tears like a girl. I knew that some people might find it insane to cry over a key chain, but it was the thought behind it that had me so emotional. After years of closing himself off to everyone, Edward loved me enough to let me in to every aspect of his life. I reached over to hug him to me and whispered in his ear, "Do you know how much I love you?"

He kissed my forehead gently and replied, "Can't be more than I love you. Now, I've got more I want you to see and there's someone I want you to meet." We separated and exited the car. Edward grabbed my suitcase from the trunk and closed the garage door. Instead of walking toward the building though, he turned to walk over to the adjacent garage. "You'll notice there are two remotes on your keychain. One is for the garage we just left and the other is for this one," he said, gesturing to the garage he was standing in front of. "Go ahead and open it," he advised, watching as I hit the button and the door opened.

Inside the garage was my baby, my 1970 Karmann Ghia convertible. "How…." I stuttered out, knowing that the car had been in storage since November, when the weather had turned colder.

"That was yesterday's appointment. I was able to obtain an extra garage space since our neighbor doesn't have a car. Rosalie and I went to pick it up yesterday afternoon. Don't worry - Rosalie wouldn't let me drive it," he teased.

I rushed into the garage and ran my hand over the curved fender of the car Rosie and I had so lovingly restored. I couldn't believe that he'd done this for me and I beamed over at him. "Thank you so much!"

Edward looked relieved and I looked at him questioningly. "Were you worried I wouldn't be happy about this?"

"Well, Rosalie did make clear that this car was your equivalent of a first born child. I didn't want you to be upset that I took it upon myself to move it without your permission."

"Edward, if anyone has permission to move my stuff it's you," I assured him, pleased when his nervousness dissipated.

"Thank God," he sighed out and then continued, "I'm really glad you feel that way. Now, say goodbye to your kid and let's get inside."

I followed Edward out of the garage, glancing back one last time at the car as it disappeared behind the closing garage door. We walked the short distance to the entrance and once we were inside, Edward showed me where the mailboxes were and how to access the elevator and stairs. We took the elevator to the second floor since I wasn't quite ready to tackle stairs yet. As we exited onto his floor, Edward pointed out our door and motioned for me to unlock it with the key he'd given me earlier. He stood back and watched as I opened the door and entered his…no… _**our**_ apartment.

The door opened into a small foyer, where a table sat just off to the side. I noticed a familiar looking bowl on the table, but shrugged it off. I had had a similar bowl in my apartment that I used to dump my keys in when I returned home. He kicked his shoes off and I did the same; it reminded me of being home with my Momma who forced everyone to take their shoes off when they entered the house. Edward set my suitcase down next to the table and then led the way into the living room. Just as I was about to enter the room, something orange and furry came running towards us, meowing loudly. "Cletus, I presume," I said to Edward with a grin.

"Yes, and apparently he's hungry. I didn't have time to stop here before picking you up so he hasn't been fed since yesterday. He gets a little anxious if he can see the bottom of his food bowl," Edward noted with a smirk. "Go ahead and take a look around while I go get him situated. He'll never leave us alone otherwise." Edward wandered off, Cletus fast on his heels, as I made my way into the living room. As I took in my new surroundings, I began to recognize various items in the room. My favorite chair was placed next to the fireplace. My coffee table was sitting in front of the couch and I saw my stereo system through the clear glass doors of Edward's entertainment center. I spun around and looked closer. Some of my favorite prints were hanging on the wall and as I drew closer to the bookshelves, I saw that my books were housed next to Edward's.

I sank down into my chair as I realized just what Edward had been up to over the past week. I felt awful as I recalled my temper tantrum a couple of days ago. He hadn't been avoiding me; he'd been working his ass off to turn this place into our home. I felt the tears begin to run down my face as I comprehended just how lucky I was to have this man in my life. He consistently showed me time and time again just how much he loved me in both his words and his actions. I tried to gather myself before he came back into the room, not wanting him to see me fall apart like this. Unfortunately, I was fighting a losing battle against my emotions and didn't even notice that Edward had returned to the room until he spoke.

"Jasper? Baby, what's the matter? Do you not like it? I'm sorry…I should have asked first," Edward blurted out, coming over to kneel in front of me. He cupped my face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs – his eyes pleading with me for forgiveness.

"I love it…" I whispered softly. "Don't you _**dare**_ say you are sorry. I'm just overwhelmed and just so…happy," I said fiercely. "Thank you for doing all of this work. I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have doubted you," I said.

Edward lifted my chin so that he could look me deep in the eyes and then replied, "Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you baby? Besides, I had assistance. Rosalie helped me decide which of your items we should bring over. Emmett and some of your fellow officers helped to move it all. We can go over to the storage facility tomorrow to get anything else you want to bring. Now, do you want to see the rest?"

"There's more?" I asked; amazed at everything he and my sister had accomplished over the past week.

"Of course," he replied with a wink and pulled me up out of the chair to take me on a tour. We toured our shared office, the guest bedroom, and bathrooms. Throughout the entire apartment Edward and Rosalie had integrated my belongings with Edward's. It already felt like I'd been living here for years and I said as much to Edward as he tugged me down the hallway. "Excellent – that's exactly what I was going for…" he said with relief. I could see now just how nervous he'd been about my reaction to his surprise. The apartment was huge, with hardwood floors throughout. The walls were done in earth tones and the overall effect was calming. I knew that I would love coming home to this place every day.

We passed by the laundry room and I stuck my head in to take a peek. Edward had mentioned that this was Cletus' domain and I could see that the room contained not only a litter box, but also a premium cat condo and a large cat basket. Cletus was currently perched on the top level of the condo, giving me the hairy eyeball. I approached him slowly, not wanting to scare him off, and held out my hand for him to smell. He eyed me warily then slowly extended his neck out so he could take a sniff. "Hi Cletus," I called out softly, throwing a hesitant glance over my shoulder at Edward, who stood in the doorway watching our interaction.

I moved closer to the cat and then gently stroked my hand over his head and down his back. Amazingly, he rolled right over onto his back and as I scratched his belly lightly, he began purring loudly. "Well, that's Cletus won over," Edward remarked with a grin. I continued making friends with Edward's pride and joy for a few minutes then followed Edward out to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" he asked, gesturing for me to take a seat as I nodded in response to his question. There were two stools next to the island and I pulled one out to sit and watch as he went about making some breakfast. "Scrambled eggs and toast okay?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me – I'm not picky," I replied, relishing the chance to observe this side of my boyfriend. He seemed to be quite at home in the kitchen and quickly had a pan warming on the stove. He opened the refrigerator door and I laughed as Cletus came skidding into the kitchen, losing traction on the tiled floors and nearly plunging headlong into the wall. Edward shook his head in amusement at the cat's antics. While Cletus had apparently accepted me, it was evident that he was completely attached to Edward. He followed him everywhere and as Edward stood at the stove, he wound his way around his ankles, rubbing his head against his calf. "He really loves you," I remarked to Edward as he placed some slices of bread into the toaster.

"Nah – Cletus is all about the food. This is normal when I'm in the kitchen. If I'm in any other room, he ignores me completely," Edward replied with a chuckle. He reached up into a cupboard to pull out two plates and then grabbed some silverware from a drawer to the left of the sink. Opening the fridge back up, he peered in and then popped his head out to look at me over the open door. "Milk or juice?" he asked.

"Juice," I replied, getting up to grab the plates and silverware to set on the island. Opening up drawers, I found some placemats and returned to my seat, getting the place settings ready for the food. Edward grabbed a tub of margarine from the fridge along with the orange juice and set it on island in front of us. After taking out two juice glasses and handing them to me, he grabbed the pan of eggs and the toast. He spooned a portion of the eggs out and then added two pieces of toast to each plate. I poured the juice and we sat down to eat.

I'd skipped breakfast this morning and found myself inhaling the simple yet delicious breakfast. A comfortable silence fell between us as we ate. The kitchen was empty but for us - Cletus had gone back to his kitty condo once he'd realized Edward wasn't sharing. I looked over at Edward and couldn't believe how comfortable I felt in such a short period of time. I'd expected it to be some time before I felt this relaxed in a new environment, but just knowing that he was here with me somehow made all the nerves and anxiety disappear. He sent me a curious glance when he caught me staring at him and I just shrugged my shoulders, unable to put my feelings into words. Edward looked tired and I nearly kicked myself at the realization that he hadn't been to bed yet, having been at work all night.

"After you're done, it's off to bed with you. You look exhausted," I said, worried that all of the extra work he'd done to get this place ready and the hours he'd put in this week at work had overtaxed him. It was my turn to take care of him and I intended to do a good job of it.

He opened his mouth to protest, but I just silenced him with a look. "I could use a nap as well," I added, knowing that he'd be more willing to give in if I said I was tired as well. After he finished eating, I sent him off to take a shower and I cleaned up the dishes. Padding back to the bedroom, I heard him humming some tune while he showered. I quickly undressed down to my boxers and pulled back the duvet and sheet in preparation for our nap. A few moments later I heard Cletus meowing and followed the noise to the bathroom. As I poked my head around the corner, I watched as Cletus and Edward chatted back and forth. Edward was explaining to the cat how I'd come to live with them and I'll be damned if the cat didn't answer him back. I felt my heart expand once again with love for the man standing at the sink in nothing but a towel. Another part of my body expanded as well, but I ignored it, knowing that he needed to rest before I attacked him. I didn't want him to catch me spying on him, so I scampered back to the bedroom and drew the blackout shades. I crawled underneath the covers and waited for Edward to join me.

Ten minutes later I felt Edward slide into the bed. He pulled me back into him, spooning his body against mine. He placed a soft kiss on the nape of my neck and sighed in satisfaction. "I'm so happy you are finally here," he murmured.

"Me too," I responded, pushing back until we were meshed together. He wrapped his arm around my chest and I covered it with my own. I felt his body relax behind mine as he fell asleep. Content in his arms, I followed soon after.

_**04/15/2010, 14:20 – JPOV**_

I came awake slowly, content to lie there with my eyes closed, reveling in the warmth emanating from Edward's body. I felt something warm against my feet as well, which was odd since I had a tendency to stick them outside of the blankets. I moved a foot around cautiously and realized the warmth was coming from something furry. I popped one eye open and peered down towards the end of the bed only to find Cletus staring back up at me. I patted the empty space on the bed next to my chest and he moved up to sit right next to me. I petted him for a few moments before I felt Edward's lips press against the back of my head.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered, feeling bad that I woke him up.

"No," he replied back quietly, dragging his lips down the back of my neck and onto my shoulder. His hand moved from where it had been curled against my chest and he began stroking down my side, caressing me softly. I turned my head back towards him and he leaned over me to take my lips in a languorous kiss. When our lips parted, he lay back down on the bed and murmured, "I thought I was dreaming. I've wanted to wake up with you in my arms for weeks and now it's finally a reality."

I turned so that I could face him, running my hands over his bare chest and then down to the small of his back. Smiling at him, I replied, "I know exactly what you mean." My hands continued to stroke his back, moving lower with each pass until the tips of my fingers were running under the waistband of his boxer briefs. He reached out with both hands and pulled my body close to his, so close that it was hard to distinguish where he began and I ended. I sighed in pure contentment, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

Edward had other ideas and he rolled over onto his back, bringing me with him so that I was splayed out on top of him. Running his fingers through my hair, he pulled my lips to his, engaging in a hungry kiss. I moaned into him, pressing my body still closer, unable to get close enough. We spent what felt like hours just kissing. I felt as if I was melting into him as we exchanged slow, deep, luxurious kisses without a thought to the time or to taking it further. Eventually, I shifted on top of him to get more comfortable and accidently rubbed my already erect cock against his. Edward threw his head back, moaning at the sensation and I'd never seen anything more beautiful in my life. I ran my lips down his exposed throat and across his collarbone, nipping lightly then soothing the affected area with my tongue. Edward's hands tensed and released on my back as he allowed me to take control.

I moved down his body slowly, caressing him tenderly – trying to show him how much I loved and cared for him with my touch. I ran my fingers across a nipple and pinched lightly, knowing the reaction it would draw from Edward. I wasn't disappointed as he thrust his hips against mine in response to the sensations I was coaxing from him. "Fuck baby, you're going to kill me…" he hissed out, looking down at me from underneath heavily lidded eyes. I just winked back at him and moved lower still, nuzzling the trail of hair that disappeared underneath the waistband of his boxer briefs. I ran my tongue across and into his belly button and then reached down to pull at the boxers.

"Are you sure," he whispered pleadingly. "Once those come off I don't think I'm going to be able to stop," he warned.

I just yanked at them in response, pulling them down and off of his gorgeous body when he finally lifted his hips to accommodate my actions. Now it was my turn to groan as his fully erect cock slapped up against his stomach. "Mmmm, looks like someone is happy to see me," I murmured and then proceeded to run my tongue across the head, glancing up at him to take in his response. Edward in the throes of pleasure was a sight to behold and I hoped that it would be something I would get to see until my dying day.

"Jaaaasper…" Edward whined, writhing beneath me. I scratched my nails lightly over one of his nipples as I took him deep into my mouth. I sucked him slowly, trying to draw out his pleasure. I ran my tongue along the underside of his cock as I came up and then over the tip, only to plunge back down again. I felt Edward's fingers tangle in my hair and released him when I felt him tugging me upwards.

"What?" I said, slightly peeved at being interrupted.

"You need to stop," he ordered. "I don't want to cum until you are inside of me. I want all of you," he said, running his hand along my cheek. "Don't make me beg."

I crawled back up to take his lips in a ferocious kiss, pouring all of my lust and hunger into him – our tongues tangling as we tried to soothe the longing we had for each other. "You need to be on top," I whispered when we broke apart. "I can't kneel on my leg yet." I rolled onto my back and began pushing my boxers down. Edward smacked my hands away and did it for me, running his lips across my scarred thigh, my knee cap, and ankle as he removed the garment. He hopped off of the bed and headed into the bathroom. I watched his naked ass appreciatively as it disappeared into the other room. He returned within seconds, a box of condoms in one hand and a small bottle of lube in the other.

He opened the box of condoms and pulled one out, ripping the packaging open with his teeth. Setting the box on the nightstand, he straddled my thighs and then grasped my cock in his hand, slowly pumping it up and down a few times before deftly sliding the condom on. Now I was the one squirming and I looked up at Edward pleadingly, "Please – I need you, Edward."

"I know baby, soon…" he murmured to me quietly as he flicked open the lid to the bottle of lube and began coating his fingers. My eyes widened as he began to prepare himself for me – gently opening himself with one finger than two, throwing back his head at the sensation. I knew that it had been a long time for him and I started to become nervous that I was going to cause him pain. "Don't," he admonished, reading my thoughts as they became apparent on my face. "I want this just as much, if not more than you do."

He reached back for the lube and added some to his hand. Fisting my cock, he added the lubricant as he stroked me hard. Then – finally – he settled himself back on his calves and grasping my dick, brought me to his entrance. Slowly, almost tortuously so, he descended upon my erection. I observed his face closely for any signs of discomfort, but could only see pleasure reflected in his eyes. He continued to press down and I felt the tight ring of muscles around his entrance relax, allowing him to take me in completely. I bit my lip, overwhelmed by the warmth and tightness. I fought against the urge to thrust up into him, wanting to give him time to adjust and wanting him to lead. I ran my hands over inch of him I could reach and waited for him to continue. Moments later I felt his thigh muscles relax and he began moving.

"Fuckin' hell," I bit out, grasping on to his hips as he rode me slowly. He smiled down at me lazily and then spread his knees wide, allowing him to take me even deeper. I moaned loudly, reaching up to grasp his forearms as he used them for leverage. He pushed my hands up to my shoulders and intertwined our fingers, leaning down to take ravage my mouth. He continued the slow pace, angling his body so that my cock pressed against his prostate on every down stroke. He was so tight and the friction was amazing. I could feel my orgasm approaching and tried every diversionary tactic I knew to stave it off.

Edward leaned down further, our chests almost touching, his cock trapped in between our stomachs. I tried to release one of my hands so that I could stroke him, but he refused to let go. The pace intensified as our orgasms approached. "Edward…fuck…love you…love you…" I chanted over and over as I neared the edge.

"Love…you…too…" he gasped out, riding me hard now, impaling himself on my cock. He began to move his hips in a slightly circular motion when he thrust down and I was reduced to whimpers of pleasure.

"Yessss….Edward! Please…." I begged, straining to hold back but knowing that it was futile. "Fuck!" I screamed out as I erupted. Edward moaned loudly at the feeling of my hot cum filling the condom and followed right behind me, the most amazing look of contentment crossing his face as his seed exploded across my chest and stomach. His muscles contracted around my dick as he came, wringing every last bit of cum from my cock. I collapsed back into the pillows, breathing heavily – sated and extremely happy. I reached down to hold the condom as Edward disengaged and crumpled beside me.

Once we'd regained our senses, Edward reached into the nightstand for some wipes, cleaning us both off and disposing of the mess in the wastebasket next to the bed. We curled around each other, caressing each other gently and murmuring words of love and affection. Eventually, I became more aware of my surroundings and looked over Edward's shoulder to see Cletus perched on the dresser, watching us intently. "Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmmm?" he replied sleepily.

"Ummm, I think your cat has voyeuristic tendencies," I muttered, unsure of how to take the thought of the cat watching us while we made love.

"What?" he mumbled, snuggling his head into the crook of my neck.

"Never mind…" I said as he drifted off to sleep. I looked over at the cat again and narrowed my eyes. He looked straight back at me and honest to God, smirked. "Next time, we're closing the door," I said to the cat and then rolled onto my back, Edward moving with me, his head coming to rest on my chest - safe in my arms where he belonged.

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**A/N: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated! Until next Sunday - I promise!**


	24. Discoveries

**A/N: Behold, it's Sunday and I'm back to my regular posting schedule. I do have a confession to make. I haven't responded to reviews for Chapters 22 or 23. I'm sure you all are missing my witty responses (yeah, right). Things have settled down a bit, so hopefully I'll get back to annoying you all soon. I do read each one (multiple times) and can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback. In the meantime, thank you, thank you, thank you for your patience with my late posting last week and your continued support of this story. Now, go enjoy. **

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Chapter 24 – Discoveries

_**04/15/2010, 19:23 – EPOV**_

The sound of the fire alarm woke me from the best sleep I'd had in years. I jolted upright in bed, confused, my heart thumping in my chest. The other side of the bed was empty and it took me a few moments to realize that Jasper should be there. Frantic, I sniffed the air and could detect the faintest smell of smoke. I jumped out of the bed, ran to my dresser, grabbed and donned a pair of pajama pants, and made my way out of the bedroom, calling Jasper's name.

A quarter of the way down the hallway I found my boyfriend frantically waving a dish towel at the fire alarm. His back was turned to me and he was pleading with the alarm to shut-up. "Jasper!" I called loudly, trying to be heard over the wailing alarm. He spun around, nearly losing his balance, and I ran over to him. I pulled him to me to prevent him from stumbling or falling and then looked around for flames. "Is there a fire?" I shouted, just as the alarm shut off. My voice echoed through the apartment and Jasper looked up at me sheepishly.

"No. There's no fire – just some smoke," he reassured me, attempting to pull out of my arms.

"Smoke from what?" I asked, confused. Jasper didn't smoke or cook, so I was at a loss for the cause of the alarm. I looked him over carefully, making sure he was okay and what I found surprised me. He was already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, his feet bare. There were splashes of red all over the white t-shirt and I wondered what caused them. Apparently he'd been running his hands through his hair, because it was a complete mess and contained a streak of something red just over his ear. I leaned closer to inspect the red streak, attempting to verify it wasn't blood and asked, "What's going on?"

"Nothin'," he mumbled, breaking free from my embrace. He looked up at me with a coy smile and said, "Why don't you go back to your room and get dressed, then we'll go get some dinner. It'll be nice to celebrate our first day together out on the town." He looked excited by the idea but his body language told a different story. Something was definitely going on…

"No need, I have all the ingredients for a dinner ready. I just need to throw it all together," I answered. "I don't really feel like being around anyone else tonight. I just want to spend some time alone with you. If you were hungry, you should have gotten me up. I can't believe I slept so long," I said with a shake of my head. I tried to move past him to make my way to the kitchen when he placed his hands on my bare chest and stopped me.

"We have ages to be alone together, babe. I haven't really been out in three months and would like a chance to get some fresh air. Dinner will hold until tomorrow, right?" he inquired, running his tongue lightly across my nipple and looking up at me from underneath long lashes.

I momentarily lost myself to the sensation of Jasper's touch, and tried to refocus my attention on my original question. It wasn't easy to do when his hand stroked softly down my chest, getting dangerously close to a part of my anatomy that wanted to drag my boyfriend back to the bedroom. I cleared my throat and responded dazedly, "I suppose if you really want to go out, we can." He smiled up at me in gratitude and placed a hard kiss on my mouth. I thought I saw a hint of relief flash in his eyes, but dismissed it.

"Excellent – go get dressed and I'll take care of some things while you get ready," he replied quickly and limped back towards the living room. I was about to turn around and head for the bedroom when Cletus rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of me, a piece of what looked to be a semi-burnt meatball clamped between his jaws.

"Come here buddy," I cooed to the cat, my suspicions reawakened as he drew near. Not only was he clutching a meatball between his jaws, he too had streaks of red in his fur. Sensing a trend, I swiped the cat up into my arms and headed down the hall to the kitchen. As I drew near, I could hear water running and the clank of pans in the sink. I poked my head in quickly to see what he was up to and couldn't contain the gasp that escaped. Sensing trouble, Cletus squirmed in my arms until I released him, escaping to his kitty condo – no doubt to enjoy the spoils of the war that had occurred in my kitchen.

My sanctuary was in shambles and resembled a hazardous waste dump. Red sauce and what looked to be bits of burnt meatball streaked the walls, counter, and floor surrounding the stove. Jasper stood at the sink, my yellow dishwashing gloves pulled up to his elbows, scraping at the bottom of my non-stick pasta pot with a metal spatula, muttering curse words under his breath. I cringed momentarily and then snuck into the kitchen quietly, not wanting to make him aware of my presence just yet. I skirted the sauce on the floor and crossed to the sink.

"You owe me a new pot," I whispered into his ear as I stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

My boyfriend was so intent on trying to salvage my disaster of a kitchen that he hadn't heard me enter. I caught him again as he nearly jumped out of his skin. The pasta pot and spatula fell out of his hands into the sink and he spun around to face me, a guilty expression on his face. He chewed his bottom lip nervously and kept silent, waiting for me to continue. "I thought we agreed to let me do the cooking," I murmured, nuzzling the crook of his neck to show him that I wasn't angry.

He pulled away from me and wailed, "I know! But I wanted to do somethin' for you and you had everythin' prepped and I thought - how hard could it be? I mean it's just spaghetti and meatballs. But then the sauce exploded everywhere, the noodles got stuck to the bottom of the pan and the garlic bread incinerated. Cletus started stealin' things, and then the fire alarm went off…" he trailed off, breathless, hanging his head in shame.

I lifted his chin with my finger until his eyes met mine and then leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips. "While I appreciate the gesture, I think, for the sake of my kitchen, we'd best return to our original agreement, don't you?"

He looked at me hopefully and breathed out, "You're not angry?"

"I'm not angry, Jasper. I love that you want to take care of me, but I don't relish having to give Cletus a bath in order to get congealed sauce out of his fur," I teased. Jasper snorted out a laugh and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Next time I get the urge to cook I'll try to restrain myself," he promised. "I suppose I really started off our first day together with a bang, huh?"

"Actually, I think we did that this afternoon," I joked, my heart melting at the thought of Jasper stepping outside of his comfort zone to try cooking for me. "I tell you what, let's clean up this mess and then we can head out for dinner."

Forty-five minutes later we'd restored the kitchen back to its normal state. Grasping Jasper's hand in mine, I led him back to the master bathroom so that we could shower off the spaghetti sauce that now clung to our bodies and clothing. Cletus had yet to reappear and I knew that he knew he was in trouble. He'd probably lay low for the rest of the night. Grabbing a couple of towels from the linen closet, I started the shower and adjusted the temperature. I hung the towels on the adjacent towel rack and kicked off my pajama pants. I reopened the glass door to the shower and was about to step in when I heard Jasper take in a deep breath behind me. "You're so fuckin' beautiful," he whispered, looking at me in awe. He exhaled shakily and continued, "So beautiful and you're mine."

I walked back over to him silently and started to remove his clothing. He stood there, still staring, and allowed me to undress him. When he was as naked as I was, I pulled him toward the shower and directed him into the stall, under the spray. As the water began trailing down his body, I followed – lapping the droplets of water from his skin. I sunk down to my knees in front of him and immediately took his semi-erect cock into my mouth. Humming in pleasure, I ran my hands up and down over his delicious ass as I bobbed my head up and down his length. Glancing up, I watched as Jasper closed his eyes and moaned softly. Releasing him for a moment, I put my hand over his heart and said, "There's no one more beautiful than you, inside and out." He smiled down at me and tangled his fingers into my hair, guiding my mouth back to finish what I'd started. As I took him deep, I felt his erection and my hunger grow. I wanted him to know how much I loved him, so I held still, grasped his taut checks, and forced him to thrust into my mouth, indicating what I wanted him to do. He looked down at me and quirked an eyebrow. At my nod, he followed my non-verbal instructions and began fucking my mouth, taking care that he didn't go too far.

I moaned as his fingers tugged on my hair. Nothing was more amazing than the sight of Jasper losing all control. Determined to ratchet up the sensations he was experiencing, I began to lightly trace a finger around his entrance. His thrusts quickened and he began to cry out, "Edward… oh fuck…yes, Edward, babe…so good." Knowing he was close, I inserted my finger into his hole and swallowed around him as he began to orgasm. "Jesus fuckin' Christ," he bit out as he shot his load. His fingers tightened on my head for a moment, then released, allowing me to look up at him as he threw his head back in ecstasy. When he regained his senses, he helped me stand and wrapped his arms around me. "Well fuck, Edward. If I get rewarded like that for destroyin' the kitchen, I may attempt to cook more often!" I started to laugh in response and within moments we were cackling like hyenas.

Knowing that Jasper couldn't yet stand for long periods of time, we began cleaning each other up. When he reached my cock and found it erect, he began to stroke it. I caught his hand in mine, and stopped his movements. "You don't have to…" I whispered, not wanting him to feel as if he had to reciprocate.

"I want to, besides, you can't go out to dinner sporting wood like that," he teased and then turned me so that my back was to his chest. Our hands clasped together around my dick and he whispered into my ear, "Here, we can do it together. Show me how you stroked yourself when you thought of me on those nights we were apart." I groaned and he began to pump our twined hands up and down, the pace increasing as Jasper continuously murmured into my ear, "That's right, fuck yourself. Mmmm, I used to imagine you doin' this and wonder if you were thinkin' of me. Did you think about how I'd bend you over and fuck you from behind? Or did you imagine me suckin' you off?"

I knew that he couldn't possible expect me to utter a rational response, so I just hissed out, "Always…fuck…baby, harder…" Our combined grip firmed and within moments ribbons of my cum were shooting against the shower wall. Sighing, I turned in his arms and kissed him deeply. When we finally parted, I laughed as my stomach growled loudly. "Come on, let's finish up and get something to eat. I'm starving!"

_**04/25/2010, 18:42 – JPOV**_

I was a happy man. Actually, happy probably wasn't quite the word for it. I felt light as air and if I was capable of carrying a tune, I'd probably be singing "All You Need Is Love" at the top of my lungs, complete with ad libs for the horn section. Emmett and Garrett were having a field day making fun of my ass but I could care less. I was in love and would shout it from the rooftops if I could climb that high.

Edward and I had settled into a routine over the past week. And although I was still getting used to sleeping without him on the nights he had to work, it was all worth it. Every day I learned something new about my boyfriend - little things that a person would only know from living with someone. For example, after physical therapy one day I'd returned home to find Edward in the kitchen singing along to the _Mamma Mia_ soundtrack. His blush when caught belting out "Dancing Queen" was adorable. I'd also learned that the toilet paper had to be hung so that it rolled over, not under, or Edward got cranky.

And the sex – oh God, the sex was amazing. We couldn't get enough of each other and for someone who was technically less experienced than I was, Edward owned me - trust me; Edward knew how to use his equipment. You wouldn't ever hear me complaining, although I was looking forward to the day Garrett freed me from all restrictions. I drifted into pleasant daydreams about exactly I would do to Edward when that day came and only regained my senses when he rushed through to the dining room, carrying a load of plates and silverware.

Cletus hopped up next to me on the couch, warily eyeing the dining room. "You too, huh?" I murmured to the cat. On those nights that Edward worked, Cletus and I hung out. He ignored me completely when Edward was home, but the minute he disappeared, it was on. Last night found us curled up on the couch together watching TV. I'd never been a cat person, but I had to admit that his company was welcome on the nights my boyfriend was working. I was slowly winning him over during the day too; mostly because I had taken to sharing my food with him when Edward wasn't looking.

Tonight we were having everyone over for our first dinner party and I was basically trying to stay out of the way. Evidently my boyfriend has Martha Stewart tendencies and after folding the linen napkins incorrectly, I'd been banned from all things dinner party related. Over the past few days, I'd looked on in amusement as Edward planned tonight's dinner down to the last detail, spending hours researching recipes and place settings on the internet. I'd made the mistake of suggesting that he just do something simple, lasagna or something, and earned a look that I've come to call the 'Jasper doesn't know anything look'. I'd been a little peeved at that look and discussed it with Emmett the other night; he just laughed and welcomed me to the club. After over 5 years of living with my sister, he said he'd become an expert on that look and its meaning.

I sat on the couch watching the end of the some soccer game. When Edward rushed past me for the 6th time in fifteen minutes, I called out, "Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"I got it," was the only response I received. I shrugged my shoulders and settled back into the couch. Our guests tonight would be my parents, who'd flown in from Texas yesterday, Rosie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, and Alice. I had no idea why Edward was so nervous about it – it wasn't like these people were strangers to us. Hell, I was the one meeting Esme and Alice for the first time tonight, but if they were anything like Carlisle, I was sure we'd get along fine. Even his fear of Rosie wasn't a concern. Rosie was in her 5th month of pregnancy and by all accounts (Emmett's mostly) in a better mood. She seemed happy enough when I called her yesterday to verify that she had no dietary restrictions (Edward was having a canary at the thought of having to change the menu if she wasn't allowed to eat something).

I glanced at the clock and realized that our guests were due to arrive soon. The thought barely had time to register when the doorbell rang. I walked out to the foyer and pulled open the door, finding Carlisle, Esme, and Alice waiting. "Come in," I said, ushering them into the apartment. I smirked as they kicked off their shoes and followed me to the living room. Edward had trained them well. "Edward," I called out, "Your family is here."

He rushed out of the kitchen and greeted them, introducing me to Alice and Esme. Esme was beautiful, the epitome of class, and took me into her arms. "It's so good to finally meet the man who has made our Edward so happy," she stated as she released me. "Jasper, this is our daughter Alice," she said, gesturing to the petite teenager at her side. Alice bounced over to me and held her hand out. I took it in mine and shook it, amused at the amount of energy that her tiny body seemed to generate. I gave her a big smile and thanked Edward's family for coming.

"Edward, can we help you with anything?" Esme asked, taking in Edward's somewhat disheveled appearance. He looked a bit harried and I hoped that he would accept their help. I wanted him to enjoy the night as well, and not spend it worrying about whether the napkins were folded right. He flashed his sister-in-law a relieved smile and I watched as she and Alice followed him to the kitchen. Just before they reached it, I heard Alice exclaim, "Uncle Eddie, he's delish!"

I chuckled and turned back to Carlisle, who was wearing a smirk of his own. "Can I get you somethin' to drink Carlisle?"

"I'd love a beer if you have one," he replied, taking a seat on the couch and glancing at the TV, where SportsCenter was due to start.

I headed off to the kitchen to grab Carlisle's beer. As I drew near, I could hear the murmur of voices and giggles. The minute I stepped in, three heads swiveled to look at me and all conversation came to a complete halt. I walked to the fridge and pulled out two beers, one for me and one for Carlisle, and headed back to the living room. As soon as I cleared the doorway, I heard a burst of laughter from the kitchen. Shrugging it off, I entered the living room and handed a beer to Edward's brother. He smiled at me and said, "They're talking about us."

"Really?" I asked. "It can't be good if they are laughin'," I noted.

"Nah – that's women. Put a bunch of them in a room together and they can't help themselves. I guarantee they're in there comparing notes about how inept we are," he advised. "The best thing to do is just let them have at it."

I nodded and then smirked at the thought of my boyfriend in there gossiping with the women. "And here I was thinkin' _**I**_ was the girl in this relationship," I joked. Carlisle snorted into his beer and was about to reply when the doorbell rang again. Knowing that it could only be my family, I excused myself and went to answer the door.

Rosalie pushed right past me, muttering something about babies and overactive bladders. I pulled my mother in for a hug and kiss and then hugged my father. I hadn't seen them in over a month and from the look of relief on their faces, I knew they were glad to see me doing so well. Emmett gave me a slap on the back and headed to the living room, having heard the SportsCenter theme music. My momma asked me where Edward was and I directed her to the kitchen, figuring it would give her an opportunity to meet Alice and Esme and join in on the gossip session already in progress. I asked my father and Emmett what they'd like to drink and headed back into the kitchen. Just as on my previous visit, all conversation halted the minute I entered the room and resumed the minute I left.

I handed out the beers, directed a now relieved Rosalie to the kitchen, and plopped down on the couch between Carlisle and Emmett. "So, Jasper here is learning what it's like when the women get together to bitch and moan about us," Carlisle offered as an icebreaker.

I rolled my eyes when Emmett and my father started howling with laughter. Then, much to my displeasure, Emmett related my phone call from the other night. "You should have heard him. 'Edward's looking at me like I'm an idiot, what does that mean?'" Emmett gasped out in between chuckles.

My father laughed the hardest and added his opinion, "The two greatest words in the English dictionary my son are, 'Yes, Dear'. They've saved my ass many a time."

Carlisle and Emmett nodded in agreement. Emmett looked at me appraisingly and said, "I'm surprised actually. I expected you to be in there gossiping and Edward to be in here."

"Hey!" I protested. "Don't go stereotypin' now. I think we both have our 'girl' moments. He just went all Martha Stewart on my ass when it came to this dinner party. I told him he should make something simple, like lasagna, and he just huffed and looked at me like I was crazy. Besides, watch what you're talking about Oprah," I directed at my brother-in-law.

My father and Carlisle tried to hide their grins, but couldn't quite accomplish it. Emmett had just opened his mouth to retaliate when the ladies and Edward appeared to announce that dinner was served. I turned off the TV while Edward introduced Alice and Esme to Emmett and my father and then followed everyone into the dining room. Edward had seated my father and Carlisle at either end of the table with their wives to their right. Emmett and Rosalie were seated next to Esme and Edward and I were next to my Momma. Alice was squeezed in between Rosalie and Esme. Edward had set out the food on serving trays in the middle of the table and it looked and smelled delicious. He began passing the dishes around and watched closely when everyone began to eat. Only once he was satisfied they were enjoying it, did he take his first bite. I leaned in to whisper in his ear, "See – told you. You were worried about nothin'. You're an amazin' cook, babe." He beamed a smile at me and then engaged my momma in conversation about how long they planned to stay in town.

Dinner flowed smoothly and I was pleased to note that everyone seemed to be getting along well. Emmett and my father were discussing work, as were Carlisle and Edward. Rosalie and Alice were comparing notes on various fashion designers and my momma and Esme were firmly entrenched in some topic of interest to both of them. I added my voice when required, but was more than content to listen and observe as our families blended together. I felt Edward's arm rub across my back and he looked over at me as if to ask if I was okay. I smiled to let him know I was fine and he turned back to continue his conversation with Carlisle. I loved that we were already at the point where we understood each other without words.

As the plates emptied around us, I began to focus in on Esme and my momma's conversation. They were debating adoption versus the use of a surrogate and I wondered how the hell they had gotten on that topic. My momma caught my confused expression and said, "Well, honey – you and Edward need to be thinkin' on these things if you plan to have kids someday. I'm expectin' grandbabies from both of my children."

"Jesus Momma! We've only been livin' together for a week. Give us some time to breathe first," I admonished. "Neither one of us is ready for kids yet," I continued, reaching down to squeeze Edward's hand. He'd grown still at my momma's words and I knew he was uncomfortable. We'd not talked about whether or not we wanted children and though I knew that someday in the future I wanted babies with Edward, we weren't there yet. In order to change the topic, I enlisted Emmett's help to clear the table and ushered everyone out to the living room where we would serve dessert and coffee.

Emmett and I quickly took care of the clean up while Edward plated the desserts. The coffee had brewed during dinner and once the dessert plates were ready, he busied himself with placing coffee mugs and a carafe on a tray. Emmett raised his eyebrows at Edward, signaling that he too had picked up on Edward's relative silence since my momma's grandbabies lecture. He grabbed the coffee tray from the island and took it through to the living room. I walked up to Edward and wound my arms around his waist. "Dinner was unbelievable, babe. You did such a great job," I praised. Edward just nodded and went back to fiddling with the plates. "What's wrong?" I questioned. "I'm sorry about my momma. She's just so happy that we're together that she's already picturin' us ten years down the road."

"Nothing's wrong," Edward replied quietly, leaning back into my arms for a moment. "Just tired, I guess. Let's take these plates into the living room," he said. I knew better than to force him to talk about it now, with our families in the next room. I kissed his shoulder before releasing him and loading a serving tray with some of the dessert plates.

Ninety minutes later our guests departed, after singing Edward's praises and congratulating us on our living arrangements. I never realized how exhausting it was to host so many people and after cleaning up the remaining dishes, I locked up the apartment and headed back to the bedroom. Edward had disappeared as soon as our last guest left and I was anxious to find out what was troubling him.

I reached the bedroom to find my boyfriend already in bed with the lights off. I undressed in the dark, letting my clothes fall to the floor and climbed in to the bed in only my boxers. Edward was turned away from me and feigning sleep. I curled myself around him and said, "I know you're not sleepin'. Talk to me."

He kept his back to me, but I heard him softly ask, "Do you want children, Jasper?"

"Eventually. I've never really thought about it, but I guess that down the road I wouldn't mind adoptin' a child," I replied carefully, not sure where this was going.

"I don't…" he replied, "…want children, that is." He twisted around in my arms to face me. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I could do it."

I lay there stunned. Never in a million years would I have thought that Edward wouldn't want children. I mean, realistically I knew that it was difficult for gay men to adopt, but I'd always hoped that someday I'd find someone whom I'd be willing to attempt it with. I thought that I'd found that person in Edward. "Why not?" I asked. "I think you'd make a wonderful father."

Edward scoffed and replied, "I'd make a horrible father Jasper." I started to protest but he interrupted me, "Don't even try to convince me otherwise. I'm too wrapped up in my career, I have no patience, and I didn't exactly have the best role models for parents. I can be a cold, unfeeling bastard and no child deserves to live with someone like that."

I couldn't formulate a response. His thoughts on his ability to be a good parent were so far off base that I couldn't comprehend, much less counter them. Unfortunately, Edward mistook my silence for disapproval or disappointment and turned back away from me. A million different thoughts were running through my head and I had to admit that I was disappointed that he wouldn't even consider the possibility. It wasn't like we were going to run out and adopt someone tomorrow. As I thought things through, I was certain that Edward's feelings stemmed from his own childhood. I wished his father was still alive so that I could kill him for what he'd done to his son. I heard a sniffling sound and realized, to my horror, that my lack of response had upset Edward.

"Babe, hey…" I murmured. "Look at me," I pleaded, and sighed with relief when he turned around to face me again. "It doesn't matter," I said, realizing that I meant it.

"Of course it matters," he argued. "I saw how excited you were when Rosalie and Emmett announced they were pregnant. Your whole face lit up. If you stay with me, that'll never happen for us."

"Edward, of course I was excited, she's my sister and I know how much they've wanted to start a family. But that doesn't mean that I won't be happy unless I have a child of my own," I tried to reassure him, stroking my hand across his forehead to push back the hair that fallen into his eyes. "I love you. I don't agree with your thinkin' and I think you should talk to Seth about your thoughts on the subject, but honestly, if it comes down to choosin' between you and someone else who wants kids, there's no choice for me. I'm nothin' without you. You are my everythin' Edward and I can't live without you."

"I can't live without you either, Jasper," Edward whispered into the darkness, pulling me close to him and holding me tightly. "I love you so much and want to give you everything, but I just don't think I have it in me to give you that."

Instead of answering with words, I tried to comfort him with my touch. I ran my hands soothingly up and down his back while placing soft kisses wherever I could reach. "It doesn't matter," I reiterated in between kisses and when he finally relaxed in my arms, I knew we would be okay. "Will you talk to Seth about it though?" I asked. "Not because I think you'll change your mind, but because of the negative thoughts that are associated with your reasons? I don't think you are seein' yourself clearly. I think you are the most patient, carin', and compassionate person I know and I would think that even if I wasn't your boyfriend."

I felt his lips turn up in a smile at my words and moments later he responded, "I'll talk to him about it."

"Good. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. All that good food has made me sleepy," I noted with a chuckle. "Thank God for PT or I'd have gained 50 pounds my first week here," I teased.

"Even if you did, I'd still love you," Edward responded, then pushed me on to my back so he could rest his head on my chest.

I ran my fingers through his hair and hoped to myself that Seth would help him see what I already knew. One day, Edward would be an amazing father.

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**A/N: This is a beta free enterprise, so feel free to let me know if you find mistakes. I'm always looking for ways to improve. And, as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next Sunday :)**


	25. Skewed

**A/N: It's still Sunday...in Honolulu. So what if I live in Cali? *hangs head in shame*. I've been procrastinating - this was a hard one for me to write and I had to go to a different POV to do it. So, fair warning to those of you with sensitivity to physical or verbal abuse. It doesn't get too detailed, but I wanted to warn you just in case. With that - I'll let you get to it. I think it helps to explains some of Edward's thought processes to date. **

**Also, see A/N at end for important info regarding the posting schedule.**

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Chapter 25 – Skewed

_**04/27/2010, 09:45 – SethPOV**_

I was in the middle of listening to my newest patient go on and on about how her mother liked her sister more than her. Apparently, her mother had purchased a pair of designer shoes for her sister that cost more than the handbag she'd received the day before. Tanya, a young woman with obvious narcissistic tendencies, had spent the first half of our first session flirting with me, despite the prominent placement of my wedding photo on the shelf behind me and the wedding ring I was wearing. Once I'd called her out on it, she'd switched to her current topic. It was obvious to me that she didn't want to change, and probably was only here because no one else wanted to listen to her whine. Losing my patience, I interrupted her latest rant and asked, "So Tanya, what exactly can I do for you?"

Breaking off mid-whine, a confused look crossed her overly made-up face. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she replied, "I'm sorry, what? I want you to listen, that's what I want you to do. Isn't that what my daddy is paying you for?"

I bit back the response I wanted to give and instead rephrased my question. "Tanya, the purpose of therapy is generally to assist the patient with gaining a deeper understanding of themselves or to help them overcome a past trauma, etc. So far, you've said nothing about what's brought you here. Was there something specific you wanted help with?"

Tanya popped the gum she'd been incessantly chewing since the start of our appointment and said, "Not really, I'm fine the way I am. I just need advice on how to get my parents to understand that as the older sister, they owe it to me to make me their priority."

As a psychologist, I saw patients from all walks of life, but I found myself disgusted with this woman's absorption with herself and all things material. I wanted to drag her down to the local homeless shelter so she could see what real problems were, but knew it would be pointless. Deciding to give her a small dose of reality, I said, "Tanya, I'm not here to provide advice on how to get your parents to buy you more stuff than your sister. I can help you if you want to move past your fixation on material goods and appearances. I can also help you learn how to adjust your skewed view of yourself and others. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in?"

"You think there's something wrong with me?" she responded, her voice rising in pitch, highly offended at the suggestion. "The problem is not me. The problem is my bitch of a sister who gets everything while I have to settle for second best. If you can't help me figure out how to get my parents to see that, then I guess you're no good to me." With that, she stormed out of my office and into the waiting room. I followed her out and watched as she flounced out the door in a huff, pushing Edward, my next patient, out of the way as she barreled out of the office. Although it was highly unprofessional of me to even think it, I couldn't say that I was sad that this was probably the last I'd ever see of Tanya. Edward raised his eyebrows at the woman's rude behavior and then, looking at me, said, "Someone's not a happy camper."

I just shook my head and refilled my coffee mug. The waiting room was empty except for Claire, my receptionist, and Edward. Edward checked in with Claire and once he was finished, I motioned for him to follow me back to my office. Where my previous patient was one I was happy to the back of, Edward had become one of my favorites. And while I knew I shouldn't have favorites, I found myself worried about Edward in between appointments. Maybe it was because he reminded me a lot of myself. We had a very similar upbringing and our military experience served as common bond. Edward had made huge strides in the past few months and I was eager to hear how he was doing now that his partner, Jasper, had been released from the hospital and had moved in.

We settled into the recliners in the corner of my office and I dove right in, "So, how are you adjusting to living with Jasper?" Part of me was worried that they were moving too fast, especially since Jasper had just been through a traumatic injury and Edward was still attempting to come to grips with the abuse and neglect he'd suffered growing up with his father. However, I could see how much Edward loved his partner and knew, from what Edward had shared, that the relationship seemed to be a healthy one. Jasper seemed to be very supportive and from what I could gather from Edward, was not one to allow Edward to retreat into his shell when things got tough. Although I hadn't yet met Jasper, I had a feeling that they were a good match.

Edward beamed and the love he felt for his partner was evident. "It's been amazing, actually. We've both had to adjust to having someone else in our personal space, but I think we've been handling it well so far. He destroyed my kitchen and I couldn't even bring myself to get mad at him," Edward replied, chuckling at the memory. "I think it's going to work," he continued, looking at me for reassurance.

"What makes you think it might not work?" I asked, knowing that Edward had a tendency to focus on the negative rather than positive.

"I'm just worried that we might not want the same things and how that will impact our relationship in the future," he responded, running his hand through his hair – a telltale sign that he was agitated.

"Have you had a discussion about what you both want in the future?" I inquired, knowing that I had pushed Edward to have this type of conversation with Jasper before they moved in together.

He looked up at me sheepishly and said, "We talked about some stuff – finances, household responsibilities, etc. But we haven't really talked about where we see ourselves in the future. I see now that you were right, that we really should have talked about that stuff first…" he trailed off, looking down at his feet. "We had our families over for dinner on Sunday and his mother and my sister-in-law started talking about gay adoption and surrogates."

I cringed internally at the insensitivity of family members worldwide who often found it cute to prod couples about marriage and children. I was surprised that they had started in on Edward and Jasper already, considering that their relationship was so new. "I hate to sound like a cliché, but how did that make you feel?"

"Terrified, to tell you the truth. I can't have children and I knew by Jasper's reaction when his sister told him she was pregnant, that he definitely wants a family some day. I should have told him before he moved in, but I didn't want him to break up with me because of that," Edward admitted. "I was being selfish – I didn't want to give him a reason to leave. And when they started talking about it, he told them to back off, but he said that we weren't ready _**now**_; which implied to me that he thought we'd be ready someday – only I won't." Edward looked at me with desperation in his eyes. "How can we stay together when he wants something I can't give him?"

"First, let's go back to the statement, 'I can't have children.' That's different from saying you don't want children. 'Can't' implies that you don't have a choice," I explained, trying to probe for the reasoning behind his word selection.

"Fine – don't want," Edward bit out; seemingly frustrated at my nitpicking his wording. "I'm selfish – you can't be selfish if you have children, they come first. I work crazy hours and that's not going to change given my profession. I'd make a horrible father…and as much as I want to give Jasper everything, I won't do that to a kid."

"Do what?" I asked. I knew I was pushing, but I wanted him to get to this himself. It would do him no good if I gave him my opinion on his reasoning.

"Treat them like they aren't important – make them feel like they aren't worth my time," he ground out, jumping out of the chair to pace back and forth in front of me.

"What else would you do?" I asked. _"Come on,"_ I thought to myself. _"Go there."_

"Demean them for being different. Force them to be something they aren't…" Edward's voice hitched, but grew louder as he continued, until he was yelling his answers. "Compare them constantly to others just to find them lacking. Make them feel like no one loves them… Act like they don't even exist! Smack them around when they don't do what you want them to do. Make them hide who they are until they began to wish they were dead…"

"Who did that to you, Edward?" I asked gently, needing him to acknowledge the abuse he suffered growing up.

"My father," he whispered so softly I barely caught it, tears streaming down his face.

"Say it. Out loud," I demanded. When he hesitated, I repeated it more aggressively, "Say it, Edward!"

"My father," he said in stronger voice, hands shaking as they tugged at his hair. "My father…" he repeated his voice breaking as he asked, "Why? What did I do to make him treat me like that?"

I helped him back to the recliner and stayed beside him. He leaned forward, his head in his hands. "It wasn't your fault, Edward," I noted, relieved that he trusted me enough to finally begin to purge years of built up fear, anger, and sadness. "Your father made a choice to abuse his son. You did _**nothing**_ to deserve that. The fault lies with _**him**_, not _**you**_," I reiterated, squeezing his shoulder for emphasis, before retaking my seat.

"It had to be me," he argued. "If he was really a monster, he would have done it to Carlisle too. But he didn't – I was the one he called stupid. I was the one he made fun of. I was the one he hit when I did something he considered too feminine. Carlisle was the one he held up as an example of what he wanted me to be like. He never did anything to Carlisle. My father actually listened to him - Carlisle was the only who could get him to lay off of me – even my own mother didn't try to stop him."

I knew I was treading a fine line here, since Carlisle had been a patient of mine in the past. There were things I knew about the situation that I only knew because Carlisle had disclosed them during his own therapy sessions - which meant that I couldn't discuss them with Edward. But it didn't prevent me from trying to get there in a roundabout way. "Was your father always physically abusive to you?" I asked.

Edward stopped and thought about it, then replied, "Actually, it didn't get really bad until Carlisle left for college. He never hit me before that, only constantly compared me to my brother." He looked up at me and provided some examples. "You need to be more like your brother. You need to toughen up. Carlisle can take it like a man; you're just a sensitive little pussy. Stupid faggot," Edward mimicked his father's words, his fists clenched at his side.

"What do you think he meant by, 'Carlisle can take it like a man.'?" I inquired, hoping Edward would draw the right conclusion.

"I don't know…" he said quickly, but then stopped and thought about it. "Oh God… he did it to him too?" Edward asked rhetorically, not expecting an answer as the puzzle pieces began to fall into place for him. "Fuck!" Edward shouted. "That fucking bastard!"

"Have you two ever really sat down and had a conversation about that time in your lives?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No. I never wanted him to know how bad it had gotten. There wasn't anything he could do and he was already gone. And when they died he was in medical school and living with Esme – I just wanted to forget it ever happened and move on with my life," he noted with a self-deprecating smirk. "I guess that didn't work too well."

"Would you be willing to talk to him about it now?" I asked, believing that it would be good for both of them to discuss their experiences with each other. For years they had both been silent, trying to protect each other from what they'd endured.

"I don't know. I don't want to drag up bad memories for him," Edward replied, still trying to protect his brother.

"If it makes you more comfortable, we could have him join you during our next session. That way you both have a safe place to have this conversation," I offered, hoping that he would accept. It would be beneficial for them to get it out into the open and would give Edward access to someone who understood what he'd been through.

"I can ask him, but if he doesn't want to, I'm not going to force the issue," Edward responded.

"That's fair," I said, pretty sure that Carlisle would be willing to do anything if he thought it would help his brother. I glanced at the clock and realized that we were already past the hour allotted for our session. Not that I cared that we ran over, but I also didn't want to push Edward too far, too soon. Having grown up in an abusive home myself, I knew firsthand how taxing this process was.

Edward sat up in the chair, took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Where do I go from here?" he asked. I could tell that he was shaken by today's session and probably a bit overwhelmed.

"First, I want to reiterate that what your father did to you was not your fault. We all make choices in life. Your father made the choice to be abusive to his children. That does not mean that you will make the same choices, Edward. Some of the best parents I know are abuse survivors. I'm not minimizing your feelings on parenthood, but I want you to think long and hard about your reasoning. Don't think that just because your father hit and belittled you that you are cursed to continue the cycle," I stated, pausing for a while to let it sink in. "I also want to go back to meeting once a week. We have a lot to work through."

Edward looked apprehensive and I rushed to reassure him, "I'm not saying that because you are not doing well. You've made amazing progress. But this is a lot to deal with and I don't want you to have to wait two weeks between sessions to talk over the things that are bound to come up."

He nodded his agreement and then looked at his watch. "Fuck! I was supposed to meet Jasper 30 minutes ago," he exclaimed, realizing that we'd gone over.

"Was he picking you up?" I asked, hoping that he was because I wasn't sure Edward should be driving after the emotional upheaval of our session.

"He had a PT appointment down the street at RIC, so we drove in together. He dropped me off and I was going to walk down to meet him there," he responded, his anxiety at making his partner wait obvious.

"Well, let's get your next session set up with Claire and then you can go," I replied. We both rose from the chairs and headed to the door. Just before he opened the door, I stopped him. "Edward – I know that this was difficult for you. If you need to talk to someone before our next session, please feel free to call."

He turned back to look at me, his eyes red from crying. He smiled half-heartedly and replied, "I will."

As we entered the waiting area, I walked over to the reception desk to let Claire know about the extra appointments I wanted scheduled. Expecting Edward to be right behind me, I turned to tell him that Claire would get him set up but he wasn't there. Claire noticed my confusion and nodded towards the waiting area with a soft smile. I turned to look and found Edward embracing a tall blonde man. The man cupped Edward's face in his hands gently as he murmured to him softly. The love that flowed between the two of them was palpable and I realized that this must be Edward's Jasper. I remained at Claire's desk, trying to give the two of them some privacy.

A few moments later, Edward led the man over to me. The smile on his face confirmed what I already knew as Edward introduced me to his partner. I shook the man's hand and saw the kindness and compassion reflected in his eyes. "Jasper, it's wonderful to meet you. I've heard so many wonderful things about you," I said with a smile.

"It's nice to meet you too, Dr. Clearwater," he responded with a smile of his own. Releasing my hand, he quickly reached down to clasp Edward's hand in his own. Immediately, Edward's posture relaxed. If I didn't know better, I'd have guessed that these two had been together for years, not months. It wasn't often that I saw a bond this strong, but I was overjoyed to see it. Edward had a rough road ahead of him, but I felt better knowing that this man would be there every step of the way.

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**A/N 2: So, duty calls and I must travel to Oregon for work and my dissertation committee wants a Chapter 3. Unfortunately, that means that the next chapter of Southern Charm will not post until June 20th. If I find myself with some free time on my hands, I will make every attempt to post early, but I make no promises. As always, I appreciate your feedback and I'll see you in two Sundays time...**


	26. Digging in the Dirt

**A/N: Hey ducklings! I'm back, as promised. :) First of all, thanks as always for the reviews, favorites, story alerts, etc. You have no idea how much I rely on your reviews to keep me going! **

**A special thanks to Mrsyt31 and Veddersgirl for pre-reading this chapter. If you aren't reading 'Til Summer Comes Around by mrsyt31, you are missing out! The link is in my favorites on my profile page. Go read it before you read this - it's that good!**

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Chapter 26 – Digging in the Dirt

_**04/27/2010, 09:55 – JPOV**_

My physical therapy session was coming to an end and I was anxious for it to be over. I'd been woken in the most pleasurable way this morning and wanted nothing more than to pick up my boyfriend, go home, and spend the rest of the afternoon returning the favor. The only thing standing in my way now was Garrett, who was waving his hand in front of my face to capture my attention. "Jasper? Earth to Jasper…"

I shook off my thoughts of this morning's activities and focused on Garrett. "Sorry, I drifted off there for a moment," I apologized with a sheepish grin.

"Hmmm – well far be it from me to disturb your daydream, but I wanted to go over some things with you before you leave today," he replied with a smirk. "If you could focus for a few minutes, you can go grab Edward and get back to whatever has you looking so happy."

I blushed, knowing full well that Garrett figured out exactly what had me looking so happy, as he put it. I made my way over to a couple of chairs that were placed on the outskirts of the rehab room and took a seat, waiting impatiently for Garrett to say what he needed to say so I could get out of here.

"So, I wanted to give you an update on your progress and ease up the limitations that we set when you were released," Garrett started, looking over at me with a cheeky grin. "Now that you are able to walk without the cane, I think the best way to build up the strength in that leg is for you to resume normal activity, within reason. Now, that doesn't mean that you can go climbing 20 flights of stairs or stand on your feet for eight hours," he clarified. "I want you to resume those activities but know your limits. If you start to tire or feel pain, then stop and rest. Don't overdo it or you'll reinjure the leg," he cautioned with a warning glare.

Smiling widely, I nodded and then thought about what he was telling me. Looking up at him hopefully, I repeated, "You're liftin' _**all **_restrictions?"

Rolling his eyes, he nodded and laughed. "Yes – all restrictions, but don't go too crazy. We still have some work to do to get you ready to go back to work. I don't want you to endanger your progress by fucking your boyfriend to death," he noted with an arch of his eyebrow.

If possible, I turned even redder. Upon hearing that my movements were no longer limited, I probably should have been thinking about when I could return to work, but that's definitely not where my mind went. I shrugged and looked Garrett straight in the eyes, "Can you blame me?"

The PT released a bark of laughter and replied, "No, I most definitely can't."

"So what's next?" I asked, trying to redirect the conversation back to more acceptable topics before my face turned permanently red.

"Well, what I'd like you to do is see if you can obtain a listing of what will be included in the physical fitness test that is required for you to resume work. We can begin to focus on exercises that will get you ready for the test and if I'm not mistaken, get you back to work within a month or two," he said. "I warn you, it's not going to be easy, but I think that we can get you there."

"You really think we can do it?" I asked worriedly. "I mean, I'm still limpin' and that test is goin' to include a five mile run."

"It's going to take some time, but I've noticed that you're only limping when you're tired or after you've overused the leg muscles. If we are careful not to overdo it while we build up your endurance, I think that we can do it," he reassured with a smile.

"I'll contact HR and see if someone can fax over the test requirements," I said excitedly. This was the first time either Garrett or Dr. Stevens had mentioned my return to work and I was eager to get started. I was anxious to get back to doing what I loved. I rose from the chair and Garrett followed suit. Our session was over and Edward was meeting me downstairs. I was doubly anxious to get him home and back in bed now that I was free to take him whichever way I chose.

I set off for the doors, but felt Garrett's hand on my arm, holding me back. Looking back over my shoulder impatiently, I asked, "Yes?"

"Remember what I said – within reason, Jasper," he repeated with a smile and let me go. I grinned back at him cheekily and sped towards the exit, nearly running to the elevator, eager to get to Edward.

_**04/27/2010, 10:25 – JPOV**_

I glanced at my watch and paced. Edward was supposed to have met me here nearly 15 minutes ago and there was still no sign of him. I was worried – it wasn't like him to run late and not call. I dug my phone out of my pocket and checked it again only to find no missed calls or texts. Anxious, I decided to walk over to the building that housed Dr. Clearwater's office since it was only two blocks down the street.

As I made my way down Superior Street, I thought about what could be keeping Edward. I wondered if he was talking to Dr. Clearwater about his stance on children, like I asked. I was convinced that Edward would be a great father and just needed to get over his fear of repeating his father's mistakes. I knew that Edward didn't have the best childhood from the few things he'd let slip in the past. But I also saw the depth of love and compassion that Edward had to give and knew that he was selling himself short. I hoped that by talking to Dr. Clearwater he could gain the proper perspective on why he felt the way he did.

Not that I would leave if it turned out that he really didn't want children. Emmett and I discussed this topic last night when he came over to keep me company while Edward was at work. Emmett knew that I eventually wanted children and was worried that I would end up resenting Edward if he didn't change his mind. I'd thought long and hard about it since the night of the dinner party and knew that what I'd said to Edward was true. Sure, I wanted kids, but I wanted Edward in my life more. I could not fathom my life without him in it. Besides, gay adoption or working with a surrogate wasn't a sure thing either – far from it really. In the past I'd volunteered with various after school programs and gotten great satisfaction from working with kids in that capacity. I'd also be an uncle soon and could channel all of my paternal instincts into my niece or nephew. What I couldn't do is live without the love of my life. It was that simple to me.

I walked into Northwestern Hospital's psychological services annex and was directed to a fourth floor office suite. As I entered, I noticed that the waiting area was empty. I headed up to the receptionist's desk and asked after Edward. As I suspected, he was still here. The receptionist, Claire, directed me back to the waiting area and said she'd let him know I was here when he came out.

Something was wrong. I had to hold onto the arms of the chair to keep myself from bursting into Dr. Clearwater's office. When it came to Edward, it felt almost as if a live wire connected us. If he felt pain, I felt pain. If he was happy, I was happy. Even when we were apart, I still felt the connection and right now, deep in my soul, I knew my boyfriend was hurting. I was in the middle of attempting to employ some meditation techniques my own therapist had taught me when the door to Dr. Clearwater's office opened and Edward emerged.

He looked like hell; his hair was sticking up, his eyes were red and filled with anguish, and his body language was that of a man defeated. I stood up and walked towards him, clearing my throat softly to draw his attention to me. He looked into the waiting room and when his eyes caught mine, he came straight to me. I captured him in my arms, cupping my hands gently on either side of his face and kissed him softly. "I love you," I blurted out, not knowing yet what had brought him to this state but needing him to know that first.

He rested his forehead against mine and sighed shakily. "Bad session," he whispered.

It was more than that and I knew it, but this wasn't the time or place to discuss it. "What can I do?" I asked helplessly.

"You're doing it," he said softly. "I needed you and you're here," he noted simply.

"Always," I promised fervently. "You'll tell me?" I inquired.

"Yes, but not now. Let me introduce you to Dr. Clearwater and then we can take off," he replied, reaching down to clasp my hand in his. He led me over to the receptionist's desk and introduced me to the psychiatrist. Dr. Clearwater was younger than I expected, maybe a little older than Edward, and handsome. His Native American origins were evident in his skin tone and dark hair. His eyes were compassionate and I could tell that he cared for Edward's well being. Edward introduced me as his partner (something that sent a thrill up my spine every time I heard it) and I reached out to shake the hand that the doctor extended.

"Jasper, it's wonderful to meet you. I've heard so many wonderful things about you," he said with a smile.

"It's nice to meet you too, Dr. Clearwater," I responded, unable to do anything but return his smile. As much as I wanted to yell at him for hurting my Edward, I knew that it wasn't his fault and that he was trying to help him. I released his hand and immediately took Edward's back in mine, needing the contact.

Edward took his appointment cards from the receptionist and we headed out the door to the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors closed, Edward backed me into the wall and kissed me as if his life depended upon it. I responded to the desperation in his kiss, knowing he was seeking some sort of reassurance. When we came up for air, I ran my hands over his back soothingly and said, "Let's go home."

When we reached the lobby, we exited and walked out onto the street. "I'm still parked back at RIC, so we'll have to walk," I noted, leading him down the street by the hand. We were both quiet as we dodged pedestrians on the busy sidewalk. RIC was located directly across from Northwestern's Medical and Law Schools and was filled with students attempting to make it to class on time. Eventually we got to the car and I opened the passenger door for him. Once he was settled safely inside, I walked around to the driver's side and entered.

I went to put the keys in the ignition and Edward reached out to stop me. I looked over and saw the tears running down his face. I pulled him towards me, wiping the tears off with my thumbs. "I don't want to go home. I don't want to bring this mess into our home," he pled.

I sat holding him while I thought about a place to go. We needed to go somewhere where he could let this all out, but also a place that would afford us some privacy. I kissed him softly and said, "Let's go to the beach." We were just up the road from North Shore Drive and could be there in minutes. It wasn't particularly warm and it was a weekday, so it should be pretty deserted and give us the privacy we needed.

Edward nodded and I started the car, pulling out onto Superior Street and heading towards Oak Street Beach. On the way, I pulled through a Starbucks to get some warm drinks for us. I knew there was a blanket in the trunk and we could use that to sit on. Once we arrived, I parked the Volvo and popped the trunk, grabbing the blanket while Edward held the carrier with our drinks. I headed off to a grassy area away from the jogging path. A stiff breeze was blowing out from the lake and although it was a sunny day, it was still cool. I spread out the blanket, sat down, with my legs spread wide and motioned for Edward to set the drinks down and sit between my legs. Following my instructions, he settled down with his back to my chest. I reached over and handed him his coffee. We sat there quietly, sipping our drinks, while I waited for Edward to start talking.

Finishing my coffee, I set the empty cup off to the side and wrapped my arms around Edward, needing to get as close as possible. I brushed my lips against the nape of his neck and murmured, "You can tell me anythin', you know that right? I love you and nothin' you say can change that."

"I love you too," he replied, leaning back into my arms and twisting his head so he could catch my lips in a quick, sweet kiss. "I'm just trying to figure out where to even start."

"The beginnin' is always a good place," I teased, smiling against his back. I felt him inhale and exhale a few times, as if he was trying to gather his courage and fighting to hold it all in at the same time. I tightened my embrace and whispered, "Just let it go, Edward. Holdin' it in is only goin' to make it worse."

Those words must have been the permission he needed, because within seconds, he twisted in my arms so that he was laying sideways with his head against my chest. I ran my hand through his hair gently and cradled him as he began to sob. Time ceased to exist as I listened to my boyfriend haltingly tell me about the abuse he'd endured at the hands of his parents. I put aside my own reactions and just listened, knowing that was what he needed. I held him as he told me about being belittled and made to feel worthless, how his mother remained silent even when she knew that her husband was beating her child, how he was constantly compared to Carlisle and made to feel ashamed about his sexual orientation. How he did everything possible to hide his feelings of guilt and shame from everyone. Edward discussed his time in the military and how he'd become, in his words, a monster – treating patients and residents like they meant nothing. He told me about his roommate's father's death and how it had made him realize that he needed to make a change. My heart broke with each revelation and I tried my best to remain calm, when all I wanted to do was resurrect his father from the grave so I could torture and kill him.

"Jasper?" Edward whispered brokenly against my chest. He looked up at me and there was such sadness in his eyes as he reached up to brush away the tears that I hadn't even realized were falling. "I will understand if this is too much. I should've told you how broken I was before you moved in. I love you but I won't make you stay if this is more than you can handle."

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. "God damn it, Edward. What is it goin' to take for you to realize how much I love you?" I yelled, then took a deep breath and in a quieter voice continued. "You are my life now. Even if you are broken, which I'm not agreein' with, I still love you. I love your kindness. I love your compassion for others. I love your willingness to do whatever it takes to make sure I'm happy. I love your drive and determination to do the best for your patients. I love all of you - each individual piece! Hell, I even love when you get pissy with me over how to fold napkins for dinner parties," I added with a sly grin. "We can get through this together, but you need to believe in us and in my love for you," I said seriously. "I'm not goin' to run at the first sign of trouble."

He looked at me wide-eyed, surprised by the vehemence of my words. "I should have told you though," he reiterated guiltily.

"Yes, you should have. But you're tellin' me now and that's what matters," I replied, leaning down to brush my lips against his. "So what made this mornin's session so difficult?" I inquired, knowing there was more to it.

Edward sighed and pushed me so that I was lying flat on the blanket. He curled up against me, laying his head against my heart and said, "We were talking about my not wanting children. I said that I couldn't have children and Seth called me on my word choice, saying that it wasn't that I couldn't have children but that I didn't want to. He asked me for my reasoning…" Edward described hesitantly and I ran my hand over his arm soothingly so he would continue. "…I told him that I would end up treating a kid like I had been treated. He then got me to tell him exactly what my father did to me. It's the first time I've admitted everything to anyone, Jasper. It was a relief, but also scary as hell. But the worst part was that I think he did it to Carlisle too," Edward disclosed, the tears beginning again.

"Did you not know that?" I asked quietly, wondering how that was possible. They'd grown up in the same house and seemed to be quite close.

"No. Carlisle was always the one he told me to be like. I always figured that it was my fault because I just couldn't be as good at the things Carlisle was good at. I was a total geek, Jasper. I was into video games, comic books, and music while Carlisle was great at sports and popular. I was too scrawny and uncoordinated for sports and too shy to be popular. I kept myself isolated, even at school, terrified that someone would realize that I was gay and tell my parents. I tried so hard, Jasper. I changed everything about myself to try to make him love me and it never worked," he admitted regretfully. "I figured that I deserved what I got because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be."

"Oh Edward," I said, horrified at what he'd gone through and realizing just how deeply it had impacted his adult life. I inched down so that our faces were even and I could look directly into his eyes. "It wasn't your fault, babe. You could have been a star football player and the biggest heterosexual on campus and he still would have found somethin' wrong with you."

"I'm starting to realize that now, I think. Especially if he did the same thing to Carlisle. I mean, Carlisle was perfect – if he hit him, then it had to be my father's fault. Carlisle wouldn't have done anything that merited that kind of treatment," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Edward, you were perfect too. Just because you weren't like Carlisle doesn't mean that you weren't perfect the way you were," I reiterated, frustrated because even now he was still comparing himself to Carlisle and finding something lacking. "The only people at fault here are that asshole father of yours and your mother," I spit out, my anger getting the best of me.

"My mother?" he asked, his confusion at my words apparent on his face.

"Yes, Edward. Your mother is just as much to blame as your father. She had to know what was goin' on and she did nothin' to stop it. That's just as bad in my book," I said, offering my take on the situation. "A mother's duty is to protect her children from harm, be it physical or mental. It seems to me that she spent a lot of time just pretendin' that nothin' was goin' on."

"Huh," Edward muttered. "I never thought of it that way. I just always figured that she agreed with him – that there was something wrong with me."

I realized in that moment that Edward's parents had essentially brainwashed him into thinking he was somehow defective and deserving of the abuse they'd inflicted on him. I hoped that Seth could help him to realize that the assumptions that he'd built his life upon were incorrect. I knew that I would do everything in my power to make Edward realize just how wonderful he was. "So what's next?" I asked, wanting to hear Seth's plan.

"He wants me to have a joint session with Carlisle so we can discuss the past," Edward said with a sigh.

"Do you not want to do that?" I asked, sensing his reluctance.

"I just don't want to bring up bad memories for him," he replied, again putting everyone else's needs ahead of his own.

"Edward," I said sternly, grasping his chin gently and forcing him to look at me. "It's time for you to start askin' for what you need. If you think talkin' this out with Carlisle will help then ask him. If he thinks it will be too much, then he can always say no. You need to stop worryin' about how everyone else feels and start takin' care of you." I knew this was a completely foreign concept to Edward, but one I hoped he would grasp quickly.

"I don't know how to do that, Jasper," he confessed anxiously. "I've spent my whole life trying to be what other people wanted me to be. Athletic, straight, and popular for my parents, independent and competent for Carlisle and Esme, and tough, uncaring, and robotic for the military; I promised myself when I left the military that I would try to be just Edward but I'm still trying to figure that out for myself."

"Do you still feel that way?" I asked quietly, hoping that he wasn't attempting to be someone other than himself for me. I loved Edward just the way he was and didn't want him to feel like he had to change to be with me.

"No!" he exclaimed. "For the first time in my life Jasper, I feel accepted and loved for being me. I can't tell you how liberating and amazing that is," he declared, reaching across to cup my face in his hands. "You love me for me, faults and all. I thank God everyday for that. I'd still be that cold, unfeeling monster if it wasn't for you. You make me want to be a better person Jasper, and that means getting past what happened in my childhood. You give me the strength to face this crap," he asserted, bringing tears of emotion to my eyes. "Don't you know how special you are Jasper Whitlock?" he asked, kissing me softly.

I hugged him to me closely, and murmured in reply, "You are the special one, Edward Cullen. After the childhood you had it would be so easy to blame everyone and everythin', to become exactly the same as your parents. But you didn't. You chose to become the lovin', kind, compassionate brother, friend, and lover that I fell in love with. You should be very proud of yourself."

We held each other quietly for a few more moments before I felt Edward shiver in my arms. I glanced at my watch and realized that we'd been out here for over two hours. "Babe, are you ready to go home?" I asked. "I know you're cold."

Edward sighed and replied, "Yeah, I guess. I need to call Carlisle and see if he will be willing to come to my next session."

Happy that he was finally taking his own needs into account, I stood up and began gathering up the blankets and empty cups. Edward took the trash over to the nearest bin and we headed back to the car hand in hand. When I opened the passenger door, he pulled me to him and caught my lips in a ravaging kiss. "What was that for?" I asked amusedly after we parted.

"That's for being the best partner in the world," Edward responded with a grin. "You always know exactly what I need when I need it and you won't let me get away with hiding from my emotions. I love you Jasper Whitlock."

"And I love you Edward Cullen," I replied with another soft kiss. "Now, let's go home."

_**04/27/2010, 12:45 – CPOV**_

I had just finished an unscheduled appendectomy and had finally found some time to eat the lunch that Esme had prepared for me. As much as I grumbled about the healthy meals she cooked, I did appreciate the fact that she took such good care of me. It was for that reason that I warmed up the meal and ate it, instead of sneaking off to the cafeteria for a slice of pizza. I carried the heated up meal back to my office and sat at my desk, going through my e-mail while eating my lunch. I had another surgery scheduled at 13:30 so I had to find time for the administrative portion of my position when I could. That typically meant that any free time I had would find me at my desk, slogging through paperwork or e-mail. I was in the midst of responding to a request for vacation time when I heard a knock on my door. My secretary was out on her own lunch hour so I had to field my own phone calls and interruptions. "Come in," I called out, too lazy to get up and go open the door.

A dark head poked around the door and I was surprised to see Seth Clearwater. "Is this a bad time Carlisle?" he asked as he entered my office, closing the door behind him.

"Not at all, I have a bit of time before my next surgery," I replied, still trying to get past the shock of seeing him here. Seth and I were friends, but there had been a time – nearly three years ago now – that he'd also been my therapist. He'd saved me from making the greatest mistake of my life and I owed him a great debt. However, his appearance in my office now meant only one thing. Edward knew.

"I think you know why I'm here," he said seriously. "I'm in a tight spot Carlisle. These damn HIPAA laws have my hands tied but I'm hoping we can get past that."

"He knows," I said, blowing out a breath and leaning back in my chair. I covered my face with my hands and tried to come to grips with the situation as it stood now. I knew that it was wrong to keep this information from Edward, but I hadn't wanted to burden him with my issues when he was going through so much. Seth had argued with me vehemently during therapy, stating that Edward had a right to know and that knowing that he wasn't the only person abused could actually help him come to terms with his own issues. I'd disagreed, choosing instead to withhold the information. And now that Edward was out of the military and in a healthy and happy relationship, I hadn't wanted to disrupt that happiness by opening up old wounds.

"Yes," Seth replied. "I've encouraged him to ask you to come to his next session so that you could both discuss this in a supportive setting. I've come to know Edward well though, and I don't think he's going to be able to wait that long. I'm just here to let you know to expect a phone call and that I'm here if either of you need me."

I took a deep breath and looked at Seth. "Did you tell him?"

"You know that I can't disclose the contents of a session, Carlisle. I'm offended that you would even think me capable of that. But you had to know when you referred him to me that there would be a conflict of interest. I took on his case as a favor to you. You don't get to be angry with me that your choice to withhold this information from your brother has caught up with you," Seth replied sternly.

"I know, I know. I just thought…" I trailed off, not wanting to admit that I'd been hoping to avoid this conversation with Edward entirely.

"Yes, I know you thought you could somehow avoid this but I'm telling you now that you are doing both of you a great disservice if you don't get this out into the open," Seth warned. "He needs to understand what happened and you need to hear what he went through. You can help each other if you would both stop trying to protect each other," he continued, looking at me carefully.

Seth Clearwater was a master of double meanings. His last sentence a case in point; he knew that I'd withheld my past from Edward to protect him. He was telling me that Edward had done the same. I sighed and replied, "We're two peas in a pod, aren't we?"

"Yes, you are," Seth replied with a smile. "Do the right thing Carlisle," he said, moving towards the door. "I'm only a phone call away if either of you need me," he repeated and then left, leaving me to prepare for a conversation I'd hoped to never have. How exactly do you tell your brother that not only were you aware that he was being verbally abused, but that you chose to save yourself instead of helping him? That you were selfish enough to keep your mouth shut so that you could go on with your own life knowing that someone you loved was most likely paying the price. I'd gone home as much as I could and threatened my father with exposure if he laid a hand on Edward like he done with me, but deep down I'd known that the only way to end it would be to report it. After all, I had been on the receiving end of it for years. My only solace had been that he'd promised not to hit Edward and I believed that he actually kept that promise. I laid my head down on my desk and cried, fearing that once the truth was out my brother would see me for who I was and cut me out of his life completely.

Trying to gather my composure, I grabbed a Kleenex from the box on my desk and wiped my face. I reached for the phone to call Esme – I needed her support now more than ever. As I pulled it from my pocket it began to ring and I knew it was time to be done with all of the secrets. It was now or never. "Hi Edward," I answered softly, hoping this could be a beginning and not an ending.

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**A/N2: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I love hearing what you are thinking so please review if you have time!**


	27. Truth Will Out

**A/N: Morning ducklin's! Today is the day. The Fandom Gives Back auction begins today and I'm up for grabs. Well, at least an outtake of Southern Charm is. ;) For your reading pleasure, I'm offering an outtake from a POV of your choice from my little melodrama. Anything goes except for future takes (we wouldn't want to give anything away, now would we, and hell, I don't even know what's in store for these two yet!). To join in on the fun and to support an amazing cause, check my profile page for details. The auction ends on July 2, 2010, so don't delay, bid today. And if not on me - there are many, many other amazing authors auctioning off their work. **

**Now, onto the story. This, my dears, should be our last chapter o' angst for a bit. Personally, I can't take much more myself. I hope you enjoy it and as always, thank you for the reviews, favoriting, and alerts. A special welcome to those new readers who have made their way to SC land this week. Welcome aboard!**

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Chapter 27 – Truth Will Out

_**04/27/2010, 12:32 – EPOV**_

My head was pounding, my eyes were burning, and I felt like I'd been run over by a bus. The only thing keeping me from completely falling apart was the man sitting next to me. I clutched his hand like a life preserver and the connection kept me grounded. I'm not sure if I could have gotten through this morning's revelations if Jasper hadn't been there. When I left Seth's office, the only thing on my mind had been to find Jasper. I'd needed him, more than ever, and to my utter relief, he'd been waiting for me in the lobby. That first touch of his hands on my face settled my soul like nothing else could.

My first instinct was to lock up all of these feelings and push them aside, just as I had in the past. One look in Jasper's eyes and I knew it wasn't an option anymore. As my partner, he deserved to know the truth about my past and what he was getting himself into. I was terrified that once he knew, he would leave, but I also knew that if I couldn't open myself up enough to trust him with this information; I was damning us to a life of secrets and half-truths. He took me to the beach since I couldn't stand the thought of bringing my father and what he'd done into our home, and he listened. By the end, I no longer felt ashamed but protected and cherished by the person I loved more than life itself. Regardless of my past, Jasper wasn't going anywhere; he loved me as much as I loved him. With that knowledge, I knew we would get through this together.

Jasper made the turn into our apartment complex and hit the remote for the garage. We exited the car and walked into the building hand in hand. I hadn't said a word on the ride home and I knew that Jasper was worried about me. I spent most of the drive trying to build up the courage to call Carlisle. Jasper led me up the stairs and unlocked the door. As we entered the apartment, Cletus ran forward to greet us, anxious for food and attention. I just didn't have it in me and headed directly to the sofa, grabbing the cordless phone on my way. I needed to call Carlisle now before I chickened out completely. As I settled onto the couch, I heard Jasper say from behind me, "I'm goin' to feed Cletus and take care of a few things." He kissed the top of my head and squeezed my shoulders before he headed off to the laundry room, Cletus hot on his heels. I knew he was giving me some privacy and I felt a pang in my heart at the thought of how lucky I was to have him as my partner.

I hit the speed dial and listened as the phone rang. Within seconds, Carlisle picked up with a hesitant, "Hi Edward." It was almost as if he was expecting my call.

I took a deep breath and replied, "Carlisle, I'm just going to get straight to it because I honestly don't have much more left in me today. I need to talk to you about Dad." I closed my eyes and waited for his response. My entire life, Carlisle and I had never really discussed our parents and I could only imagine what was running through his mind now.

"I know," he said softly. There was silence as we both tried to figure out what to say next. I was about to ask him to my next appointment when he continued, "I should tell you that Seth came to see me after your appointment. I'm not sure if you are aware, but Seth used to be my psychiatrist as well. He wanted to give me a bit of a heads up but he didn't share anything confidential," Carlisle was quick to add. Well, that explained why he was expecting my call. I wasn't sure if I was relieved that Seth had warned him or pissed.

"Umm…okay," I replied, stalling for time while I thought this through. My next appointment wasn't until next week and could I really wait that long to have this discussion? Could I stand spending the week ahead worrying this over in my head? I pinched the bridge of my nose and dove back into the conversation. "Look, Seth wants me to invite you to my next session but I can't go a whole week without knowing Carlisle. I hate to ask this, but can we meet tonight?"

I heard the rustling of papers on Carlisle's desk and waited him out. I wasn't sure what he was doing and was about to ask him when he came back on the line. "My last surgery is at 3:30 – how about we meet at the house at 6?" he asked.

"Yeah – that works for me," I replied. I caught sight of Jasper moving from the laundry room back to the bedroom and quickly added, "Do you mind if Jasper comes along?" I wasn't going to make it through this without Jasper by my side.

"Does he know everything?" Carlisle asked hesitantly.

"I don't know everything, Carlisle," I responded sarcastically. Taking a deep breath I continued, "He knows what I went through – all of it. I told him this morning after my appointment."

"Oh – okay. I have no problem with Jasper being there. Do you mind if Esme is there?" he inquired.

"I assumed she would be," I replied, feeling as if we were choosing seconds for an upcoming duel. "Carlisle, I'm not coming over there to kick your ass. I just need some answers," I added. "I think we've avoided this long enough."

"I know, and that's my fault, Edward," my brother admitted, his voice breaking. "But I agree - it's time we got this all out in the open. Maybe then we can both move past it." For the first time in my life, my brother sounded broken and scared. The person I relied on to be strong seemed to be falling apart.

"I love you Carlisle, you know that right? Nothing you tell me tonight is going to change that," I noted quietly.

I heard him inhale deeply and then he replied, "I hope so. I love you too. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

Before I could respond he disconnected the call. I tossed the phone onto the coffee table and then bent over, my elbows on my knees, holding my head. My head began to pound again and I decided that I'd better go find some aspirin before this turned into a migraine. The mixture of stress and exhaustion had me at the end of my rope and I still had tonight to get through. I'd worked the night before, come home to change, and then Jasper and I had gone to our respective appointments so I'd yet to get some sleep. Fuck! I'd been so caught up in my own drama that I hadn't even bothered to ask Jasper how PT went this morning. I pulled myself off of the sofa and headed back to the master bathroom for some painkillers.

I met Jasper as I was heading down the hall. "I was just comin' to get you babe," he said with a concerned look on his face. "Follow me."

He took me by the hand and led me back to the bathroom. When I walked in, I found that my boyfriend had drawn a hot bath in our whirlpool tub, turned on the jets, dimmed the lights, and put on some soothing music. He walked over to the sink and handed me a glass of water and two aspirin. I downed them quickly and after setting the glass back on the sink, I pulled him to me and rested my head on his shoulder. "God I love you."

He ran his fingers through my hair soothingly and then pushed me back a bit. "Let's get you undressed and into the bath. It'll help with the headache," he said as he began pulling my t-shirt over my head. As if I were a child, Jasper removed each article of clothing from my body and then guided me over to the tub.

I sank into the hot water and immediately felt my muscles begin to relax as the jets began to hit my sore muscles. There was only one thing missing. Looking up at him, I scooted forward and asked, "Join me please?"

I watched as he nodded and then stripped off his own garments, too tired to appreciate the beautiful body on display before me. He eased in behind me and then pulled me back into his arms, placing soft kisses on the back of my shoulders. "How did the phone call go?" he asked softly.

"As well as could be expected, I guess. We're going to meet tonight – I can't drag this out another week. I'll go crazy. Will you come with me?" I asked, relaxing further into his arms as he wrapped them around my body.

"Of course, babe," he replied. "What time do we have to be there?" he asked.

"Six," I murmured.

"Are you ready to do this?" he asked. "You might not like what you hear."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I'm sure I have to do this. Do you know that we've never once discussed my parents? Sometimes it's almost as if they never existed. Now that I look back on it, I don't know how I didn't know that he was abusing Carlisle too. I was just so wrapped up in what was happening to me that I couldn't see it…" I trailed off, feeling guilty for being so focused on myself.

"You can't beat yourself up like that, Edward. You did what you had to do to get through it. I'm sure Carlisle did the same thing. What's important now is that you are goin' to finally talk about it so that you both can move past it," Jasper countered, hugging me closer to his body. "Now, let it go for a while. Stewin' over it now is not goin' to make tonight come any faster," he advised, knowing full well that my mind was already running a hundred miles per hour in anticipation of tonight's meeting with Carlisle.

Jasper was right and as I listened to the soft classical music playing in the background I remembered my epiphany in the living room. "I'm such an ass, baby. I never even asked how your appointment went this morning."

"Aww, but I like your ass, babe," Jasper teased. "My appointment went rather well, actually. Garrett lifted all restrictions," he said.

I twisted around to look at him. "That's great news baby! I'm so proud of you. All that hard work has paid off. Did he say when you might be able to go back to work?"

Jasper grinned back at me and said, "He thinks that if we work at it, I can take the physical fitness test in a month or two."

I knew that Jasper was anxious to get back to doing what he loved. I reached up to pull him towards me and kissed him deeply, ecstatic for what this meant for him. When I pulled away, I saw that his eyes were dancing with mischief.

"What?" I asked, wondering what was going through his head.

"You're better than me. When Garrett told me he was liftin' all restrictions, I have to say my first thought wasn't about work," my boyfriend noted with a cheeky grin.

It was a testament to how exhausted I was that it took a minute for his words to sink in. "Wait a minute? _**All **_restrictions?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes, babe – all restrictions – well, within reason. I don't think I'm ready to fuck you up against the wall yet, but one day…" Jasper answered and I laughed as his eyes began to glaze over.

Jasper glared at me, but his expression changed when I whispered, "I can't wait for that day either, baby." He groaned and kissed me deeply, his tongue tangling with mine slowly. As much as I wanted to take this further, I was too tired. I pulled away, and with a sigh, I leaned back against him, content to be in his arms.

I'd almost started to drift off when Jasper nudged me from behind and said, "Come on lazy – let's get out and go to bed." After drying off and draining the tub, Jasper pulled me to the bedroom and pushed me onto the bed, flat on my back. He crawled in after me and curled up against my side, pulling the blankets over us. I closed my eyes to try and get some sleep, but couldn't keep myself from worrying about what was going to happen tonight. Would I be able to hear Carlisle's side of the story without breaking down? What if he was hurt worse than I was? What if he hated me for dragging this all up again?

"I can feel you thinkin' from over here," Jasper said, placing his hand over my heart. "You need to just let it go for a while Edward. There's nothin' you can do right now and worryin' over it isn't goin' to make it any better."

"I can't turn it off," I lamented.

Jasper leaned over me and began trailing kisses across my chest. "Let me help you," he whispered, as he drew a nipple into his mouth and pulled it gently with his teeth.

I threw my head back and moaned – my man knew my erogenous zones like the back of his hand. "Jasper," I whined.

Releasing my nipple and running his hand down to trace across my abs, he asked, "What, you don't want?" Not waiting for my response, he moved until he was hovering over me and began placing open mouthed kisses under my jaw, pressing his cock against mine.

I looked up at him and replied with a groan, "Of course I want, but I'm too tired to reciprocate baby. I want you to feel as good as you make me feel."

"You can reciprocate later, hon," he replied, taking my lips in a gentle kiss. "Let me help you forget for a while," he murmured against my mouth as his hand reached down to stroke my cock. And while the rest of my body was too tired to move, my dick had no problem springing to life at Jasper's touch. I reached up to tangle my hands through his hair as he moved back down my body. When I felt his tongue flick against the head of my cock, I surrendered with a moan, unable to resist the pleasurable escape that my lover was offering. He lifted his head and said, "That's right, babe. Let me love you," before enveloping my dick in the warm, wet cavern of his mouth. Within moments, all thoughts of my past and my worries about the evening ahead were lost in the bliss of being loved by Jasper.

_**04/27/2010 – 13:05, EsmePOV**_

I was in the middle of meeting with a client on a remodel when my secretary interrupted with an urgent phone call. I excused myself from the conference room and headed to my office to take the call. I picked up the phone and breathlessly answered, "Esme Cullen."

"Esme," I heard my husband's voice whisper. Oh God.

"Alice?" I asked quickly, needing reassurance that our daughter was okay.

"Sorry, no Alice is fine. I should have realized that you'd think that. I'm sorry," he replied, sounding utterly defeated.

"Carlisle, what is it?" I demanded, already knowing in my heart that my husband's day of reckoning was at hand. I'd heard this tone in his voice only once before; three years ago when he'd finally told me about what he'd endured at the hands of his parents.

"Edward's coming over tonight to talk about our Dad," he replied quietly. "Can you find out if Alice can stay at Vanessa's tonight? I don't want her to be there for this," he added, his voice thick with emotion.

Finally, I thought. Finally the truth would come out. "I don't think that will be a problem. I'll contact Bella and see if she or Jacob can pick them both up from school. What time are Edward and Jasper coming over?" I asked.

"Six. I hate to ask but can you be there by then? I know you have that meeting today, but I need you," my husband asked hesitantly, as if he didn't already know that I would move heaven and earth to be there for him.

"I'll be there," I said. "Stupid question, but how are you?" I inquired cautiously.

"Terrified, but glad that this will finally be over," he noted with a tremulous sigh. "You and Seth were right, I should've told him a long time ago."

"All that matters is that you are going to tell him now," I reassured. "We'll get through this Carlisle. Edward may be angered by what he hears, but he will still love you."

"I hope so. I can't lose him, Esme. Besides you and Alice, he's the only family I have left," Carlisle noted. "He's going to hate me."

"Maybe, but you can't know that for sure, Carlisle. The only thing you can do is tell him the truth and go from there," I said, not wanting to placate him. My husband had been a stubborn ass when it came to disclosing his past to his brother and I had no idea how Edward was going to react.

"I know… I have to go scrub in, I'm already late," Carlisle murmured.

"Are you going to be okay to do surgery? You can get someone else to do it if you need to Carlisle – you're the Chief of Surgery for God's sake," I said, knowing full well that my husband would much rather lose himself in his work than face what was coming tonight.

"I'll be fine," he replied. "I'll talk to you later, okay? I love you."

"I love you too Carlisle. I'll see you tonight," I answered, wishing I could reach through the phone and pull him into my arms. I hung up and headed back to the conference room to finish up my meeting. I got through on autopilot and was relieved when it was over. Heading back to my office, I let my secretary know that I would be gone for the rest of the day and then left for the parking garage. Once in my car, I let out a deep breath and pulled out my cell phone to call Bella. She picked up immediately and thankfully was able to take Alice in for the night. After expressing my appreciation, I hung up and drove home, trying to mentally prepare myself for what was to come.

When I'd met Carlisle eighteen years ago, it had been love at first sight. I'd known immediately that he was my future and I'd jumped into the relationship head first. We were both young, I was 22; Carlisle was 23 and taking care of his younger brother, Edward. I'd never met their parents; they were already gone by the time I'd come into Carlisle and Edward's life, and neither one of them brought them up in conversation. Of course, from what Carlisle had let slip I understood that he didn't have the best relationship with them. It wasn't until three and half years ago that I began to get an idea of the full extent of what Carlisle and possibly, Edward, had gone through.

Alice had been working on a genealogy project for her social studies class and started peppering us with questions about our families. My father had passed while I was in my teens, but my mother was still alive and well and had lent us the family tree she'd completed for Alice's project. We had a close relationship with my side of the family and Alice was familiar with the stories that went along with each family member. However, when Alice approached my husband about his side of the family, he shut down completely, giving her only minimum information – name, date of birth, and date of death. When she continued to push for more information, he exploded. It was a side of my husband I'd never seen before and hoped like hell to never see again. He raged at Alice, then told her to mind her own business and to get out of his sight. After comforting and reassuring our daughter, I confronted him about it and he left, saying he needed some space.

I'd sent Alice off to stay at my mom's the next day and was thankful our daughter wasn't around to witness what I found when I finally caught up with my husband. Four days later, distraught, mad as hell, and at the end of my rope, I hunted Carlisle down at the hospital. At three o'clock in the morning I finally broke down and contacted Angela Cheney for help. He may have been avoiding me, but I knew better than to think he'd leave his patients in the lurch. Angela contacted Ben to see if Carlisle had been showing up for work. Ben told her that not only was he at work but that he was pretty sure that Carlisle was sleeping in his office. I'd pushed my way up onto the surgical floor and into my husband's office, finding him curled up in fetal position on the couch and wide awake. The dark circles under his eyes and the beard gave away the fact that he wasn't taking care of himself and while I was pissed, I was also terrified. My husband was falling apart and I had no idea why.

I just tossed my purse and keys on his desk and sunk to the floor at his feet. Within moments, the things he'd kept hidden for years came pouring out. We'd held each other as we both cried and then I asked the million dollar question. If this had happened to him, what about Edward? Carlisle swore up and down that he had protected Edward as best as he could, threatening their father with exposure if he ever laid a hand on him. He also said that Edward had never come to him saying that his father was abusing him; however, even though he thought that Edward wasn't being physically abused, he was pretty sure that he had endured plenty of verbal and mental abuse. I remember asking if they'd ever sat down and talked about it once their parents died and Carlisle responded that he hadn't wanted to bring it up unless Edward did. He didn't want Edward to know what had happened to him. Now, even I could tell that this was not logical thinking. First of all, it was likely that despite Carlisle's best efforts, Edward had suffered the same abuse he had. Second, Edward had a right to know, especially if it had also happened to him. But most importantly, Carlisle would never get past the guilt he felt for leaving Edward behind when he left for college if they didn't talk this through.

When I asked Carlisle to talk to a professional about it, he flat out refused at first. It wasn't until I refused to let him back into our house if he didn't that he gave in and started seeing Seth Clearwater. Seth helped Carlisle come to terms with what he'd endured, but even he couldn't get Carlisle to see that keeping this from Edward was not in _**Edward's**_ best interest. Finally, we had to let it drop; knowing that someday Edward would come to his brother for answers and Carlisle would have to tell the truth. Today was that day.

I pulled into our garage and headed up to our bedroom to change clothes. In times of stress I had a tendency to want to feed people, so I made a salad, lasagna, and garlic bread, knowing that no one was probably going to eat it. I'd just finished putting the lasagna in the oven when I heard the garage door open, signaling the arrival of my husband. Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was only just after four; Carlisle must have handed off his last surgery. Moments later my husband walked in, looking like death warmed over. I walked over to him and took him into my arms, trying to comfort him as best as I could, knowing that he wouldn't be okay until he'd talked to Edward. We stood there in the middle of the kitchen for God knows how long until Carlisle murmured, "Lasagna?"

I stepped back and shrugged my shoulders, "You know how I get when I'm stressed. If we don't eat it tonight, we can have it tomorrow."

He nodded then said, "I'm going to go up and change. I'll be back down in a bit." I watched him leave and felt my heart break for him. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't fix this for him. Edward and Carlisle had similar needs to protect the ones they loved, regardless of the cost to themselves. They would both have to let that go in order to make peace with their past and to form a healthier relationship; one that wasn't based on Edward's need to place Carlisle on a pedestal and Carlisle's need to treat Edward as half son/half brother. I had a feeling that with Jasper's support, Edward was ready to take that step. If Carlisle could meet him halfway, they could both come out of this stronger. I would be by his side every step of the way, offering the only thing I could, my unending love and support.

_**04/27/2010, 17:53 – EPOV**_

Jasper and I walked up to Carlisle and Esme's house, his arm around my waist a comfort as my nerves about the conversation I was about to have with my brother threatened to overwhelm me. Just before I reached for the doorbell, Jasper drew back my hand and focused my attention on him. "Babe, before we go in I just want you to remember one thing. No matter what happens tonight we have each other and we'll get through this together, okay?" he said, leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

Feeling a little steadier on my feet, I returned the kiss and replied, "I know. I love you, baby."

"I love you too. Now, let's get this done and over with," he encouraged, nodding towards the door.

I reached out again and rang the doorbell. Within seconds, I heard the sounds of the door opening and Esme appeared. "Come in," she said with a welcoming, yet nervous smile. We followed her into the entryway, removing our jackets and shoes. "Carlisle is in the living room. Get I get either of you something to drink?"

"I'll take a beer if you have it," Jasper said with a smile. I nodded my head in agreement and headed off to the living room. As I walked in, I found Carlisle seated in his usual arm chair. He stood up to greet us, and I immediately walked over to embrace him. He looked as bad as I probably did and I felt guilty once again for bringing the past into the present.

We stepped away from each other and as Carlisle greeted Jasper, I took a seat on the sofa, across from Carlisle's chair. Jasper sat down next to me and I immediately took his hand in mine, needing the support. Moments later Esme returned with our beers and some sort of appetizer platter. I quirked an eyebrow at Carlisle and he shrugged; we both knew Esme well enough to know that she cooked when she was nervous. She took a seat on floor between Carlisle's legs and motioned towards the tray. The last thing I wanted was food and after taking a quick swig from my beer bottle, I said, "Thank you for letting me come over tonight. I hope that you didn't have other plans."

Carlisle shook his head and said, "Edward, even if I had other plans I would've canceled them. You come first."

I just nodded and fell silent. How in the hell did you start a conversation like this? Somehow I didn't think that _'Did Dad beat you as much as he beat me?_' was an ideal way to begin. I looked towards Jasper for help, at a loss for what to do next. As always, he was my savior and opened the discussion. "Edward, why don't you tell Carlisle about your session this mornin'?" he prompted with an encouraging squeeze of my hand.

I looked over to see Carlisle and Esme looking back at me nervously and decided to just go for it. "Umm. Yeah, okay," I stuttered out and then took a deep breath and began again. "Look, I don't know how to sugarcoat this to make this sound better or to spare anyone's feelings, so I'm just going to say it. During my session with Seth this morning we discussed how Dad physically, mentally, and verbally abused me from the time I was 9 or 10 until he died. Until today, I always thought that it only happened to me, but Seth helped me to remember something Dad said that made me wonder if it also happened to you." I blurted out, holding on to Jasper's hand for dear life. I found myself gazing at the floor and forced myself to meet my brother's eyes.

"What did you remember?" Carlisle asked, his blank expression masking his emotions.

I winced. It wasn't exactly the best memory and I'd hoped to work my way up to actual descriptions of what my father had done. Of course Carlisle had focused right in on what I was most reluctant to talk about. "Okay," I said slowly, glancing over at Jasper who moved closer to me so that our shoulders were touching. "Umm, when I was about 14 he was punching me in the ribs and I started to cry. He said, _'__You need to be more like your brother. You need to toughen up. Carlisle can take it like a man; you're just a sensitive little pussy. Stupid faggot.'_ I always took it to be more of what he usually said to me. He was constantly telling me that I needed to be more like you. That I was weak and you were strong. That you were perfect and I wasn't. But when I played it back in my head this morning, it sounded more like he was saying that you could take a beating better than I could."

I looked down at the floor, unwilling to see the pity on Esme or Carlisle's faces. Jasper released my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist again; rubbing soothing circles on my back as I tried to relax. I exhaled loudly and continued, "I need to know if he did it to you, Carlisle, because if he did, then maybe it wasn't my fault, it was his. Because I know you wouldn't have done anything to deserve that."

"Edward?" I heard Carlisle call my name and looked up at him. To my surprise, I found both him and Esme in tears. When I made eye contact, he cleared his throat and said angrily, "Regardless if he did it to me or not Edward, it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. He was an evil man who only felt powerful when he was beating or bullying others…" Carlisle paused again to regain his composure and then said, "But to answer your question, yes. It happened to me too."

I felt Jasper move to catch me as I collapsed into his arms, sobbing in relief. Relief because it hadn't only been me, that I wasn't somehow so defective that my own father felt the need to beat me to make me more like my brother. That initial feeling of relief was followed quickly by guilt, as I realized that I was actually relieved that my brother had been abused too. Desperately I looked across the room at Carlisle and cried, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be relieved that you were hurt too, but I am."

"Don't be sorry. I understand, Edward. I'd be relieved too if I was in your shoes," he replied, wiping tears from his face. "I'm just sorry I didn't tell you sooner. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. He wasn't supposed to hit you. He promised me."

"What the hell?" I heard Jasper mutter as he tensed beside me. "You knew?" he yelled as he started to rise from the sofa. "You knew and you left him there?"

"Jasper!" I yanked on his hand to bring him back down next to me. "Stop it."

My boyfriend turned to look down at me in disbelief and said, "Edward. He left you there knowing damn well what your father was capable of. He was your older brother, Edward. He should have protected you." I yanked again and Jasper retook his seat next to me, his arms crossed against his chest as he glared at my brother.

"He's right, Edward," Carlisle said, nodding towards Jasper. "I should have protected you. I should have known that he wouldn't keep his promise. I should have reported him. I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am for not being man enough to take care of you." With that, Carlisle broke down and I was on my feet, stepping past Esme and comforting the only other person in the room who knew exactly what it was like to grow up with a father like ours.

I looked over at Jasper and said, "I know you're angry. I'm angry too, but you're directing your anger at the wrong person. He was seventeen, Jasper. He did what he needed to do to get out of there. If the roles were reversed, I would have done the same. You have no idea what that man put us through. Remember what you said to me this morning? If anyone should have protected us it should have been our mother."

Esme had moved off of the floor and was now seated next to Jasper on the sofa. I knelt down in front of my brother and continued, "I can't blame you Carlisle. I can't. I would've done the same thing. The only thing I'm angry about is that you didn't tell me this earlier. Why? You could've told me after they died at least. I've spent most of my adult life trying to be what other people wanted me to be, because I thought that was the only way they would accept me. I truly believed that what Dad said was true, that I was somehow defective because I wasn't like you."

Carlisle took a moment to catch his breath and then said, "I couldn't. I was too scared that once you knew that I had abandoned you when you needed me the most that you would hate me. You were all I had left, Edward. It was selfish and wrong, but I couldn't face the thought of losing my brother." He reached down to ruffle my hair, much like he had done when we were kids and added, "It didn't matter. I almost lost you anyway. I'm so sorry."

I sighed then said, "God this fucked up. The one person whose ass we should kick now that we are big enough to do it is nothing but dust." Rising from the floor, I went to take a seat in the vacant arm chair next to Carlisle.

Both Jasper and Carlisle chuckled and then glanced at each other. "Jasper, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me?" Carlisle asked sincerely.

Jasper let out a sigh of his own and said, "If Edward says there's nothing to forgive, there's nothing to forgive. I see his point – at seventeen I wasn't mature enough to go against my parents, especially in a situation like this. I just can't take the thought of Edward being hurt."

"I understand," Carlisle said.

"Look, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm exhausted," I said wearily, leaning my head back against the chair. "I know we have a lot more to talk about but I just can't think about this anymore tonight."

"Do you still want me to come to your session with Seth next week," Carlisle asked softly.

I glanced over at him and nodded. "If you wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all, I think it will probably be good for both of us," he admitted with a wry smile.

"Who's hungry?" Esme asked from her position on the sofa.

I grinned at Carlisle and said, "What's for dinner?"

"Lasagna," she replied.

"I'm in," Jasper noted. "Why don't I help you get it set up?" My boyfriend and my sister-in-law set off for the kitchen, giving Carlisle and I some privacy now that the worst seemed to be over.

"Carlisle?" I asked now that Jasper was out of the room.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled, as exhausted as I was by the emotion of the day.

"Weren't you scared? I mean…with Alice?" I asked timidly.

Carlisle opened his eyes and stared at me for a moment before he realized what I was asking. "Was I scared that I would treat Alice like Dad treated us?"

"Yeah."

"Sure. But when I thought about it I recognized that I couldn't imagine treating anyone like he treated us. I figured that as long as I did the exact opposite of what he did, I'd be alright," Carlisle replied. "Is this why you tensed up a dinner the other night when Esme and Mrs. Whitlock started talking about kids? Are you worried you will be like Dad?"

I took a deep breath and said shakily, "You don't know what I was like in Iraq, Carlisle. Towards the end I was so lost that I found myself becoming more and more like him every day. I'm terrified that if I don't watch myself it will happen again. I don't want to take that kind of chance with a child."

"Edward, even at your worst I don't think you were a tenth as bad as Dad was. But even so, you made the decision to change. That says something if you ask me. We all have a dark side Edward. Its how we choose to deal with it that matters," Carlisle offered. "For the record, I think you'd make an excellent father."

I snorted and said, "Maybe. We're not even close to being ready for that yet anyway."

"But when you are, I have no doubt that you will be," Carlisle reiterated, then changed the subject. "You'll both stay tonight? I don't want to worry about you guys getting home safe when I know you are both tired."

"I'll check with Jasper and let you know. Maybe I'll get my sixth wind after dinner…" I said hopefully.

Carlisle laughed and said, "After lasagna? More like food coma."

I laughed along with him and then turned to look at him again. "Thank you Carlisle."

"For what?"

"For being brave enough to talk to me tonight. I know that it couldn't have been easy for you," I said.

"Thank you for being willing to forgive me for not telling you earlier. For understanding…" he replied, his voice breaking with emotion.

Just then we heard Esme calling us in to dinner. I rose from the chair reluctantly and went over to offer my hand to Carlisle. When he grasped it, I pulled him up out of the chair. "Come on old man, let's eat."

I went to release his hand but he pulled me into his arms for a hug. "Are we going to be okay?' he asked quietly.

"I think so. I may not like the fact that you kept this from me for so long, but I still love you. You're still my big brother," I replied.

He tightened the embrace momentarily and then stepped back, ruffling my hair again. "And don't you forget it," he countered with a smirk.

As I followed him into the dining room and took my seat next to Jasper, I realized that I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still had a lot to come to terms with, and Carlisle and I still had a lot to discuss, but I was slowly beginning to understand that I wasn't as unworthy as I once thought. Jasper looked over at me to check if I was okay, and I smiled at him tiredly.

"Esme wants us to stay here tonight," he murmured. "Are you okay to stay or do you want to go home?"

"I'm okay to stay if you are," I replied.

"It's fine with me. Honestly, after eatin' all of this food, the only thing I'm going to want to do is crash anyway."

"Food coma," I said, nodding sagely.

"Food coma?" he asked with a grin.

"Ask Carlisle, he'll tell you," I added with a grin of my own. I leaned in to give him a quick kiss and then settled down to dig into the food Esme was piling on our plates.

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**A/N2: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next Sunday...**


	28. Respite

**A/N: First off, big smoochies to rmhale and breeze1213 for pre-reading and really, beta'ing this chapter for me. You totally made this chapter 500% better than it was and I appreciate you both so much!**

**So, a bit of a sad note here. Skip ahead to the story if you want, I won't mind, I promise. :) I just need to mention this and then we can all move on. My mom, who lost her battle with Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS) one year ago tomorrow, is the only reason I started writing this story at all. She was the most creative person I know - a painter, a weaver, a chef, and a writer - and some days she had to be wondering how the hell she got stuck with a logical, math loving, computer nerd for a daughter. One of her greatest wishes for me was that I embrace my creative side and so before she passed, I promised that I would at least try to honor her request. So, 28 chapters in I've learned a tremendous amount about myself, made some really amazing online friends, and know that she's up in heaven snickering at me for honoring her with a chapter full of lemons. She would have gotten a huge kick out of the fact that I'm writing anything, much less slash. QAF was her favorite show and I like to think that she would have totally enjoyed this, not that I would ever have let her read it! :) She was not only my mother, but my best friend, and while I miss her beyond words, I hope she's proud of me for trying. Thank you to all of your for your kind reviews, your alerts, and your support. I wouldn't have gotten this far without all of you, so I greatly appreciate you all for helping to honor my mom's wish for me. :)**

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Chapter 28 – Respite

_**04/28/2010, 06:21 – JPOV**_

I woke up before Edward and laid there for fifteen minutes just watching him. After a night of confessions, tears, anger and acceptance, my love was finally sleeping peacefully. The little wrinkle that always appeared between his eyebrows when stressed was gone and the lines of tension around his mouth had disappeared. He looked innocent, boyish even. Grinning, I watched as his lips quirked up in a half-smile and he mumbled my name in his sleep. He flexed his fingers, as if reaching for something or someone, and then pushed his face further into the pillow. I knew that if I stayed, I'd eventually say or do something to wake him up and he needed as much rest as possible. Carefully, I edged my way out of the bed. Edward reached for my pillow, curling himself around it the same way he wrapped himself around me when we slept. I quietly picked up my clothes from the floor and headed into the adjoining bathroom.

I got myself dressed and somewhat cleaned up and then snuck past a still sleeping Edward to the door. Exiting the bedroom, I crept through the quiet hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen, desperate for some coffee. I wasn't sure if Esme and Carlisle were already gone or still sleeping, but I figured she wouldn't mind if I raided her kitchen for caffeine. Rounding the corner, I stepped into the room to find Esme seated at the island, clutching a steaming mug and staring into space. Wrapped up in a bathrobe with bunny slippers on her feet, she looked as exhausted as I felt. Not wanting to disturb her, I half-turned to leave when she called out to me.

"Good morning, Jasper. Can I get you a cup of coffee?" she asked quietly, rising halfway out of her chair.

"Mornin' Esme," I responded, waving her back down. "Don't get up, I can get it myself if you point out where the mugs are," I offered.

She nodded towards the cupboard next to the refrigerator and sat back down. I retrieved a mug and poured myself a cup, then walked over and topped hers off. The cream and sugar were resting in front of her on the island, so after replacing the carafe, I grabbed a spoon and took the seat next to her.

"How's he doing?" she asked softly.

"Better. Finally sleepin'," I replied as I doctored my coffee. "How's Carlisle?"

"Already off to work, he had an early surgery," she noted. "I think he's more relieved than anything else. He was sure that Edward would cut him out of his life once he knew the truth," Esme added softly.

"I don't think that thought ever crossed Edward's mind. Honestly, I think he was more shocked than anything else. He's spent too many years believing that Carlisle is somehow infallible. Learning that his brother is a mere mortal was a bit of a revelation I think," I stated with a wry smile. "Hopefully he'll now realize that he's been holding himself up to a standard that's not attainable."

"Well, I think Carlisle finally comprehends that Edward is no longer a child in need of protection. They both are going to have to change their perceptions of each other," she observed. "And how are you doing?" Esme asked, looking at me intently. "That couldn't have been easy for you to sit through either."

"Easier for me than him," I said. "I just want to fix it, Esme. That's what I do, I fix things. At work, if there's a problem, I go out and fix it. I can't fix this." I shrugged my shoulders and continued, "I can't force him to see what a beautiful, lovin', and compassionate person he is. He needs to learn it on his own." I clenched my fists at my side and blurted out, "Most of all, I'm so angry! That wonderful man has spent years thinkin' he was somehow not good enough when he's a hundred times better than most people I know. How can someone do that to their own child?" I asked helplessly.

Esme reached over and rubbed my shoulder consolingly. "I know, Jasper. When Carlisle first told me what his parents had done I just wanted to find them and kill them. Unfortunately, they were already dead. You can't fight with ghosts though. The only thing you can do is support the one you love the best you can." She took a sip from her coffee cup and smiled over at me. "It's not going to be an easy road for either of them, but I think it can only get better from here. The truth is out in the open now and that can only be a good thing."

I nodded and took another sip from my own mug. With a sigh, I said, "I just wish we could get away from it all for a little while. He's so tired – he's been workin' through all of these pent up emotions and supportin' me through all of my crap. I just want to do somethin' for him to give him a break for once. He's always takin' care of me and I want the chance to return the favor. To show him how much I love and appreciate everythin' he's done for me."

"Jasper, you show him you love him every day. Don't think for a second that he doesn't know that. Hell, a person only has to look at you two together to see how much you love each other," Esme noted with a grin. "But maybe a weekend away from all of this is a good idea. You've both been through a lot in the past few months. Carlisle and I have a cottage on the lake, in a small little resort town in Michigan called South Haven. It's only a couple of hours drive from here. Why don't you and Edward go spend a couple of days there this weekend? The tourist season hasn't really started yet, so it should be fairly quiet. It'll give you both a chance to decompress and just be with each other."

It sounded perfect, but I was pretty sure that Edward had to work this weekend. Then both of us were going to be booked up with my physical therapy appointments, his therapy sessions, and his work. Esme was waiting on my response, so I regretfully said, "As lovely as that sounds, I don't think we can. I'm pretty sure Edward has to work this weekend and then we're all booked up with appointments and such." I was disappointed. It would have been wonderful to have Edward all to myself in a cozy little cottage for a couple of days.

Esme nodded in understanding. A moment later her eyes lit up as she jumped up from her chair and grabbed her cell phone. She dialed a number and then walked away. I wasn't sure what she was doing. Maybe she remembered an appointment or needed to talk to her daughter? I went over to the coffee pot, refilled my mug and sat back down, losing myself in a daydream of Edward and I making love in front of a fireplace in some little cottage on the lake. Esme pulled me from my thoughts when she sat back down and announced, "All taken care of."

Curious, I asked, "What's all taken care of?"

"Edward has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night off. He has to work Thursday night, but you can leave when he gets out of work Friday morning. If you come back Sunday afternoon, he'll have plenty of time to rest before he goes back to work on Monday," she said with a grin.

"I…really…how?" I sputtered out.

"There are a lot of perks that come with being best friends with your brother-in-law's boss," Esme answered with a wicked grin. "Bella owes me a few favors. Besides, she was more than happy to accommodate Edward; after all, he did save her ass when Newton was suspended."

I pulled Esme into a hug and exclaimed, "Thank you! I can't tell you how much we both need this."

She hugged me back and whispered, "No, thank you Jasper. Without your presence in Edward's life I don't think he'd have gotten this far, this quickly. Because of your support he's been able to confront his past and in doing so, is giving both himself and my husband an opportunity to finally put this to rest." She released me and wiped away the few tears that had escaped. I realized then that last night had been as difficult for her as it had been for me.

"What about you? How are you holdin' up?" I asked, worried about her.

She shrugged and replied, "I've had a bit more time than you to come to grips with it all. Of course, that doesn't make it an easier really. Like I said before, I'm just happy that all of the secrets are out now. Now, do you want this to be a surprise or do you want to tell him?"

Considering it for a moment, I directed a beaming smile at Esme. "A surprise I think. I owe him one," I replied with a smirk. We spent the next half hour ironing out the details and she promised to call Bella back to let her know not to give away the surprise. Esme and Carlisle rented out the property during the summer months when they weren't using it, but she assured me that because the season hadn't started yet we weren't displacing any possible tenants. She made arrangements to contact the property management company and have them prepare the cottage for our arrival on Friday. After she'd provided me with a key and directions, I hugged her once more and headed back upstairs to my boyfriend. I had a lot to accomplish between now and Friday.

_**04/30/2010, 07:32 – EPOV**_

I was anxious to get home. A miracle had occurred and I actually had three days off in a row. Bella caught up with me this morning to tell me that she'd rearranged the schedule for some reason and when I checked it out, I almost fell out of my chair. Instantly my mind started wandering to all of the wonderful things I could do to Jasper with unlimited time on my hands. I pressed down a little harder on the accelerator and sped home to him.

This week had been the week from hell and I was happy it was finally over. I was exhausted. The strain of confessing the events of childhood to Jasper and finally discussing my father with Carlisle had taken its toll. To top off an already stellar week, the ER was packed Wednesday night and by the time I finally made it home, I just dropped into bed and slept until I had to go to work again. Last night had been more of the same. Through it all, Jasper had been an absolute Godsend, making sure I got enough rest and something to eat, and most importantly lending an ear when I just needed to vent or his arms when I needed comfort. I wouldn't have made it through this week without him and I thought about what I could do to show my appreciation.

I was still running various ideas through my head when I finally reached the apartment. After stowing the Volvo in the garage, I entered our building and ran up the stairs, eager to get to Jasper. It felt like it had been weeks instead of days since we'd really had some time to ourselves and I couldn't wait. I unlocked the door and walked into the foyer, dumping my keys into the bowl on the small table. I looked up to see Jasper standing in the doorway to the living room and raked my eyes over him appreciatively. He was wearing jeans and nothing else. My teeth sunk into my lower lip as I tried to stifle a groan. The utter sexiness of the man standing in front of me was enough to bring me to my knees. He approached me slowly and I flashed him a smile in greeting. Never would I tire of the way his eyes lit up when he saw me. Reaching out, I pulled him towards me. Once I had him in my arms, I pushed him back against the front door. Tangling my fingers through his hair, I gripped it firmly, holding his face still as I ravaged his mouth and pressed myself against him. The taste and feel of my Jasper said home to me like nothing else would and I groaned at the sheer pleasure of his body against mine.

Not one to be outdone, Jasper quickly reversed our positions and ground his hips into mine, pushing me hard against the door and immediately sending my heart rate soaring. I ran my hands down his back to his perfect ass and pressed him further into me. Now it was his turn to groan as our cocks finally made contact through our layers of clothes. I lost myself in the sensations of his body against mine until Jasper finally pulled away, gasping for breath. "Mmmm, good mornin' babe," he said roughly, pressing his lips to the underside of my jaw.

I kissed him again, softly and replied, "Good morning, baby."

He stepped back out of my reach and I pouted. He eyed me warily and said, "Uh-uh. I have plans for us and we'll never get to them if you keep this up." I raised an eyebrow at him and grinned, leaning back against the wall, giving him my sultriest look. His eyes glazed over but to my disappointment, he shook himself out of his stupor and glared at me. "Nope. Not fallin' for it. Go get in the shower, babe," he ordered. "Fuckin' scrubs and fuck-hot glasses," I heard him mumble under his breath as he shooed me towards the master bathroom.

When we reached the bathroom, I removed my glasses and began to pull off my scrubs. I felt Jasper watching and decided to entice him into the shower with me. Pulling the scrub top up and over my head slowly, I ran a hand over my abs watching Jasper's eyes follow the motion. I then hooked my thumbs into the waistband of my scrubs, turned around and lowered them to the ground. My ass was bent over and on display for my lover's benefit and the loud groan I heard behind me was my confirmation that he was watching my every move. Soon I would have him exactly where I wanted him. Standing up and turning towards him, I smiled when his gaze fell to my semi-erect cock. I walked over to the shower and opened the door, turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. Looking over my shoulder at Jasper, I noted the tell tale bulge in his jeans. Reaching down and stroking myself slowly, I asked, "Sure you don't want to join me?"

"Shit…" he groaned, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying it as he tried to decide. Jasper's face was so expressive and I watched as a myriad of emotions played across his features: indecision, love, and lust. His eyes narrowed as he continued to watch my hand's progress up and down my shaft and then, much to my delight, I heard him mutter, "Fuck it." He pushed his jeans down and off of his body and strode over to me.

Instead of stepping into the shower, he pulled me into his arms and reached down to remove my hand from my cock. "Mine," he growled as he took over where I left off. He pushed me backwards toward the counter top and kissed me deeply, asserting his dominance. I wasn't going to argue, coming to the realization that dominant Jasper could set me on fire like nothing else in this world. "Your cock is mine. Your ass is mine. You are mine," he stressed once he finally released my lips and my dick. I panted, anxious for what I knew was coming. He turned me around to face the counter top and mirror above it and said, "Bend over."

Moaning, I did as he ordered. Looking up in the mirror, I watched his lust darkened eyes as they ran over my ass. I pushed my hips back towards him as he reached into the drawer and pulled out the lube and a condom. The coolness of the lube felt amazing against the heat of his hands as he spread my cheeks. I closed my eyes as I felt two fingers penetrate and begin to stretch me.

"Look at me when I'm fuckin' you," Jasper demanded and I looked into the mirror to see his eyes trained on the movement of his fingers. I pushed back against them, needing more friction and reached down to take my cock in hand again. He slapped my hand away and growled, "No touching. You're goin' to cum from my cock alone."

He added a third finger and brushed up against my prostate. When I cried out and clenched around his fingers, he smirked at me in the mirror and said, "Oh Edward, I'm going to fuck you so hard." After a few more brushes of his fingers against my sweet spot, I started begging.

"Please, baby. I need you," I moaned out pitifully. His eyes caught mine in the mirror as he leaned over my back to nip at my earlobe.

"Ready?" he asked softly, a bit of insecurity playing across his face. Until now, our lovemaking had always been slow and gentle. I knew he was asking for permission and I nodded.

"Fuck me, Jasper. Hard," I hissed out, knowing my words would push him to let go of his worries and take me as he wanted. He bit my shoulder gently and then reached down to grab the condom. After he sheathed himself he grabbed the lube and coated his erection liberally. Jasper took his cock in hand and when I felt him at my entrance, he pushed in slowly. When he was fully seated within me, he reached down to grab my hips and pulled me back against him.

I moaned loudly as he began to move, his hard dick brushing against my prostate with each forceful thrust. I bent over further to adjust the angle and felt him penetrate deeper. Tilting my head up, I watched as he lost himself to the sensations and increased the pace. "Fuckin' hell Edward, you feel so fuckin' good… so tight, so warm," he ground out, his eyes closing as he concentrated. My cock was throbbing and I reached down again to give myself some relief.

Jasper must have felt the movement of my arm and I gasped as his eyes opened and he glared at me. "What did I fuckin' tell you, babe? Mine…" he snarled and placed my hand back on the edge of the counter top.

He continued to pound into me and I began to lose control, overwhelmed by the feeling of his body pressing into mine. I began to plead incoherently, "Please… baby…harder."

Jasper moaned and increased his pace yet again while reaching around to tweak my nipple hard with his fingers. I cried out at the mix of pain and pleasure. Our eyes locked in the mirror and I was stunned to realize that he was right, I was going to cum and he hadn't even touched me. I felt my abdominal muscles begin to tighten and knew I was close. "Jasper…" I cried wantonly, wanting him to cum with me. I began meeting his thrusts with a hard backwards push of my hips and felt his grip on me tighten.

"Fuck yes…" he hissed, leaning over my back and placing open mouth kisses on my shoulder blades as he tweaked my nipple again. "Fuckin' cum, Edward. I'm so fuckin' close babe," he moaned out. When I felt his teeth bite down on the nape of my neck, I lost it and exploded, screaming out with pleasure. I clenched my inner muscles around Jasper's cock and sent him over the edge with me.

We collapsed against the counter, panting for air. Jasper laid his cheek against my back. I'd never been so thoroughly fucked in my entire life and I'd enjoyed every second. Once we'd caught our breath, Jasper pulled out slowly and discarded the condom. He turned me around to face him and kissed me reverently. "You okay?" he whispered when our lips parted.

I stuttered out a laugh and replied, "I'm more than okay, baby. That was fucking amazing." Leaning up against him, I added with a wink, "I think we're going to need to do that again and soon."

Jasper smiled, rolled his eyes, and said, "You're goin' to have to wait. You've already made us late. Now clean up and join me in the shower so we can get out of here." He nodded towards the cupboard below the counter top and I grinned cheekily.

"That's your fault," I teased. "I should make you clean it up," I added with a smirk. I wet a washcloth as Jasper stepped into the shower. Once I'd wiped down the cupboard and tossed the cloth into the hamper, I joined him. We washed each other gently, and I tried to figure out Jasper's plans for the day. "Where are we going?" I asked as he washed my back.

Jasper pushed me under the shower head and replied, "Nope, not tellin'. It's a surprise."

I could tell by his expression that I wasn't going to get it out of him, so I quickly turned my attention to finishing up. Looking over my shoulder at him, I asked quietly, "How's your leg?" This was the first time he'd really put any strain on it and I wanted to make sure he hadn't overdone it.

"Just fine," he reassured, leaning back to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. A few minutes later we were finished and drying off. We walked into the bedroom and I realized that I hadn't seen Cletus since I'd come home. Of course, I'd been pretty distracted but it wasn't like him to disappear like this.

"Where's Cletus?' I asked curiously. I was convinced that the cat was jealous of Jasper after he'd destroyed a pair of Jasper's sneakers, a CD, and a book. Not to mention he'd hacked up a fur ball on Jasper's favorite CPD sweatshirt. When Jasper first moved in I thought they were getting along pretty well, but their relationship had taken an adversarial turn over the past week. I wasn't sure how I'd react if Jasper had gotten rid of my cat. Cletus could be a pain in the ass, but I still loved him.

"Emmett's," he replied nonchalantly as he began pulling on his jeans.

I spun around to look at him and said, "Emmett's? What the hell is he doing over there?"

"We're not goin' to be home this weekend and someone needed to take care of him. Alice is goin' to some dance this weekend, so Emmett was the only other choice. He can't be drivin' over here every day so he took him to his place," Jasper related with a shrug.

"We're not going to be home?" I asked in confusion.

"Nope, we're bustin' out of this joint and goin' on a mini road trip," my boyfriend said with a grin.

I grinned back and then stopped, as another thought came to me. "How did you know that I didn't have to work this weekend?" I asked suspiciously.

"I have my ways, Edward. I have my ways. Now, get dressed so we can go already," he demanded, looking ready to jump out of his skin with anticipation. I was excited as well at the thought of time away with my partner, but I was also exhausted. And to be honest, I wasn't sure if I was up to a long car ride. I got dressed though and sat down at the end of the bed as Jasper hauled out a suitcase that he'd evidently already packed.

He looked over at me and sighed. Sitting down next to me he leaned his head against my shoulder and said, "It's only a couple of hours drive and you can sleep the whole way. I just wanted to get you away from everythin' for a couple of days. Are you up to it?" he asked quietly. "Once we get where we are goin' we can just relax. I'm not plannin' on runnin' us around like crazy," he reassured.

I kissed the top of his head and replied, "Ignore me, Jasper. That sounds wonderful. I'm just tired. I'm sure I'll love whatever you have planned."

He rose from the bed and pulled me up with him, giving me a gentle kiss. "Let's go then. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can start our weekend of R & R." He stepped away and gathered up the suitcase and a duffle bag. I grabbed the keys and my phone and we locked up the apartment and headed out to the garage. Jasper loaded the suitcase into the trunk and put the duffle bag in the back seat. Once we were settled, he started the car and we took off.

He headed towards the highway, but pulled off at a Starbuck's first to collect a coffee for him and a chai latte for me. As we waited for our drinks in the drive-thru, he pulled out his iPhone and plugged it into the car stereo. Thumbing through the menu, he selected a play list and I was surprised to hear soft classical music begin to pour out of the speakers – Jasper was more of a classic rock, country music type of guy. I glanced over at him and he smiled shyly. "I figured this would help you to relax," he offered as he collected the drinks from the person manning the drive-thru. He placed them in the cup holders and pulled forward. Reaching behind him, he pulled a small pillow out from the duffle bag and handed it to me. "Put the seat back and try to get some sleep, babe. I'll wake you when we get there."

I made myself comfortable as Jasper got onto the freeway, took a sip of my latte, and placed it back in the cup holder. Turning in the seat so that I faced him, I whispered drowsily, "I love you, baby."

I felt his hand brush across my forehead softly and lost myself to the feel of his touch and the soothing sounds of the classical music. The last words I heard before I passed out were, "Love you too, babe. So much."

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**A/N2: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated! Until next Sunday... :)**


	29. Halcyon

**A/N: Sorry - I know this is later than usual. Bit of delay as I watched my team lose in the World Cup today and then proceeded to drown my sorrows. *sniffle* Thanks, as always, for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. I know that I didn't get back to all of you who reviewed this week - let's just say I'll do better next time. Apparently my professors didn't think responding to reviews during their lectures was an appropriate use of my time. LOL. I do want to express my thanks for all of your kind notes and PM's about my mom. Your words of support helped to make a difficult week that much easier.**

**Finally, a special thank you to coolbreeze who not only pre-read this chapter for me but bought me at the FGB auction. Thanks again!**

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Chapter 29 – Halcyon

_**04/30/2010, 11:37 – JPOV**_

Two and half hours and ninety miles later, Edward was still sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat. I didn't want to wake him, but my stomach was grumbling something fierce. I intended to feed Edward before we left this morning but he had other ideas. Not that I was complaining. However, if we were going to engage in a repeat performance sometime in the near future – and I sure as hell hoped we were – food was required.

Remembering a billboard pledging the best biscuits and gravy in the state, I exited the freeway and pulled into a little hole in the wall diner/truck stop called Ma's Coffee Pot. The parking lot was full and as I turned off the car, Edward's eyes popped open. He sat up in the seat and stretched, then ran his fingers through his out of control hair. A little more alert he surveyed our surroundings and shot me a questioning glance. "Where the hell are we?"

"Michigan," I replied with a grin. "South Haven to be exact. Carlisle and Esme lent us their place for the weekend."

Edward's eyes widened and he smiled. "I've always wanted to come here. Esme says it's really peaceful," he noted, then leaned across the center console to kiss me softly on the cheek. "Thanks baby."

"Your welcome," I replied and then gestured to the dumpy looking restaurant. "Before we get to the cottage I need somethin' to eat. Are you hungry?"

Edward reached down to rub a hand across his stomach and nodded. "Starving, actually. But a truck stop Jasper?" he questioned teasingly.

"Shut it, Cullen. We're on vacation," I teased. "Besides, the sign says they have the best biscuits and gravy in the state. I have to make sure they aren't misleadin' folks."

"Well, you are the biscuit and gravy expert," he said with a grin. "Let's go see what you've gotten us into."

As we walked in, a rather tall woman in her mid-sixties greeted us. She had steely gray hair piled high in a beehive and glasses that hung from a chain around her neck. She waved her hand towards the booths that lined one side of the restaurant and told us to take whichever seat was available. We found an empty booth towards the back and took our seats. Within minutes a waitress arrived, bringing two glasses of water and menus. "Hi folks. My name is Shelly and I'll be your waitress today. Y'all know what you want or do you need a few minutes?" she asked.

"I'll start with a cup of coffee," I replied. "Edward?" I asked, watching as he popped his head up from behind the menu to nod in agreement. "Make that two coffees," I added with a smile. After she walked away I sat back in the booth and stretched my legs. Edward closed his menu and set it down on the table. "Whatcha havin' babe?"

"Nothing that's good for me," he stated with a smile.

Shelly returned with our coffees and asked, "Ready?" I nodded and ordered the biscuits and gravy with a side of scrambled eggs and hash browns. Edward rolled his eyes at me before ordering the Belgium waffle with strawberries. "Do you want whipped cream on that hon?" she asked him.

"Why the hell not," Edward replied. "I'm on vacation, right?" he directed at me with a sheepish grin and a shrug. I couldn't help but smile back. Looking around, I spotted a sign for the restrooms and excused myself. As I walked back from the bathroom, I found an old fashioned juke box nestled into the corner by the entrance. Stopping, I perused the available tracks and dug into my pocket for some quarters. I made my selections and headed back to Edward.

Reaching the booth, I leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of Edward's head before sitting back down across from him. The food arrived during my absence and I was amused to see Edward already tucking into his waffle. Swallowing, he gestured at the three plates on the table in front of me and said with a smirk, "Use up a lot of energy this morning?"

I shrugged, scraping the scrambled eggs and hash browns onto the plate with the biscuits and gravy. Mixing the food so that it was all liberally covered in gravy, I looked up to see Edward watching my actions with a horrified look on his face. "What? This is how we eat it back home. It all ends up in the same place, right?" I took my first bite and moaned. "They weren't lyin'. This is some of the best gravy I've had since I left Texas," I noted. In the background, my Hank Williams, Sr. selections began to play and I hummed along with some of the best country music ever written as I ate my breakfast and drank my coffee.

Edward looked at me in amazement and I took delight in the fact that we still had things to learn about each other. "So is this all it takes to make Jasper Whitlock happy? Biscuits and gravy and whiny ass country music?" he asked mischievously.

"Yup." It was the only response I could supply since I had a mouth full of yummy goodness. Moments later I added, "Biscuits and gravy, whiny ass country music, and you."

"Aww, thanks baby," he replied. "I'm just glad I made the list," he joked. "It's hard to compete against 'My Buckets Got a Hole in It'," he added with his trademark crooked grin.

I shrugged and noted defensively, "It _**is **_a classic."

Edward burst into laughter and resumed the consumption of his waffle. I finished before Edward and looked at him closely. He still looked tired and I resolved to make sure that he got as much rest as possible this weekend. As much as I wanted to fuck him on every surface of the cottage, it would defeat the purpose of our mini vacation. When he swallowed the last bite of his waffle, he glanced up at me and said, "So what's next on the agenda?"

"Well, I thought we'd stop and pick up some snacks and drinks and then head off to the cottage. I don't really have anything planned for today other than being lazy. Maybe this evening we can go out for dinner or somethin'."

"Sounds good," Edward replied. I caught Shelly as she passed our table and asked for the check. When she returned with it, I asked her for directions to the nearest grocery store.

"That'll be Village Market," she offered with a smile. "It's just down the road about a mile, on the right," she advised, handing over the bill. Leaning in closer to us, she asked, "How long are you boys in town for?"

"Until Sunday," I replied. "We are staying in a cottage on the north end of town."

"Listen, there's not much in the way of bars here for people with our tastes," she advised with a wink. "But there is a great dance club in Saugatuck, which is only about 30 minutes north of here. One of the better DJ's is on tomorrow night so it should be a good time. I can give you the directions if you are interested?"

I looked at Edward and arched an eyebrow. Smirking, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'm game if you're game."

I took down the information, thanked Shelly with a good tip and settled our bill at the front counter. We walked out to the car hand in hand, garnering a few odd looks from the locals, but nothing I hadn't dealt with before. When I asked, Esme advised that the locals were open minded. Apparently there were actually quite a few gay and lesbian couples who made South Haven their home year round.

We made the short drive to the grocery store and I ran inside to pick up the few items I thought we'd need. I had no intention of making Edward cook this weekend, so I only picked up a few snacks, sandwich fixin's and some soda, beer and wine. On my way up to the cashier I noticed a small floral area and grabbed a bunch of tulips from the display. I'd never bought a man flowers before, but decided to go for it. After all, this weekend was all about showing Edward how much I loved him.

Once I'd cleared the checkout, I pushed my cart to the rear of the Volvo and unloaded the few groceries I purchased. I had refused to let Edward accompany me into the store, saying I only needed a few minutes. Pushing the now empty cart to the cart corral. I walked back to the car and entered, pulling the bouquet of tulips in with me and presenting them to Edward with a shy smile. "I thought you might like these," I said quietly, turning to face him.

"I love them!" Edward exclaimed, the expression on his face guaranteeing that I'd be making future stops at a florist store. "No one's ever bought me flowers before." Leaning across the center console, he cupped my cheek with one hand and kissed me softly. "Thank you."

"Your welcome, baby," I replied with a smile. "Now, let's go see where we are staying." I started the car and pulled out of the lot back on to the main drag. Handing over the directions Esme provided, I appointed Edward as navigator. The small town was nestled against the shores of Lake Michigan and boasted a population of fewer than six thousand. We passed a high school and post office and Edward directed me to drive through the downtown area so we could take a peek of what the town had to offer. There were plenty of quaint shops and restaurants that Edward decided we would explore the next day. We also got our first view of Lake Michigan and decided we would definitely be going for a walk on the pier later that evening. Finally, we looped around and made our way over to the north side of town and Esme and Carlisle's cottage.

Edward directed me through a wooded area and onto Bluff Drive. Hidden amongst the trees, the cottage was set back from the road to afford privacy. I pulled into the driveway and shut off the car. The cedar-sided cottage was beautiful and I couldn't wait to get inside. Edward grabbed the duffle bag from the backseat and walked around to meet me by the trunk. After pulling out the suitcase and the few items I'd gotten at the grocery store, I locked up the car and we made our way up to the cottage. Setting down the groceries, I unlocked the door and stepped inside, followed closely by Edward.

Esme had outdone herself. As we were planning the weekend, she'd told me about the renovations they'd completed on the cottage but seeing them in person, I was blown away. The entire back wall was glass and afforded an amazing view of a wooded ravine. Through the trees you could catch glimpses of the beach and I knew this would be the perfect place for Edward to rest and relax. Turning to face him, I said, "What do you think babe?"

"It's amazing! I've seen the renovations that Esme made on their own house, so I knew she was talented, but this is…" he trailed off, looking around in wonder. "This is perfect."

We explored the rest of the house, delighting in all of the amenities. The first floor contained the kitchen, living room, a half bath, and a guest room. Esme had decorated the cottage in muted colors and comfortable furniture. In the living room we found a gas fireplace with a stone surround and I couldn't wait to snuggle up in front of it with Edward later that night. The master bedroom and bath, along with another guest room and full bathroom were upstairs. We took our belongings up to the master bedroom and I heard him call out from the master bath. "Baby, come here. You have to see this."

I set down the clothes I'd been unpacking and followed the sound of his voice into the bathroom. Edward pointed to a massive Jacuzzi tub built up against the glass of the back wall and stated with a grin, "We are so going to use that tonight."

Looking through the window down to the backyard, I pointed out the hot tub. "Maybe the hot tub instead? I'd love to relax with you underneath the stars." I had planned this weekend for Edward's benefit, but realized I needed the respite as much as he did. Feeling the tension of the past few weeks melting away, I made a note to buy Esme a nice gift to show my appreciation.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Resting his chin on my shoulder he whispered into my ear, "You, naked, under the stars? That's my idea of heaven."

Sighing, I turned in his arms and caught his lips with mine, pouring all of my love and emotion into the deep kiss. When we ran out of air, we parted and I rested my forehead against his. "Heaven is wherever you are," I said quietly, nearly overwhelmed by the tidal wave of emotions I felt in his embrace. "I can't find enough words to express how much I love you. I hope you know … that I show you enough," I said softly, placing a reverent kiss on his forehead.

Edward rested his hand on my heart and replied in a voice choked with emotion, "I know, Jasper. I can feel how much you love me in every touch of your hands and every word you speak. I love you just as much, if not more. I'm so blessed to have found you again." Placing a kiss on the tip of my nose, he stepped back and said, "Let's go finish unpacking before I turn into a sappy mess. There's a hammock out back just begging for me to take a nap in it."

I let him go and followed him out to the bedroom. We emptied the suitcase and stored our belongings. Edward took off for the backyard while I unpacked the groceries. The sun was shining and the temperature was hovering in the low seventies. I watched Edward through the window, loving the gracefulness of his movements. Clasping one of the books I brought in one hand, Edward headed straight for the aforementioned hammock. He approached the hammock cautiously and looked back over his shoulder as if to make sure no one was watching. I bit my lip and waited.

Edward put a testing hand down on the center of the hammock and then turned and sat towards the bottom. I burst into laughter as the hammock flipped and he landed ass first on the ground, looking completely stunned. Shaking my head, I continued to observe my boyfriend as he got up from the grass and dusted himself off. Deciding to take a different approach, he straddled the hammock with both legs and tried again. Tears of mirth rolled down my face as he once more landed on his butt.

I stowed the rest of the groceries quickly. After arranging the bouquet of tulips in a vase I found under the sink, I headed out onto the patio that extended off the back of the house. Edward sat up, glared at me and pouted. "It's not nice to laugh at your boyfriend, Jasper," he growled. "Get your ass over here and help me."

"Haven't you ever been in a hammock before, babe?" I asked as I pulled him up off of the ground.

"Obviously not," he muttered when he regained his feet. I picked some grass out of his hair and reached behind him to dust the dirt off of his ass. "Hey! Keep your hands off of the merchandise. Unless, of course, you have other plans…" he said with an arched eyebrow.

I leaned in and sucked his earlobe between my teeth, running my tongue over it. Reaching up, I tweaked his nipple gently and whispered, "Later, babe. You're goin' to need a nap to keep up with me tonight."

His eyes glazed over at my statement and I snorted at the goofy expression on his face. He glared at me again and said, "I'm so going to cash in on that promise later. Now, show me how to get into this thing." He paused and added, "Or better yet, you get in and I can climb in with you. We can take a nap together."

"Watch and learn, Dr. Cullen," I teased as I made my way to the hammock. I sat down in the center, facing him, and then put my left hand out to spread the netting above me. Turning slowly, I pulled my legs up and laid back. The hammock swung gently with my movement, but I remained in place. It was wide enough for two, so I moved over slightly to make room for Edward. "Your turn," I said with a smirk as I patted the empty space next to me. "Don't tip us over."

Having learned from my demonstration, Edward sat in the middle of the netting and then slowly tucked himself in next to me. Resting his head on my chest, he let out a contented sigh. "Now this is heaven." Stroking my fingers through his hair gently, I was unsurprised when his breathing quickly evened out and he fell asleep. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the gentle breeze, the sound of the waves from the beach, and the feel of Edward beside me.

_**04/30/2010, 17:32 – EPOV**_

I woke before Jasper and spent a few moments trying to orient myself. Picking my head up off of his chest, I glanced up and realized he was still sleeping. I tucked myself back into his side and ran my hand over his chest down to his stomach, where his shirt had ridden up. Scratching my fingers gently across the exposed skin, I thought about how lucky I was to have him in my life. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed and I wondered how I had made it through a day without him by my side.

I knew he we was worried about me. This week had been difficult for both of us and I would never be able to express to him how much I appreciated his willingness to support and comfort me. I'd never realized before how powerful love was. How it made you want to put someone else's needs before your own or the incomplete feeling you had when they weren't by your side. The feelings I had for Jasper were overwhelming at times, but I'd found that I'd much rather be overwhelmed then revert back to my life before him.

His breathing changed, signaling that he was close to waking up. I reached under his shirt and circled a nipple with my thumb before running my hand back down to his abs. Jasper had a beautiful body before he started physical therapy, but now it was a work of art. His muscles were well defined and chiseled, and without a shirt, he literally took my breath away. Pushing the t-shirt up, I leaned over and ran my tongue around and into his belly button. He moaned quietly, but when I checked, his eyes remained closed, though his lips quirked up in a slight smirk.

Hoping not to tip us both onto the ground, I moved cautiously in the hammock and placed an open mouthed kiss on his side. I ran my tongue across his upper abs and then followed his happy trail down to where it disappeared beneath his jeans. Running a finger just under the waist band of the low riding denim, I heard his breathing quicken and knew damn well he was awake. Jasper was playing possum, waiting to see what I would do. I was just about to reach down and unbutton his fly when his stomach rumbled loudly in my ear.

The sound surprised me and I burst into laughter and leaned back. Unfortunately, my sudden change in position caused the hammock to swing wildly and I tipped us both onto the ground. I landed first and Jasper fell on top of me, the sound of our laughter ringing out across the backyard. "I'm awake now," he teased, grinding his hips into mine. "What were you about to do?"

I tilted my head back and groaned. My laughter faded as he leaned down and took my lips in a rapacious kiss. Pushing my tongue between his lips to dance with his, I drank in the essence of Jasper. We lay there on the ground and lost track of time as one kiss turned into another; neither of us pushing for anything further, both of us content to enjoy the moment. Finally, we broke apart and Jasper rolled off to lie at my side. "I'm hungry," he said.

"You're always hungry," I noted with a grin. Having already decided to throw healthy eating out the window this weekend, I couldn't resist teasing him. "Did you happen to see any healthy places while we were downtown? I could really go for a nice stir fry or a salad."

Trying to keep a straight face, I turned to face Jasper just in time to watch him attempt to hide his look of disgust. "Hamburgers can be healthy, right? Esme told me about a place downtown that makes the best hamburgers and onion rings…" he trailed off dreamily.

Reaching across to tickle his side, I replied, "In another dimension, maybe." I decided to let him off the hook and added, "However, a hamburger and onion rings sounds good to me too."

Jasper rolled onto his side and faced me, a hopeful glint in his eyes. "Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Really," I promised. "We can add it to the list of things that make Jasper happy." He leaned over and planted a smacking kiss on my lips. I was filled with a sense of pride as he hopped up off of the ground and jogged toward the house. He'd made such progress in his recovery.

"Last one to the shower is a rotten egg," he yelled back at me as he disappeared inside. I quickly chased after him and caught him just inside of the master bathroom. The shower was already running and Jasper began quickly dropping his clothes onto the floor. I watched the show with hungry eyes and grinned when Jasper shook his head and warned me off. "Shower only, babe. I meant it when I said I was hungry."

I stalked towards him, pulling my shirt off along the way. He backed away and stepped into the shower. I shed the rest of my clothes and stepped in behind him. Reaching around, I took his cock into my hand and began to slowly stroke it. "I'm hungry too," I murmured.

"Fuck!" Jasper groaned as he leaned back into my arms.

Using the fingers of my free hand to circle and tug at his nipple, I added, "Turnabout is fair play, isn't Jasper? Did you think you could fuck me against the counter this morning and I wouldn't get even?" Placing a hand on his back, I bent him down before me. I moved the shower head so that the water hit the back wall and kneeled behind him, spreading his cheeks. Licking a trail from his balls to his entrance, I pulled back and said, "Consider this an appetizer. At some point this weekend I'm going to be the one fucking _you_ senseless while you scream my name."

Jasper moaned and pushed his hips back at me. Unable to resist, I resumed my ministrations and began circling his hole with quick flicks of my tongue. This was new for us and I was a bit worried about how he'd react. I shouldn't have been concerned because he appeared to be quite enthusiastically enjoying it. Continuing to stroke his cock, I stepped it up a notch and began to plunge my tongue past the tight rim of muscles that guarded his entrance.

"Jesus fuck, Edward," Jasper yelled, gasping for breath.

I stopped what I was doing and asked, "Do you want me to quit?"

"Don't you fuckin' dare," he growled. I bit down gently on his taut cheek and then continued, listening as he battled the dual sensations of my hand on his dick and my tongue in his entrance. "Christ…oh fuck. Edward!" he shouted as he began thrusting forward, close to the edge.

I began rasping my thumb over the head of his cock on my upstrokes and within seconds, I felt Jasper's muscles tense as he erupted onto the floor of the shower. Standing, I gently brought him down with soft caresses and kisses. When he'd regained his senses, he turned to face me and said with a smirk, "What is it with you and the fuckin' shower? One of these days I'm goin' to fuckin' drown."

I replied, "I can't resist. You, naked and dripping with water? Need I say more?" I knew he was just teasing, but couldn't resist adding, "We can take separate showers from now on if you'd rather."

Jasper nipped the bottom of my chin and slapped my ass. "But then I'd miss out on you naked and dripping with water," he said pouting. "And that would be a damn shame."

We smiled at each other and began washing up. After we'd finished and were getting dressed for dinner, Jasper glanced over at me and asked quietly, "Did you mean it? What you said in the shower?"

I knew exactly what he was referring to and hoped I hadn't pushed him too far, too fast. Nodding slowly, I said, "If you're okay with that. I meant what I said before we moved in together. I wouldn't mind switching sometimes, but only if you are comfortable with it."

Pulling on his shirt, he sauntered towards me, gazing intently into my eyes. Stopping to stand next to me, he said, "Oh, I'm okay with that, babe." He moved to walk past me, and just as he reached the door he added, "But don't think for a minute that I'm not goin' to make you work for it."

I grinned to myself and followed him down the stairs, eager to see what the evening had in store for both of us.

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**A/N2: As always, your feedback is greatly appreciate. Until next Sunday...**


	30. Harmony

**A/N: Happy Sunday Ducklings or Happy Monday to those of you not in California with me. So check it out, I've written 30 chapters of this story and people are still reading it! Go figure. :) As always, thank you for the reviews, alerts, and favorites and a special welcome to my new readers. I'm having fun with the boys on vacation, so that's where we'll stay for this chapter and the next... enjoy!**

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Chapter 30 - Harmony

_**04/30/2010, 18:47 – EPOV**_

We roamed the downtown area as we waited for a table at Clementine's, the restaurant Esme recommended. We'd gotten there around six-thirty, but the place was packed and there was a thirty minute wait for a table. Jasper put his name down and the hostess handed him a restaurant pager. Stepping outside of the crowded restaurant, we decided to walk around a bit and see for ourselves what the town had to offer. As we window shopped, I was amazed at how much more relaxed I was after only one day. "Babe, come look at this!" Jasper called from further down the street. He was peering through the window of an art gallery when I arrived at his side and pointed out an oil painting of the lighthouse that was on display. "What do you think? Would Esme like that?" he asked.

"I'm sure she would," I said. The painting was beautiful and captured the pier and lighthouse in the midst of a storm. The red lighthouse stood out majestically from the grey of the waves and cloud filled sky. "Are they open?" I asked, looking around him to the see if the gallery's hours were posted.

"No, they closed at six. Maybe we can stop back tomorrow and check it out? I want to get Esme a thank you gift for this weekend," he said, looking at me to gauge my opinion on the matter.

I nodded and said, "That sounds like a great idea, baby. I wouldn't mind seeing if we can find something for our place too. I like the idea of having a reminder of our weekend here."

"I take it that means you're havin' a good time?" Jasper asked. "I wasn't sure if you would enjoy a weekend of small town life."

Walking up to him, I wrapped my arms around his waist, placing a quick kiss on his pouty lips. "Silly man. I'm having a lovely time. But then, you could have taken me anywhere and I would have been happy. It doesn't matter what we do, Jasper. As long as I'm with you."

Smiling at me happily, he stepped closer and pressed himself against me. "Love you…" he whispered.

I kissed his forehead and teased, "Ditto babe."

Snorting, he stepped back and said, "When did we get so damn sentimental?"

Laughing, I replied, "I don't think we're sentimental. I wasn't feeling sentimental in the shower earlier."

Arching an eyebrow, he grinned at me wickedly and said, "No, definitely not sentimental. Sexy as hell though. I enjoyed myself thoroughly."

"Did you now? Hmmm, I must say that I found it a pleasurable experience myself," I rejoined with a smirk, pulling him into my arms again and tickling his side.

Slapping my hands away, Jasper laughed and then nearly jumped out of his skin. "My butt is vibrating," he offered in explanation to my confused look.

It was such a random comment. I had to bend over to try to restrain my laughter. "Oh my God! That was priceless," I said once I'd calmed down. "My butt is vibrating…" Snickering, I leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Are you sure it's not just the after effects from our encounter earlier?"

"What, are you ten?" he teased. He turned and strode back towards the restaurant in a huff. I knew he wasn't really mad that I was laughing at him, just playing. "Aw, come on baby," I called out after him.

He didn't turn around to see if I was following, but did reach a hand behind his back and flip me off as he walked up the block. Laughing, I ran to catch up to him. He was waiting for me at the entrance of the restaurant and I tugged the hair he'd tied back into a short ponytail. He'd been bitching for weeks that he needed to get it cut, but I loved it this way. The wild curls felt like silk against my skin and fingertips. I knew he'd have to cut it for work, but I'd miss them.

Glancing back at me, he smiled to let me know he was just teasing and gestured for me enter the restaurant. Holding the door for me, he pinched my ass as I passed him. I heard him snicker as I jerked and he said, "Who's jumping now, babe?"

"I'll get you for that later," I promised, moving up to the podium with Jasper at my side. He handed over the pager and we followed the hostess back to a booth in the corner of the restaurant. She gave us a couple of menus and told us our server would be with us shortly. I glanced around the restaurant and noticed that it was still filled to capacity. "The food must be good," I said to Jasper, gesturing to the other patrons.

He glanced up at me from behind the menu and said, "Esme said this is where the locals go to eat and that Carlisle highly recommends their onion rings."

I grinned and replied, "I wouldn't take Carlisle's word for it. He's so desperate for junk food that getting anything deep fried is a special occasion."

"That's going to be me in ten years, isn't?" Jasper noted with an evil grin. "I'm going to be sitting in this booth ten years from now ecstatic that you're letting me eat onion rings. I can see it now," he teased.

My eyes widened as I took in his words. Although my insecurities about our relationship had mostly disappeared, every once in a while I still wondered what the hell he was doing with me. But, to my immense relief, he obviously had no reservations about us at all if he was picturing us ten years in the future. I drifted off into a vision of us as old men. Our hair was grey and we moved slowly, but our hands were intertwined and the love between us was palpable. I was brought from my musings when Jasper kicked me under the table. "What are you drinkin' babe?" he said, nodding towards the server who'd appeared while I was lost in the future.

"Um…I'll take a Heineken," I said to the young man waiting for our order. He wrote it down and headed off to the bar.

"Where'd you go?" Jasper asked.

"Just thinking," I said, smiling over at him.

"Good thoughts?" he questioned.

"The best," I said, reaching out to squeeze his hand before releasing it. "So – have you decided on what you're having?"

"Bacon cheeseburger with onion rings," he said. "You?"

I put my menu down and said, "That sounds good to me."

We spent the next hour enjoying our meal and talking over our plans for the next day. Jasper had looked up Saugatuck, and the bar, on the internet and found that the little town also had a plethora galleries, boutiques, and specialty stores. The nightclub turned out to be part of a resort that catered to the gay, lesbian, and transgender crowd. We decided to come back downtown tomorrow to check out the painting from earlier, then head up to Saugatuck for shopping and dinner before going to the club. I was a bit apprehensive about the club portion of the evening, since I'd never been to one before. Shyly, I admitted that bit of information to Jasper and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Never? Seriously?" he said, his eyes wide with shock.

"Well, they don't exactly have a ton of gay nightclubs in Iraq, baby," I justified.

He snorted and shook his head. "No I meant before that, even when you were in college? You've seriously never been to a gay bar?"

Shaking my head, I shrugged and tried to explain. "During college I was focused on my studies. And, although I was out, I wasn't exactly comfortable with my sexuality. Part of me still felt like it was something I should be ashamed of. Years of listening to my dad, I guess…" I trailed off. "The guy I dated in college hated them and said they were just meat markets, so we never went."

"He probably was scared of the competition," Jasper muttered under his breath so quietly I barely heard him. "Well, we're goin' to fix that tomorrow night. It's like a gay rite of passage, Edward. You have to go at least once."

"I'll go, but I warn you that I'm a shit dancer," I cautioned with a smile.

"Babe, you've got rhythm, trust me. Don't forget, I've seen you shake those hips to 'Dancing Queen' when you're in the kitchen," he teased.

"Hey!" I protested. "One day I'm going to catch you doing something embarrassing too. I promise, when I do, I'll never let you forget it either."

Our server returned to take our empty plates and described the desserts on offer. Nothing sounded particularly good to me, but I knew that Jasper didn't consider a meal complete until he'd had dessert. Looking over at the waiter he asked, "Do you have ice cream?"

"We do," he said. "But, if you want ice cream I'd suggest you go to Sherman's. It's early in the year, so they shouldn't be too busy. Just follow Phoenix Street out past the Wal-Mart. It's on the left hand side."

Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Baby, if you want ice cream, then ice cream you shall have," I joked. "But can we get it to go? I want to come back and take a walk on the pier." I looked back at our server and said, "Can you bring us the bill?"

Fifteen minutes later I was standing in line at the ice cream parlor while Jasper enthusiastically poured over their selections. "Blue moon, Edward!" he said excitedly. "I haven't had that since I was a kid!"

I chuckled, thinking the excited expression currently on his face was probably exactly the same as when he was a kid. Our number was called and I put in my order for a waffle cone with lemon custard ice cream. Glancing over at Jasper, I called, "It's our turn. What do you want baby?"

He walked back over to me, gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then gave his order to the teenager behind the counter. She returned a few minutes later with a gargantuan double scoop waffle cone overfilled with blue moon and caramel cashew ice cream. I shook my head in disbelief at the size of the cone and said, "Really Jasper? Can you even eat all of that?"

He grinned, winked at me cheekily and replied, "I'm sure I'll work it off later."

Rolling my eyes, I paid the cashier and led him back to the car. We sat in silence, licking our cones until they were manageable, and then drove back through downtown to the beach. Exiting the car, I kicked off my shoes and put them in the back seat. Jasper followed suit and once we were ready, we headed off across the sand to the pier.

It was twilight and the beach was nearly deserted. Most of the people who'd been here to watch the sunset had already disappeared. We strolled hand in hand down the pier, finishing our ice cream cones. The air had cooled, but it was still comfortable out. When we reached the lighthouse at the end we sat on down on the pier, leaned back against the structure, and watched the waves roll in. Neither of us said a word, lost in our own thoughts. After a while it grew dark and we headed back to the car. Jasper opened the passenger door for me and just as I moved to get in, he pushed me against the car and took my lips in a deep kiss. We stood there, lost in each other, until some kids hollered at us to get a room as they cruised by. We broke apart, panting, and Jasper smiled at me sheepishly. "Somethin' about bein' back in a small town has me actin' like a randy teenager again," he admitted.

"Well, whatever it is, I like it," I replied with a grin.

We put our shoes back on and I tried to ignore the amount of sand that was now on the floor of my Volvo. Heading back to the house, Jasper hummed along to the radio and I leaned back against the passenger seat, eyes closed. "Tired, babe?" he asked.

I looked over at him and smiled. "No, actually, just content," I said. He beamed over at me and made the turn into the cottage's driveway.

Once inside, I headed off to the bathroom. When I returned, Jasper was out on the patio, removing the lid from the hot tub. He flicked a switch on the wall, and I could hear the jets start up. Walking into the kitchen, I pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge and uncorked it. Grabbing two glasses from one of the cupboards above the sink, I headed out to join him. He glanced up as I walked out and catching sight of the contents of my hands, he said, "Excellent."

I set the wine bottle and glasses on the platform that surrounded the hot tub and pulled my shirt over my head. "How hot is the water?" I asked.

He discarded his own shirt and walked over to pull the thermometer out of the water. "104 degrees," he replied. Dropping it back in the water, he moved over to one of the patio chairs and quickly disrobed, placing his clothes in a pile on the chair. Releasing the hair tie, he shook out his hair so that the golden curls fell to just below his chin. I stood stunned, enraptured by the beauty of this man in the moonlight. Eventually Jasper's voice made its way through the haze that had descended upon my brain. "Babe? Are you okay?" he asked, turning to face me.

Inundated by emotion, I forced myself to smile and nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just realized we need towels. I'm going to grab them and come right back. In the meantime, why don't you pour the wine?" Turning, I walked back into the house. I ran upstairs to the master bathroom and pulled a couple of bath towels from the linen closet, all the while trying to regain my composure. For a moment out there in the moonlight I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. Our wedding, the birth of our child, Jasper chasing a golden haired toddler across the backyard, our kid's graduation, growing old together…I could see it all so clearly and it was amazing. These were the bits of life I'd never felt worthy of before. The things I never dared hope could be my reality. That life was now possible because he loved me for me, despite my past and my faults. The realization nearly brought me to my knees. I sat on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and wept tears of relief and joy. We may not be ready for that future right now, but I now knew that I would be when the time came.

Pulling myself together, I walked to the sink and rinsed my face. I didn't want Jasper to know that I'd been up here crying like an idiot over things that hadn't even happened yet. Figuring I was up here anyway, I undressed and wrapped one of the towels around my hips. I went back downstairs and stepped back onto the patio, placing the towels on a nearby chair. Climbing into the tub, I sat down across from Jasper and reached behind me for the glass of wine he poured. After taking a sip, I sunk down until my shoulders were covered by the hot, bubbling water and released a sigh of pleasure.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Jasper murmured. His head was leaned back against the rim of the tub and his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful and I was happy that he seemed to enjoying our time here as much as I was.

"Perfect," I whispered back, my gaze focused on him. I could look at him for hours and never grow tired of the view. There was a slight breeze coming in off the lake and it contrasted nicely with the warm water. If I listened close enough, I could hear the waves as they crashed onto the beach beyond the trees. Tilting my head back, I looked up to see a blanket of stars. We sat in companionable silence, sipping our wine and allowing the jets to work out any remaining tension in our muscles.

"Edward?" Jasper finally said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" I replied quietly, unwilling to disturb the peaceful serenity we found ourselves in.

"Will you make love to me tonight?" he asked softly, his eyes opening to lock with mine. I'd teased him earlier in the shower, telling him that it was my turn to fuck him senseless. But that wasn't what he was asking for. Moving through the water, I repositioned myself so that I was next to him and leaned my head on his exposed shoulder.

"If that's what you want," I replied. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do," I added, giving him the opportunity to change his mind. Jasper hadn't bottomed for anyone since our night together eight years ago.

"It's not a question of want anymore, babe. I need…" he stopped and turned so that he was looking me in the eyes before he continued. "I need to give that part of myself to you. I need to show you how much I love you, how you are the very best part of me."

I nodded in understanding and moved until I was standing in front of him. Leaning down, I placed worshipful kisses across his face, thanking him for the gift he was giving me. I reached down for his hand and pulled him up. "Come with me," I murmured, exiting the hot tub and grabbing the towels from the chair. After wrapping one around my waist, I handing the other to him. I walked over to turn off the jets and then helped Jasper replace the cover. We moved into the house, and Jasper locked the front door as I began turning off the lights. Once our tasks were complete, we climbed the stairs to the master bedroom.

Walking over to the bed, I flipped on the bedside lamp and motioned for Jasper to turn off the overhead light. I crossed over to the bathroom and retrieved the condoms and lube that were packed into our toiletry bag, removing the towel from around my waist and placing it in the hamper. When I returned to the bedroom, Jasper was lying on the bed, waiting for me.

I crawled in next to him and placed my palm over his heart. I could feel it racing and wondered if he was really ready for this. Leaning over him so that I could look into his eyes, I said, "Are you sure?"

His eyes lit with love, he nodded and pulled me down for a heated kiss. When we came up for air, he said, "I've never been surer of anything in my life Edward."

Melting at the raw emotion in his voice, I brushed a curl back from his forehead and murmured, "I love you. So much. You are everything. Let me show you…"

My fingertips traced a path across his features, memorizing the planes of his face; the high cheekbones and pouty lips, the strong jaw line, and the indentation in his chin. Each touch of my fingertips followed swiftly by the brush of my lips or a swipe of my tongue. Reverently, I catalogued every nook and cranny of his body; nipping gently at his nipples, laving my tongue against his abs, placing gentle kisses on his thighs. Every moan of pleasure Jasper uttered serving as the most beautiful soundtrack to my journey. Gently I rolled him onto his stomach, not wanting to miss an inch of his delectable body. Time ceased to exist as I kissed my way down his spine, over the swell of his ass, and down the back of his legs.

"Edward, please…" Jasper moaned beneath me as I moved to hover over him, my erection pressed against the small of his back. "I need you."

Leaning over him, I bent down to bite the back of his neck gently. Moving so that I was lying next to him on the bed, I reached back to the nightstand for the bottle of lube. "How do you want me love?" I asked, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible.

He rolled onto his back and looked at me imploringly. "I need to see you, to look into your eyes as you fill me," he replied quietly.

I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw against the wave of raw need that ripped through my body at his words. Nodding, I moved to kneel between his legs and poured some of the lube onto my fingers. Reaching down, I traced a single digit around his entrance before pressing in slowly. Once he'd become accustomed to my movements, I added another finger and began to stretch out his inner muscles gently. When I brushed against his prostate, Jasper cried out, "Right there…fuck! Feels so good…" Adding a third finger, I stimulated the gland until he was thrusting up against my hand, moaning incoherently. Bending down, I surrounded his engorged cock with my lips, sweeping my tongue around the head. After a few moments, I felt him tugging my hair. Releasing his erection from my mouth, I looked up questioningly.

"I'm ready. Please…I need to feel you," he pled, his blue eyes stormy with desire. I quickly sheathed myself with a condom and added a generous amount of lube. He pulled his knees up to his chest, exposing himself to me. Taking myself in hand, I pressed against his entrance and pushed in slowly, watching him closely for any sign of discomfort. I filled him, then waited as he adjusted to the invasion. When I felt his inner muscles begin to relax, I began to thrust slowly, wanting to draw out the experience for both of us.

"So good…" he moaned, throwing his head back into the pillow. "I love you so much, Edward."

"Wrap your legs around me," I directed, wanting to get closer. Following my instructions, he encircled my waist with his legs and I bent down to kiss him, plunging my tongue into his mouth. When he began meet my thrusts, I increased the pace. Losing myself to the utter bliss of being inside of the man I loved, I began chanting his name with each stroke. Soon, we were both on the edge and when he cried out my name as he came, I let myself go.

When we came to our senses, I pulled out slowly, removed the condom, and walked to the bathroom. After dampening a washcloth and cleaning myself up, I returned and gently wiped the evidence of our lovemaking from Jasper's stomach. Placing the washcloth on the nightstand, I turned the lamp off and climbed back into the bed. Jasper reached out and pulled me back against his chest, cocooning me in his warm embrace. When he planted a kiss in the crook of my neck, I sighed and said, "Thank you."

"I should be thankin' you, I think," he drawled out. "Now I have another thing to add to my list of things that make Jasper happy."

I smiled and replied, "I love you baby."

"I love you too," he murmured. "Now sleep. I want you well rested for tomorrow."

"Yes sir."

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**A/N2: Next week we go clubbing. Good times ahead! As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next Sunday... :)**


	31. Uninhibited

**A/N: First, I must apologize for last week's missed posting. Let's just say that real life matters intruded in a major way and prevented me from completing this chapter. I'll let you get straight to it, but see the A/N at the bottom for some additional information on my future posting schedule. As always, thank you for your reviews, favoriting, and alerts. They make my day!**

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Chapter 31 – Uninhibited

_**05/01/2010, 10:20 - JPOV**_

I was downstairs in the kitchen attempting to make Edward breakfast in bed. This was probably not one of my better ideas, but how difficult could it be to make scrambled eggs and toast? Gathering the ingredients from the refrigerator, I set about cracking the eggs in a bowl. I'd watched Edward do this before, so I was pretty sure I knew what I was doing. After destroying ten eggs in my attempt to get four yolks in the bowl, I went in search of a frying pan. Finding one in the cupboard next to the pantry, I set it on the stove and turned the heat on. Now I needed bread.

Opening the fridge door, I located the wheat bread I'd purchased yesterday and placed four slices in the toaster. I walked into the pantry and found the tray Esme told me about and set it on the counter. After placing two plates on top of it along with napkins and silverware, I headed back to stove; the pan should be ready by now. I poured the egg mixture into the pan and began moving the spatula through it like I'd seen Edward do in the past. Something smelled like it was burning though and I whipped my head around the kitchen looking for the source. The last thing I needed was a repeat of the great spaghetti incident.

Realizing that the toast must be ready, I used the lever on the side to pop the bread out of the toaster. Not too bad. I little dark on one side, but not burnt. Turning back to the stove I checked on the eggs. There weren't fluffy like Edward's and a bit brown in places, but they were as good as they were going to get. I turned off the heat and dished the eggs out onto the plates. I added some butter to the toast and poured some coffee for both of us. Just as I was about to grab the tray from the counter and head up to the bedroom, my phone chirped. Walking over to the dining room where I'd left it to charge, I picked it up and clicked on the new message indicator, opening a picture message from my sister. It took me a couple of minutes to comprehend what I was seeing, but when I got it, I nearly died laughing.

Emmett was passed out on the couch in his boxers; an array of junk food wrappers and an empty pizza box littering the coffee table and the floor next to the couch. Rosalie must have worked yesterday while Emmett had the day off. There's no way in hell she would have let him get away with that mess if she were home. The funniest part of the picture was Cletus, who apparently had been a full fledged participant in Emmett's pig out. Edward's cat, all 11 pounds of him, was laid out on his back on Emmett's chest, paws up and out cold. Rosalie's caption said it all, "Uncle Emmett, hard at work."

Snorting at the knowledge that Emmett was most definitely going to be in the doghouse today, I picked up the tray with our breakfast and headed upstairs. Quietly, I entered the bedroom and set the tray on the glass-topped nightstand. Gazing down at Edward, I noticed he was clutching my pillow to his chest. He must have been having a good dream, because he had the sweetest smile on his face. Still in the pajama pants I'd thrown on before going downstairs, I climbed up into the bed next to him and ran a finger across his nose. He wrinkled it in annoyance, but didn't wake. Pushing away the hair that had fallen across his forehead, I brushed my fingers across his eyebrows and down to his cheek. "Babe? Time to wake up…" I whispered softly. I wanted him to eat before his breakfast got cold, but I almost didn't want to wake him. He looked so beautiful bathed in the sunlight that was beaming in through the bedroom window. I bent down to place a kiss on the tip of his nose and before I knew what was happening, he laid me out flat on my back underneath him.

"Don't you know you're supposed to let sleeping dogs lie?" he teased, grinning down at me. "What have you been up to? I woke up earlier and you were gone," he said, pouting.

"I made you breakfast,' I said, nodding my head towards the nightstand. His eyes lit up and he smiled widely.

"_**You**_ made _**me**_ breakfast? And the house is still standing?" he teased, leaning down to brush his lips against mine gently. "This I've got to see," he said, moving to sit next to me with his back propped against the headboard.

I hopped out of the bed with a grin and grabbed the tray as Edward pulled the covers up to cover his still naked body. Now it was my turn to pout as I watched my favorite appendage disappear under the duvet. Placing the tray gingerly over his lap, I grabbed my plate, silverware and coffee, then settled down beside him and said, "Scrambled eggs and toast with a cup of coffee. Bon appétit."

Edward took a sip of coffee, smiled, and said. "I could definitely get used to this."

"Well, then I'll have to keep it in mind for the future. But taste the food first before you place your order for next time," I warned, uncertain if the food was even edible. Setting down his mug, he picked up his fork and speared a piece of egg. He eyed it warily but ate it. I watched closely for his reaction. Hopefully it wasn't completely horrible.

He chewed slowly, took another sip of his coffee, and smiling gamely said, "Babe? It's delicious. Thank you for making it."

He couldn't quite meet my eyes, but he continued to eat. I wasn't going to argue so I picked up my own plate and started on my own breakfast. Three bites in I bit down on something crunchy. Reaching up, I pulled the crunchy bit out of my mouth and looked at it in confusion. "What the hell?" I muttered.

Edward started chuckling and said, "I think you might have dropped a bit of the shell in with the mixture."

"It's disgustin', isn't it?" I asked, embarrassed that I couldn't even cook a simple breakfast.

"It's not disgusting; it just needs a little work, that's all. It's the thought that counts, baby. I really appreciate that you did this for me," he said, leaning sideways to peck me on the cheek. "Next time, just add a little butter to the pan before you add the egg mixture. If you want, I can show you how I do it when I make them again."

Groaning, I replied, "I knew I forgot somethin'. Well, at least the coffee's decent, right?"

Smiling, he turned to me and said, "Best cup of coffee I've ever had."

_**05/01/2010, 11:15 - EPOV**_

Jasper went downstairs to clean up the kitchen while I took a shower. I was touched that he'd thought to make me breakfast in bed, even if it consisted of the worst scrambled eggs I'd ever eaten. I loved the man to death but he definitely couldn't cook. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I ate every bite of the dried up eggs and burnt toast, thankful that even Jasper couldn't ruin coffee.

Turning off the water, I stepped out onto the bathmat and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack. I dried myself off quickly and wrapped the towel around my waist. Examining myself in the mirror, I debated whether to shave or not. Deciding to be lazy, I skipped the shave, brushed my teeth, put on some deodorant, ran a hand through my hair in an attempt to tame it, and walked back into the bedroom. I dug through the dresser and pulled out my favorite pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. We planned to spend most of the day roaming around Saugatuck, looking at art galleries and shopping. Jasper found a brew pub that he wanted to try out for dinner and then we were going to check out the club Shelly recommended.

I was still unsure about going to the bar. I'd never been a drinker and I sure as hell couldn't dance. What if everyone there was Jasper's age? Usually I didn't even think twice about the eight year age gap between us, but the thought of a club full of twenty-somethings had all of my old insecurities rising to surface. There was no way in hell I could compete against the twinks who would take one look at Jasper and come running. Sliding my feet into a pair of chucks, I shook off my doubts and headed downstairs. If Jasper wanted to go to the bar, we'd go. I'd just have to get over myself.

As I entered the kitchen, Jasper turned and looked me over. "Is this okay for tonight?" I asked. "It isn't too casual, is it?" I added, gesturing to my outfit.

Walking up to me, Jasper pressed his lips to mine then said, "You look amazin'. I'll be fightin' them off with a stick."

He turned around to start the dishwasher and I rolled my eyes behind his back. "Not likely," I muttered under my breath.

"Hmmm?" he asked. "Did you say something?"

"Nope," I replied. Opening the refrigerator door, I pulled out a bottle of water and took a drink, trying to settle my nerves. "Go take your shower so we can get going," I ordered with a smile, walking out to the living room and picking up the book I'd started to read yesterday. I'd just flipped to the first page when he entered the room carrying his phone.

"I forgot to show you the picture Rosie sent me this morning," he said, offering the phone to me with a grin.

I glanced at the photo and then did a double-take. "Oh my God. He's going to gain ten pounds before we get him back," I exclaimed. Peering at the junk food wrappers scattered around my cat, I asked, "You did tell Emmett not to give him chocolate, right?"

Jasper bit his lip and looked decidedly guilty. "He's not supposed to have chocolate?"

"No, it's loaded with theobromine and could give him seizures," I admonished.

"You'd better call Emmett and tell him that," Jasper said, disappearing up the stairs before I could protest.

Thumbing through Jasper's contact list, I found Emmett's number and hit send. The phone rang twice before he answered. "Jasper, my main man! How are things with Eddie? Has he broken your disco stick yet?"

"Emmett," I growled.

"Edward! Sorry man, I thought you were Jasper. What's up?" he asked jovially.

"Are you trying to kill my cat?" I inquired.

"Cletus? Why would I be trying to kill Cletus? He's just fine. He's having a grand old time here at Uncle Emmett's house," he said. Laughing, he added, "I can put him on the phone if you want, but I don't think he's got too much to say right now." I could hear him calling my cat to the phone, saying, "Cleeee-tus. Come here buddy. Your daddy wants to talk to you."

"Emmett!" I yelled, trying to recapture his attention. "Stop feeding my cat junk food. And under no circumstances are you to give him chocolate. It's poisonous for cats."

"Shit! Really?" he asked hesitantly.

"Really. You haven't already given him some, have you?" I asked, knowing full well that one of the wrappers in picture was from a chocolate bar. "If he's had a lot, he could have a seizure," I warned.

"Ummm….no. Of course not," he replied, lying through his teeth. There was a pause and shuffling noise, then I heard him call for Rosalie. "Look Edward, I've got to go. Don't worry about thing, Cletus is in good hands." Before I could open my mouth to reply, he disconnected the call.

Tossing Jasper's phone to the coffee table, I snickered. Chocolate was poisonous for cats and dogs, but cats usually tolerated it better than dogs. Cletus had gotten into chocolate before and hadn't suffered any ill effects. Emmett didn't need to know that though. I had a feeling my cat was about to be rushed off to the vet for an emergency check-up.

Reaching for the book I'd set aside, I settled in to read while I waited for Jasper to finish getting ready. I'd finished the second chapter when I heard his footsteps on the stairs. Sitting down next to me, he leaned in and laid his head on my shoulder. "Is Cletus still amongst the living?" he asked.

"Yes, actually," I replied with a smirk. "But I think I put the fear of God into Emmett."

"Eh, it'll do him good," Jasper noted with a grin. "Ready to go?" he asked.

I marked my place in the book and set it on the coffee table. Rising from the sofa, I held out my hand and pulled him to his feet. Once he was standing, I moved in closer and kissed him softly. "Now I'm ready."

After insuring that we had our wallets and phones, we headed downtown to check out the painting Jasper wanted to purchase for Esme. Walking through the door hand in hand, we were greeted by a middle-aged woman who turned out to be the artist. Jasper and I discussed the painting with her and after agreeing on a price, arranged to have it framed and shipped back to Esme in Chicago. We wandered around the gallery, looking for something for our apartment, but couldn't find anything that we both agreed on. Heading back to the car, we made the thirty minute drive to Saugatuck.

We spent the rest of the afternoon browsing the galleries and boutiques that made up the downtown area. Around four o'clock we separated for an hour, each pursuing our own interests. I'd found a place that created specialized blends of olive oil and balsamic vinegars as well as an old fashioned spice merchant. Suffice it to say, I was in culinary heaven. Jasper, on the other hand, had found a music store and was searching for sheet music. He'd been taking guitar lessons when I met him eight years ago and was thinking about playing again. We agreed to meet up at the brew pub for dinner. As I walked down the street to the restaurant, a jewelry store caught my eye. Glancing at my watch, I saw that I still had twenty minutes before I was due to meet Jasper and headed inside. Browsing the display cases, I found a section with patron saint pendants. I loved the idea of Jasper having something to protect him when he went back to work. When the girl working behind the counter asked me if I needed help, I nodded. "Do you know who the patron saint of police officers is? I grew up Catholic but I can't remember."

"Saint Michael. We have a few of those to choose from," she said, removing a tray of medals from the case.

Looking over the contents of the tray, I spotted a small sterling silver pendant that would be perfect. "I'll take this one," I said to the salesgirl. "Do you have a chain that will go with it?" Ten minutes later, my purchased tucked into one of my shopping bags; I walked into the restaurant and found Jasper already waiting in a booth. Setting my bags down, I settled into the seat across from him and asked, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I did, actually. I'm looking forward to playin' again. It's been a long time," he replied. "It looks like you did some damage," he noted, nodding toward the bags.

Grinning, I said, "I couldn't resist. The spice merchant had a huge selection and some spices I've been dying to try out. Plus, I got the most delicious rosemary infused olive oil."

After we put in our orders with the waiter, we began comparing purchases. "Check this out," Jasper said, pulling a piece of clothing from one of the bags at his side. He unfolded the tiny onesie and I laughed when I read the saying written across the front: 'If you think I'm good lookin' you should see my uncle.' He'd purchased one in pink and one in blue, since Rosalie and Emmett had yet to disclose if he would have a niece or a nephew. I pulled out my own find from the bag and showed it to Jasper. We must have been at the same store, but at different times. I'd found a green onesie with a thumbs up on it, that said, 'Keep on Suckin''.

Our meal arrived and we settled down to enjoy the food. Afterwards, we walked back to the car to stow our purchases and then headed back to town to do some wine tasting. Just before sunset, Jasper and I ended up sitting on a bench down by the marina, watching the sailboats return from their day out on the lake. After watching yet another gorgeous sunset, we found a small bakery/café and had dessert.

As I held out a bite of my chocolate torte for Jasper to taste, I said, "Thank you so much for arranging this weekend for us. It was exactly what I needed."

"You're welcome," he replied with a smile before wrapping his mouth around the fork. I watched intently as he chewed the bit of cake and groaned. "That's so good," he said. "Here, try mine."

Accepting the bit of blueberry cheesecake he offered, I bit back a moan as the blueberry flavor exploded in my mouth. "I think that's the best cheesecake I've ever had," I said enviously. "Do you think they'd give us the recipe?"

Jasper shrugged, and then laughed. "Probably not, but just think of all the fun you will have tryin' to figure it out on your own. I'll volunteer my services as your taste tester." Glancing down at his watch, he asked, "So are you ready to go check out this club?"

I'd been avoiding all mention of the club in hopes that Jasper would forget about it. The chocolate torte I'd ingested began to swirl in my stomach dangerously as I fought back my anxiety. Thinking of a delay tactic, I said, "Can I get another cup of coffee first?"

Setting his fork down, Jasper looked at me intently. Reading me like a book, he asked, "Edward, do you not want to go? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I'm being stupid," I confessed, looking down at the table, unwilling to meet his eyes. "I'm worried that I won't be able to compete with all of the twenty-somethings that are bound to take one look at you and try to steal you away. I'm too old for this, Jasper. They are going to take one look at me and wonder what they hell you see in me."

His chair made a scraping sound on the tiled floor as he pulled it closer to me. I felt his hand cup my face and he forced me to make eye contact. "Do you have so little faith in my love for you that you think I can be stolen away?" he asked, his eyes flashing with emotion.

"No! But sometimes I still wonder what the hell you see in me. You can do so much better, Jasper," I whispered, ashamed at the fact that sometimes my insecurities still got the better of me. Deep down I knew that Jasper loved me as much as I loved him, but sometimes I still needed to be reassured of that fact. I hated that after everything we'd been through together I still had these feelings.

"There's nobody better for me than you, Edward," he replied fiercely. "I wish you could see what I see, because I see a beautiful man with a beautiful soul. A man that is willin' to put his own needs aside to insure his partner's are met; a man who will go to hell and back to protect his family at a huge cost to himself. When are you goin' to realize how special you are and that I love you despite your so-called faults? You're it for me, Edward. There's never goin' to be anyone better for me than you."

"I'm sorry," I said, fighting back tears.

Clasping my hand in his, he said quietly, "Don't you dare apologize for tellin' me how you are feelin'. I just wish you'd told me earlier. I hate that you've spent the whole day worryin' about this for no reason. C'mon, let's get our coffees to go and we can head home."

Tightening my grip on his hand, I prevented him from getting up. "No. I want to go to the club. I can't keep avoiding things that might make me uncomfortable. That's not fair to you or to me."

Jasper kept his eyes fixed on mine and asked, "Are you sure?"

I blew out a breath and nodded, then replied, "I'm sure."

_**05/01/2010, 21:39 – JPOV**_

As we drove to the bar, I tried to control my anger. I wasn't pissed at Edward. No, I was pissed at his parents and wished, yet again, they were still alive so I could kill them. All of Edward's doubts and insecurities stemmed from their years of abuse and neglect. I was proud of the progress he was making though. Even though I knew he was doing this for my sake, he was willing to try. And I had to admit, I was doing this for him. My days trolling the gay clubs were long over and I really had no interest in revisiting the past, but I wanted to give Edward an experience that he'd missed. Plus, I figured he could do with the ego boost. He might be worried about the twinks trying to steal me away, but he was a much hotter commodity than I was. Maybe the attention he would garner tonight would help him realize just how attractive and special he was.

I pulled into the packed parking lot of the bar/resort and turned off the engine. Twisting in my seat, I turned to face Edward and said, "We can still go home if you want to."

He leaned across the console and kissed me chastely. "No, we're doing this."

"Okay, but if you want to leave, just say the word," I said, leaning my forehead against his.

He kissed the tip of my nose and pulled away, reaching for the door handle. "How bad can it be?" he asked. "I think I've just got it so built up in my head that I'm freaking out for nothing. I promise if it gets to be too much or I'm uncomfortable, I'll let you know."

Nodding, I exited the car and walked around to meet him. Taking his hand in mine, I led him up the path to the entrance to hotel. Spread out across 20 acres, the resort was located on the outskirts of town and hosted a disco bar, a cabaret, and a pool bar. There was also a restaurant tucked in there somewhere. As we followed the signs to the disco bar, I could feel Edward tense as we passed through the crowd. I was surprised it was so busy, considering that the resort didn't really open for the season until Memorial Day Weekend. When we reached the club's entrance, I paid the nominal cover charge and led Edward inside. I nearly laughed at Edward's expression as he took in his surroundings. The dance floor was packed, filled with men grinding against each other to the beat of the music. There seemed to be a range of ages represented in the crowd and I pointed out a group of grey-haired men to Edward with a smile. "See babe, your people are over in the corner," I teased.

My joke got exactly the reaction I intended. He rolled his eyes at me and I could see the tension begin to dissolve from Edward's shoulders. His eyes were still as wide a schoolgirl's as he took in the action around us. Threading our way through the crowd, we finally reached the bar. To my surprise, we found Shelly bartending. Recognizing us, she made her down to our end of the bar and leaned across to kiss us both on the cheek. "I'm so excited you could make it! First round of drinks are on me," she offered with a smile. "What can I get you?"

Leaning in so I could be heard over the music, I ordered a Coke for myself and then arched an eyebrow at Edward. "I'll have a Manhattan," he said with a shrug, turning back to gawk at his surroundings some more.

"First timer?" Shelly asked with a smile. I nodded and she laughed. "You'd better keep an eye on him; he's going to be bombarded if you leave him alone."

"I know! Is there anywhere to sit in this place?" I asked.

"Hang on, let me see what I can do," she replied, rushing off to get our drinks. A few moments later she returned and gestured for us to follow her to the other end of the bar. "I found you a couple of seats," she said pointing at two empty bar stools on the end. "It should give you a good view of the club."

I handed Edward his Manhattan and tipped Shelly generously. Sitting down so that we faced the crowd, I put my lips against Edward's ear and asked, "So what do you think?"

"It's so crowded! For some reason I didn't think it would be this busy," he replied with a shrug. Then he pointed to the nearly nude dancers that were stationed on platforms across the club. "Do those guys get paid to do that?"

Laughing, I nodded. "Why, are you thinking of a career change?"

He grinned at me cockily as he sipped his drink, and then replied, "Do you think I have the right set of skills for the position?"

Instead of responding, I caught his lips in a deep kiss then said, "Oh, you have the right skills, babe, but I'm not sharing."

We sat at the bar for another half hour, making small talk with Shelly as she filled orders. Eventually, I needed to find a bathroom, but was hesitant to leave Edward at the bar by himself. Catching Shelly's attention, I asked her if she would mind keeping an eye on him while I used the facilities. "No problem, Jasper. I'll try to keep the swarm down to a minimum."

The bathrooms were located on the far side of the club and as I made my way there I observed the typical backroom club behavior, reminding myself to go with Edward if he needed the facilities later. After being asked to dance multiple times, I finally reached the bathroom and took care of business. When I returned to the bar nearly twenty minutes later, I found Edward surrounded. The vultures had descended in my absence. I shook my head as I watched a group of twinks try to pick-up my boyfriend. He looked overwhelmed and kept scanning the crowd as if looking for someone. With a grin, I realized he was looking for me. Skirting the edges of his fan club, I walked around to the side of the bar and met up with Shelly.

"I told you he would be popular. He hasn't learned how to use body language to keep them at bay. The minute you disappeared they moved in for the kill," she observed with a laugh. "Are you going to rescue him?"

"In a minute," I replied. "How many free drinks has he gotten?"

"Last time I counted he was up to ten," she said, nodding to the bar behind Edward's chair. Seven Manhattans stood lined up waiting for him. "He's been tossing them back pretty quickly – Dutch courage I think." Pushing me toward Edward, she added, "Go save your boy."

I walked around the bar and cut through the crowd in front of Edward. I could tell from the goofy smile on his face that he was already feeling the effects of the drinks. Not a shock given the beer he'd had at dinner and all the wine tasting we'd done afterward. He was engaged in an earnest conversation with a kid who couldn't be more than twenty-one. Moving closer, I tried to catch what they were talking about. To my surprise, I found Edward giving the kid advice about applying to medical school. Only Edward would come to a gay club, get hit on by a twink, and turn it into an advising session.

When I finally reached his side, he pulled me to him and planted a sloppy kiss on my lips. "Hi baby! Look, all these nice boys bought me drinks!"

Laughing, I nodded then said, "Didn't I say you would be popular?"

"I know! It's insane! But, I told them all that I already had a fuckhot boyfriend. Didn't I?" he said to the men surrounding him. They nodded, some looking on in amusement, others with obvious envy. Leaning in, he whispered to me loudly, "They didn't listen though. They still bought me the drinks." Shrugging, he added, "Who am I to say no?"

I grinned over his head at Shelly. Apparently my boyfriend lost his filter after a few too many. Taking the Manhattan glass from his hands before he spilled it all over himself, I said, "Let's dance."

I pulled him out onto the dance floor and watched as he looked over the couples surrounding us. "I'm not a good dancer, Jasper," he yelled over the music.

I turned him so that he faced away from me then wrapped my arms around him from behind. "Just do what comes naturally," I advised, moving my hips to the beat of the pop music and running my fingers across his chest.

After a few false starts, Edward got the hang of it and we lost ourselves to the music and each other. A few songs later, we were no better than the couples around us, as I ground my erection into his taut ass. Catching the hand I placed under his shirt on his stomach, he ran it down over his cock. Turning his head, he caught my lips in a fervent kiss and I knew we needed to leave or I was going to fuck him on the dance floor. "Ready to go, babe?" I asked.

"Only if you are going to take me home and fuck me," he replied, turning in my arms to kiss me. Our tongues tangled desperately and when we came up for air, we were panting. I clasped his hand in mine and dragged him through the club, stopping only to say goodnight to Shelly. When we were both inside the car, he kissed me frantically and said, "Take me home, Jasper. I need to feel you inside of me."

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I started the car and reached across to buckle Edward's seatbelt. I nipped his earlobe and whispered, "I can't wait to be inside of you," then pulled out of the parking lot and made my way to the freeway. Unfortunately, Edward grew impatient on the drive home and decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. As we drove back to the cottage, Edward placed his hand on my thigh. With each mile that passed, his hand moved progressively higher. When he cupped my cock, I jerked and the car swerved in response. I pushed his hand down and hissed, "Save it babe, we're almost there." Then I saw the flashing lights in my rearview mirror and groaned. "Shit!"

"Uh-oh," I heard Edward say from the passenger seat.

Pulling over to the shoulder, I turned off the engine and waited as the officer approached the car. "Let me do the talking Edward," I directed and waited for him to nod in response. Lowering the window, I said, "Good evening, officer."

"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked, leaning down to shine his flashlight through the window so he could get a look inside of the car.

"Was I speeding?" I asked, not sure if I had been or not. I'd been a little distracted by Edward's hand on my thigh.

"Actually, I pulled you over because you swerved back there. Have you been drinking tonight?" he asked.

Before I could respond, Edward piped up from the passenger seat. Leaning across me so that he could peer up at the officer he said, "No occifer, my boyfriend hasn't been drinking at all. He's a cop too. He knows better than to drink and drive. The swerving was my fault. I think I've had too much to drink and I got impatient for us to get home so he could fuck me."

I groaned with embarrassment and placed my head on the steering wheel. Apparently Edward was drunker than I thought. I groaned again when Edward maneuvered around me to maintain eye contact with the cop and continued. "I love your uniform. Jasper used to wear one but doesn't anymore because he's a detective now. I really wish he still wore it, though. He would look so sexy," he added with a pout as he settled back into the passenger seat.

I knew that my face had to be fire alarm red at this point. I removed my head from the steering wheel and looked up at the officer. He reached through the window and patted my shoulder, giving me a sympathetic smile. "You're a detective?" he asked.

"Yes, I work out of the Englewood station in Chicago," I replied. "I'm on medical leave right now but hope to be back on the job in a month or two. We're here on vacation."

"Well, it sounds like your boyfriend is having a good time," he said with a smirk. Leaning down, he ducked his head through the window slightly so he could address Edward directly. "Son, keep your hands to yourself until you get home, okay?"

Edward saluted the officer and replied, "Will do!"

Directing his attention back to me, the officer grinned and said, "Good luck with that."

As he walked away from the car, he thumped the roof and called, "Stay safe." I breathed a sigh of relief and looked over at Edward, who still had a stupid grin on his face.

"See. No problem," he said. I rolled my eyes at him, started the car, then pulled back onto the freeway.

Less than ten minutes later we arrived back at the cottage. Edward followed me inside to the kitchen, where I pulled out a bottle of water and retrieved two ibuprofen from the bottle on the counter. Handing them to him, I said, "You'd better take these. You might not be feeling any pain now, but you will be in the mornin'."

I watched as he quickly swallowed the pills. After a few more sips of water, he wiped his chin and asked, "Are you mad at me?" He looked like a little kid who was about to be spanked.

I bit my lip and shook my head. Grinning, I replied, "I'm not mad at ya, babe." I pressed my lips to his softly then said, "C'mon, let's go to bed."

He followed me up the stairs and as soon as we hit the bedroom, he began undressing. A huge yawn escaped him and he looked over at me. "I think I'm too tired to fuck," he said frowning.

Laughing, I led him to the bed and tucked him in. Brushing my lips across his forehead, I replied, "That's okay, babe. You just sleep. I love you."

As I moved away from the bed to take off my own clothes, I heard him say, "Love you too, baby." Smiling as he snuggled into the pillow, he murmured sleepily, "You and I are going to have it all, Jasper; marriage, kids, a house, the whole nine yards."

I froze in place, my heart thundering in my chest. Did he really just say what I thought he said? I turned to ask him to repeat his words, but he was already sound asleep. Quickly, I rid myself of my clothes and climbed in next to him. Wrapping myself around his body, I kissed the top of his head and whispered back, "Yes we are."

* * *

**A/N2: I won't be posting another chapter of SC again until August 15th. Work demands my attention as we welcome 1000+ new students to campus next week. Trust me, I'd much rather be writing! **

**In other news, someone nominated Southern Charm for a Golden Lemon Award in the Best Slash category! If it was you, my sincere thanks. Voting is open now and there is a link on my profile. I've got some rather _stiff _competition and am honored to have SC nominated in the same category as 'Raw and Rosy' by TuesdayMidnight, 'Mergers and Acquisitions' by Touchtone67, 'Just Like Chocolate' by FarDeisMai2, and 'The Change Up' by loss4words81. **

**Nominations for the Slash Awards open today as well. Go show some of your favorite slash authors your support! And as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	32. Deception

**A/N: I must give a big thank you to YogaGal and SweetDulcinea for their amazing recommendation of SC on **_**The Fictionators**_** blog (if you are interested, there's a link on my profile). I was blown away to see my little fic on a blog that I read religiously!**

**We're going to skip ahead in time here – not much, but a bit. But, if you haven't seen it already, there's an FGB outtake that coolbreeeze won and kindly shared that fits nicely between Chapter 31 and this one. I'd highly suggest you read it before you read this chapter, but you don't have to do anything you don't want to. (The outtake is Chapter 3 – Disorderly Conduct under the Southern Charm Outtakes on my profile.) I will say that it's Copsper at his finest! **

**And as always, welcome to my new readers and welcome back to my faithful supporters. I survived orientation week due in part to your reviews, favoriting, and alerting. Southern Charm now has over 100,000 hits, 2,001 reviews, 598 people who put this on story alert, and 456 who have made it one of their favorites. I'm truly humbled by your continued interest in my little tale. *sniffle***

**Now, on to the story! **

* * *

Chapter 32 – Deception

_**06/04/2010, 05:30 – JPOV**_

Lying in bed, I kept my eyes closed as I listened to Edward get ready to leave for work. Bella was on vacation, off visiting her and Jacob's family in Washington, which meant that Edward was working the day shift all week. This was actually a blessing in disguise. Monday I'd heard that my physical fitness test was scheduled for today. Since that phone call I'd been a bundle of nerves and did my best to hide it from everyone. Edward, who was usually pretty perceptive, was caught up in the drama of trying to manage an ER while attending two therapy sessions a week. So far, he'd yet to ask me why I'd been so distant and I hoped we could keep it that way. As much as I craved his support, this is something I had to do on my own. I needed to prove to myself that I was one hundred percent recovered and quite honestly, I didn't want witnesses if it turned out I wasn't.

I heard soft footsteps approach the side of the bed and felt Edward's lips press against my forehead as he kissed me goodbye. It took everything I had to remain still and keep up the pretense of sleep. I knew that if he looked into my eyes, he'd know immediately something was wrong and refuse to leave until I told him everything. Regulating my breathing, I held back a sigh of relief as he whispered, "Love you, baby," and walked out of our bedroom.

As soon as I heard the front door close, I hopped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My test was scheduled for seven o'clock and I needed to be there by at least six thirty to meet with the instructor. Stepping into the shower, I let the hot water wash over my body and tried to relax my muscles. Edward's scent still permeated the bathroom and I inhaled deeply, wishing he was still here.

My anxiety regarding today's test had prevented me from getting a full night's sleep all week and I knew that I was more exhausted than I should be, given the amount of physical activity I'd be putting myself through today. Deep down, I knew that Edward wouldn't care one way or another if I passed or failed. But I did. If I passed, there was a night shift position in homicide waiting for me at the Englewood station. I would be working just down the road from Edward and our shifts would match.

The position started next week and I needed to pass the fitness test before I could have it. It was the main reason I was taking the test two weeks earlier than I'd originally intended, despite Garrett's protests. In fact, I was so pissed that he wouldn't support me that I quit showing up for therapy. I knew I was pushing it, having just met the minimum standards in our practice tests the week prior, but I also knew I'd regret if I didn't at least try. If I waited, there was a good chance I'd be assigned to day shift and Edward and I would spend more hours apart then together. I didn't think that I could handle not seeing him on a daily basis.

Rushing through the shower, I quickly shaved and brushed my teeth, pulled my out of control hair back into a ponytail, then walked back to the bedroom to get dressed. After donning a CPD t-shirt and sweats, I headed to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal and some orange juice. Cletus jumped up on the island and watched me curiously, his head tilted to the side. The cat was probably wondering why I was up this early since I usually tried to not start my day until at least eight. Finishing off my breakfast, I gave him a quick pat on the head and placed my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone from the bedroom, I tugged on my sneakers and exited the apartment.

The drive to the Chicago Police Education and Training Center over on West Jackson went much faster than I wanted it to. As I pulled into the parking lot, I took a few deep breaths and tried to settle myself down. If I could find a way to focus this nervous energy into the fitness test, I would pass with flying colors. I exited the Volvo and set the alarm, then walked to the entrance and checked in with the receptionist. Ten minutes later, Sergeant Alec Kowalski came out to get me. Sergeant Kowalski had been here when I went through the academy eight years ago and had a reputation for being tough, but fair.

"So, are you sure you are ready for this? You shouldn't rush it if you think you need more time," he said as I followed him back to his office.

"I think so," I replied.

"I heard about the injuries you sustained and I must admit I didn't think you'd be ready to come back this soon." We entered his office and he pulled a file out of the cabinet behind his desk. Gesturing to an empty chair, he said, "Sit down. We've got a bit of paperwork to fill out before we can get started."

Opening the file, he pulled out a few pieces of paper and then looked over at me. "I just need to make sure you've completed the other requirements before we do the physical fitness test." Rifling through my records he noted, "It looks like we've already got the results of your drug test and you're clear there. I have the release from the psychiatrist you met with last week as well the results of your CPD medical screening. Let's go over the fitness test and then get started."

"As I'm sure you are aware, the CPD fitness test consists of four items. The sit and reach test, the one minute sit-up test, the bench press, and the 1.5 mile run." Glancing at my records, he added, "You're only twenty-six, so you'll need to be able to score sixteen centimeters on the reach test, do thirty-seven sit-ups in one minute, bench press at least ninety-eight percent of your body weight, and complete the run in less than thirteen minutes. Sound right to you?"

Clearing my throat, I replied, "That's what HR sent over to my physical therapist and what we've been workin' toward."

"Good. Go ahead and sign off on these release forms and then we'll head down to the fitness facility and get started. Your test is scheduled to begin at seven and I'll give you fifteen minutes to stretch and prepare. We'll do the first three tests down in the basement and then head over to Skinner Park for the run."

Scrawling my signature across the bottom of the forms, I pushed them back across the desk toward the Sergeant. He checked them over then asked, "Are you ready, Jasper?"

Nodding, I rose from the chair and followed him to the stairs. As we descended down to the basement, I tried to think positively. I wasn't worried about the first three tests, knowing that Garrett had prepared me well with all of the upper body training we'd done over the past three months. It was the run that had me spooked. Last week was the first week I'd been able to complete the run in less than thirteen minutes and if my leg cramped up on me, like it often did, there was a chance that I would go over the minimum time required.

Sergeant Kowalski showed me to the locker room and I stowed my belongings. After drinking a bottle of water and running through some meditation exercises, I headed out to the weight room.

"Ok Jasper. I'm going to give you fifteen minutes to stretch and then we'll do the sit and reach test," Kowalski advised.

I went through the stretching routine Garrett used before my physical therapy sessions. I could feel the muscles in my leg begin to relax and breathed a sigh of relief. Some days, despite my best efforts, my leg didn't want to cooperate. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days. The alarm on the Sergeant's watch went off and he motioned for me to join him over in the corner of the room.

Gesturing toward a box placed against the wall, he said, "This is the sit and reach test. You'll place your feet against the bottom of the box and then, using the tips of your fingers, push the lever at the top as far forward as you can. Your legs must remain flat on the floor at all times."

Taking a deep breath, I moved into the appropriate position on the floor. Placing my feet against the bottom of the machine, I leaned forward, pushing the lever toward the wall as far as I could. My hamstring muscles stretched with the motion, but I didn't feel any pain. Kowalski leaned down and took the measurement and looked over at me with a grin. "Twenty-five centimeters! That puts you at above average. Excellent job, Jasper!"

He helped me up and we headed towards the mats in the center of the room. Handing me a bottle of water, he said, "Don't forget to keep yourself hydrated." I smiled and accepted the bottle, taking a long sip. He was giving me time between tests to settle my nerves and I appreciated the gesture. Once I set the bottle aside, he instructed me on the sit-up portion of the test. Setting his stop watch, he counted me down and then the test began. The goal was thirty-seven sit-ups within a minute and I knew that I had this. Garrett had me doing crunches since my first day at RIC and I could do them in my sleep now. Forty-eight sit-ups later the stop watch sounded and I wasn't even winded. Kowalski shook his head in amazement and led me over to the scale.

"I need to get your weight so that I can see what you need to bench press," he noted. Stepping onto the digital scale, I held my breath and thanked God that Edward had been too busy to bake this week. I'd always been on the lean side but since I'd moved in with him I'd gained almost ten pounds, despite Garrett's workouts. I watched as the readout flickered and finally settled on an even 182 pounds. Not bad. I would only have to bench press 176 pounds to meet the minimum requirement.

I took my position on the bench press and waited as the Sergeant set up the weights for the warm-up. Before I tried for the maximum weight, I would be allowed to do five to ten reps at a warm-up weight, then an additional five at a higher level. Kowalski tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I've set you up at eighty to start with. I'll spot you as you do the warm-up reps and we'll go from there."

Carefully, I began the exercise, making sure to regulate my breathing as I completed each rep. When I finished ten, the Sergeant increased the weight to 130. I finished another five presses with no problem and he set me up at the minimum required weight. Focusing all of my energy on the bar, I rested the bar on my chest, and then pushed up, extending my elbows completely and holding the weight in place for a moment before placing it back on the rack.

"Well done, Jasper. Do you want to try for more or call it a day and move on to the run?" Kowalski asked. I contemplated it for a moment. I'd met the minimum requirement and that's all I needed to pass the test. I could try for more, but needed to save my energy for the run.

"I think I'd better just move on to the run," I replied, feeling my anxiety level increase again at the thought of the next test.

The Sergeant nodded in response. "Go ahead and take a fifteen minute break and I'll meet you in the park," he instructed. Picking up the bottle of water, I headed off to the locker room and tried to pull myself together. Quickly, I made use of the bathroom, washed my hands, and splashed my face with water. I was three quarters of the way there. All I needed to finish was this damn run and then I would have my life back.

Back in the locker room, I ran through a few more stretching exercises, focusing on my hamstrings and quads. Deciding it was now or never, I exited the room and walked over to the park, located directly behind the training facility on West Adams. Sergeant Kowalski was waiting for me, holding a clipboard and his stop watch. Calling me over, he showed me a map and explained the route. I'd actually be running on the sidewalk that surrounded the park, which was good news. Garrett and I had been worried about running on the uneven grass surface of the park since any unintentional twist of my ankle could lead me to pull a muscle in my leg.

"So basically, you need to run West on Adams, then make a right on Monroe, a right on South Throop, and then back to Adams. You'll do this twice and then end on the corner of Laflin and Adams to get your mile and a half," the Sergeant explained while tracing the route on the map. "Got it?"

"Yep," I replied, nodding my head.

"Excellent. Let me know when you are ready and I'll count you off," he said, waving the stop watch.

I completed a couple of additional stretches, set the timer on my watch, and nodded to Kowalski. "Alright, Jasper. In three…two…one," he called out. When he reached one, we both clicked our watches and I took off. In my head, I could hear Garrett telling me to pace myself and I tried to do just that. If I started off too fast, I'd be out of energy by the end and my time would suffer. Thankfully, the sidewalk was deserted; most of the joggers and dog walkers were already inside the park. I focused my attention on the sound of my shoes slapping against the cement and the cool breeze against my skin. As I rounded the corner of Adams and Laflin, I checked my watch and noted that only a minute and half had passed. So far I was on target and I tried to settle into a rhythm. As I ran, I pushed thoughts of Edward and the position at the Englewood station out of my head. I couldn't afford to lose track of time. When I completed the first circuit of the park, I checked my watch again to see that six minutes and thirty-two second had elapsed. My leg wasn't bothering me yet and I continued past Kowalski, who was waiting on the corner of Adams.

When I hit Monroe for the second time, sweat started to bead on my forehead and I pushed myself to go a little faster. Time seemed to be moving rapidly and I panicked a bit, worried that I wouldn't make it. The alarm on my watch beeped as I turned onto Throop, signaling that I only had three minutes left. Increasing the pace, I reached the corner of Adams and Throop in record time but as I made the turn, I felt a twinge in my hamstring. Swearing under my breath, I slowed, knowing that if I kept going at this pace I was risking a pulled muscle. In my head, I could hear the voices of my family and Edward cheering me on. My watch beeped again. I had one minute to make it to the end. I was nearly there but it was going to be close. My side began to ache as I pulled air into my lungs. I began praying that I would make it to the end of the block in time. Kowalski appeared in my line of vision and deciding it was now or never, I gathered up every ounce of determination I had and pushed toward the finish line.

_**06/04/2010 – 05:40, EPOV**_

Jasper had been on edge all week. My normally laid back and carefree partner had retreated into himself and I was worried. The dark circles under his eyes gave away his lack of sleep. His usually trimmed fingernails were bitten down to the quick. I'd tried to ask him about it, but he just put me off, saying Garrett was pushing him hard at his appointments. Deciding that I would wait until to tonight to confront him, I padded quietly to the side of the bed. Leaning down, I pressed my lips against his forehead as he feigned sleep and whispered my love to him before heading out of the apartment to the garage.

Climbing into his truck, I wracked my brain for clues as to what could be bothering him. I didn't think it had anything to do with me or our relationship, but I could be pretty oblivious at times. He seemed happy enough last week, even after his appointment with the CPD psychiatrist. I'd been worried the session would bring up things about the day he was shot that he didn't want to deal with yet, but he'd reassured me that he'd covered most of it during his therapy sessions at RIC. He'd gone for a medical exam with a CPD approved doctor on Tuesday and that had come back clear too. His fitness test wasn't scheduled for another two weeks and according to the chart on the refrigerator; he'd already met the minimum requirements in his practice sessions with Garrett.

Biting my lip, I turned onto the Dan Ryan and debated what to do next. If the situation were reversed, Jasper would give me time to work it on my own and if that didn't work, he'd force me to talk about whatever was bothering me. I'd given him a week already and knew I couldn't take much more. Deciding to do a little detective work of my own, I pulled out my phone and called Emmett.

"Eddie! To what do I owe the pleasure?" he boomed out, nearly shattering my eardrum in the process.

Adjusting the volume on the hands free ear piece, I got straight to the point. "Have you heard from Jasper this week?"

"Come to think of it, no. He's been pretty quiet this week. Why? Is something wrong?" he asked.

"I'm not sure…" I answered hesitantly. Was I crossing a line by calling Emmett instead of going straight to the source? "He's not sleeping and has been anxious all week. I was wondering if maybe you knew why? I'm worried, Em."

"Hmmm," Emmett said and I could almost hear him thinking over the phone. "He had the psych exam last week, right? Maybe that's what's bothering him? It couldn't have been easy reliving that day for the department shrink," he offered.

"I don't think that's it. We talked about it when he came home and he was fine. His medical exam results came back this week and everything was okay there. I've been working day shifts this week and haven't been home to piss him off, so I'm at a complete loss," I admitted.

"Have you checked with Garrett? Maybe something happened there?" he asked.

"Good idea. I don't know if he can talk to me about anything given HIPAA regulations, but I can try," I replied, wondering again if I was taking this too far.

"You try Garrett and I'll check with Rosie," Emmett directed. "Between the two of us, we'll figure it out."

"Thanks, Em. I appreciate it," I said, disconnecting the call. Scrolling through my contact list, I pulled up the number for RIC and pushed send. When the receptionist answered, I asked to be transferred to Garrett's office. Within seconds, he picked up and seemed surprised to hear from me.

"Edward! How are you doing? Long time, no see," he said in a jovial voice.

"Hi, Garrett. I'm sorry to bother you but I'm hoping you can help me," I replied.

"Sure, what's up?" he asked.

"I'm wondering if you noticed anything different about Jasper this week? I'm worried about him and he won't talk to me about what's bothering him. I know you can't disclose anything due to patient confidentiality laws, but I can't think of anything that would have him this worried except for a set-back in his training for the fitness test." Holding my breath, I waited for his response.

"Edward, you're right. I can't tell you anything about our sessions. I can tell you; however, that I've haven't seen Jasper all week," Garrett replied. My mouth dropped open in shock and I quickly pulled over to the side of the freeway. Jasper had been lying to me all week, claiming that he was exhausted because Garrett had increased their sessions.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded as I put the gearshift in park. "He said you've been overworking him all week! He still has two weeks until his fitness test. How dare you drop him before he completes the test?"

"Edward!" Garrett yelled, cutting me off mid rant. "I didn't drop him."

"Huh?"

"Look, I've already said too much. You need to talk to Jasper."

"Garrett…" I pled. "Please, I need to know what's going on."

"Talk to Jasper," he reiterated. "You might catch him at Skinner Park sometime this morning," he added before ending the call.

What the fuck? First of all, why was Jasper lying to me about going to physical therapy? And where the hell was Skinner Park? I pulled up the internet application on my iPhone and ran a quick search on the park. Pulling it up on Google maps, I realized that it was located directly behind the Chicago Police Education and Training Center.

Growing suspicious, I redialed Emmett's number. When I heard the call connect, I launched right in, "Why would a CPD officer be in Skinner Park? Garrett said I could find Jasper there this morning."

"Mother fucker!" Emmett exclaimed. "He's doing his fitness test."

"What!"

"Skinner Park is where they do the fitness tests for new recruits," Emmett explained. "Jasper would only be there if he was taking the test."

"But…he's not ready!" I yelled. Taking a deep breath, I ran my hand through my hair and added in a quieter voice, "Why would he risk it?"

"I don't know, Edward. Let me check with some of my buddies and I'll see what I can find out. Whatever you do, don't go rushing down there. If he's in the middle of the test, he won't appreciate you interrupting him."

"I won't," I promised, then hung up. Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was already after six and I was late for work. Knowing I would be too distracted to be of any use, I called in and arranged to have someone cover my shift. Restarting the truck, I merged back onto the freeway. Skinner Park was just a few miles further on the Dan Ryan. I decided that I could at least drive by the training facility and see if the Volvo was in the parking lot.

Plugging the address for the training facility into the GPS, I followed the robotic voice's directions until I turned onto West Jackson. Sure enough, as I passed the CPD education and training building, I saw a silver Volvo with a familiar rainbow sticker on the back bumper. Pulling in, I took an empty space directly next to the car and shut off the truck. I would wait out here until he finished and then we were going to have a talk.

_**06/04/2010 – 08:23, JPOV**_

Waves of relief crashed through my body. I'd done it. Barely. I'd reached Kowalski with three seconds to spare. Bent over at the waist, I tried to catch my breath and keep myself from breaking down completely. So exhausted that I could barely stand, I followed the Sergeant back to the training center and to his office. I was pretty sure I'd strained my hamstring on the last part of the course, but I would be damned if I ruined it now by limping. After he'd congratulated me on successfully passing the test and faxed over my results to HR, I gathered my stuff from the locker room and headed out to the Volvo.

Once I exited the building and was sure I was out of sight, I limped through the parking lot to my car. As I rounded the corner, I sucked in a sharp breath. Leaning against the passenger side of the Volvo, dressed in scrubs and wearing those fuckhot glasses, was Edward. I wanted nothing more than to run and throw myself into his arms, but I was too exhausted to do anything but slowly make my way across the lot. As I drew closer, I began to realize just how upset Edward was. His jaw was clenched and his arms were crossed in front of his body. Fuck!

When I reached the car, he pushed himself away from it and held his hand out. "Give me the keys," he bit out. I dug in my pocket and pulled out the key chain he'd given me when I moved in. He turned off the alarm and opened the passenger door. "Get in the fucking car."

Settling myself in the seat as best as I could, I tried to stretch out my leg and winced as the muscle cramped further. Biting back a moan of pain, I gritted my teeth and closed the door. Edward walked around to the driver's side and got in without saying a word. I opened my mouth to ask what we were going to do about the truck, but the glare he leveled at me insured my silence. His phone rang and he picked it up, saying tersely, "I found him. I'm taking him home now. I'll call you back later."

The cramp in my thigh worsened and I tried to use my hands to massage the muscle. We pulled onto the freeway and Edward looked over at me. "I hope it was fucking worth it," he said quietly.

Utterly exhausted, I leaned my head back against the head rest and fought back tears. This should have been a happy day for us and I'd ruined it by going behind his back. I'd never seen him this angry and was terrified that I'd done irreparable damage to our relationship.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, no longer able to hold back my emotions.

"I can't talk to you right now," he replied, his eyes intent on the road in front of him. "Drink some water; it will help with the cramp," he said, handing me a bottle of water.

Wiping the tears from my face, I tried to sip the water and get a handle on myself. Fifteen minutes later we pulled into the garage. I moved to open the door and Edward barked, "Don't you fucking move." He walked around the car and opened the door, handed me the keys, then reached in to lift me out. He kicked the passenger door closed and then directed me to close the garage. He carried me to the elevator, cradled in his arms, and instructed me to hit the button for our floor. My tears ran unchecked and I fumbled with the keys as we approached our front door. Once I'd unlocked and opened it, he took me to our bedroom and set me gently down on the bed. He stared down at me and as our eyes met, I gasped at the hurt I could see in his eyes. Without saying a word, he slowly began removing my clothes until I was left in nothing but my boxers. Striding to the bathroom, he returned holding a bottle and an ace bandage. "Roll over onto your stomach," he ordered. I complied and resting my head on my arms, remained still as he poured warm liquid onto the back of my leg and began massaging the cramp from my muscle. Once the muscle relaxed, I felt him begin to assess the leg for injury.

"You're lucky. It looks like it was only a cramp. I don't think you've torn anything, but you'll need to stay off of it for a couple of days," he added quietly as he wrapped my leg with the ace bandage. I lifted my head from my arms to look at him and he shook his head at me. "I'm too pissed off to talk to you now. You look like shit. Get some sleep and we'll talk about it when you wake up." He took the throw blanket off the back of the chair in the corner and placed it over me, then walked to the door.

"Edward?" I called out.

"What?"

"I love you. Don't leave me," I cried, needing to know that all wasn't lost.

I held my breath as he froze then moved to crawl into the bed beside me. He pulled me back against his chest and whispered, "I love you too, Jasper." We lay there in silence as I tried to fight the exhaustion and stay awake. "Sleep," he ordered. "I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

**A/N2: Ruh-roh. Somebody's in trouble… As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I have a couple of story recommendations that will help you get through to next Sunday.**

_**That Which Can't Remain Silent**_** by A.J. Kelly**

_**The Art of Losing Isn't Hard to Master**_** by RobPat**

**These two stories own me and are well worth a look see. You can access them via My Favorites on my profile page. Until next Sunday…**


	33. Perception

**A/N: Oh ducklings. I don't know how to say this other than to come out and say it. This, my dears, is the final chapter of Southern Charm. I knew it was coming, but even I was surprised to find it was this one. It's been quite a ride and I know some of you will be angry that I ended it here, while others will think that I should of ended it after chapter 1. LOL. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it. I'll save my thank you's and sniffles for the end.**

* * *

Chapter 33 – Perception

_**06/04/2010, 13:52 – JPOV**_

I was having a heart attack. There was a heavy weight on my chest and for some reason I couldn't take a full breath. Waking up flat on my back, I opened my eyes to find Cletus sitting on my chest looking down at me hopefully. Turning my head, I looked over to Edward's side of the bed and found it empty. An insistent meow brought my attention back to Cletus and I reached up to scratch behind his ears. "Where's your owner?" I asked the cat, my voice hoarse from the tears I'd shed earlier. Cletus only woke us like this when his food bowl was empty and no one was around to fill it. I thought about calling out for Edward, but decided I needed to pull myself together a bit first.

Gathering Cletus into my arms, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, deposited the cat on the floor, and stood. Stretching my leg carefully, I was thankful to find that while there was some residual stiffness, it didn't feel as if I'd done any real damage. I'd been lucky.

I made my way to the bathroom, took a much needed piss, and washed my hands. Glancing up at my reflection in the mirror, I winced. My eyes were swollen and red and my hair looked like a rat's nest. After combing my fingers through my curls in an attempt to tame them, I walked back to the bedroom, grabbed a pair of pajama pants from the dresser, and pulled them on.

With Cletus on my heels, I headed to the living room to find Edward. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable. I'd never seen Edward as angry as he'd been this morning. But then, I would have been angry too if I'd found out he'd been lying to me all week. I just hoped that he would give me a chance to explain myself and make this right. Hell, I'd get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness if I had to. Expecting to hear the soft sounds of the television or the stereo, I entered the room to find it empty and silent. Confused, I moved on to the kitchen, knowing that he sometimes puttered in there when he was upset. As I entered Edward's sanctuary, my eyes traveled across the empty room and landed on the refrigerator. There, amidst the candid photos, Edward's work schedule, my training chart, and the reminder card for Cletus' next vet appointment was a folded sheet of paper with my name scrawled across the front.

My heart started pounding and my hands shook as I stepped toward the fridge. Instantly, I flashed back to the morning after our first night together. Not even bothering to read the note, I sank to the floor. I couldn't do this again. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I curled into myself and prayed this was all just a bad dream.

_**06/04/2010, 14:37 – EmPOV**_

It was my day off and I'd been running my ass off. First, I had to locate my wayward brother-in-law while trying to talk Eddie down from the ledge. When I realized that Jasper was taking his fitness test I was shocked. I knew that he was doing a lot better and was close to being ready to go back, but I didn't think he was there yet. Curious, I called around to some of our colleagues and found out about the position at the Englewood station. That's when the puzzle pieces fell into place. Jasper could be a stubborn son of bitch when he got his mind set on something. When Edward called a couple hours later to let me know he'd found him, I knew from the tone of his voice that Jasper was in for a world of hurt. Rosie overheard part of my conversation with Edward this morning and after giving her the details, she'd understood immediately why Edward was so pissed off. I could see why Jasper did it though. He'd seen firsthand how difficult it was for Rosie and me when we worked opposite shifts. Besides, third watch positions at the Englewood station didn't come around every day. But, hiding stuff from your partner was never a good idea. God knows I'd learned that lesson the hard way.

Later that morning I accompanied my pregnant wife to the obstetrician's office. We'd found out during the first ultrasound that we were having twins and decided to keep it a secret from our family until we'd gotten to the six month mark. They did another ultrasound this morning to see if they could determine the gender of our babies. Last time the technician was unable to get a decent view but we had better luck today and found out we were having two girls. Rosie was thrilled and while I was happy too, I was also worried. What the fuck I was going to do with girls? I didn't know shit about dresses and make-up, Barbie dolls, and shopping. I could only hope that at least one of them ended up being a tomboy. And God help me if they turned out as beautiful as their mother. At least I'd get to put my intimidation techniques to good use.

Shaking my head at the direction of my thoughts, I turned off the freeway and headed toward Edward and Jasper's place. Edward texted me earlier that he'd been called into work and asked if I could take Jasper to pick up his truck. He'd left a note for Jasper since he was still sleeping and told him to call me when he was up. When I hadn't heard from Jasper by two, I decided to head on over anyway.

I stopped at a Starbucks on the way and picked up Jasper's favorite, figuring he could probably use a pick-me-up by this point. Jasper's laid back nature fooled a lot of people into thinking that he didn't care about anything, but I knew that wasn't the case. And knowing him as well as I did, I figured he was probably having a tough time right now. As I climbed the stairs to their apartment, I wondered if they'd had a chance to talk it out before Edward got called in.

I knocked on the door, but no one responded. Thinking that Jasper was still asleep, I pounded harder and called out his name. When I didn't get an answer, I called Jasper's cell. Maybe Edward was already home and they'd gone to get the truck themselves. His phone went straight to voicemail so I tried Edward. He picked up immediately and said, "Emmett? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm outside your door but no one is answering. Are you still at work?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to be here for a couple more hours. The doctor I pulled in to cover my shift created a mess that's going to take a while to clean up," he said with a frustrated sigh. "Did Jasper text you?" he asked.

"No, I hadn't heard from him so I thought I'd just swing by. Maybe he's still sleeping?" I added, not wanting to worry him. "I can use the spare key you guys gave me to check on him if you want me to. I just didn't want to go in without permission."

"Could you? I'm sure he's probably in bed, but he's usually a pretty light sleeper. After this morning, I'd feel better knowing that he's okay," Edward said hesitantly. "We didn't get a chance to talk before I got called in and I'd promised him I'd be there when he woke up. I left a note on the fridge but in case he didn't get it, at least you can explain it to him."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him," I replied.

"Thanks, Em. I appreciate it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a rig pulling into the bay. Call me if you need me," he added before ending the call.

Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I found the spare Jasper gave me when they'd gone to South Haven and unlocked the door. As I entered, I called out Jasper's name but it was Cletus that came to greet me. Bending down, I patted the cat on the head and said, "Clete! You've missed Uncle Em, haven't you?"

The cat meowed loudly and then walked to the kitchen, turning around to make sure I was following. When I didn't immediately move in that direction, he doubled back and cried out again. Figuring that he was probably hungry, I trailed after him. As I entered, I caught sight of Jasper. He was sitting on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees, staring blankly at the refrigerator. I set the drink carrier down on the island behind him and approached him slowly. When he didn't even acknowledge my presence, I sat down beside him and said, "What's wrong, Jasper?"

He turned to look at me and I inhaled sharply at the haunted look on his face. "I fucked up," he said quietly.

"Yep," I replied.

"He's gone, Em. I did this for us and ended up losin' him anyway." He looked at me sadly and said, "How am I supposed to live without him?"

Confused, I tried to grasp what Jasper was saying. I sat there stunned for a minute; unable to understand why Jasper was acting like Edward was gone for good. When I followed his gaze to the refrigerator, I comprehended the problem immediately. Fuck!

"Did you even read the note, dumbass?" I asked, looking over at my idiotic brother-in-law. "He didn't leave you. He got called into work."

"What?" Jasper asked, looking back at me with a mixture of hope and confusion in his eyes.

"He got called into work," I repeated. "If you'd bothered reading the note before going all catatonic, you'd know that," I added, shaking my head. "Granted, it probably wasn't a great idea for him to leave it there given your history, but unless you told him, he doesn't know that you kept that other note on your refrigerator for years. Eddie's a smart guy, but he's not psychic."

"I…I thought," Jasper's voice broke and he heaved a sigh of relief. "Jesus Christ, Em. When did I become such a fuckin' idiot?"

"Probably when you decided to hide the fact that you were taking the fitness test two weeks early from your partner," I replied with a smirk. "Not your finest moment, bro."

"How did you find out?" he asked, looking at me sharply.

"Edward called me this morning after he talked to Garrett. When he mentioned Skinner Park I knew right away what you were up to," I said with a grimace. "Look, man. I get it, I do. You wanted that job and needed to do the test early to get it. But you could have talked to him about it. He may not have liked it, but I think he would have understood."

Jasper ducked his head and murmured, "You're right. I know you're right. But I got it in my head that he would say no. Especially since Garrett was so against it. I just needed to know I could do it. I didn't want anyone to know in case I failed."

I remained quiet and let Jasper gather his thoughts. After a few moments, I asked, "So, did you pass?"

"Barely," he replied. "I got through the first three tests with no problem, but the run was close. Three seconds to spare," he added with a self-deprecating smirk.

Slinging my arm over his shoulder, I noted, "Three seconds or not, you did it. I'm proud of you man. When do you start?"

"Thanks, Em," he said. "I start a week from Monday."

Ruffling his hair, I nodded. "You'll have to chop this mess off. I know Eddie will be sad, but we can't have the perps thinking you're a little girl with your bouncy curls."

He elbowed me in the ribs and said, "Stop callin' him Eddie. He hates that."

I just grinned. Of course he hated it. That's why I did it. Eddie was too easy to rile up. "Go take a shower," I ordered as I got up from the floor. "When you're done, we'll go pick up your truck." Reaching down, I held out my hand and when he grasped it, pulled him up from the floor. He walked to the fridge and took the note down. The corner of his mouth tugged up in a half-smile as he read Edward's words. He set the paper down on the counter, grabbed his mocha, and left the kitchen. "Can you feed Cletus while I'm in the shower? The food is in the top right hand cupboard," he called over his shoulder.

When I heard the shower start up, I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Edward letting him know everything was okay. Sighing, I ran a hand over my face. What a fucking day.

_**06/04/2010, 11:50 – EPOV**_

Lying in bed beside Jasper, I'd spent most of the morning going over what I'd done to make him feel like he had to hide this from me. I wasn't angry that he took the test. Disappointed that he would risk reinjuring the leg, yes, however; he was a grown man. If he thought he was ready then I had to abide by his decision. What made me livid was that he lied to me all week. When I'd asked about his appointments, he'd told me they'd gone fine and he was on track for his test; meanwhile, he wasn't going at all.

Had I been so wrapped up in my own shit that I shut him out? Did I somehow make him feel like he couldn't bother me with this because I was already too stressed? My sessions with Seth and Carlisle had been difficult, but we were finally to a point where I felt that I had a handle on my emotions and could understand why Carlisle did what he did. In fact, we'd had our last joint session yesterday and now I was going back to my usual weekly visit.

I'd been covering for Bella all week, but that only meant that I was working days instead of nights. I continued to wrack my brain for a reason but couldn't find one. Frustrated, I pressed a kiss against Jasper's shoulder and sighed. Until he woke up, I wouldn't know anything. I needed to let it go for now.

My phone vibrated on the night stand. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back so I could reach over and grab it. Looking at the display, I saw Carlisle's name. Quietly, I got out of bed and walked into the living room so I wouldn't wake Jasper. Sitting on the couch, I answered, "Hey Carlisle." I'd spoken with him earlier and asked him to watch over Newton, who was covering my shift in the ER.

"Edward, I hate to say this, but you need to come in," Carlisle said in a rush. "Apparently, Newton's been fucking one of the ER nurses and her husband found out. Let's just say that Newton is now a patient and your ER is short a doctor."

"Fuck! Isn't there anyone else you can call? I promised Jasper that I'd be here when he woke up," I said, eyeing the clock.

"I'm sorry. I tried, but Cook County is short too, so the floaters are all taken," he replied. "I was able to get Dr. Schmidt to come in early, so he should be able to relieve you at four."

"Okay. Give me thirty minutes and I'll be there. I just need to leave a note for Jasper and then I can get on the road," I noted, grimacing at the thought of leaving Jasper here alone.

"Sorry, Edward," Carlisle apologized again. "I'll see you when you get here," he said.

I disconnected the call and walked to the kitchen to write out a note for Jasper. Realizing the truck was still back at the training center, I sent a text message to Emmett explaining that I'd been called into work and asking if he could take Jasper to pick up the truck. When he replied that he could, I grabbed a sheet of paper from the drawer and scrawled out a short note.

_Jasper,_

_I've been called into work. Apparently, Newton is a fucking idiot. Big surprise._

_Sorry I couldn't be here when you woke up, but we __**will**__ talk later. Call Emmett – he's going to take you to pick up the truck._

_Love you more than life itself, _

_Edward_

I affixed the paper to the refrigerator with a magnet. He'd see it when he came into the kitchen for something to drink. My keys and wallet were on the table by the foyer and I picked them up on the way out. Michael Newton better be in the intensive care unit, because if he wasn't, I was going to put him there myself.

_**06/04/2010, 16:28 – EPOV**_

My knee bounced anxiously as I sat in traffic, desperate to get home to Jasper. When Emmett called me earlier, it took everything I had not to run straight home. He'd texted me a while later to let me know Jasper was okay, but I had a feeling there was more to the story than he was letting on. I needed to get home so I could see for myself that he was fine. My anger from this morning had mostly dissipated; now I just wanted to get to the bottom of it all and put it in the past.

The ER had been in complete chaos when I arrived. In the midst of the Newton drama, we were hit with a school bus accident and the ER was filled with injured little kids and anxious parents. Thankfully, the injuries were mostly minor and we were able to clear the rooms in a few hours. Newton hadn't fared as well. Apparently, the nurse he'd been fucking had a husband. A husband who decided to hire a private investigator to find out what his wife was up to. He'd followed her around for the last month and discovered she'd been meeting Newton at a local motel after their shift. The husband came in to serve her with divorce papers and when he matched Newton's face to the pictures he'd received from the investigator, he decided to dish out a little rough justice.

Newton got what he deserved; although, I would have preferred if they could have taken it outside instead of throwing down in the middle of the ER. Usually, I didn't advocate violence in any shape or form, but when it came to Newton, I made an exception. Angela (who'd been called in to cover for the nurse) and I had gotten a good laugh at the sight of Newton sitting in the ER cupping his balls, crying over the fact that his face had been ruined. He was nursing two black eyes and a broken nose. I sent Yorkie in to fix it for him, knowing it would piss him off even further to have a first year resident tending to his precious face.

When I was finally relieved by Dr. Schmidt, I rushed to my car only to find myself in the bumper to bumper traffic I was sitting in now. This day had been a cluster fuck from beginning to end. Sighing, I ran my hand over my face and tried to remember if I'd even eaten anything today. My stomach rumbled in response. Apparently not.

Once the traffic finally cleared, I sped home. I pulled in to the garage, next to Jasper's truck. He was home. As I entered the building and climbed the stairs to our apartment, I got nervous. We'd fought before, but not like this. I'd been unbelievably hostile this morning and felt like a complete asshole for yelling at him when he was exhausted from the test and upset.

Entering the apartment, I kicked off my shoes and dumped my keys, phone, and wallet onto the table. Stepping through to the living room, my eyes met Jasper's. He was sitting in his favorite armchair, next to the fireplace. I was so distracted by how sad he looked that I nearly missed the fact that his beautiful curls were gone. Gasping, I walked over to him and ran my hand over his scalp. His hair was cropped short and while he was still amazingly gorgeous, I already missed his curls.

"When do you go back?" I asked, knowing that his shorn locks meant he was going back to work soon.

"I start a week from Monday," he replied softly.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. "Congratulations," I said, meaning it. "Where are you going to be?"

"Englewood. Third shift in Homicide," he said, leaning his forehead against mine. I pulled away and sank to the floor at his feet. He spread his legs so that I could lean back against the chair between them. Pulling off my glasses, I set them on the table and sighed.

"So that's why you took the test early?" I asked, connecting the dots.

"Yeah," he replied, running his fingers through my hair. I rolled my shoulders, trying to release some tension and was surprised to feel him begin to massage my neck.

"Feels good," I mumbled, leaning forward as he we worked his way down my spine.

"Just returnin' the favor," he stated.

"How's the leg?" I asked, hating that we were tiptoeing around each other like this, but unwilling or unable to just jump right in.

"Okay. A little stiff, but no pain," he replied softly as he continued to manipulate the muscles in my back.

"Good."

We sat in silence for a while as I tried to figure out where to begin. I was just about to open my mouth to apologize for being such an asshole this morning when he beat me to it. His pulled his hands away from my shoulders and inhaled deeply before he began.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I should've have told you what was goin' on. I…I should never have lied to you," he said, the sincerity of his words evident in his tone.

"Why did you?" I asked, needing to know the why more than anything else. "We're supposed to be partners, Jasper. Why did you feel like you had to lie about it?" I turned so that I could look him in the eyes when he responded. I could read his face like a book and I'd know if he was lying or not.

"I didn't want to bother you. I know you've been busy with work and therapy. I didn't want to burden you with my crap," he said, looking down at his hands where they were twisted in his lap.

"Bullshit," I replied. "Try again," I said, feeling my temper rise as he once again tried to evade the truth.

He just stared at me, his eyes widening at the anger he could read in my expression. "I am telling you the truth, Edward."

"Then I'm doing something wrong here," I replied. "Regardless of what I've been dealing with this week, I would've made time for you, Jasper. It hurts me to know that you feel like I'm somehow so damaged that you couldn't talk to me about this without overburdening me."

"What? No!" he yelled. "Stop twisting my words!"

I glared at him and then shouted, "Then tell me the truth, damn it! Why have you been lying to me all week? When I asked you about your therapy appointments you said they went well. And the whole time you weren't even going."

"Fuck this!" he said, standing up from the chair and pacing in front of the television. Throwing his hands up in the air, he stopped in his tracks and looked at me. "I didn't tell you because you would have said no. Even though this was the best chance we'd have to work the same shift and be together, you'd have said no. I'm fucking tired of everyone telling me what to do!" he screamed. "Ever since that fucker shot me my life hasn't been my own. I've got doctors and therapists and Garrett telling me what I can and can't do. It's my fuckin' life!"

He swiped at the tears running down his cheeks and continued in a quieter tone. "And then there's you. I love you so fuckin' much, Edward. But you're perfect and I'm not. You make it look so damn easy. You dealt with everything that was thrown at you from your childhood and your time in the military and still took care of me. Made sure I ate well and didn't get too tired, put up with my bullshit when I got frustrated, loved me regardless of my faults. It's not fair to you. All I do is take, take, take. I need to give! I need to feel like I'm an equal partner in this relationship and the only way I could do that is by taking my life back. I didn't tell you about the test because I didn't want you to find out if I couldn't pass it. And I lied to you about Garrett because I didn't want you to know that he told me that I wasn't ready yet."

I sat there stunned, trying to take in his words. How in the hell did he get such a skewed view of our relationship? Getting up from the floor, I stalked over to him and pulled him into my arms. Leading him over to couch, I sat down and directed him to lie with his head in my lap. Tracing my fingers across his wet cheek, I tried to put into words what he meant to me. "Jasper, the only reason I was able to get through all of this bullshit from my past was because I had you there beside me, taking care of me when I was certain I couldn't deal with one more thing. You give, baby. You give too much. Worrying about me, and your sister, and Emmett instead of taking care of yourself," I said quietly. "But you should have said something. If you felt like you were losing control of your own life, you should have opened your mouth and told someone. I can't read minds, Jasper. I wish I could. I wish _**you**_ could. Then you'd know exactly how much I love you, regardless if you failed your test or not."

"Even if you never worked as a cop again, I'd still love you," I added. "I'm not in love with what you do, Jasper. I'm in love with who you _**are**_," I said, placing my hand over his heart. "I love the man who drops everything and takes me away for a weekend just because I need to get away from everything. I love the man who tolerates my cat even though it pukes on his favorite sweatshirt. I love the man who took me back after eight years of silence. I love you, Jasper, every single bit of you. If this state ever pulls its head out of its ass, I'm going to make you my husband. I'm going to raise children with you. We're going to grow old together. There's never going to be anyone else that makes me feel the way you do, baby."

Grasping my hand, he pulled it to his mouth and placed a reverent kiss on my palm. Letting go, he stood then resettled himself so that he was straddling my lap. Cupping my face in his hands, he pressed his lips to mine then pulled back and looked at me, tears shining in his eyes. "Do you really mean that? What you just said?"

I brushed my lips against his in response and then nodded. "Every. Single. Word."

"I love you, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you," he whispered. "Forgive me?"

"Of course, but don't ever lie to me again," I replied. "I understand why you did it, but if we are going to make this work, we have to be honest with each other. Even if it's something the other doesn't want to hear. Okay?"

"Okay," he said, nodding solemnly.

"And I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have yelled at you this morning," I added, kissing the tip of his nose.

He smirked at me and mumbled, "That was fuckin' hot, babe."

"What?" I asked with a grin.

"You heard me," he answered, smiling. "If I wasn't feeling so sorry for myself, I would've jumped you right there in the parking lot."

"Really?" I asked, pushing my hand under his t-shirt and rubbing my thumb across his abs.

"Really," he replied, settling down onto my lap and grinding his cock against mine. Reaching up with my free hand, I cupped the back of his neck and drew him down so I could crash my lips against his. I pulled his bottom lip between my teeth and then plunged my tongue into his mouth, thrusting it against his. Moments later, he pulled away from me, panting, and pulled his shirt over his head. "Put your hands on me, Edward. I need to feel you."

Wasting no time, I maneuvered us so that he was lying beneath me on the couch. After yanking my own shirt off, I began trailing kisses over his chest. I lapped at his nipple, and then bit it gently, moaning as Jasper placed his hands on my ass and pressed me into his erection. I leaned down and fused my lips to his, wanting to drink him in, unable to get close enough. Eventually, we ran out of air and broke apart, gasping.

Jasper wrapped his legs around my waist and groaned as I thrust against him. "Please, Edward. Take me, make me yours," he begged. "I need you."

I leveraged myself away from his body and stood up. "Come with me," I said, holding out my hand for his.

When he fit his hand to mine, I pulled him up from the couch and led him to the bedroom. As we crossed the threshold, I kicked the door shut and pressed him against it with my body. "I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll never again doubt that your mine," I whispered into his ear as I reached down to unbutton his jeans. He groaned loudly and our hands tangled as we attempted to rid him of his pants. When he'd finally kicked them off, I dropped to my knees and without any preliminaries, took him in my mouth. Setting a rapid pace, I licked and sucked his engorged cock as his moans and grunts reverberated through the room.

Running his hands over the back of my head and down my back, he cried out, "Fuck, Edward! I'm goin' to come."

Renewing my efforts, I hollowed out my cheeks and added suction. Within seconds, he exploded into my mouth. I took my time releasing him, running my tongue across the sensitive head as he bucked his hips. Standing, I pushed my scrub bottoms down and off, then took his lips in deep kiss. As I pulled away, I nipped his lower lip. "Go kneel on the bed," I directed, heading over to the nightstand to retrieve the lube and a condom.

"No condom, Edward. I need to feel you and only you," he said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, as I knelt behind him on the bed. Running my tongue across his nape, I bit down gently and reached around to grasp his cock. We'd both been tested and were clean, but still used condoms to be safe.

He bent over so that he was on all fours and pushed his ass up into the air. "Just this once…please," he moaned.

Unable to resist, I quickly prepared him and taking myself in hand, fitted myself to his entrance. "I don't think I can be gentle, baby," I warned him.

"I don't need gentle, Edward. I need you to fuck me," he groaned out, pressing back against me.

Grasping his hips, I pushed into him and began thrusting forcefully. Curling myself around his back, I nipped and sucked his shoulders, marking him as mine. Leaning back, I placed my hand between his shoulder blades and pushed down until he rested his on his elbows. With the change of angle, I was now brushing against his prostate with each stroke. "Fuck…Jasper. You feel so good. So fucking tight," I groaned out. I felt him reach down and hissed as he fisted his cock and began pumping it quickly. "You're mine, Jasper," I bit out as my orgasm approached.

"Always," he said, then moaned. "Harder, Edward. Make me yours," he added, egging me on. He turned to look at me over his shoulder, his blue eyes stormy with lust, and I could hold back no longer.

"Are you close?" I asked, wanting us to come together.

"I'm there, babe. Come with me," he pled. "Let go." His inner muscles clenched around my cock as he came, pushing me past the point of no return. Once I regained my senses, I collapsed onto his back, breathing heavily.

"Jesus Christ, Jasper. You're going to be the death of me," I said as I moved off of him and flopped onto my back. "I'm too old for this shit."

"I love you anyway, babe," he said with a wink. Leaning over, he caught my lips in a quick kiss and hopped off the bed, going to the bathroom to clean himself up. He returned a few minutes later in a pair of shorts and threw a pair a pajama pants at me. I got out of bed and donned the flannel pants, then made him help me take the duvet cover off so we could throw it in the wash. "I'm hungry," he whined. "Can we order Chinese?"

My stomach growled loudly in response and he snickered. "I'll take that as a yes," he said, walking off to the kitchen to grab the menu from the drawer. "What do you want?" he called back to me.

"Kung Pao Chicken," I yelled, placing the cover in the washer and adding detergent. Once I'd turned on the machine, I walked out to meet Jasper in the kitchen. He was leaning back against the refrigerator and putting in our order. I sat on the island and waited until he hung up. He stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Are we okay now?" he asked, hesitantly.

I nodded, kissed his forehead, then bent down to rest my head on his shoulder, running my hand up and down his spine in a soothing motion. "I love you, Jasper. Even when you piss me off," I teased.

He sighed and said, "Thank you." I was about to respond that he didn't need to thank me when I got distracted. Pinned to the refrigerator were two notes; the one I'd left this morning and another one.

"Jasper?"

"Hmmm?" he said, unwilling to release me from his embrace.

"Why are there two notes on the fridge with your name on them?" I asked. "Who's the second one from?"

"You," he whispered, releasing me and stepping back to pull it off of the fridge. Handing it to me, he said, "We need to talk about where you leave your notes."

I opened the paper to read the note and gasped. It was the note I'd left him eight years ago. My eyes caught his and I whispered, "You kept it?"

He nodded, his eyes filled with love and a bit of uncertainty.

"Why?"

"It was the only tangible proof I had that you were real," he replied softly. "I knew the minute you walked into the bar that night that you were the one. When I woke up the next morning and you were gone, I began to doubt myself, thinking that I had imagined the connection between us. I didn't date anyone for a year after you left, hoping that you would come back for me. Eventually, I moved on, but I couldn't put you out of my head and I never took the note down. I decided to leave it up to fate. If we were meant to be, we'd find each other again…" he paused, then added, "…and we did."

I wiped away a tear and hopped down from the island. I hugged him tightly and said, "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you, too. Just promise me something?" he asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Anything," I whispered.

"No more notes on the fridge. I nearly had a heart attack when I found the one from this morning," he said with an arched eyebrow.

I cringed, realizing what he must have thought when he saw yet another piece of paper hanging on the fridge. "Shit! I didn't even think of that. I'm sorry, baby." I reached around him to take down the other piece of paper as the doorbell rang. I tossed both notes into a drawer as Jasper walked out to pay the delivery man.

_**06/05/2010, 10:43 – JPOV**_

I was having a heart attack. There was a heavy weight on my chest and for some reason I couldn't take a full breath. Waking up flat on my back, I opened my eyes to find Cletus once again sitting on my chest looking down at me hopefully. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, cat," I muttered. "We need to put you on a diet."

Glancing over, I found Edward snoring softly. We'd stayed up late last night talking about our future, sharing our hopes and dreams and even our fears. And when we'd talked ourselves out, I made love to my partner; showing him without words exactly how much I loved him. Grinning, I left him in bed as I got up to start the day.

After a quick stop in the bathroom, I headed into the kitchen; Cletus trailing behind me. As I passed the refrigerator, I caught sight of another piece of paper pinned to the door with a magnet. Growling, I pulled it off and opened it.

_Dear Jasper,_

_I love you. More than words can say. _

_Hopefully this note makes up for the last two._

_Yours, _

_Edward_

_PS. Marry me?_

I inhaled sharply, then turned to run back to the bedroom. I didn't have to go that far. Edward was leaning against the doorway, watching me. He smiled and said, "We talked about forever last night and after you fell asleep, I realized that while I told you I wanted you as my husband, I never asked. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. If you say yes, hopefully any future notes I leave will not induce a panic attack," he teased.

Striding over to him, I caught his lips in a frantic kiss. When we came up for air, I pressed my forehead against his and whispered, "Yes."

"Yes?" he whispered back.

"One million times, yes," I replied, laughing at the look of relief that passed over his face. "Did you really think I'd say no?"

"Well, I know it's kind of soon…" he said. "We've only been together for a few months."

I placed my finger over his lips to shut him up. "Shut up and take me to bed, husband to be."

His eyes lit up and I knew the smile that appeared on his face would be one I remembered for years to come. With a whoop, he slung me over his shoulder and raced me back to the bedroom, both of us eager to start this next phase of our lives, together.

The End

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**A/N2: **

***sniffle***

***sob***

**I can't believe it's over. As most of you know, I started writing this story as a promise to my mom. I never in a million years would have imagined that I would meet such amazing people, read such encouraging reviews, and find my inner creative self. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. To those of you who reviewed every chapter, to those who read and never reviewed, to those who held my hand metaphorically on Twitter when I was having a nervous breakdown. You all made this possible. I couldn't have done it without you.**

**I'm sure some of you are wondering why I ended it here. I never had an outline for this story and was flying by the seat of my pants the entire way. The only thing I knew for certain was how it would end. And while you might hate it, I'm happy to leave these boys here, excited about their future and getting on with their lives.**

**I will post an epilogue next week. I mean, really? These characters have become like my children and even I can't say goodbye just yet. Besides, I still have a few chapters of The Cletus Chronicles left write and probably will throw out an outtake or two when I'm in full on dissertation procrastination mode. If you have ideas for outtakes, send them my way.**

**And now for the special thank you's:**

**To Wolfenmoon1313, my first reviewer ever: I literally paced back in forth in front of my laptop until that first review came in, debating whether I should delete this story or not. Your review gave me the courage to write chapter 2 and I will be forever grateful.**

**To E.J. Santry, YogaGal, SweetDulcinea, Whitlock's Girl, and Miss Sarah: Thank you so much for the beautiful recommendations you wrote. I'm still amazed that you felt this story was worth the attention you generated for it, but I will be forever appreciative for your kind words.**

**To OnTheTurningAway, rmhale, coolbreeeze, ICMezzo, Mrsyt31, Dilmn8, Nestaron, CBaty, and XrazzlesX: Thank you all for holding my hand, talking me off of the ledge, and making me feel welcome. You folks gave me the courage to keep writing this story with your helpful hints, prereading, and mad beta skills. **

**And finally, OnTheTurningAway, scattered21, and faite-comme-moi: Your insights into my writing made me feel as if I really had something to contribute to this genre. I honestly believe that this story is better than it would have been because of your comments. Thank you. **

**And now, I'm off to find some Kleenex and a bottle of Tequila. **

**And as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Until next time... :)**


	34. Epilogue

**A/N: First off, thank you so much for your reviews last chapter. Two boxes of Kleenex and a bottle of Tequila later, all I can say is that I love each and every one of you. I really, really do. This has been one hell of a journey for me and I owe it all to my readers. Who, of course, are the best readers ever. No lie.**

**There's one character in this story that I must admit, I love beyond all others. To my surprise, he's also wormed his way into some of your hearts, given your comments. I tried writing this epilogue from Edward's POV then Jasper's, but it didn't work until I let a certain someone have his say. So, without further ado, I give you a quick peek into the future. **

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Epilogue

_**09/27/2014, 03:23 – CletPOV**_

I watched in amazement as my humans completely lost their minds. I always knew this day would come, but I'd thought I'd have a little more time. A few minutes ago, Edward's cell phone started ringing. I heard him talking excitedly and a few minutes later, he rushed out of the bedroom wearing a shirt, socks, and sneakers. Apparently he'd forgotten his pants somewhere along the way. He was yelling for Jasper to hurry up and grabbing his keys from the bowl in the foyer.

Jasper ran out next, holding a pair of jeans in one hand and some sort of stuffed bear in the other. At least he was dressed like a normal person. His hair was standing on end and he didn't help matters by continuously running his hands through it. "Babe, calm down!" he yelled, grabbing Edward by the shoulders and shaking him gently. "We've got time. Her contractions are still over five minutes apart."

Edward heaved a sigh and nodded. "I know, but I don't want to miss it," he said, resting his forehead against Jasper's. "I can't believe she's finally going to be here," he whispered.

Jasper kissed him sweetly and then offered Edward the pants he was holding in his hand. "Why don't you put these on while I gather everything up?"

Edward looked at the pants and then down at himself. "Jesus! Thank God you caught me before I made it to the garage," he said, snickering.

Jasper laughed and replied, "You are just excited, babe. Now, go. The sooner you get dressed, the sooner we can get to the hospital." Edward ran back to the bedroom as Jasper watched, shaking his head. I made my way over to him and rubbed up against his leg. He reached down and picked me up, stroking me with those heavenly fingers of his. Pressing his face into my fur, he whispered, "Finally." I felt a couple of warm drops water soak into my skin and twisted around to face him. He looked in my eyes and smiled. "She's finally here, Cletus. Just remember what we talked about," he warned, then set me on the floor.

I followed him to the kitchen, watching as he filled my bowls with food and water. Last week, Jasper and I had a conversation about the new friend they were bringing home for me. Jasper had told me all about Sofia and how lucky we were to be getting her. He'd cautioned me about how I'd have to be very careful around her and protect her from harm because she was going to be too little to do it for herself. He'd also warned me that he and Edward would have to spend a lot of time taking care of her for a while, but that I shouldn't get jealous because they still loved me too. Eventually, she would grow big and we could play together. I couldn't wait.

For years I'd been begging them to add to our family and they'd finally listened. I should've known something was up a couple of months ago. We'd moved to a new house and Edward and Jasper had brought loony Uncle Emmett, the cow, and their spawn over to help them decorate one of the bedrooms. The cow hadn't appreciated my help. She'd hauled me to the living room and watched as her girls, Emily and Ella, chased me around until I'd collapsed in exhaustion. Personally, I thought my paw print motif looked good on the carpet and certainly didn't warrant such a harsh punishment.

I was a little jealous because Sofia's room was cooler than mine. She had her own bed and this amazing dangling thing that hung above it. I hoped she grew big fast, because I was dying to play with that thing. Besides the bed, there was stuff everywhere; toys and plush pillows, blankets and bottles, and tiny little clothes. When I saw the clothes, I figured that Alice chick must have been here. She was forever trying to dress me up when Edward and Jasper left me in her care. I'd made a mental note to fill Sofia in on that right away so she could avoid the torture I'd had to endure at the hands of the psychotic mini-person. Edward caught me in there yesterday and told me that I could only come in if either he or Jasper were there because they didn't want me to hurt her accidently. What kind of idiot did they think I was? I'd been around kittens before, I wasn't completely hopeless.

Edward flew into the kitchen, skidding on the tile. I snickered. He usually laughed when that happened to me and I was glad to see him do it for once. "Jasper!" he screamed, not realizing that his husband was right behind him. "Let's go!"

"Babe, I'm right here," Jasper replied quietly, smirking behind him.

Edward whirled to face him and said, "There you are. Come on! Do you have the car seat? And the diaper bag? Oh! And the bear? We have to have bear."

Jasper wrapped his arms around Edward and kissed him deeply. When they parted, Edward's eyes were glazed but he seemed a bit calmer. "Breathe, babe. The stuff is by the front door, where you put it last week," he replied. "I was just makin' sure that Cletus had food and water."

"Did you call Carlisle and Esme? Rosalie and Emmett?" he asked, moving toward the phone that hung on the wall.

"Edward, it's three-thirty in the mornin' and Jennifer is only at five centimeters. We can wake them up later. Now, do you have the keys? I think it's better if I drive," Jasper said.

Edward handed over the keys and followed Jasper out of the kitchen and to the foyer. They loaded up the seat and the bag, then headed out. Edward poked his head around the door and looked down at me with a huge grin on his face. "Be good, Cletus. We'll be back in a day or two with Sofia," he said, closing the door behind him. As soon as I heard the key turn in the lock, I made my way to my room and started making my own preparations. I couldn't wait for my new friend Sofia to arrive and decided that I would share my toys with her. It took me a while, but eventually I finished transferring all of my favorite toys to her room so they would be there when she got home. Exhausted, I decided to go take a nap.

As I curled up in the top level of my palace, I wondered what Sofia would look like. Would she be orange like me? Or would she be grey and black like the tabby next door? Maybe she would be one of those cool tuxedo cats. Neither Jasper nor Edward had told me anything about her features so I was curious to see what she looked like. I drifted off to sleep, excited for her arrival.

_**09/30/2014, 09:12 – CletPOV**_

I heard the car door slam and raced into the foyer. They were finally home! I paced in front of the door, anxious to see Sofia.

Edward had been sending his litter mate, Carlisle, to feed and clean my litter box in the evenings. As we shared a pizza yesterday, he filled me in on Sofia. "She absolutely gorgeous, Cletus. She has Edward's hair and eyes," he informed me with a silly smile on his face. I'd always suspected that Edward's litter mate was a few cards short of a full deck, but this confirmed it. Jasper and Edward were human. There was no way in hell Sofia, a cat, could have Edward's hair or Jasper's eyes. But, in order to keep the peace and continue partaking in the pizza, I kept my mouth shut.

The key made a scraping sound as they unlocked the door and I stepped back to allow them to enter. Jasper came through the door first, looking tired but happy. He had the stuffed bear in his arm and the bag slung over his shoulder. He held the door open as Edward walked through, holding the seat they took with them the other day. I tried to catch a glimpse, but they moved quickly into her room and shut the door. Sitting in the hallway, I listened as they cooed to her and decided to head off to my palace. They'd warned me that they would be busy at first. I'd just have to wait until later.

_**09/30/2014, 11:09 – CletPOV**_

I woke up to the sound of a kitten crying. Lord, I'd forgotten about this part. Stretching, I decided to head out to see what was going on and maybe teach the humans a thing or two about kitten care. As I rounded the corner, I noticed that the door to her room was open. Approaching cautiously, I peeked into the room and made eye contact with Edward. He was sitting in a rocking chair holding Sofia, but I couldn't see past the blanket she was wrapped up in. Jasper was leaning down over Edward's shoulder and tracing his finger over her face.

"You can come in, Cletus," Jasper called, noticing me in the doorway. I crept into the room, not wanting to wake her up now that she was quiet again. I looked around for a place to sit and decided the tall table next to them would give me a good vantage point. Jumping up, I sat at the edge and looked down.

Startled, I let out a meow. What the hell was that? That was definitely not a cat. It gazed up at me as it sucked down whatever was in the bottle Edward was holding against its mouth. I guess that Carlisle guy knew what he was talking about. She did look like Edward. She had wide green eyes and wisps of copper colored hair. I looked over at Jasper and Edward to see them gazing down at Sofia in wonder. "I love her so much already, Jasper. It's amazing," Edward whispered as tears rolled down his face. "Thank you for believing in me. I love you."

Jasper leaned down to press a kiss on Edward's lips and replied, "I love you, Edward. I told you that you would be an amazing father."

They got lost in each other and the baby for a while, so I decided to lie down. I had to admit, I was bummed. Instead of a companion for me, they'd brought home a mini-human. Sighing, I put my head down between my paws.

"Edward, look over in the corner," Jasper said, pointing at something in the corner of the bedroom. He looked up from the baby and settled his gaze on where Jasper was pointing, shaking his head in amazement. "He shared his toys with her."

Edward reached up and scratched behind my ears, smiling. "See, I told you we'd all be one big happy family," Edward replied with a grin.

And he was right, we were.

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**A/N2: And that, my ducklings, is the end. There will be no sequel, I'm sorry to say. But stay tuned, because there's another plot bunny already hopping its way through my brain. This will definitely not be the last you hear from me. :) And as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. **


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